For some reason I find it very difficult to reach to others for help in my job search.

7 Comments

1. Neelam TewarDecember 14,2023 at 4:20AM UTC

   Oh! I've been there!

   One thing I have learnt is, if you don't ask - the answer is always no.

   If you can, I'd take the time to ask yourself some of these questions:

   1. Why do I feel the need to go at anything alone?
   2. If I ask for help, does that make me weak?
   3. What parts of me do I find difficult to accept?
   4. Is my self-worth attached to external approvals?

   I'd dig into your psyche first before reaching out, maybe make it fun - get to know the person you are reaching out to, find common ground and believe it or not, many people want to help others but aren't usually approached in a respectful or professional manner - without, warmth.

   I've been there and please know it's more than okay to ask for help. Sending love!

2. AnonymousDecember 15,2023 at 4:35AM UTC

   Thank you for the encouraging words. This makes me feel better, not so dumb.

3. Neelam TewarDecember 15,2023 at 7:21AM UTC

   You are so welcome, love and never - it's not dumb to feel anything we feel. At best we learn about ourselves and know what we are really capable of if we stepped out of own disempowering ways. Wishing you so much success, keep shining! :)

4. AnonymousDecember 15,2023 at 1:30PM UTC

   The way I was brought up (and I'm in my 60s, so maybe this is generational), it was never a good thing to ask for help. It was a sign of weakness. As women, most of us never want to appear "weak" because that is how we are stereotyped (i.e., the "weaker sex.") It took years of therapy for me to get comfortable to reach out and ask for help, so if this was your family dynamic and how you were brought up to feel, know that it is quite the opposite. It takes a lot of courage to break down the stereotypes and ask for help, but once you do, you are amazed at some of the answers you get.

5. AnonymousDecember 16,2023 at 1:59AM UTC

   Thank you so much for the encouragement! This will inspire me to act.

6. AnonymousDecember 15,2023 at 4:42PM UTC

   Lack of self-awareness isn't something that strangers can help you with. You suggested a few possible reasons, now make an appointment with a therapist to discuss it.

   "reaching out to others" isn't necessary for some kinds of jobs anyway. Which others? Which kinds of jobs? In my field, jobs are listed in specialized job boards. I've let my professional friends know that I'm looking, but that's not "asking for help" in my opinion. If they have a lead, they'll send it, but usually I already know about that job anyway.

7. AnonymousDecember 16,2023 at 2:00AM UTC

   By help I mean to refer me or submit my resume, etc.