Desperately Need Advice

38 Comments

1. Laura HoltAugust 3,2023 at 1:43PM UTC

   I hear you! I got laid off from an HR team last year too, and I hear you about the ups and downs of the emotional aftermath! It sounds like this could turn into a great opportunity to find a less toxic workplace, and maybe a 'kick in the butt'. I got the same severance, it sucks of course, but you will have access to unemployment and I recommend filing for that immediately as your first step! This How to Navigate a Layoff document is also very helpful: https://www.tealhq.com/post/how-to-navigate-layoff-ultimate-layoff-playbook?utm_source=linkedin&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=oct31

   I'm sending you the best wishes! Happy to chat further about it and you are worth a great next job!

2. AnonymousAugust 3,2023 at 2:07PM UTC

   You need to allow yourself some time to grieve so you don't drag all the negative feelings into interviews and new positions. File for unemployment and get all your doctors, vision and dental appointments scheduled while you still have your benefits.

   Next steps are to update your resume and LinkedIn profile, start networking and let everyone know you're looking a new position. Then you'll need to design a productive selfcare structure. Eat well, exercise and utilize your EAP for therapy appointments if you need help processing your feelings and leaving your list of bad memories behind you. Some EAP programs provide financial planning and budgeting services/counseling as well so that can be helpful during your transition.

   You are accomplished and intelligent and you will thrive. Just breathe and give yourself grace

3. AnonymousAugust 3,2023 at 3:12PM UTC

   All good suggestions below. I was laid off before even though I received big accolades of how much I have given the firm. It just happens, but when one door closes another one opens. The first priority will be the financial situation and medical. File for unemployment, cut all unnecessary expenses and do medical checkups. You probably will be entitled to Cobra too, you need to compare with other options.

   Next, take a few weeks off just to relax and regroup. Sleep, walk a lot, spend time in nature, read... Do the things you always wanted to do and could not. And then do some strategy sessions. If you don't have outplacement services, do it with a trusted friend. Outline daily steps to get work. Look for contracting too. Even some side hustles if possible.

   Believe in yourself. You will get over this.

4. AnonymousAugust 3,2023 at 4:43PM UTC

   Sorry to read this, it's hard, you are in a company of many who have walked this walk. I don't see it as a slap on the severance, tbh, it looks like you were only there for 3 years, per your note, so 3 weeks of severance isn't uncommon result. You are probably great at your job it's not a reflection on you. Keep moving and working towards your next journey. Company awards really only matter within the walls of that company. Take what you have accomplished and put THAT to work towards securing your next role. Professional certifications, etc are what will be taken into consideration. Good luck.

5. AnonymousAugust 3,2023 at 4:45PM UTC

   When this happened to me 10 years ago, I danced a little jig, thanked my employer for my severance pay, then started my own consulting business doing the same kind of work. It was hard and scary, but it was one of the most empowering moments of my life. I made a third of what I had been paid previously and I had no insurance or 401k plan. What I DID have was a huge network of professionals to draw on, a very well-rounded skill set, and a sense of ethics and integrity. I found a niche to fill and I was good at what I did. I loved the work, I loved my clients, and I loved making a positive impact. I'd still be doing it if life hadn't gotten in the way (but I'm fixing that now!)

   I don't know what your situation is, but I agree with the other posters below. Take time off if you can afford it and take care of yourself FIRST for a while. Only when your head and heart are in the right place can you start thinking about getting back in the game. Believe that this was meant to happen and that right now you are in a position of power. You have control. You make the decisions. You have a LOT to offer a potential employer, so don't sell yourself short. You got this.

6. AnonymousAugust 3,2023 at 6:49PM UTC

   My husband lost his job a year ago and got NO severance, just called into HR/Management office telling him as of XXX there was no more job, He got NOTHING. His benefits ended on that day - did not even go to the end of the month.

