Advice on questionable language used about me?

Amelia

March 13,2024 at 6:53PM UTC

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Advice on questionable language used about me?

I discovered in an email thread from the IT manager at my workplace that he stated this about me to an outside contact we work with (for our chat and texting program:

"This user is our web manager and does need access to reporting/social, etc. However she was screwing up our training program in the stores by deleting all our conversations so I revoked her permissions—is there a good way to give her access to what she needs but not let her mess with the store locations???

Or is this something I just need to educate the user on?"

I'm ruffled because this conversation feels so casual, more frat boy than professional. And I didn't know I was "screwing up" anything because no one informed me our stores were training.

I've already had a conversation with the person who used this language about how I don't appreciate conversations like this happening when I literally do not know I'm messing something up. But am I reading into this too much? Should I take this to any higher ups? I strongly suspect nothing is going to be done about this, but I also don't like the feeling of allowing this person to continue speaking about me or others in a manner like this.

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AnonymousMarch 13,2024 at 7:01PM UTC
You might consider emailing the sender and letting them know you saw the email. Then state that you were unaware you we’re screwing anything up and point out that it would benefit the company for that person (sender ) to work directly with you to resolve any concerns as opposed to the situation that happened here. Then, ask them to call you to further discuss and see how they respond. We all screw up from time to time and head in a direction we later regret. If you I had done what the sender did (and may have in the past) I’d appreciate someone who had the guts to come to me and give me a chance to make it right.
AnonymousMarch 13,2024 at 7:16PM UTC
Oh you must absolutely bring this to HR and this persons manager. Share was was written and let them know that internally and externally you expect professional respect and not to be outed to the outside vendors that you did something wrong. Ask that in future if changes need to be made that they use discretion when sharing that to outsiders including using your name and or position with them. Anything else is inappropriate. Let them know this time it's past history but going forward you expect the same professionalism you give to them both in and out of the company because it is your reputation as well as theirs. Document this in an email to yourself and them in the aftermath of the conversation and bcc your own personal email too. Doing this protects you from any potential blowback and make sure you notate it professionally not as finger pointing but more as a global standard for communication about all employees. Print copies as well for your records of all the communications. Including the one you reference above. As for the revocation of privileges this happens often so don't take that personally as IT is gatekeeper for privileges and the fault is on them should things go awry. Find out as well if there was something you could have done differently that they could have documented in a white paper or internal wiki which tells you how not and how to do IT things.
AnonymousMarch 14,2024 at 1:26AM UTC
While the language is quite casual, I don't see where he used your name; he refers to you by position (unless you left that part out), so I don't know where he "outed" you, as someone else mentioned. As a manager, I agree that he should have used more professional language than "screwed up" and "mess with," but I'm not sure what you want to happen here. You have already had a conversation with this person, so unless the problem persists, I'm unsure what taking it to a higher-up would do. Save the communication and document that you spoke to him about it so if there is a repeat, you can show a pattern of behavior that needs to be addressed.
Jonna Ferguson, ACCMarch 14,2024 at 1:58PM UTC
"Applause" for already speaking directly with the person who sent the email and addressing it without escalating. I can understand why you were "ruffled" (love that btw) since you weren't aware you were doing anything wrong, but this sets the tone you're capable and able to handle situations on your own as a leader. You've likely gained respect for handling it professionally yourself. Adding a simple, "Next time, if you notice I'm doing something that impacts records or compliance, please don't hesitate to reach out to me directly and I'll modify my process."
