Workplace harrassment

34 Comments

1. Heather (she/her)September 20,2023 at 2:12PM UTC

   If you feel uncomfortable or like you're being unfairly targeted, you should talk to your boss and/or your HR team to see what they can do to support you.

2. AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 3:04PM UTC

   Typically harassment is any situation which makes your environment uncomfortable for you. That can be any number of things.

   there’s also a number of other professional and ethical responsibilities officers/directors and supervisors have, with respect to how they treat people who work under them directly and indirectly.

   One thing I can say is that people will often treat you in a way in which you tolerate—and I am in NO WAY saying this is your fault. I am saying, don’t feel like you can’t stick up for yourself. Let this person know their tone and language feel disrespectful and inappropriate. Let the person know there are better ways to get your attention or to get a response. But also, that you won’t respond to certain comments. And let your boss know that you don’t like the way this person responds to you and that if needed, this dynamic may require intervention from HR to discuss how the lines of communication can be more professional and appropriate.

3. AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 3:31PM UTC

   OP here - thank you. The issue is that this person has been doing this for a couple of months and the content borders on slander. I wrote out a response today indicating that he should be careful on how he communicates with me but did not send it for fear of opening up a can of worms that could produce an unfavorable result. If I were 20 years younger, I would be more responsive. Honestly, I cannot afford to not work at this time and have been sending my resume out. I think he is trying to make my life so miserable that I would quit. He also continously cc's my boss. Many times I do not respond to his email. In his last email after saying belittling things to me, he said " that this was a situation that requires an urgent reaction from your side" which tells me that he is looking for a reaction to leverage. I feel stuck and it hurts.

   Fyi - I have been with this company for 12 years and I am very disgusted about the treatment I am now getting. I am also in a protected class on many levels.

4. AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 12:39AM UTC

   Original responder here: I am so sorry to hear you feel so stuck. This sounds like an awful environment. And chances are you’re absolutely right about what you’re feeling; that person may be intentionally trying to make your environment uncomfortable.

   As others have stated you need to document everything. Including your conversations with your direct manager. And you should schedule a meeting with your direct manager about this specific situation and what you would like to see happen to limit your interactions with the individual, what actions you would like your manager to take going forward, and you should keep having them until things change. If they don’t you may not have a choice but to go to HR. But don’t make HR your first stop—it’s not going to give you the outcome you want.

   If you have other reporting channels, such as an ethics hotline or anonymous employee hotline please consider escalating. But also for your own sanity and mental health make sure you speak to someone if you need to. If you have an employee mental health resource they would be great just to talk through your feelings and your experience.

   what’s happening to you is not normal and it’s not okay.

5. ShannonSeptember 20,2023 at 4:08PM UTC

   "Harassment is unwelcome conduct that is based on race, color, religion, sex (including sexual orientation, gender identity, or pregnancy), national origin, older age (beginning at age 40), disability, or genetic information (including family medical history). Harassment becomes unlawful where 1) enduring the offensive conduct becomes a condition of continued employment, or 2) the conduct is severe or pervasive enough to create a work environment that a reasonable person would consider intimidating, hostile, or abusive. Anti-discrimination laws also prohibit harassment against individuals in retaliation for filing a discrimination charge, testifying, or participating in any way in an investigation, proceeding, or lawsuit under these laws; or opposing employment practices that they reasonably believe discriminate against individuals, in violation of these laws.

   Petty slights, annoyances, and isolated incidents (unless extremely serious) will not rise to the level of illegality. To be unlawful, the conduct must create a work environment that would be intimidating, hostile, or offensive to reasonable people.

   Offensive conduct may include, but is not limited to, offensive jokes, slurs, epithets or name calling, physical assaults or threats, intimidation, ridicule or mockery, insults or put-downs, offensive objects or pictures, and interference with work performance."

   Definition is from the Department of Labor or Equal Employment Opportunity Commission website. More often, this situation is toxic vs harassment. You can also look up "hostile work environment".

   Regardless, this is something HR and your manager can assist with. Wishing you a good outcome!

6. Barb HansenSeptember 20,2023 at 4:11PM UTC

   So your manager sees these emails and they haven't done anything to stop the emails or step in to protect you?

   To me, that's also an issue to consider.

   Here is what I would do.

   Print out the evidence:

   Print out every offending email and take those printed documents home with me.

   Create a paper trail:

   After I receive a new email from the executive, I would write, on a non-company device, how I felt and how the email impacted my work day and my life in general. In that "offending email diary" I would make detailed notes to attach my feelings to what email (referencing the date/time and subject line of the offending email) so it's easier to create a time line for any future needs. In that diary, I would also note the date/time of any meetings with my manager on this subject.