   I am unsure why people think that severance will be a "golden ticket" in this day and age. If it is not a really large company and they are laying off almost half the company they probably do not a lot of money to dole out to everyone. At our company, the past downsizing were a year of severance plus one year for each year with the company and a year of medical and so much more and now it is the basic, normally 1 week for every year with the company, With the cost of benefits being astronomical to the company as well as to us, that is hard to keep paying for that number as well. I wish there was a better scenario but there is no one way to grant severance, it is decided by each company at the time of layoffs with many factors being taken into effect.

   I hope you can get in a better place and get over the shock of being laid off. I wish you well.

7. AnonymousAugust 3,2023 at 8:47PM UTC

   You are so very lucky to receive any severance at all.
   Honestly be grateful you have a bit of a runway granted to you.

8. AnonymousAugust 4,2023 at 3:09AM UTC

   Downsizing always sucks. Being let go when you were doing an excellent job is shocking and disheartening.

   Unfortunately it's happening to so many talented people who do good work. So at least many more people now recognize that it's not necessarily a reflection of your work - and in your case you have the accolades and promotions to demonstrate that you did a good job.

9. GirlBossanova934974August 4,2023 at 1:12PM UTC

   You may wish to try to negotiate to get a slightly better severance payment. 1 week of severance for each year of employment is fairly standard practice. Maybe you ask for 5 weeks pay and negotiate down to 4 weeks? As for past misdeeds of the employer, these will be hard to prove unless you have written evidence or a bunch of witnesses. In the past, I have sued and won a decent sized unlawful termination award because I had a half inch thick pile of records proving misdeeds. My take is never to wait around for layoffs. The moment things look dicey going forward, it is time to look for another job. In the past, I have transferred out of 2 losing divisions in 2 different companies JUST before they started laying off.

10. Sarah BordersAugust 4,2023 at 1:17PM UTC

    I’m so sorry this happened to you. Start by giving yourself time to feel your emotions. It’s sad and scary, but from everything you say, this is almost the best thing that could’ve happened. You deserve better severance for sure, but your employer sounds terrible, and being free of them is worth celebrating.

    What helped me when I was laid off, other than taking time to process my emotions, was to plan my finances, which gave me a semblance of control. I figured out how long I could make it without any income if I were frugal, and I applied for unemployment. I made a contingency plan for the possibility I didn’t have my next role by the time my funds ran out.

    You will get through this, and there are better things ahead.

11. JillAugust 4,2023 at 1:24PM UTC

    Don't let the emotions overwhelm you. RIFs are not personal -- they are business and if the company is letting go of 45% of its people, it's probably in big trouble and you are going to be better off. Take a few days -- then hit the job boards and your network. I'm sure you'll land somewhere better very soon -- but look at the culture so you don't end up working for jerks again.

12. AnonymousAugust 4,2023 at 1:44PM UTC

    you sound like you're a GREAT employee. a true value to your employer, absolutely no doubt. Yes, you went above and beyond. Yes, there were truly crass people/men you worked with. Yes, you tolerated it....maybe shouldn't have...but you LOVED your work and are/were dedicated. But now, you're impacted....like so many others, with this reduction...Yes, the severance is crappy but "standard". And now, you're realizing what many here have already learned: Corporate America doesn't care. These are hard lessons. Been there/done that. Lost my position 5 years ago and went thru SAME anger/emotions/resentment and powerlessness. and yes, you ARE powerless. They decided, and you're thrown over the wall. That's that. Clean break...except, now ...you gotta claw your way to "start over". Yep, Been there/done that. But..this isn't personal. You can hold chin up and move on, saying clearly that the company reduced a huge percentage...you weren't the only one AT ALL. The severance they provide is cheesy, but you won't get more than that unless you can locate something in the employee manual that shows they are treating you wrongly. and yep, you've got insurance until end o month- Been there too. I am SO SORRY. wish I could sit, listen, and commiserate...many here KNOW this. What do you do??? Stay quiet. Avoid saying negatives about the company- being NEGATIVE - publicly- will not help your situation. Apply to get unemployment. re-align your budget. Make sure your employer gave you a SERVICE LETTER on the last day, which states you were not eliminated "due to cause"- in many states, providing the Service Letter is A LEGAL REQUIREMENT. Because you got reduced with so many others, I don't think talking with an attorney is going to earn you anything....because this is a mass reduction; you aren't being treated in an alternative way as compared to others. I know and sense your anger/sadness + Anger again. That's completely normal. I'm sharing a good article here...it helped me a little bit, at the time. Press On. TAke some time to be quiet and re-evaluate what you want to do, and whether you want to invest yoursel so much in work....Cause this can happen again, sadly. Let me see- I'll try to locate the TED talk that helped me.