Document the exchange and if the behavior or incidents continue, then you can make leadership aware so it can be addressed.
AnonymousMarch 17,2024 at 12:03PM UTC
This is the best response to this situation I’ve read.
Afo Ogbeyalu KaluMarch 18,2024 at 12:22PM UTC
Well stated!!!!
This was in line with a response I was going to post. To those on this thread indicating that this is "common-speak" for those in IT, many are failing to take into consideration that this type of communication can give the impression that the OP is incompetent, thereby impacting her credibility within the organization, and with its external partners.
AnonymousMarch 14,2024 at 4:32PM UTC
This is not professional and reflects badly on him and your employer. I'm not sure what the best course of action should be, but it's definitely not ok. As a manager, he needs to do better.
AnonymousMarch 15,2024 at 3:43AM UTC
This doesn't really sound off from an IT perspective. You screwed something up, they cut off your access, but are trying to figure out how to keep the access you really need to have. Your post sounds more like you're not taking responsibility for whatever you did in the first place. If that's happened before - you were called out on something and didn't respond with a simple "so sorry. I didn't realize, but I'll make sure I don't repeat the mistake." - then I wouldn't blame them even a tiny bit for just trying to go around you by limiting your access. People who argue or come up with all the ways what they did wasn't 1) a big deal, 2) not their fault, 3) somebody's else's fault, or 4) not nearly as significant as whatever response someone else had to their mistake are just exhausting.
Let it go and work harder to not make mistakes in the first place.
Sarah BordersMarch 15,2024 at 1:06PM UTC
This person’s manager used inappropriate language to discuss via email with a vendor how to handle a situation they were having within the company, and it sounds like that email thread is how they found out they made a mistake. This is the issue. I don’t get the sense they’re not owning their mistake or saying it wasn’t a big deal.
AnonymousMarch 16,2024 at 2:08PM UTC
It’s not her manager, it’s the IT manager. and while it would’ve been good to inform her, it’s not like she’s ever going to make that mistake again because she won’t have access. She probably shouldn’t have had access in the first place.
And it isn’t a situation within the company – it’s a situation within software configuration, which is why IT contacted the software vendor.
OP is taking this way too personally.
AnonymousMarch 17,2024 at 12:02PM UTC
Disagree. Teach your IT people soft skills.
Sarah BordersMarch 17,2024 at 9:04PM UTC
Yes. I’ve worked in IT for more than 12 years, and this kind of language would warrant a discussion and probably an apology. It doesn’t matter if OP isn’t in IT. The issue isn’t the mistake OP made or even the mitigation efforts the IT manager executed. We all make mistakes, and there’s a right and a wrong way to talk to and about people professionally.
AnonymousMarch 18,2024 at 6:06PM UTC
I don’t even view it as her mistake. The mistake was failing to inform her that stores were training. That omission needs to recognized as the source of the error.
AnonymousMarch 18,2024 at 1:24AM UTC
YES!
AnonymousMarch 19,2024 at 6:11PM UTC
Leave the IT people alone, just make sure someone sends out a memo about training days.
AnonymousMarch 18,2024 at 1:27AM UTC
They basically were insulting her behind her back and to an outside party. For mistakes she didn't even know she made. So yeah, it is personal.
AnonymousMarch 17,2024 at 12:01PM UTC
They made a mistake and it, yes, needs to be communicated, but this behavior doesn’t excuse someone from sending out comments that aren’t constructive, clearly unprofessional and fails to address that IT informed the user of the mistake they made. IT traditionally gets away with this on a regular basis and organizations use the excuse of, “That’s just the way they are”.
Has everyone forgotten how to be human?
AnonymousMarch 18,2024 at 1:23AM UTC
How can she take responsibility about something when nobody even told her she was screwing up in the first place?
AnonymousMarch 18,2024 at 3:17PM UTC
She was not informed the stores were training before whatever happened. She was not informed she had caused an issue. Then this. It was extremely unprofessional. IT needs to get their head out of their dark place.~data analytics We find IT’s mistakes.
