I am transgender and only starting to come out but I am desperate for work and scared to death that trying to be myself will either prevent me from getting the job I so desperately need or cost me such a job if I do land it.

19 Comments

1. AnonymousDecember 12,2023 at 2:48AM UTC

   I would consider a nonprofit thar supports the community in understanding non-traditional identities and embracing different lifestyles. You have an understanding of the damage that can be done when people can't express themselves.

2. AnonymousDecember 12,2023 at 2:58AM UTC

   Sage advice and unexpected viewpoint. I do indeed have that knowledge but had not considered it knowledge until now.

3. Christel M JonesDecember 12,2023 at 3:56AM UTC

   Hi there! Congratulations on beginning the process to become your most authentic self! I would recommend checking out Human Rights Campaign's Corporate Equality Index. There are a lot of corporations that support diversity and lgbtqia+ equality in the workplace. I hope that you find an employer that provides you the support and opportunities you need to feel confident in continuing to express who you truly are. Best of luck!

4. AnonymousDecember 12,2023 at 9:08AM UTC

   Thank you for such a wonderful comment. Your kindness humbles me and I am so grateful for the excellent advice. I know that many companies claim things that aren't, strictly speaking, 100% true but I think you suggestion illustrates that I need to remember trust is a two way street and I will have to be open to trusting even though this index can help guide my choice of which one to trust.

5. Christel M JonesDecember 12,2023 at 10:38PM UTC

   Yes, the main problem with the list is that companies are self-reporting based on specific criteria. I have always been a fan of reaching out to other lgbtqia+ people within an organization to ask their experience with an employerto help gauge whether they might be the right fit for your needs. Join message boards for people who have transitioned and find out which ones have had success with acceptance of their true self with their employers. My company specifically addresses the topics like mis-pronouning and dead-naming Trans folks in our diversity training. I know people experience individuals who use incorrect pronouns, but things like good diversity programs attract people who are diversity-minded and accepting as well. Wishing you great experiences!

6. AnonymousDecember 15,2023 at 10:47PM UTC

   My last workplace waved the big neurodiversity flags but PIPed and fired me for being autistic, despite the neurodiversity ERG group leader trying to help my manager understand how neurotypical-centric she was being --to an employee dealing with the loss of a close family member.

   You can probably understand why I think DEI and all the statements about companies being inclusive is 99.9% BS now.

   That said, there are a few organizations you might want to look at if you are in or close to tech (or say if you are in marketing, but you might be interested in marketing for a tech company.)

   https://www.cio.com/article/188771/13-organizations-that-support-lgbtq-tech-workers.html

   https://www.techtarget.com/whatis/feature/11-organizations-that-support-LGBTQ-workers-in-tech

7. Kimberly AnneDecember 12,2023 at 1:34PM UTC

   They don’t support. What a laugh that is.

8. AnonymousDecember 13,2023 at 1:48PM UTC

   Kimberly, who is the "they" you are referring to? HRC is there to support and do it through advocacy. They are instrumental in lobbying Congress to pass laws protecting the LGBTQIA+ communities and establishing corporate policy standards and best practices. If you're talking about their list of companies, even the best list isn't perfect, and neither are the companies. Even in a company that can check off all the "support" ideals from a corporate perspective, not all employees are as enlightened as the corporate policies declare. I'm sorry if you had a bad experience there. I have found their information and support very helpful.

9. Paul SteenisDecember 13,2023 at 3:42PM UTC

   The HRC list is a great idea. Many institutions of higher education also provide very supportive environments in which you can be embraced for who you are. Many also provide excellent benefit packages for healthcare.

   I really admire your decision to embrace who you are. There are many supportive organizations and communities out here, and I hope you'll find a home in one or more of them.

10. Kimberly AnneDecember 12,2023 at 1:33PM UTC

    I’m sorry, I understand that.

11. Becky BoesenDecember 12,2023 at 1:43PM UTC

    Wishing you the very best! Congratulations on being your wonderful, authentic self!

