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Gossip at workplace

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Anonymous

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Gossip at workplace

I moved from one team to another in the same company a couple of months ago. My new boss is in USA headquarter and my old boss is in the UK. My new team is the one who is driving the strategy around the product and old bosses team is loosing some of its impact in the company. Very recently I had a disagreement/ argument with my old boss due to his interference to some of my projects. Although my new boss is happy and aligned with everything I do, old boss is telling people that he is not happy with our projects.I told my old boss that I’m doing my job and my boss is supporting me and I’m only following the chain of command so I don’t need to report to him. Old boss is at the same age with me and we know each other for 10 years, he was my friend before becoming my boss. I’m not someone who is afraid to talk her mind and I’m very good at defending my projects.

2 weeks ago, at a company meeting, old boss approached to new boss and ask ‘If I have any mental health issues?’ New boss was surprised and told him if he has a problem with me or if he is thinking about my wellbeing, he needs to talk to me, not him. He said he will but he did not. We were close enough to talk if he was concerned about me.

I think this is the lowest form of trying to defame a woman in the workplace. I don’t have any mental health issues, and I can prove very easily by seeing a psychiatrist but why would I do that? I don’t know what this guy is telling people about me and he is 2 grades above me, so I guess senior leadership would value him more. My boss thinks this is an HR issue and I need to raise a complaint but I don’t want to be involved into any war .

What do you think I should do?

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  1. Anonymous

    Keep your distance. Some people live on drama

    I understand not wanting to do anything. If current boss is happy then good.

    Document significant issues but not every little thing . Focus on your career

  2. Anonymous

    I would file an HR complaint since this guy is not going to stop.

  3. Anonymous

    I would go to HR about this, even if you have an informal talk with them about options. The mental health comment to a colleague is way out of line. Short of a formal complaint, HR may choose to have a talk with your old boss (or their boss) to make it clear comments like that in the workplace are unacceptable. That should shut it down and you wouldn't have to be involved.

  4. Kimberley Ferretti Hammett

    Personally I would ask HR if you can document the interactions with them without filing a complaint or requesting action. Just let them know you are concerned it could escalate but hopeful this is where it will fizzle out as it has not been brought up again at this point and your new boss seems to have handled it very well. This way no "war" is started but you are protected should it escalate from their end.

    Good luck.. it's awful you have your old boss and friend, no less, trying to discredit you. It sounds like they are maybe dealing with something of their own (jealousy? inadequacy? Not presuming to know but it's hinting at emotional immaturity to me). You sound like you've got a great handle on your own confidence and emotional intelligence AND a supportive new boss who sees things as they are, not listening to this noise. So keep doing you, allow others to discredit themselves.

  5. Anonymous

    While a highly inappropriate comment, I would steer clear of HR for a while - lay low and document everything; odds are he’ll do it again since his first attempt to derail you didn’t work. Only go to HR if you believe this is being done to you as a protected class (age, race, sexual harassment, disability, etc). And then, do not have a “discussion” with HR, but state the protected class that you believe this is based on IN WRITING. HR is not your friend— if you state in writing what you believe is happening, then you can protect yourself. HR is not going to help you, their purpose is to protect the company and management. Your boss will find out, and then it will get messy.

    Document what was said, dates, times, witnesses. Keep all of this at home. With several instances, and if you are a member of a protected class, then submit the complaint in writing to HR stating you believe you are being discriminated against based on sex, age, or whatever the situation is. Complaining in writing protects you legally.

    Best of Luck.

  6. Ashley Richard

    I just want to add that it still counts as an ADA violation if someone at your job wrongfully assumes you have a condition that falls under a protected class and treats you poorly or discriminately because of it (like the assertions that OP has mental health issues, it would fall under the disability category).

    I normally avoid HR like the plague, but if OP has her immediate supervisor’s backing on this one and they can fully document this with evidence, I’d take it to HR. Her former boss is wildly out of line.