AnonymousMarch 15,2024 at 1:04PM UTC
I’m in IT. This is normal communication between IT professionals. Mild, in fact. The mistake was letting an end user see it. Honestly, it’s accurate - you just would’ve preferred “made a well intentioned mistake” rather than “screwed up “.
When archives can’t be retrieved for legal discovery because someone with too many privileges deleted them, IT will be blamed, not you. Let them do their job.
GirlBossanova934974March 15,2024 at 1:43PM UTC
I fail to see any "frat boy" style of communication here. There is nothing gender specific here at all. Not a word. What we have here is what they said in the old movie, "Cool Hand Luke:, "FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE". The IT Manager failed to inform you that the stores were conducting training and thus the conversation logs were deleted. IF training is going on a company website and there is company website manager, the website manager needs to be informed. That is professional common courtesy which in lot of cases is NOT followed these days. Unfortunately, IT personnel often have poor communication skills. When something goes wrong, they like to obfuscate and point fingers......PS: I worked in IT for around a dozen years and saw a decent share of this. There was always some tin god or tin goddess who thought they were above everyone else and could do whatever they wanted.
AnonymousMarch 18,2024 at 1:17AM UTC
I'm sorry, but that does sound pretty "frat boy"-ish to me. It's very unprofessional to make such comments about a person, behind their back, to someone outside the organisation.
Their comments are incredibly insulting to the O.P., especially as it seems NOBODY ever told her she was "screwing up" in the first place.
So this is a bit of an eye-opener. Now the O.P. knows how they feel about her. Probably time to start looking for a new job? Unless, of course, you enjoy working with jerks.
Lindsey OsterhoutMarch 15,2024 at 3:01PM UTC
This sounds pretty normal for coworkers. The issue should be they never told you there was an issue.
AnonymousMarch 24,2024 at 11:38AM UTC
“This sounds pretty normal for coworkers”. Where do you work? I wouldn’t want to work there if that’s the status quo communication amongst coworkers.
Maggie StoneMarch 16,2024 at 12:28PM UTC
Well, it’s pretty clear that you were never meant to see this comment. But it sounds like it could do a better job communicating about what happened and what not to do.
AnonymousMarch 17,2024 at 11:52AM UTC
Typical IT response. Most IT personnel have no clue how to communicate. Working in HR, I’ve had the unfortunate privilege of seeing one too many of these replies. I work in Employee Relations and communication is a frequent “occurrence”. This particular instance is no exception. It appears that this individual should have approached you about the issue(s) at hand. Including you in the conversation, that clearly wasn’t meant for you to see, was their mistake. Perhaps your company needs to educate the IT department on soft skills. Although, when it comes to IT, these circumstances are not always successful. Good luck.
AnonymousMarch 18,2024 at 12:26PM UTC
You have spoken with the offender. Document that conversation in an email recap sent to him or her. Then let it go. If it happens again, escalate. Otherwise, it's just drama no one needs.
AnonymousMarch 21,2024 at 12:22PM UTC
I think the problem is that the OP saw one example of it but unless they have access to monitor the IT person's email this could be going on all the time. It's not being dramatic when you know this kind of thing can impact the way other people perceive you. Reputation matters in the workplace.
AnonymousMarch 21,2024 at 7:36PM UTC
I wish everyone would just get over being offended. The world does not revolve around our sensitive feelings. If something comes to you - as the OP indicates - that you find rude and unprofessional, then go speak to that person. Document the conversation. Move on. Make a point of finding out what went wrong, and preventing a recurrence. Much, much more useful than whining about "frat boy" behavior.
AnonymousMarch 18,2024 at 4:23PM UTC
can we just STOP normalizing this type of behavior by IT people , notice i did NOT call them professionnals. your job is to FIX issues in a preoferssional manner, not bitch about people for no reason. the mistake here was not informing people there was training , and to NOT do certain things. soooo the FAULT is NOT in fact on the employee. YET they are complaining about it. adult should not bahave like this. if you would not say it in the person s face , you do not e mail it.