12. AnonymousDecember 12,2023 at 1:47PM UTC

    I am married to a transgender man and understand a lot (but not all, of course) of the issues involved. I want to give you support for wanting to live as your authentic self, and I also feel like the other two comments are exceptional advice. Work with a good transgender therapist to help guide you through the process. You've got this!

13. KatDecember 12,2023 at 2:55PM UTC

    Don't try to suppress who you are. That just makes things worse and can lead to years of unhappiness and depression. Are there any LGBTQ+ organizations in your area? I would look to them for some support during your transition. They might know of employers more tolerant and accepting of diverse people. If LGBTQ+ services are limited in your area, look online for support and mental health services. Getting and keeping a job can be hard when your gender identity and outward appearance don't match up. You could apply for jobs using just your initials on the resume and present in a more gender neutral way at interviews (pants and a blazer, no make up). You don't say what field or type of job you're looking for so it's hard to be more specific with advice. Places like factories and banks tend to be more conservative, but many retail and larger companies may be more accepting. Non-profits that serve marginalized communities would also be more accepting and supportive while you transition. Once you find the right place, I'm sure you will feel much more comfortable presenting your authentic self. Good luck. It's hard to make the transition, but not impossible.

14. Susanne DowDecember 13,2023 at 8:33PM UTC

    Note on the banks some credit unions are more inclusive.

15. KatDecember 14,2023 at 3:16PM UTC

    That was just a general statement based on the industry. Most universities tend to be fairly inclusive and welcoming, as are most food service, bars and restaurants. It depends a lot on where the OP is located (small town, metro area, Southern US, West Coast, etc.) how many opportunities there would be for employment with inclusive employers. If there are any LGBTQ+ owned businesses in the area, she could see if they're hiring or start networking with the owners and staff. This is easier in some areas than in others.

16. Susanne DowDecember 14,2023 at 5:44PM UTC

    Of course as my statement with credit unions. However since local credit unions can be more community invested they’re worth looking into.

17. Michele MazakasDecember 12,2023 at 6:21PM UTC

    There are some companies that support trans employees. Ask about employee resource groups and note whether there is an LGBTQ+ affirming group among them.

18. AnonymousDecember 12,2023 at 7:56PM UTC

    What field are you in? That may help us direct you to some resources.

19. Susanne DowDecember 13,2023 at 8:29PM UTC

    Good for you on recognizing who you are. Being different especially trans certainly would make the job hunt difficult.

    One thing to consider when looking at a prospective employer is their online presence. Less so on large corporations since many places that post rainbow stuff are doing it performatively but for small businesses a quick peek into their instagram or other accounts if they exist can give you an idea if they are potentially a good candidate because its a lot more risky for a small business to make a value statement like that so when they do make it there’s a higher chance their supportive. This also lets you see if they’re blatantly homophobic or transphobic. Which some people are shockingly on their business accounts. I would also steer clear of anywhere that does the whole we don’t care you you are nonsense. A lot of times they do care what they really mean is they don’t want to know who you are because it makes them uncomfortable.

    Also industry matters too a lot some industries attract more people who are traditional than others. And some will be split between traditional and nontraditional.

    Like a company that does game development just as an example could be full of tech bros who are homophobic or could have a really supportive culture but because that field is still dominated by cis men many companies may not be welcoming. But places that are supportive will usually take risks in their business and will make point to be intentional with inclusion like Larian added a non binary avatar and did several other sex positive and queer positive things in the new Baldurs gate 3 game that made a lot of people angry. The reason I say that is a company that is willing to take risks to be inclusive and are willing to have people mad at them for it will be good candidates for you to look for.

    Whatever field you’re in.

    Some companies will sponsor pride events and while that can just be marketing that is another way to look for possible companies. Again especially for smaller companies especially if you live somewhere where being associated with pride can lose you customers.

    Now unfortunately since I don’t know your area I can’t be certain how common inclusive employers will be. So I can’t promise this will work but inclusive companies do exist they can be rare but I hope you find one.