How do you get your bosses to like you more?

49 Comments

1. AnonymousJuly 15,2023 at 6:10PM UTC

   I personally don’t think you can get a boss to like you any more. Showing up doing your best is part of who you are. Sometimes the scrutiny has to do with upper management or their own management style. Do your best, document things that don’t go well, and document your accomplishments. I’m not concerned if I’m like by a supervisor because they should handle staff professionally not personally, but there will be a problem if the line is crossed.

2. Tasha CampbellJuly 15,2023 at 6:19PM UTC

   Thank you. I thought that too but it seems most higher ups care more about the personal than professionalism. Cause they play favorites

3. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 1:44PM UTC

   In my job in Central Indiana, relationships were prioritized over productivity. It was a peace-at-all-costs culture, with a lot of unwritten rules that I apparently broke. It was also a culture of mistrust and micromanagement. The old-timers were cliquish and I never managed to fit in. I really had to invest in my personal life and minimize my emotional attachment to my job in order to keep myself together.

4. AnonymousJuly 17,2023 at 1:05AM UTC

   This is what I was thinking. I’ve worked in a ton of toxic work environments like this. And it is probably made worse because of discrimination, like another person mentioned already.

   Just do your job and CYA that’s all you can do. Document document document. Remember HR is not your friend.

5. Tasha CampbellJuly 15,2023 at 6:31PM UTC

   I’m introvert at work. I say hi or good morning, but after that I work and go home. I stay in my lane. I guess I figured I thought that would fit in in all work cultures. Keeping it professional brief and sweet

6. AnonymousJuly 15,2023 at 7:09PM UTC

   I am going to take a moment to share what I inferred from your description: You’ve had several jobs where the bosses all micromanage you but not your peers. You typically stay on task, but not always. You refer to your bosses watching you like a hawk “even when”’you are on task"-- the phrase implies that perhaps you’ve had times when you are not on task? And you just want your bosses to leave you alone and give you a pass (which can be interpreted as letting you get by on less than stellar performance ). A common element in these jobs is you—- how are you behaving that leads multiple bosses to consistently micromanage you even as they don’t do that to your peers? If I have misunderstood and they treat your peers the same then it could be the nature of your position and industry. But if your treatment differs from peers it is time for some personal reflection. Also, are you treated differently because of demographics? Are you experiencing work place discrimination which would then lead to legal considerations? That seems unlikely,if it’s happening at each job you get but sadly a possibility.

7. Tasha CampbellJuly 15,2023 at 9:28PM UTC

   U misread it wrong. I stay on task and have good performance. They doc me for being human and I have health issues. I make my adjustments I try my best to hold my pee which isn't easy when you are diabetic if I have to pee I use it , on a 10 or 12 hour shift I will use it 2 or 3x a day, which is 5 minutes for pee and 15 to 20 minutes if I poop , I also have very bad dehydration due to also being diabetic so I must stay hydrated. Off of work clock I pee 5/6x a day, and poop 3-5 times a day, I have possible IBS issues and pooping can take me 1 hour and on occasion I can poop and as soon as I'm done have to poop again. I go above and beyond my work. I'm not perfect no one is. My issue is I haven't given them a reason to stalk me yet I've seen plenty people in poor performance and breaking rules and not micromanaged that's unfair to me. Especially when I do my work.

8. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 7:25PM UTC

   Sounds like you need to speak to HR about reasonable accommodation for your physical disabilities. Possibly intermittent FMLA as well. That’s a lot going on.

9. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 8:07PM UTC

   Diabetes is covered by A.D.A. law. I have it too, and I totally hear you. I had to fight to have lunches on a regular schedule, and I had coworkers who totally invaded my lunch hour when my bg was running low.

   Your doctor can write up an accommodation, which you should take to the A.D.A. coordinator. If you work in a public-facing job or an assembly line, they might go the route of reassignment to a different position. A few 5-minute absences from your post wouldn't normally be considered unreasonable, though. Good luck. You work with toxic jerks.