13. AnonymousAugust 4,2023 at 3:01PM UTC

    Been there. First things first. File for unemployment, Medicaid, and food stamps. I know that can be very degrading, but it will help you pay your bills and keep you healthy until you are back on your feet. COBRA payments can suck up all of your unemployment, and Medicaid generally has no copays for doctors and very small ones for medication. Do a budget to determine if and how your unemployment will cover your bills. Start cutting back on unneeded items like premium channels on cable and extra cell phone services. Prioritize housing, utilities (including phone), and car expenses. Hopefully you will have enough to cover these.

14. AnonymousAugust 5,2023 at 2:17PM UTC

    Very good and realistic advice. Most people would not mention that. But I would add, start applying for jobs immediately and daily.

15. AnonymousAugust 4,2023 at 5:02PM UTC

    Being in HR as we both know can be a thankless role when working in a male dominated company where boys do boys things. The fact that you stayed there after the incident is definitely to be recognized that you could look past that. Alas, when a company takes a downturn they go down fast and I'm not sure if your lament is about the small severance or the loss of the role or both. You definitely have talent and experience and while the market right now is crap going to work at a place where there is going to be zero tolerance for the male BS you described should be top of mind for you. Take your excellence and package it up letting prospective new employers know you stuck it out through the RIF's and then had to let go. Be positive and do something nice for yourself to wash away the stain of the place you just left until the next thing comes along. Get reference letters if you can from those in leadership that you supported, use those to leverage their relationships elsewhere or at competitors to get on board to a better place.

    As for benefits, you could ask them to renegotiate that and if you have not already signed off on your severance letter get them to carry you through the end of the year. Even if you have to pay into it, it will be cheaper than cobra IMHO. Good luck.

16. Sharon C. Kiely MDAugust 5,2023 at 12:37PM UTC

    My experience is that the Past cannot be changed. Take from it only what you want to carry. Your future is before you! Start today to send your focus there.

17. Susan Heidi WolmanAugust 5,2023 at 1:33PM UTC

    To quote Queen Elsa, let it go. Move on and get a better more secure job. There is no reason s capable woman like yourself should not secure another position in a month. No job is forever. A RIF is not even personal. It speaks volumes about the company, not you. Move on and find the next great challenge.

18. Karin MorrisAugust 5,2023 at 2:05PM UTC

    I agree with needing to let it go, BUT, it’s OK to take some time to process the loss. Something similar happened to me. my severance was only one week for every year and 1 month of benefits. It’s easier said than done to just let it go and move on. Give yourself grace.

    As far as your next role, realistically, it will take more than a month in the current job market. It’s flooded with very experienced, amazing people. There are jobs, but it’s very contentious.

    You will get through this and find a great opportunity. Sending positive vibes.

19. Tom ReulandAugust 5,2023 at 2:18PM UTC

    First take a deep breath. Second locate your Resume. Third brush it up and your cover letter. Fourth start looking for opportunities. Good luck.

20. AnonymousAugust 5,2023 at 2:47PM UTC

    I was just recently affected by a downsizing myself. It’s scary, yes. I’m losing so much sleep, and weight. But that’s because I’ve allowed myself to focus on the negative, the supposed market right now, despite I’ve also read that we are close to where we were pre-pandemic. The right approach is, not to allow yourself to give any amount of headspace or time reading doomsday predictions, and instead, see all the silver linings that come out of this. Everything happens for a reason. I loved my manager and team, but I did not love the new system we implemented and that I supported, nor did I look forward to the next phase of this project. The platform is subpar at best, and I always worried that the ELT would see the clunkiness of the platform as having something to do with my possible shortcomings. None of that was true, but I let it eat away at me.

