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Can your boss tell you to act more southern?

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Can your boss tell you to act more southern? I’m not from the south and my boss continues to tell me that I need to change and fit in with the locals. That I’m the one that needs to change. Is this illegal or just wrong?

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  1. Anonymous

    Yes and yes and should be reported

  2. LaToya

    Unfortunately, in the south, we follow a "this is how we've always done it" mentality. Try to find balance in who you are, what you have to offer your team, and the needs of the organization.

  3. Jenny

    Where abouts are you located? If you are northerly or east coastish, we are a very elite bunch and expect all people to conform. But almost all people do that to an extent so I would hold out hope that you'll find a few good people to make you feel welcomed. This behavior is ignorant and a little ethnocentric if not nearly narcissistic. For people who preach individualism and competition, expecting people to conform is a hell of a lot like the communism they say they hate lol.

  4. Jenny

    Strike my last comment, I've lived in the south and almost everyone asked me how I learned english so well and why i don't sound more ethnic. There's a form of ignorance everywhere.

  5. Kristie White

    Southern girl here, and IMO it depends. If you work in a position that interacts with the public a lot such as hospitality, restaurants, etc. where the interaction is intended to be very friendly or the “brand” of the company is intended to be Southern - then your boss has a reasonable request. You are an ambassador of sorts. If you are working in a professional capacity, this is not necessarily illegal. Your geographic origin is not a protected class that entitles you to anything. So I would have a discussion with your boss about what they are looking for - specifically.

  6. Anonymous

    I think that asking the boss about the "southern" he means is the best choice because there are other attributes that are less virtuous than "friendly" that he may be referring to. Then, the OP can make an informed decision as to whether or not she wants to continue working there.

  7. Anonymous

    I think the context matters here. As a north-easterner who has worked with clients all over the country, I realized that my typical New England style didn’t always vibe with folks from other areas. I learned to be flexible in my style and it increased my success. Maybe your boss is giving you some constructive advice?

  8. Anonymous

    Do your job and don't worry about anything else

  9. Denise Ryan

    I was told by my manager to drop my southern accent to enhance my executive presence! This manager was from Massachusetts- she said I didn't sound professional.

    That workplace was very dysfunctional and I later quit because of the terrible culture there. My advice is to dig in a bit to see what your manager specifically means by "act less southern" - probably nothing illegal there, but still very wrong. Could be indicative of a culture that doesn't embrace diversity of thought, though. And if that is the case, it may impact your ability to be successful. Good luck.

  10. Anonymous

    I gave presentations nationally in financial sector. Grew up in Boston and we got bought out by a NC company. My boss asked me to lose my accent. I said sure as soon as she got her SVP boss to stop saying "dad gum" in all his presentations.?

  11. Anonymous

    What’s dad gum??

  12. Anonymous

    It's used instead of an expletive

  13. Afo Ogbeyalu Kalu

    clean version of "god damn"

  14. Anonymous

    I grew up in the south and took a job in Colorado with a bunch of folks mostly from the northern area of the country--Ohio into the northeast. It was a startup, so none of us were "from" Colorado. I have never felt more disrespected and made to feel like I was a "dumb southerner" than I did around those people (the managers not from Colorado---the employees were awesome).

    Although they never said it directly, their obvious prejudices against southerners and thinking they weren't very smart were so super obvious that it made for a toxic environment. Glad I got out!

  15. Anonymous

    yes, not only is it illegal to tell someone to sound different but totally moronic.

    why would anyone want to sound southern if they are not from there?

  16. Anonymous

    I have lived in more than one region as well. I can't fathom anyone from the North telling a Southern born and raised person to act more " Northern" if they had relocated! That's just rude, y'all

  17. Afo Ogbeyalu Kalu

    I take the statement to mean you should project a more friendly, open, or customer-focused demeanor. If you are being asked to fake a drawl, or Southern accent, then that would be inappropriate.