10. Tasha CampbellJuly 15,2023 at 9:49PM UTC

    I've already did personal reflection, what is there for me to do. I can't not pee the entire shift, or be super human and work the same hyper speed error free all year round. Human body naturally tires as the day goes on, im a damn good worker who also has a kid and have to take care of my disabled mother as well while getting no help. I'm human not a robot

11. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 2:48PM UTC

    If you've already done personal reflection and continue to stay your course, you'll get the same outcome each and every time. Don't be surprised when your situation remains unchanged.

12. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 7:33PM UTC

    Interpreting this as “I’m a damn good worker except when I’m not”.

    Your disabled mom and kid aren’t your bosses’ concern. Look into legal protections: FMLA for family and reasonable accommodations for your personal health concerns. Good luck.

13. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 8:00PM UTC

    Next step: study the boss's pets. I have ADHD and getting to work on time has always been hard for me. My boss's pets were never late, replied to all her emails within a few minutes, and all of them fit one of the traditional female stereotypes. My male colleagues and I got smaller raises and we didn't get appointed to committees. My boss was an over-40 female, so if she treated an outspoken feminist & POC ally like crap, she wasn't breaking any law. And our raises were based on subjective evaluations by the boss. I tried twirling my hair and using a mousy voice, but I couldn't pull it off.

14. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 12:13PM UTC

    Hey @Tasha-words matter so don’t berate the person the took time to craft this thoughtful response. You posted a short snd cryptic description of your tenuous job situation, seeking feedback, and this person did the best she could with the little information you provided.

    You voluntarily posted your plight on a job board, seeking feedback, and many people took the time to reply. It’s unfortunate when we hear harsh truths so be a grown up and understand you’re going to get lots of opinions.

    Frankly, you sound insufferable and it crystal clear to many on this board why you end up in the same work situation time and time again.

15. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 2:13PM UTC

    You earn it over time. You continuously slow that you can be trusted to do your work & don't need to be watched. You also don't really know what kind of management the others are receiving or have received in the past. I am sure they had to prove themselves & earn autonomy.

16. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 9:38AM UTC

    If any of these responses are how you respond at work I know why you are being micromanaged. The person who answered you was very polite. As for personal reflection you might want to think about how your first response it to focus on someone being white and attacking them for it.

17. Amy CollinsJuly 16,2023 at 12:29PM UTC

    It's about earning trust. Managers that have seen a range of employee performance (from strong to weak) tend to pay attention to the newer people until they prove they know the job and follow through on the expected tasks. It's not about being "liked" as much as being focused on work and getting the job done.

18. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 1:36PM UTC

    My first thought after reading this is "Must be a POC." Then I looked at your photo. Then I saw you're in Indianapolis, and I lived in Central Indiana for 15 years.

    It's not you. It's them. They're racist, pure and simple. Jumping ship doesn't work because central Indiana is full of racist jerks.

    I appreciate your attempt to change your situation, though. As much as I hate to say this, acting more like a Duggar might work. It shouldn't matter, but from my experiences in that region, it's like living in the 1950s. I truly hated it there, and I'm white -- but an ally, and I made a point of working on DEI initiatives and projects and supporting individual POC in visible ways. My boss never gave even lip service to this, and she let it slip eventually that she doesn't believe in DEI initiatives. I have also had the experience of having to explain why there's no "White History Month" and how Obama could get into Columbia without being rich and saw a white supremacy symbol on a coworker's desktop background.

    I really hope I'm wrong about your situation, but I fear I'm not. :-(

19. Rebecca MillikenJuly 18,2023 at 12:57PM UTC

    Yes, if this is true, my original answer may not be on target.

20. MislynJuly 16,2023 at 2:15PM UTC

    I had a boss that watched my every move. Double checked all my work and never micromanaged everything. I’d say it’s just men especially insecure men that do this most often. They are typically intimidated by your work performance because you do the job better then them. If they want you to kiss their butt do it then sabotage them behind there back. It’s a two way street you treat them how they treat you intil

    they get the point.

21. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 2:45PM UTC

    Horrible advice. Do better instead of striving for that least common denominator approach to your professional life.

22. Clydene HorriganJuly 16,2023 at 5:34PM UTC

    I agree wholeheartedly

23. MislynJuly 17,2023 at 6:41PM UTC

    You do you! You obviously never worked for someone that ruined you as a person.