AnonymousMarch 18,2024 at 6:26PM UTC
Badly-spelled hissy fits like this are why IT people roll their eyes at users.
AnonymousMarch 19,2024 at 7:02PM UTC
oh wanting people to take accountablility for their UNprofessionnel baehavior is a hissy fit. wow what a GEM you are to work with , i pity your collegues. ( i am not at work i dont need to proofread, i type on my phone and it auto corects) smartass becomes patethic.
AnonymousMarch 20,2024 at 6:17PM UTC
Your phone does not, in fact, seem to be autocorrecting. Might want to check that setting.
Love,
IT
AnonymousMarch 24,2024 at 11:32AM UTC
Wow! Let me guess, you were the national spelling bee champion?
AnonymousMarch 19,2024 at 7:12PM UTC
it is AWESOME seeing some IT people thow fits because we all call out on their unprofessionnal behavior. maybe just do your jobs.
Afo Ogbeyalu KaluMarch 20,2024 at 2:15AM UTC
To those on this thread indicating that this is "common-speak" for those in IT, many are failing to take into consideration that this type of communication can give the impression that the OP is incompetent, thereby impacting her credibility within the organization, and with its external partners.
AnonymousMarch 20,2024 at 4:05PM UTC
That's a little dramatic. This was a software question being addressed to the software vendor. It's not like it was copied to the whole company, nor was the OP mentioned by name.
I agree that it would have been more politic for the IT person to say "we'd like to allow our web manager access to reporting/social but not allow that user to delete conversations - is it possible to assign permissions in that way?"
The person on the other end would clearly get the "this user f'd it up once and might well do so again, help" message without causing the same level of mortal offense if the user accidentally sees it.
Most of us who have been in IT a while know the coded language for stuff like that. My guess is that the IT person who wrote that is either young or so senior that they just don't care about playing the game anymore.
AnonymousMarch 20,2024 at 6:32PM UTC
OMG STOP with the justifications , its abusive language , UNPROFESSIONNAL. IT is a CLIENT , we PAY them,,, the FACT that he is sending an EMAIL asking if he should educate them indicates he KNOWS it wsnt done so WHY bitch and denigrate the employee, this type on language is reservered for AFTER the education has been done and vetted. imagine talking shit about your clients who pay you. IT make mistales all the time. they aint better than anyone , them need to learn some professional and soft skills. thay have issues. not the employee.
AnonymousMarch 20,2024 at 10:13PM UTC
Yeah, you don't understand this conversation. "Should I educate them" means "is there no technical solution?" A technical solution (restricting access) is always preferable to "educating users" because users (all of them, no matter how brilliant they are) forget things.
You are going ballistic about a normal solution-focused conversation between an IT person and their vendor about how to configure software. There is no need to take such conversations so personally. Was it less-than-polite to say "screw up" rather than "erred"? Sure. But cripes, calm down. This wasn't an insult. It was a request for the vendor to help find a solution.
AnonymousMarch 26,2024 at 1:30AM UTC
That's true! It makes the company, or at least the IT dept. look bad, if they can't weren't able to train and/or put a stop to what their web manager was doing.
AnonymousMarch 24,2024 at 11:27AM UTC
I’m reading some of the comments and thinking that loads of you may need to “get over” yourselves. It doesn’t matter who wrote this email. If it came from a C-level employee, it’s still a flippant remark and solves nothing. While reading some of your replies, I was literally shaking my head. Although, I feel it’s not worth a visit to HR, unless the situation escalates, I’d approach the offender who wrote the email, keep a paper trail and discuss why you were taken aback at her/his message.
Liz MilneMarch 28,2024 at 9:43PM UTC
If you've spoken to the IT manager about it, you've dealt with it - let it go. It only needs to be revisited if he offends again, imo. Yes, it smarts to find out you've 'screwed something up', especially when you didn't know (although deleting conversations that others should have access to is a bit rude in my opinion - delete them from your own devices, but not from the entire record) but apart from his slightly casual language, he wasn't being insulting or using slurs...