  18. Anonymous

    I worked for a person like this - I quit and found a job where my performance was appreciated and have been happy ever since.

  19. Cyndy Trivella

    It sounds like you relocated from one area to a totally different area. If so, you’re likely going to experience a difference in the overall culture. What your manager is suggesting is that you try to embrace the culture you’re in now and approach your interactions as a learning experience. It will help you acclimate and adjust to the new environment more easily. Perhaps your boss is acting like a mentor to you (good managers do) and is offering advice. You don’t need to and shouldn’t change who you are as a person. Look at this as a chance to enrich your life experiences and learn how others have built the culture in that area.

    I make these comments from the lens of someone who has lived in many areas in the U.S.

    Good luck!

  20. surfnwrite

    I would ask for specifics. Fit in with the locals how? Adopt their speech style? That would be absurd. If the statement is code for saying you're not friendly with people, that's another issue that should be stated directly.

  21. Valerie Rieger

    If you are not from the country where you work and the manager is asking you to ask more like the southerners from that country, there might be some Title VII national origin protection. But if you're from the same country, I don't think the manager's ask is illegal.

    I would recommend asking your manager what they mean by "act more southern" to understand the request.

  22. Monica Ayhens-Madon

    Well, if you really want to blend in you can tell your boss “bless your heart” </s>

    But seriously, I agree with everyone who says to ask for clarification because that is unhelpfully vague especially if you’re new to the region.

  23. Anonymous

    I moved to the South 22 years ago and definitely learned at the time that there were certain Southern mannerisms that I could adopt that would help me greatly at work when it comes to getting things done. So I don't think the comment is likely illegal, but I do agree with other posters that this is vague and you should ask for specifics. Perhaps you're coming off as too blunt and it's being misinterpreted as rudeness/disrespect for your colleagues, and your manager is trying to break the news to you in what they think is a nicer way.

  24. Nadine Bonner

    Southern culture is different, and if you live in the south, it won't make any difference where you work, you WILL need to adjust. The pace is slower, deadlines are less firm and people are expected to be friendly and sociable at work. I imagine a southerner in New York City would have to adjust to the quick pace and abrupt manner of co-workers if she wanted to succeed. So yes, you need to either change or move elsewhere --- not just to another job. Looking back, I wish I had had a heart-to-heart with a co-worker and learned how to better fit in at work. But I was young and had too high an opinion of myself. I never felt comfortable in the south and moved back north.

  25. Anonymous

    I believe that the general idea is that your boss wants you to fit in. Now, there's a polite way to go about it and a not polite way to go about it. If they did tell you to "change and fit in with the locals", thats a bit of a stretch on the polite, depending. Be more friendly and slow-paced? Fairly acceptable. Change your manner of dress? Bordering unacceptable. Changing accents or vocabulary? Not acceptable.

    Would it benefit you to learn the ways of the area you're in and undrestand how they are and respect them? Yes. Does it mean you HAVE to change? No. I would ask your boss for clarification and specifics and what they mean. "Act more southern" can mean a lot of different things depending on your exact area - coming from a southerner themselves.

  26. Susan L H Smith

    Lifelong Southerner who's late husband was a Yankee, Hoosier actually. When he first moved south for work, his company gave him a "Louisiana surname' pamphlet to help with pronunciation. While he'd previously lived in Georgia, Louisiana was a whole 'nuther ballgame. To fake a Southern accent is insulting and ridiculous. Yes, the pace of life is slower, people tend to chat more, etc. Definitely get into the culture, food, music, etc. and talk about these things. Ask others where to go, just get to know them. Now I'm in Texas and it's not as 'Southern' as Louisiana was. Many transplants from across the globe as I live in a area dominated by NASA, oil & gas, and education. Been up north to visit. Y'all are lovely!

  27. Heather Mc

    Do you have context? I agree that it might mean s/he wants you to fit in, but if it's a male telling a female this, it could mean something entirely different than a female to female interaction. OP, do you have more context surrounding this? I'm from the south, moved to New England for 20+ years and built my career there... I moved back south, and now some of my friends look shocked when I speak my mind. Their husbands even moreso.