24. AnonymousJuly 17,2023 at 8:21PM UTC

    Sorry but your boss ruined you as a person? Highly unlikely

25. AnonymousJuly 20,2023 at 1:12AM UTC

    Sabotage them?? That is something I never expected to hear an adult say. I hope you pray a lot because I think you need them.

26. AnonymousJuly 16,2023 at 3:38PM UTC

    at my job people leave me alone and let me do my work. However my boss doesn’t like me because I don’t kiss up to her and that’s what she’s used to. She violates a lot of boundaries

27. AnonymousJuly 19,2023 at 2:27AM UTC

    I just hate workplaces where ass-kissing is effective to bosses. When I am doing my job diligently and skillfully and others just relax or worse make the tasks heavier and get-away with it because they can effectively kiss the ass of the boss really pisses me off.

28. AnonymousJuly 19,2023 at 3:32AM UTC

    Yeah and she promotes them and lets them do as they like. I’m reliable and show up and do my job. But she wants to know your whole life and hang out with her outside work. I refuse to do that.

29. Barbara SoninJuly 16,2023 at 4:57PM UTC

    I’m concerned that you’re asking the wrong question. You don’t need your bosses to like you. They’re from a completely different demographic—they’re male, white, older, and likely grew up with more money than you did. You need them to see you as a reliable worker, and to respect you. Unfortunately, that is difficult with your very serious health issues. A workplace has a body of work which has to get done, and there is little allowance that can be made for health issues and family pressures. You say they don’t micromanage others. But do those others need the amount and length of breaks you do? Please understand that I’m sympathetic to your situation. But ultimately that doesn’t—I would even say can’t— matter to the managers.

30. AnonymousJuly 19,2023 at 11:56PM UTC

    My manager is super chatty with some employees. Not me. He is professional, greets me, asks how things are going. I rarely say anything other than "Good!" or "Fine!" So he keeps on walking.

    Honestly, I am kind of relieved that he isn't chatty with me. Everyone is busy. When I do talk to someone, I have to work on jobs that don't take as much attention and focus. Chatting means postponing phone calls I ought to make.

    I think I get more accomplished when I don't chat. And my boss isn't unfriendly. He doesn't DISlike me.

    I came from a situation where my last boss was an older man who was very conscious of our age difference and was super careful not to be seen as inappropriate. Before that, a female boss who was super close friends with the other woman who she oversaw - they were also close in age to each other. I did feel left out, but I came to realize that my boss just didn't feel we had much in common because of age and probably my different sense of humor (probably because I grew up using the internet and random stuff amused me more).

    Please consider it isn't anything personal. It may be as simple as your boss not knowing how to relate as well to someone who is single, who has kids... who knows, really!

31. AnonymousJuly 17,2023 at 1:57AM UTC

    if you feel watched you are not managing your managers correctly. Irrelevant that they like or don't like you. Sit them down tell them how you like to be overseen and how you don't like to be overseen. Let them know you feel put upon (politely of course) and then step back. You need to teach people how to manage you and get their trust for you getting the job done. Definitely might take time and if your job is tactical - meaning you do stuff at someone elses direction and are not self directed think about how that dynamic needs to work for your level of comfort. Don't think about others, think about what you need and how you like to get feedback and progress.

32. AnonymousJuly 17,2023 at 12:39PM UTC

    If I schooled my boss like this and gave her instructions on how I like to be overseen, I’d expect to be walked out the front door. Who has this luxury? Do you job well, stop looking for shortcuts and get out of jail free cards and there will be no need for these mental gymnastics.

33. AnonymousJuly 17,2023 at 4:30PM UTC

    I have worked in Central Indiana, and this would be a HUGE mistake. It's a very authoritarian culture.

34. Barbara ThompsonJuly 18,2023 at 1:37PM UTC

    I would suggest that this advice is the surest way to guarantee never getting a good working, and long term, relationship with any manager, coworker, direct report, neighbor, spouse, partner, etc.