   Schedule a meeting;

   I would schedule a meeting with my manager to discuss the emails, and in that meeting, I would treat this problem as if it was happening to someone else which for me allows me to remain calm and logical. Also I would write out the questions and specific items from a few emails that I wanted to discuss during the meeting so I don't have to stress about remembering what I wanted to say.

   During that meeting I would ask my manager:

   -- have they seen the emails

   -- what they think about the tone and content of them.

   It's my manager's issue to deal with:

   I would explain that the emails are having a negative impact on my ability to get my work done and I would ask my manager to speak with their colleague (why are these emails being sent, what outcome do they expect based on these emails). I would make it clear to my manager that this issue is their issue not mine to solve. I would not threaten legal intervention until I've spoken with a lawyer

   Here's hoping that my manager would help me.

   Follow-up

   I would then ask for a follow-up meeting in a month to do a check-in with my manager: have the offending emails stopped, what steps did my manager take to protect me, and what additions steps does my manager plan to take to stop the offending activities.

   After all meetings, I would follow up with an email to my manager with what was discussed and the follow-up items (for me and for them).

   I would print out that email as well and being it home.

   Next steps:

   I would give my manager a month or two to deal with the problem, and if nothing happens, I would schedule a free consult with a labor lawyer. I am not a lawyer so I don't know if your situation would qualify for a law suit but it never hurts to create a paper trail.

   I'm sorry that you have to deal with this and I hope you are able to resolve this quickly.

7. AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 9:30PM UTC

   I sort of agree with this, but I think forwarding from a company email to a personal email account is better documentation. The date stamp will be there for both emails, so if the company claims the email never existed, there's that proof.

8. Barb HansenSeptember 20,2023 at 10:33PM UTC

   excellent correction to my print out the emails comment, your suggestion is a much better idea.

9. AnonymousSeptember 21,2023 at 12:39PM UTC

   I would print out AND print to a PDF file to save on a personal cloud, like your google drive.

10. AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 1:11PM UTC

    bcc to your personal email.

11. AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 5:04PM UTC

    Report this to your HR department and copy your boss on all emails and document all in person events.

12. AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 9:28PM UTC

    Going to the boss FIRST is the best way to go. HR is a last resort!

13. AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 9:26PM UTC

    Bullying is not illegal in most places.
    Harrassment in U.S. law is usually related only to behavior directed at people who are in a protected class, and it's only harrassment if the person perpetrating it is not in that protected class.... and if the behavior is related to that protected class, e.g., sexual comments toward a woman by a man, or racial comments toward a POC by a white person. Merely being mean to someone is just being a jerk.

    Slander has a very precise meaning, and if you're being accused of something illegal you and your supervisor should discuss this.

    Your boss should know you well enough to see what's happening, and that's the only relationship you need to worry about at this point. If this person's emails have no constructive value to you, just ignore them. Your boss is probably already ignoring them (but check to be sure).

14. Debra BishopSeptember 22,2023 at 2:37PM UTC

    Great explanation but Harassment also includes hostile behavior.

15. AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 9:30PM UTC

    Others have done an excellent job defining harassment, but I thought I'd throw in a couple more. If he asks you to do anything illegal or against the professional code of ethics, that also qualifies as harassment and can lead to legal action or censure by a licensing board (especially in the legal or medical fields).

16. AnonymousSeptember 20,2023 at 10:40PM UTC

    Since your manager is not stepping in, I would go to HR in an email and copy your boss. I never allow a manager's inaction to be allowed. The more people who are aware of this behavior the better. Your manager's enabling is just as bad in my opinion. Dereliction of duty.

17. AnonymousSeptember 21,2023 at 1:24PM UTC

    Nooooo....... cc'ing is a jerk move! Go to the manager and ask why nothing has been done. There may be a reason. That bully could be doing this to everyone, and everyone knows that this person is a jerk and is ignoring him.

    Going to HR is an absolutely last resort.

18. AnonymousSeptember 21,2023 at 7:39PM UTC

    Noooooooo, Manager is well aware of the horrible treatment and is copied on each email. Going to him is useless and is demoralizing.

19. AnonymousSeptember 21,2023 at 11:09AM UTC

    FIRST, (not a fan of the 'jump to hr' responses) ask what your manager's thoughts are on those.
    HR will ask have you gone to your manager with this. Clearly. Once you've had that chat, take notes, notes should include their response as well as what they said they would do and when. During that chat tell them what you feel should be done, PLEASE don't be one of those 'I don't want them to get fired, but...' responses. Either there's a zero tolerance working with an adult or your emailing coworker is preteen and needs a time out, grounded, and cellphone privileges taken away (if this is the case I think your workplace has BIGGER issues). When they tell you their next steps and if that deadline comes and goes, and emails continue, or you don't get an apology THEN escalate it to HR. You will then not only have the emails as documentation, but the chat with manager and notes of their commitment on next steps. YOU would be asked if you did any of the aforementioned, so do your due diligence and go from there.