  28. Anonymous

    First, I’d start looking for a new job, because this is the sort of vague, non-actionable feedback that bad managers give before firing you. Second, this sounds like a great opportunity for malicious compliance. If you’re not familiar with the term, it’s when you follow the letter of the law but not the spirit.

    Example: after years of working at a company with pink/purple/whatever hair, a new policy dictates no unnatural colors of hair allowed so rather than dye your hair you wear really terrible wigs.

    For your case I’d lay on the thickest, fakest southern drawl I could possibly and use regional colloquialisms like “bless your heart.”

  29. Marcia Smith

    I just gotta say that I love this advice. The most important part of it though is "start looking for a new job".

    This will probably not end well...so be prepared...

  30. Anonymous

    sorry not in agreement with this advice - this is wrong and illegal to put this type of discrimination on anyone. I would contact a labor lawyer to see what your rights are and do not put on any fake drawl as this also can get you in trouble. Your Manager has no professionalism and this can not go on

  31. Nadine Bonner

    We really have no idea exactly what the manager said or how it was phrased. The OP calling her co-workers "the locals" seemed patronizing and offensive to me. If she looks down on her southern co-workers, he may have been correct to speak up. The manager may have made a respectful request, and she has blown it out of proportion.

  32. Rochelle Funderburg

    What's the illegal discrimination? If he's asking only women, or minorities to do this, then yes, perhaps it's illegal--but otherwise, there's no protected class here

  33. BN

    Not being from the South isn't a protected class, so no its not illegal. I would ask for more detail/examples. Depending on on what he says it may be illegal. For example if his version of the south is someone of a different gender/race is subservient, then yes, it's illegal. If he's asking you to speak slower or not be as direct because of "company culture", then I would ask yourself whether this is a company you want to stay at or is it just a bad manager with not enough vocabulary words to give proper feedback. Chalking up characteristics to describe a whole region as a "southern" thing in itself is somewhat problematic for me.

  34. maria rose

    Using the text expressed to mean, find a way to become a teammate by following the program is about all one can observe from this post by the OP anonymous. We are not given any context or information on why this comment was made. Too often, individuals in a workplace, especially those who find it difficult to adapt their interactions and job performance to the standards required will take a statement out of context and make a bigger issue out of it, without understanding their role to have caused that statement. There’s obviously implied that there’s a comfort level of communication in this workplace that allows conversations reflect the culture of how interactions occur. This OP is probably doing something ( again not mentioned with context) that goes against the way the business culture works and uses, but this individual doesn’t understand and feels uncomfortable/unappreciated by that reference point. So unless this individual can’t have a constructive discussion on what is being referred to as a needed skill, then they are in the wrong job and should start looking for another position. We do not bend the job to our demands, we adapt to the job needs. If this is making them so uncomfortable then it’s time to get out of that workplace.

  35. Anonymous

    Its kind of both. Ask him specifically what you are doing that is substandard. If he doesn't have a specific you're not XYZ correctly, then shut him down by saying I am from ABC and you hired me to do a job not to be an actor.

  36. Anonymous

    I think it’s impossible to adopt a new accent as an adult. You are going to sound really fake. This is not doable.

  37. Maggie Stone

    So basically, they are asking you to be someone you’re not? Sounds like a terrible fit. I am sorry you are going through this.

  38. Anonymous

    Not illegal but maybe a little inappropriate.

