Tried to "retrain" someone and it backfired.

Anonymous

September 6,2023 at 10:17PM UTC

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Tried to "retrain" someone and it backfired.

I'm sharing this as a warning to others. I took a director-level job and was told to fire my subordinate manager who had been there 5 yrs. I had not done their job and felt I needed to learn it before I fired them so first I shadowed them instead. They had some good qualities and experience so I tried to coach/manage away the problematic behaviors and recognize strengths when displayed. Huge mistake. I hated it and the worst part was they got better enough that it became hard to justify firing. They rightfully categorized me as micro-managing. The organization moved our department several times and each time they went to my new boss about me. The new boss would say "X has really turned around but they sure don't like you". Then I'd have to explain why.

I initially felt that since the person wanted to do a good job and had the right skills, and some of the work product was good, I could deal with the interpersonal issues while redefining what quality performance looked like. Wrong. Finally, still not trusting the company to fund a replacement, and having been subtly undermined in multiple ways, I quit. I'm sharing this because I will forevermore fire anyone I'm told to fire as long as HR approves it. I feel stupid writing this, but I know 2 other people who have confessed to me they tried to "save" subordinates only to have them turn on them too. I never see on here "my boss saved me from being fired and I'm thankful". I hope this helps at least one person.

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AnonymousSeptember 6,2023 at 10:53PM UTC
Hey lesson learned. It's survival of the fittest and they needed to bury you in order to feel essential and safe in their job. At least for now.
AnonymousSeptember 6,2023 at 11:35PM UTC
This was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. Bending over backwards to help underperformers is very likely to backfire. Sorry your situation worked out like that.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 3:46AM UTC
I agree. I feel I am the same way. I try to help people, coaching them and mentoring them. Never heard a word of gratitude, on the contrary, they wanted promotion not realizing they were on the brink of being fired!
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 11:42AM UTC
Definitely a difference between saving and coaching.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 12:35PM UTC
Micromanaging, no matter how it's framed, is still micromanaging and most people absolutely do not want to be micromanaged - they want to be empowered. Does this individual even know you "saved" their job? They likely did not know. And from my view point, sounds like your company went about managing this situation the entirely wrong way.
Grisel Scarantino, Career and Work-Life Fulfillment CoachSeptember 7,2023 at 2:44PM UTC
I’m so sorry this happened. Thank you for sharing. When I read this, I get the sense that you are a caring leader, and the world needs more of those. This is one of the many struggles that caring leaders face - trying to save someone who can’t be saved. I sincerely hope that you learn and grow from this learning experience, but whatever you do, please don’t lose your caring heart in the process.
maria roseSeptember 7,2023 at 5:51PM UTC
Sorry you had to experience this, but consider it a learning experience for you. Sometimes we have to do things that we ourselves don’t understand the reasoning behind the decision. And 2 wrongs don’t make a one right. Your company hired you and gave you directions to fire an individual without giving you an explanation, you made the mistake of following through with that order using your reasoning that you had to evaluate the individual to satisfy your needs to understand the why they needed to be fired and found yourself being accused of micromanaging. But that was not the job you were hired to do in the director-level position because you were hired to do ( what is called the nasty job) the cleanup the number of staffing personnel of whoever is classified as being in unnecessary position.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 5:54PM UTC
I feel your pain and had the same thing happen to me and I work in HR, but I would do it again. The thing you might have led with was letting the person know that they were on thin ice and that your goal was to save their career there. If you got resistance then your documentation under your watch should have been enough for your conscience to let you terminate them. Thee mistake you made when questioned about what they didn't like you was to defend yourself, instead you should have supported yourself and they strong leadership and direction that didn't exist before that turned it around. Show off your strength don't defend that you were doing something wrong. You were there to do a job.
Doing the right thing is always the right thing, no matter what. The companies lack of support for you as a Director clearly showed that they did not deserve you. I hope you find a great new place where you can be the genteel, kind manager that you are. Don't let one bad experience make you change that path.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 6:12PM UTC
That’s sad that being kind and looking out for someone only made things worse for you. Smh!
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 6:30PM UTC
OP here: Thanks for all the feedback and support. I’m in a great role now with a larger organization. I took this job because I could tell they were interested in my being successful and I report to a strong mentor and role model. My situation would not have happened in this company. Although I don’t see it ever repeating, if it did I’d request that the longer term people who made the firing decision be the ones to do it. It wasn’t fair to either of us.
AnonymousSeptember 8,2023 at 1:02PM UTC
Yes, definitely do that. It is so frustrating from my point of view in HR when a new people manager comes in and right away one of the tasks they are assigned is to can someone. Not fair to anyone involved.
AnonymousSeptember 8,2023 at 6:08PM UTC
Been in a similar situation. The key was advance communication. Coaching can seem like micromanagement if the person doesn’t know they are being coached and /or doesn’t know needs coaching. I learned my lesson the first time this happened and realized that I bore part of the blame by not openly communicating the deficiencies of the associate FIRST.
AnonymousSeptember 9,2023 at 12:11PM UTC
I'm sorry you experienced that. I had a similar situation where I was told in my new role that I'd need to fire someone.
After working with them I saw a total lack of confidence due to my predecessor. I slowly gave her projects back and saw her build herself back up. She turned out to be a huge asset to the company and has moved on to higher roles elsewhere.
My point is that you never know when you take that chance. Sometimes someone else's trash is a diamond.
AnonymousSeptember 10,2023 at 1:11PM UTC
So happy I've recently left this (workforce) behind.
AnonymousSeptember 11,2023 at 9:43AM UTC
But clearly you weren't "trying to save" him. You were trying to take advantage of his knowledge so that you could usurp, and it backfired. So perhaps consequently, it appears plausible that you would do the same higher up the food chain. Maybe if you acted with a little more integrity, this wouldn't happen.
AnonymousSeptember 14,2023 at 2:09AM UTC
Thank you for your post. Very important thing to share.