    Although it doesn’t seem to be the way of the world to ignore the negatives in life—this is how they sell products and services after all, so it is everywhere. I just have to keep focused on my goals, and my skill set, which is in high demand these days. Why it’s been so difficult to focus on that reality is that I have been allowing myself to only focus on worst case rather than best case, and that is now about to change. I would highly recommend you do the same. It’s not easy, but it’s not only possible, it is a fact. What you focus on, you get. Build your perfect role, flaunt your accolades, and make it your only target, and you will succeed.

21. AnonymousAugust 5,2023 at 6:42PM UTC

    I am so sorry for what happened to you. While I agree with some of the comments here to move on, I am curious if you ever reported to HR even if you worked in that department what happened in the pool incident you mentioned. I understand that as an at will employee, they can do what they want regarding severance, etc. However, this a different world we live in now after Me Too. Boys can't be boys and this behavior is no longer tolerated and my understanding, taken very seriouslly in any professional enverionment. So, if you have documentation of the incident, I disagree that you should just let it go and consult with an employment attorney. For all the people who are advising you to do nothing... Then I Suggest they go see Barbie.

22. ElizabethAugust 5,2023 at 4:46PM UTC

    I would recommend therapy. I'm sorry you went through all of that. It sounds awful and yet you held onto your job which is more then I could say for myself. I would have been fired. It's a lot to process. Take this time to file for unemployment and process your emotions. There's a lot to unpack. Good luck. I hope this helps.

23. AnonymousAugust 5,2023 at 6:35PM UTC

    I am genuinely sorry that you’ve been RIF’d in a mass downsizing after several years of substantial achievement.

    I agree with others who advise allowing yourself to process the emotions, perhaps through therapy. I also agree that a RIF is different than a termination for cause and will not be viewed negatively by future employers. The C-suite executives for whom you have worked should provide you with excellent references, if they have not already done so. You’ve also received actionable advice on this thread on dealing with the economic fallout.

    What surprises me about your letter is that you are so shocked by the circumstances of your termination after terminating so many other employees.

    Unfortunately, no one is irreplaceable and companies always do what they must.

    I hope that this unexpected layoff will help you to become a more compassionate and skilled HR officer. You’ve now experienced first-hand the trauma that being laid off can inflict. Many of us have been laid off multiple times.

24. AnonymousAugust 6,2023 at 12:12AM UTC

    Agree with this 100%

25. AnonymousAugust 6,2023 at 2:53AM UTC

    This 100%

26. RiaAugust 6,2023 at 3:41AM UTC

    Wish I could like your post 100x

27. AnonymousAugust 6,2023 at 3:48AM UTC

    I'm rather surprised that as someone who was a senior leader in HR you seemingly allowed that pervert to get away with sexual harassment. You don't mention whether you reported it, but if you did not I'm just rather surprised why someone in your position get away with this. I'm also surprised that you are surprised that you were RIFd after you've layed off so many. Surely you see that no one is replaceable. I'm sure you had to lay off top talent and you likely told them it wasn't a reflection on their work. Your layoff is not a reflection of your work. I highly recommend you seek therapy.

28. AnonymousAugust 6,2023 at 12:52PM UTC

    Do you really want to be working somewhere where the male owner put ice down your clothes and you felt compelled to let him get away with it?

    If anything this is the universe's way of telling you to get out. They don't deserve you or any of the other employees who got laid off. In fact, an owner who behaves that way probably mismanages the place like nobody's business. No wonder how they lost the largest client. You're better off.

29. Montoya EvansAugust 6,2023 at 1:10PM UTC

    You hit the nail on the head. All of what you said is exactly the truth.