  7. Anonymous

    I would document everything (and keep in your personal files away from work), and know that this guy is definitely not your friend.

  8. Anonymous

    Definitely make a complaint to HR get it on record and be sure that you are direct and firm that his creating stories about you and your mental health will not be tolerated.

  9. Mislyn

    Sounds like you old boss is a little intimidated by the new boss. Guys are very possessive over their territory. Keep doing what you feel is right to do and just do your job. Like I always say document everything and keep good records of everything. Best of luck!

  10. Anonymous

    this isn't gossip , this is making up stories about your mental health, and it is VERY serious, and NOT legal. he just put himself in alot of trouble , go to the other higher ups and let them know and do not be brushed off.

  11. Anonymous

    Your old boss had no business asking about your mental health; he should know it. In the US, this is protected health information and not required to disclose or discriminate against. It is an awful effort to discredit you, as mental health issues involve a significant stigma. I would talk to your new boss and ask his input on whether or not it is worthy of official action, as he would have to be the one to do it since he was the person that was asked.

  12. Anonymous

    You said you got into an “argument” with your old boss. I’m sorry but that’s not acceptable in any circumstance.

    perhaps you are short tempered, defensive and angry?? I would not engage in any “fights” or “arguments” at work esp your manager. You should tone it down and I’m sure he was referring to your temperament when he said something about your mental health

    maybe it’s time to clean house and be calm.

    you can still get your point across without yelling, fighting and arguing

  13. Brenda Crawshaw

    I don't usually comment on troll-y posts but this kind of conjecture and blaming in the absence of any indications otherwise is unhelpful, inflammatory and irrelevant. I am not surprised you posted this anonymously.

    In case you missed it, this is a platform for support and constructive discourse. You may want to seek other outlets for your observations.

  14. M Baaza

    I agree...it appears like trolling

  15. Anonymous

    You may be reading into the OPs comment too much here. They stated they had a disagreement/ argument around interference in a work project which could refer to normal professional statements of disagreement. I get where you are coming from reading the word ‘argument’ , though, but there wasn’t anything stated about yelling or fighting or being angry in the context of the disagreement in the post. Of course, neither of us were there so we can only go by what the OP shared. I will say I do find it annoying when women are told to ‘calm down’ for simply disagreeing or stating a clear opinion or boundary. It smacks of a gendered double standard.

  16. Anonymous

    Interesting that you think of yelling when you read the word ‘argument’. I’m no stupid to yell to an executive but I’m also capable of defending my actions. Anyways, that is not the point.

  17. Mary Pool

    I am usually one who believes that HR is a last resort. In this case, however, I think it is wise to listen to your boss. When your boss tells you there is an HR issue and you need to address it, you have an HR issue and need to address it! Boss don't send their direct reports to HR willy-nilly. You can bet your bottom dollar there is more going on here than you realize.
    Why would an intelligent, capable woman like yourself need validation that standing up to a man in power to protect her job and reputation is okay? Especially when she has the support of her boss? BTW are you in the habit of ignoring your boss’s directions and/or advice? Because this sounded more like a direction to me, not guidance. Or do you only ignore him when it concerns your reputation? My point is you would be on top of it if it was any other issue. Why not this issue?

  18. Beth Whight Morales

    Sounds like your old boss was trying to discredit your contributions by calling your mental capacity into question. If he does this and is allowed to proceed with no repercussion, it damages your reputation because you did nothing about. If he is taken seriously by anyone he would comment to, your credibility and capability will be overtly or subconsciously called into question by the people he makes comment to.

    If you boss has indicated you need to raise this to HR, then do so. It’s not fair you were placed in this situation, but it requires a swift and professional response.

  19. Anonymous

    Document everything and contact HR and an employment law attorney for employees. This is defamation of character, slander, harassment and a violation of privacy.

  20. April

    HR. HR. HR. Refuse any one-on-one communications with this person.

    Also - the old boss was never your friend. he was playing the game.

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