Wondering if i should stay or go.

Anonymous

December 6,2023 at 2:39PM UTC

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Wondering if i should stay or go.

For over a year I was in an immensely toxic situation with my boss. Won't go into details but suffice it to say that my therapist has been using phrases such as emotional abuse and trauma to describe my experience. He's had HR run ins before and obviously nothing substantial was ever done.

I managed to work out a transfer to another group. But I had to give up my formal role, and have been blocked from participating in my previous group's programs, was taken off the high pot list, and am fighting to get the credit I deserve for my annual review. It seems like while I endured abuse, my career is raking the hit.

The new group's manager has been excellent so far. It's like night and day. However I am most likely going to receive an external offer in the next couple of weeks. Wondering if I should take it. Would be burning bridges with the folks on the new group. The new offer would be much similar to my previous role that I had to give up but would be a slight paycut.

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Heather (she/her)December 6,2023 at 2:50PM UTC
It sounds like you've landed in a much better place with your current company, and if you spend the time you'd be spending on training and learning in the new role, you might end up much better off this time next year. That being said, these decisions are always tough - I'd recommend making a pros and cons list for both roles, and then just go with your gut.
AnonymousDecember 6,2023 at 6:25PM UTC
It's all just hypothetical at this point. Weigh your priorities and career advantages with your personal goals. It is a highly personal decision
AnonymousDecember 6,2023 at 6:35PM UTC
First, congratulations on successfully navigating a very difficult situation.
Well done! I’m happy for you that your current manager is a gem.
You have indicated that you have been removed from your current company's high potential list. Is there any possibility of that being reversed? If not, I’d be inclined to move to a new company.
That said, vet the new company very carefully before accepting any offer.
Are they financially stable? Is there any way you can evaluate the company culture and the hiring manager’s personality to determine if the new position is a good fit?
One possibility: search for the company on LinkedIn, identify several previous employees, and contact them to ask what their experience was like there. You also might be able to determine if they knew and have any impressions of the hiring manager.
AnonymousDecember 6,2023 at 6:53PM UTC
"I have really enjoyed working with you, but I found another job that's in my original field. I appreciate all your help, and I would have been happy to stay here if this other position hadn't opened up."
AnonymousDecember 7,2023 at 1:25PM UTC
while keep going strong at your current company you can try negotiate a higher/same salary as you were paid doing the similar work under the toxic manager? Offers are often not set in stone. So i would ask if the offer is negotiable and explain what you were making currently and what experiences you will bring to the role.
AnonymousDecember 7,2023 at 1:32PM UTC
They are not willing to negotiate on salary. The way their company works, I'd have to be wiling to travel fairly often to command a higher salary.
AnonymousDecember 7,2023 at 1:42PM UTC
Congratulations. It would be okay to let them know how much you made in the previous role and ask if they could match it. If not, trust me when I say this: no amount of money is worth the hit to your physical and mental health when working for a narcissistic and abusive boss. Be gracious if they decline and accept the position with gratitude. Your current employer has shown its hand, so move on.
BethBDecember 7,2023 at 1:56PM UTC
Why would taking a new job be burning bridges? People change jobs all the time. It’s not personal and most people don’t take it that way.
Please leave that out of your decision making.
There are reasons to take pay cuts. More opportunities, a
more secure company, benefits, location.
AnonymousDecember 7,2023 at 7:01PM UTC
I’d ask my current manager, where they saw me and my possible job direction in that group over the next few years. Your manager should have an idea of some sort development plan for you based on the job description. Once you have that information, your decision should be easier.