30. Amy GeffenAugust 6,2023 at 12:58PM UTC

    As bad as it was you need to.leave it all behind and start job hunting. When you interview ask questions about company culture to make sure it is the right fit for you. Work with a career coach who will keep you motivated and on track.

31. Gretchen SkalkaAugust 6,2023 at 1:34PM UTC

    I'm just seeing this and haven't read all 29 other comments yet, so if this was covered I apologize ... but here is my unvarnished advice in this situation ...

    Number 1:

    Everything that happened in a negative way are things that should be used as a filter for any future role.

    And that is ALL they should be used for.

    You know why they were wrong and the impact it had on you personally and that is why they should be filtered out and guarded against for future roles.

    Anything else just keeps them alive in your current experience and that is not good for you or your search for a new opportunity.

    Number 2:

    In terms of what to do now - this is the order I would suggest:

    • Do your budget - be surgical about it right now.
    • Reach out to your network and let them know you are open to new opportunities. Don't forget your personal contacts - especially friends you made and kept from that or previous positions.
    • Take one hour each day to work on your resume. More on this below.
    • Get yourself - however you must - into a different headspace. You simply cannot effectively look for and find new opportunities while you are still emotionally connected to the last one. Yes, this is hard but it is crucial to the process.

    A few words about resumes:

    • Create a foundation resume. This is your kitchen sink resume. Everything can be included on this document because it is NEVER the one you use to apply for a role. You do ONLY two things with your foundation resume: 1: You updated it every time you have a new certification, award, job, etc.; 2: You do a 'save as' on it when you are applying for a role (more on that below).
    • When you see a role you want to apply for - open your foundation resume and do a 'save as' and name it with your name and role title. This is the version you tailor for the role to which you're applying. Take out everything that is not a match for the desired role. Keeping them dilutes the match strength of your document. (Think of a Google search for pillow cases ... the first two pages are all sites, videos, blogs, shop links and so on for pillow cases, but get past that and you get blankets, then curtains, then rugs and so on as you get to pages 5, 10, 15 ... not a match for what you were looking for. Plus - no one EVER goes that far into search results because you know it's not a match for what you wanted. ??THIS is why you must submit a document that matches the JDQ and doesn't contain extraneous filler info that will dilute it's impact and effectiveness (and make you invisible as a potential candidate).
    • Edit/wordsmith the document to be sure you're using the same language as the JDQ (example - 5 years ago Customer Service was the verbiage, not it's Customer Excellence in many cases - why does this matter? Because it Customer Excellence is the keyword to be ranked for, Customer Service won't do it. Important semantic note).
    • Make sure your LinkedIn profile is part of your contact information and easily clickable. (I can get into a whole LinkedIn how-to if you'd like, but you need to include it on your resume contact information because it will be viewed).

    I know that's a lot - but I hope it is helpful for you.

    This is your time to really hunker down and think about what YOU want in your next role. You are an HR leader, you know your stuff. Crappy leadership doesn't impact your abilities and experiences. Let that go - seriously. Do NOT continue to take it with you. There is nothing beneficial for you to keep it with you emotionally or otherwise.

    This is YOUR time - and I hope you get everything you want and can thrive in your next great role!!!

32. Katia AddaAugust 6,2023 at 2:17PM UTC

    I LOVE your advice Gretchen! I would also recommend you the book Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life by Bill Burnett, and Dave Evans. It was recommended to me as I am also trying to figure out what I really want to do in the future, after 16 years in my current field, and whether I want to do this 16 more years or try something else. I am loving it so far and hope it will help you in some way. All the best and you've got this!

33. Gretchen SkalkaAugust 6,2023 at 2:20PM UTC

    Oh yes - that IS a great book Katia!!! Excellent suggestion!

34. Tracy SaundersAugust 6,2023 at 3:06PM UTC

    Hello, first and foremost I want you to know that you are not alone! My experience with working with women at your level is this happens all of the time. In fact, so much so we had to add an emotional processing component to our job search program for women. I've recently also published a podcast about this exact thing. You can listen to it here. I hope it helps you find some comfort and community. Not sure if links work here. Coping with the Emotional Fallout of a Layoff https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bossmakeher-career-shifting-secrets-for-women-in-leadership/id1601719701

35. Marian DavidsonAugust 7,2023 at 5:01AM UTC

    First - breathe.