20. AnonymousSeptember 21,2023 at 1:22PM UTC

    HR is not there to hear whining from tattle-tales! They are not the principal's office. They have other things to do, and can't spend time with people who won't deal with everyday situations themselves.

21. AnonymousSeptember 21,2023 at 5:29PM UTC

    This does not seem like an every day situation…

22. Debra BishopSeptember 22,2023 at 2:35PM UTC

    This does not seem like whining or a tattle-tale. It IS HR ‘s job to take workplace harassment and bullying seriously. Not doing so risks the corporation being sued & paying out millions of dollars.

23. R.A. AndrewsSeptember 22,2023 at 4:40PM UTC

    Abuse and harassment are everyday things, but if we want to eradicate them, we should not enable them by labeling those who object to being harassed and abused as "tattle tales" and dismissing their concerns.

24. AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 11:21PM UTC

    This is very helpful. Thank you for validating her case and many others. Your complicity in allowing harassment is noted.

25. AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 1:07PM UTC

    I would also type up my notes after each meeting and email it to all involved. Be detailed about what each person agreed to do. Once you have done what was requested of you document it again with an email. A proper HR department protects the business and employees. Document everything with them as well. I have had success with HR in my company because the things happening would have gotten them sued otherwise.

26. AnonymousSeptember 23,2023 at 6:57PM UTC

    The responder said to speak with her SUPERVISOR and HR. Did you read carefully before jumping?

27. AnonymousSeptember 21,2023 at 1:16PM UTC

    If you have to ask, then it probably qualifies. Document everything.

28. AnonymousSeptember 21,2023 at 5:05PM UTC

    Document everything, and that means take screen shots of the emails and paste into a doc and explain the situation. If you are let go for any reason all you won't be able to access the emails.

    You can consult with a lawyer for 30 minutes (most of the time free) on UpCouncil to see if you have a case.

29. RiaSeptember 21,2023 at 8:28PM UTC

    This sounds like the executive has created a hostile work environment. Hopefully you've prepared an internal memo documenting everything. Have you spoken with HR and your supervisor about this? Please also consult with an employment attorney.

30. AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 12:35PM UTC

    HR may be on the employers’ side.

31. AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 9:17AM UTC

    With all due respect, if you are looking for a reason to love yourself, you have found it.
    They won't stop until you quit. Usually, that kind of toxic environment has a harmful culture, and maybe you should think twice before making excuses to stay in a place where they are destroying you. Start looking for jobs secretly and make your escape.

32. AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 3:20PM UTC

    If you have to ask, then it more than likely is harassment. I'd file an official complaint with the EEOC ASAP, because then if they fire you, they can go after your employer for retaliation, as once you file a claim against them with supporting documentation they cannot legally fire you.

    I filed a complaint against a former employer that allowed other employees (mostly in management) to harass and bully me, and when I complained about it they ended up firing me due to being disabled. My former employer denied my claim for unemployment in my state by lying and saying I was fired for cause, which I wasn't. Unknown to my former employer I had already at that point filed a complaint with the EEOC, so therefore it was considered retaliatory in nature and when I filed my appeal with unemployment, I told them what happened and provided them with a few pieces of supporting documentation on an early Friday morning and by the very next Monday afternoon I had all my backpay from unemployment plus the current weeks pay in my mailbox.

    I used the settlement I received with the help of the EEOC to pay a few smaller bills and to go and start my own small business. I'm much happier now being my own boss, and my clients love what I do for them.

33. AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 3:34PM UTC

    Document everything. Keep a copy on your personal drive. Update your resume and look for other jobs. HR is not on your side. But before you leave send them the documented harassment. If necessary consult an employment lawyer. Write a review on Glassdoor (anonymously, and once you have everything you need from them) I was somewhere where the CMO's nasty comments and harassment and incompetence caused a 100% turnover in the dept. HR received SEVERAL complaints about him from current and ex-employees. Leadership was aware of it, and he faced ZERO consequences.

34. AnonymousSeptember 22,2023 at 4:53PM UTC

    It's a hostile Work Environment & what's considered a Constructive Discharge if it comes to that. NLRB, STATE DIV OF Human Rights, EEOC, File with ALL Agencies, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT DOCUMENT