Hi!

12 Comments

1. Peggie Arvidson * Career Consultant | Adoptee Advocate | RecruiterAugust 27,2023 at 1:49PM UTC
   1. start documenting your harrassment and specifics of what it entails.
   2. If your company has strict rules about working from home, make sure you know and understand them, although I can't imagine a company determining who else is in your home. However, if your son is NOT a distraction, how does she know he's there? Why does this even come up?
   3. Get every deadline in writing. Even if she tells you, "your assignment is ABC and it's due by 9/1/23" verbally, when the meeting is ending tell her you're going to send her a recap email to make sure you understand all the details of the assignment, i.e., "Sue, at our meeting today (8/27) we discussed the parkhurst training program. You let me know that you want the slides ready for the art department by 9/12 and that I needed to have the first draft of the copy as well as screen shots to you on 9/4/23. We discussed the quick turnaround especially given the Labor Day holiday and you reiterated the need for this turnaround time. Please let me know if I've captured the details appropriately and let me know any changes. Until then I'll be working to meet this deadline with these parameters. Sincerely, Anonymous."
   4. In other words, be VERY SPECIFIC in recapping what you heard, in writing, because sometimes people think they've said something that they haven't and then they're mad about you missing a deadline. Also, goes the other way, sometimes people think they hear only specific steps, but miss one (we're human!) and then only deliver 3/4 of what was requested.
   5. Having everything in writing helps you maintain your deadlines and your mental health.
   6. This market is really awful for L&D roles from my experience. However make sure your LinkedIn profile is up to date, with measurable results so that recruiters who ARE looking to fill an L&D role will see you when they search. NO NEED TO PUT ON YOUR OPEN TO WORK banner bc you don't want your current employer and/or their recruiting team to know that you are looking for a new role.
2. AnonymousAugust 27,2023 at 9:41PM UTC

   This is great - thank you! We have some monthly checkins that are documenting with our conversations and they show all the times she said she is proud of me for taking so much on.

   As far as my son, my husband watches him during the day, they have known that for months and we have an agreed upon WFH schedule. I have no idea what has happened with her recently.

3. Debbie CreeAugust 27,2023 at 6:53PM UTC

   Get everything in writing. Her deadlines should be communicated via email or some sort of “paper trail.” If she communicates verbally, you could send an email, acknowledging what the project is and what the deadline was she gave you. When you complete a project, send her an email informing her it is done, so you have that time stamp.

   When she just says you keep missing deadlines, ask her for specific examples.

4. AnonymousAugust 27,2023 at 9:39PM UTC

   She sets my deadlines on our team Monday.com board, so there is a paper trail. As well as both of our notes from meetings and our monthly checkins. Those already contradict what she is telling people…

5. AnonymousAugust 27,2023 at 7:20PM UTC

   As long as deadlines are met (emails and other documents submitted such as receipts) and the work gets done - what you do while WFH or whome is there is irrelevant to her.

   Share nothing personal

6. AnonymousAugust 27,2023 at 9:37PM UTC

   I thought so too! But for some reason it has become an issue. I’m currently a month ahead on my deadlines and she is still saying I don’t do my work..

7. AnonymousAugust 29,2023 at 2:00PM UTC

   Sounds like she feels threatened by you/your success and/or your WFH time, because you CLEARLY have your shit together and are thriving (aside from her toxicity that is). The advice given earlier is excellent! Definitely evaluate your situation to determine if there is any discrimination. Definitely speak with a labor attorney to determine if you have a case. It's very easy to become jaded as well as petty AF in your situation. While you might want to up and quit regardless of your future, I would suggest that you do so professionally. This woman may have a target on your back, but I doubt the rest of the organization does. Never burn bridges, no matter how bad it gets.

8. AnonymousAugust 28,2023 at 12:56PM UTC

   That’s not necessarily true. My prior job had a policy that you could not be caring for your kids while WFH and they may think that is what is happening.

9. AnonymousAugust 28,2023 at 3:51PM UTC

   I would ask if your husband could get a letter documenting his WFH policy, so you can share it with your workplace and see if that could nullify your managers' direction here. Do you have a leave policy? That might also be something to explore to give yourself a cushion while looking for your next position.

10. AnonymousAugust 28,2023 at 2:44AM UTC

    I am so sorry that this is happening to you. You deserve better.

    You are handling the situation as well as it can be handled. Your boss sounds like a horror show.

    Adopt the “gray rock” technique: do your work professionally and promptly, but disengage emotionally.

    In addition:

    1)Document your assignments and your responses via bccs to your home email.

    2)Keep a contemporaneous offsite journal (entries should be concise and unemotional) on your own electronic device/s of your assignments, your boss’s comments and your responses.

    3)Ensure that all of your assignments, including deadlines, are provided in writing.

    *4)Focus your professional efforts on finding a new job. This can be inside or outside your current company. Get your resume and references in order. Your references should be from past employment, if possible. If you must get a reference from your current workplace, fine to ask a reliable colleague, a past client who knows your work or a previous manager.

    *5)If you are being discriminated against or harassed on the basis of race, religion, national origin, gender, sexual preference or possibly age, see an employment lawyer about negotiating a monetary settlement in exchange for your departure. The attorney should work on contingency (no fee due unless there is a settlement) and earn 33% to 40% of any settlement collected.

    *6)It’s extremely important to disengage emotionally from your toxic boss. In addition to your job search, concentrate on your family, friends and hobbies. Make sure that you are devoting some of your time for fun. Your evenings and weekends should restore you. Leave your boss behind at the end of the work day. (My strategy: take up to 20 minutes to vent and then devote myself to having the best evening or weekend possible.)

    *7)If needed and your medical insurance permits, do some short-term counseling to help you cope with workplace stress. If the situation is very severe, medication may be helpful. Good diet and exercise are also helpful in reducing stress.

    *8)If your financial situation allows, quit and devote your time to your job search. If you are asked why you departed, say that you wanted a job encompassing (insert what you hope to do next) and decided to devote your time to the search.

11. AnonymousAugust 28,2023 at 1:01PM UTC

    This is the perfect response. Exactly what I would recommend, especially the emotionally disconnecting part.

12. AnonymousAugust 28,2023 at 6:08PM UTC

    This is extremely helpful. Thank you ?