    Second - shake off the idea the company you were with was a "family" and "we're all in this together", or that they really cared about you. I don't want to sound flippant, they likely don't really care about anyone!

    Understand that layoffs are not personal. No matter how great a job you are doing, you are only a "box" on a spreadsheet with a $$ next to it. The company finance people do not care about how you are doing, if they need to cut salaries, they will look at a box - not a person. Those days of corporations being committed to employees are long gone, yet we employees still think that they exist. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

    Once you grasp that, it's easier to recognize that, while you make personal connections at work and can get great satisfaction in doing a good job within a certain group, understand your place as a cog in the wheel, and you will have a healthy place to start.

    Third - activate that network. It will be easier to be upbeat and positive is to recognize your ACTUAL place within the organization and dazzle that group with the contributions you can make, and how you can help that group be more successful.

    Fourth - never, ever, ever tell future employers about any sexual harassment you may have experienced at your old job. If baited, or "I hear that some things happen at that (former) organization", it serves absolutely NO purpose to share your experience, and you will come off as a complainer.

    (If you have legitimate complaints, take them to the appropriate agency, such as your state labor board.)

    Fifth - follow Gretchen's advice about having a generic resume template available, with everything on it. Then pick-and-choose and customize a new resume utilizing the specific history, experiences, etc. that are relevant to the job for which you are applying. Don't include irrelevant information when applying for a job, but save those "by the way" nuggets if you get to an interview.

    If you are an older worker, take off at least 10 years from the beginning of your resume, and don't date your college graduation years. Nobody needs to know that initial job path, and grad year is only relevant if HR wants to see if you actually earned that diploma. Don't let yourself be unconsciously disqualified by calling out your age.

    Interviews are like dates. It's a chemistry test, and once you qualify based on skills and work history, you always want to be the person they want to spend a day with. It is always good to have 2-3 non-work related things you are able to talk about, things that you have a passion for, in case the conversation permits them getting-to-know you. You can keep away from personal information (husband, family) but be able to speak about something you care about: "I started an organic vegetable garden and am learning about how different fertilizers can change the outcome of my product"; "I am taking night classes to learn French, because I always wanted to learn another language."; "Three years ago I went down the trail of the Grand Canyon by mule". Anything else you like to talk about -- you may not need it, but be ready if you are asked "tell me about yourself, something not on your resume".

    Take 5 days off, stay offline and off the computer. Don't complain about things you cannot change. Look forward, then hunker down after your break and make looking for a job your new full-time job!

36. Joann S. LublinAugust 7,2023 at 2:43PM UTC

    Another good idea: if you don't already belong, become a member of the local chapter for Society for Human Resource Management and take advantage of SHRM's job posting website. It lists hundreds of HR openings (and new ones get listed every day).Also, please email me at joannlublin@gmail.com if you'd like to see my recent Wall Street Journal online piece about job hunting tips for laid-off HR leaders and staffers.

37. KathyAugust 7,2023 at 3:48PM UTC

    I'm sorry this happened to you. It really hurts despite what everyone says about companies not caring about their employees and we should all 'get used to it' or 'suck it up'.There is lots of good advice here. I'm sure you will land on your feet. Today is your darkest day.
    Good luck!

38. ChristineAugust 10,2023 at 9:42PM UTC

    Please allow yourself time and space to process your grief, considering all you've endured. I recommend listening to a noteworthy podcast episode that delves into the importance of grieving within professional settings. This episode provides valuable insights and empowering strategies designed to assist women in effectively navigating the intricate landscape of grief.

    Apple: https://shorturl.at/douLO

    Spotify: https://shorturl.at/moITU

    Google: https://rb.gy/db5nq

    Amazon: https://rb.gy/h2yxp