  39. Suzanne Copeland

    I've been an executive both in the south and in NYC for many years. There is a style difference. There are different social norms. I would never have said to an employee to "act more Southern". I would have provided more specific behavioral examples. I couldn't say what this leader could have meant. I recall a time when I was in the South and we had hired consultants from NYC. It was a big cost saving initiative and it involved search for and hiring a new vendor that would be shared across departments. I told the consultants from NYC the process that we would need to use and how we would need to approach the key stakeholders. Relationship was important. These stakeholders needed to get to know you as a person and see that you cared about who they were as a person. They scoffed at my advice. Said that was a waste of time. Two weeks later they were in my office asking for my help to implement what I had recommended. They had experienced the wall that was put up when they took a NYC type approach. It is easy to get riled up when leaders use poor choice of words and cut corners on communication clarity. I'd recommend getting past the indignation at your boss's poor style and consider the value of understanding where your colleagues are coming from. No matter where you are from, good relationships with other people are the true path to success.

  40. Anonymous

    As a northerner who has lived in the South for the past 25 years, I used to say I was an observer of southern culture but not a participant. Now enough of the gentility has rubbed off on me that I know how to communicate in the required manner- it is a different approach for certain. I think your boss was trying to be helpful and in no way insulting to you. Relationships are everything in the South. You must spend the time to show interest in people before moving on to work issues. It may feel round-about to you but it’s reality here. I would suggest you try and find a mentor who is willing to help you understand exactly what “ being southern means.” Perhaps your boss just wants you to be successful and knows what it will take. Try to understand from where he/she is coming. Good luck

  41. Megan Russell

    This - I don't think there was any malice behind it. As someone who is from West Virginia and really neither the north or south claims us (lol), there is a stark difference in communication patterns and perceptions between the two regions. I believe this is all your supervisor was trying to (poorly) communicate.

  42. Tom Reuland

    Both. Singling you out is a form of job harassment. And it’s not nice. Two ways to handle this contact a job attorney. And two brush up your resume and look for another place of employment. Thoughts readers?

  43. Audrey Kirsch

    Well bless their heart! If you know Southern, that is not necessarily a good comment. The boss used a poor approach but was probably trying to let you know things are different in the South. I've lived in South, North and now out West. How you are expected to deal with people is different everywhere. For the South it's just taking nice to an extreme level. Never show how busy you might be. You treat each person like you have all the time in the world to help them. Watch Angela Johnson's latest standup special on YouTube. She just moved from Los Angeles to Nashville and describes the difference she's experiencing in the South. It's hilarious!

  44. Anonymous

    When in Rome do as the Romans do. If you plan on moving to a region and working there you should respect the culture. Every office has a way of doing things--a particular culture even if you aren't in the south.

  45. Anonymous

    Not illegal but if it impacts you to a point where you no longer want to work for this person, file a harassment claim with HR and demand an investigation immediately.

    If this is something you can handle by asking him not to make these types of comments then please do.

  46. Shelby C

    It is absolutely impossible to make a determination based upon the small amount of information that we were given.

    ~ Texas born and raised (and I married a cowboy)

  47. Anonymous

    Sure he can.

  48. Heather (she/her)

    It's likely not illegal, though I do think it's wrong. In this case, I think you have to consider that even though it's wrong, you'll still be expected to conform to his expectations.

  49. Ayian

    Your boss can tell you anything. There is no "Don't tell your employee not to act Southern" law though.

    What's important to know here is that your boss does not respect you as an individual and does not respect normal social boundaries, which is a strong indicator that they will violate professional boundaries as well. They are indicating that you are not a fit for their company culture, so be wary of future unwarranted drama, trauma, and/or "disciplinary" action as your boss takes out their displeasure about your lack of "Southern"ness on you.

  50. Milissa Jacobs

    Are you in the South? He may be using a euphemism for acting friendlier.

  51. Jenna Powell

    That was my first thought too. Maybe you should examine your demeanor, and the demeanor of those around you and see if it is different in any way. It is difficult to tell someone that they are aloof or stand offish without sounding insulting. Maybe your boss is just trying to help you succeed in your position.

  52. Anonymous

    Illegal???? no. So, like in ANY business we all need to find ways to connect, whether that's with customers, business partners, leaders, coworkers. Why are you looking at it as change when it's really 'learning how to connect' with your environment. Are we asking you to use 'bless your heart', no, what can be the miss is you're missing his point? If you can't find a way to connect but expect them to connect with you instead, your business will suffer. It is proven that businesses will grow when you're able to empathize, connect and to try to understand their pov. Illegal? again, not even close.