35. AnonymousJuly 17,2023 at 2:53AM UTC

    You want your bosses to like you so you can get a pass? With that attitude your boss won’t ever like you

36. Cindy GloverJuly 18,2023 at 1:09PM UTC

    Good point

37. Zayda HernandezJuly 17,2023 at 1:01PM UTC

    I have learned in my years that you cannot govern the behavior of others. If you have a manager/CEO/CFO/Owner that is a micro manager either you learn to adapt or find a new place of employment. If you feel you like your work environment then you will need to adapt. Work hard and do what your employer has hired you to do and more. Continue to go outside of the box however the key here is to always provide them an update. If there is an issue advise them and let them know how you would go about fixing it and ask for the thumbs up to proceed. This way they feel they are in control of the situation which is what a micro manager needs. Once they feel they can trust you to own your area they will begin to let go. It will all depend on your attitude and your will to adapt and grow. It is quite a learning experience within yourself if you can withstand the journey. Good luck!

38. Elise AxelradJuly 17,2023 at 1:49PM UTC

    Tasha, perhaps you could ask someone who is treated differently at work what that person thinks it is. It could be discrimination, but it could be as simple as your work product sometimes having typos so it gets an extra edit.

39. Looking for a changeJuly 18,2023 at 1:21AM UTC

    Good idea however I will say that person could have loose lips which could cause more issues

40. Rebecca MillikenJuly 18,2023 at 12:54PM UTC

    I've never really cared if my boss liked me or not. I just did my job. Some have liked me, others have not, but none of them have complained about the job I did. Any complaints were about irrelevant things (from the bosses who did not like me.) I found if I do my job, even if I'm watched like a hawk, and even if they don't like me, they have little ammunition to use against me. I have had a lot of bosses in 40 years. I'm old enough that I don't care if they like me and I don't care if they like someone else. If they get too annoying, I find another job.

41. Cindy GloverJuly 18,2023 at 1:08PM UTC

    how I wish I had your confidence

42. Rebecca MillikenJuly 18,2023 at 6:31PM UTC

    It gets stronger with age.

43. Barbara ThompsonJuly 18,2023 at 6:54PM UTC

    Also I think the interest and patience for playing emotional games grows shorter.

44. Rebecca MillikenJuly 20,2023 at 1:38PM UTC

    That too. I've not the time, energy or interest.

45. AnonymousJuly 22,2023 at 4:19AM UTC

    I’m 41 and I’m the outsider in my area. Personally I don’t care. I have a life outside work Vs the ones who constantly text and hang out.

46. Barbara ThompsonJuly 18,2023 at 1:59PM UTC

    When I have someone, that reports to me, spend their working hours’ energy trying to do things to get me “to like” them, I am immediately suspicious, and will watch, double check and scrutinize their work to see if it is up to par. Being a hard worker, doing a good job, being polite to your coworkers and myself, and presenting your honest self is what gets me to back off watching.

    Does getting a pass mean you don’t have to work hard, which is what you perceive is happening? The pals of the boss do as they please, and you’re left doing and taking all the stuff (insert other S word)? Then you may need a different manager and employer, because that culture usually starts at the top.

    See if you can find a place that values you for your work and yourself.

47. AnonymousJuly 18,2023 at 6:10PM UTC

    Not every boss is wise to the ways of suck-ups. My last boss seemed oblivious to the way she was being played, and gave the players big raises.

48. AnonymousJuly 18,2023 at 6:52PM UTC

    I agree, they aren’t all wise to it, and it’s sad to think about what those people’s personal lives must be like because I’m sure they are regularly taken advantage of so it probably costs them personally, and not just in their professional life. I currently work for someone that has been repeatedly told individuals are not only lying to this supervisor, but not actually not answering calls and documenting (we are remote), and in one case, actually creating/falsifying call records to make it look like they are working. But the supervisor is so under the manipulative spell cast by these users, that the supervisor thinks the whistleblowers are just “mean”. All the various accusations are fully verifiable, but fast talk wins. But think about how awful that supervisor’s life must be like. Very sad.

49. AnonymousJuly 22,2023 at 4:14AM UTC

    My boss the the exact opposite. She prefers the ones who kiss up, call off, leave early, and are lazy.