  53. Ian Das

    Would it be the same if the boss in question told a non Brit to act more British?

  54. Jaylee

    I had a recruiter tell me that my southern accent made me sound "uneducated" and that I should "just get rid of it."

    I'm still laughing!

  55. Anonymous

    My northern born and raised daughter moved to the deep south on a whim. Big mistake. She is diabetic, and cannot eat the typical "fried everything" southern diet. She is accused of being "uppity" because she eats differently. When she tries to politely explain she eats differently for health reasons, and that she doesn't want to be an amputee (doctors advertise amputation services where she lives -- I have photos of their billboards), they are think that she is weird and strange.

  56. Anonymous

    I guess I'm confused--did you not ask the boss for examples of what he meant? You have to relate to customers, clients and others, and vice versa, if you want to succeed. Your immediate reaction that this must be illegal or wrong suggests that this is not the right company or job for you, and there is nothing wrong with admitting that and moving on to a job that is a better fit

  57. Wanda Shaw

    No. It's one thing to recognize the cultural norms of a particular area and be respectful and mindful of what they are when meeting or doing business in a corporate setting. It's quite another to try to assume behaviors that aren't yours in order to try to fit in. Not only will you constantly be in a state of uneasiness, but the natives will see right straight through the facade and you won't be fooling anyone. It's better to be who you are in order to fully appreciate and engage those who are different than you are.

  58. Sherry Carson

    Depending on the context he said it, maybe the boss is actually giving you unwarranted but helpful advice. By telling you to act this specific way may suggest that he is telling you what works here for an outsider. Take it from someone that has rejected and scoffed at expectations of conformity; to look a certain way or wear clothes that fit the attitude of the people around me. I have missed opportunities not because I wasn't smart or a hard worker, but because I didn't look the part. Very frustrating when you want to be known for what you can do, not for the way you look or talk. It isn't always what you know that makes you successful. Sometimes it is much more simple than that, it is meeting expectations that seem ridiculous to you. Be open and adaptable to your new community, Re-assess what he said and the context he said it. Observe the people in your community. It is bound to rub off on you organically eventually. You can't go to the south for more than a few weeks before you find yourself sayin "ya all, and honey" and develop local accents. Tell him, be patient with me, "ya all" are starting to rub off on me. Play the game dear.

  59. Anonymous

    I completely disagree Why would anyone have to have a freakin accent Conform !?? A little different but we have an eccentric employee She is kind to everyone but they don’t like her Is she hurting anyone or affecting them negatively WELL I love her eccentricity and her differences

  60. Anonymous

    that's why we all are assuming with only the snapshot of what the issue really is.

  61. Wendy Curtis

    It is not illegal. Lol. In what way does he tell you to change and become more southern? I have lived and worked in the north, the south, in cities and in rural areas. People are people, they gravitate toward the familiar. Be kind, pleasant, empathetic, work hard and don't flaunt your differences and they will come around. If you have an attitude that you are better than/smarter than others, it won't work anywhere. Customers/clients use businesses because they need and like them. Be likeable and grow up.

  62. Paulla Fetzek, MSEd

    Hello!

    I don't think it's illegal, but I don't believe it's reasonable either.

    If you feel comfortable, I'd ask him to provide specifics on what he means by "change and fit in". Each part of the country has its own set of dynamics which by nature are different. But it would be interesting to know what he thinks is a problem on your end.

  63. Farah Bajwa

    I wouldn't say its illegal or wrong (although could be worded better). There is company culture and then there is location culture. If you want to work at the place, you must be willing to try and fit in. Otherwise if its too much of an ask, then its time to look for something else.

  64. Anonymous

    Don’t change yourself to fit in. Be respectful compassionate etc etc WOW

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