I need some advice.

11 Comments

1. AnonymousNovember 6,2023 at 2:54PM UTC

   Good luck. I honestly would just ask to meet with her to sort out your projects and determine where the priority should be.

   I do not agree with starting an argument. Completely unprofessional. However I do know that she has bosses breathing down her neck that need to work with her on approach.

   I have always told my bosses to just tell me what they want done and I will get it done. I don't need sugar coating if I do something wrong. Just tell me so I won't do it again. I wouldn't just up and leave my job but if it is making you physically ill, you have to do something.

   Maybe clearing the air will help.

2. AnonymousNovember 6,2023 at 3:01PM UTC

   This will not change unfortunately.
   So you control those aspects of your life that you can control.

   That means get very organized with work. Clean off your desk and keep a good tracking report open all day. Keep it updated and detailed. Anytime she asks for a status send her the tracker.

   Second, for your personal care and mental health, design a routine that includes exercise, nutrition, coffee dates with friends, activities and errands. You say you are a more "go with the flow" kind of person so create personal routines that support you and comfortable. There are countless apps and online resources available that will add flavor and customization to your routine without being too cumbersome.

   Finally journal and incorporate some meditation or quiet space so you can get your thoughts out of your head and calm your mind. If your company offers an EAP try their therapy option. It's free fir about 6 sessions and can offer you a sounding board to help you sort out your feelings and plans.

   Good luck.

3. AnonymousNovember 6,2023 at 7:37PM UTC

   RE: "She was “unaware” of my projects I was working on"

   (a) Invite your boss to have a coffee and talk things out. Your objective is to acknowledge the fact you have not been keeping her informed about the projects you are working on and the current status of your project.

   (b) Assure your boss that moving forward, you will keep her apprised (e.g., every Friday afternoon, via email) of your projects and their respective status.

   (c) There's nothing wrong with being a "process drive." Instead of judging your boss for being process-driven, try to understand why she is and the fact that she has bosses she reports to.

   Nothing a cup of coffee and an honest conversation can't fix.

4. AnonymousNovember 7,2023 at 1:55PM UTC

   While I agree with you on a personal level, that is a paper trail for HR.

5. AnonymousNovember 8,2023 at 4:34PM UTC

   Why get HR involved at all???

   Instead of hiding behind HR, act like an adult and face your workplace issues head-on professionally and in a calm manner. Getting HR involved will taint any possibility of simply addressing this "communication issue" and moving on. Going to HR is the equivalent of tattle-telling.

   Of course, there are instances when you should go to HR, but this is not one of them. (at least at this stage its not)

6. AnonymousNovember 18,2023 at 1:04AM UTC

   You misunderstood my comment :) My point was that there are people that make paper trails and take them to HR and those that don’t. I am pretty sure her boss is the former. I’m the latter. I think you’re the latter. You with me now ?

7. Tami CannizzaroNovember 7,2023 at 5:59PM UTC

   Okay, the arguing may be excessive. This also seems like a clash of personalities and work styles; I can see how a financial person's personality/work style may be very different from a free-spirited, creative type.

   However I agree with Nick - based on your post - have you been keeping your boss up to date on your projects? From her response, it sounds like she's panicked that she doesn't know what you've been doing.

   It's our job to make sure our bosses are in-the-know.

   As someone once told me, we have to "Feed the Bear". Bears in the wild hunt for food, and when they can't find it become cranky and then go into neighborhoods wreaking havoc, knocking over trashcans to find scraps or whatever to eat.

   Similarly, Bosses can wreak havoc if they haven't been continuously fed bits of information. Especially if they get approached by their boss about the project - then it's panic time.

   I get it - your boss doesn't seem to like to meet. Schedule a weekly meeting anyway. If she cancels, you email her an update for all your projects. I always use bullet points for easy reading and to make sure she sees the highlights.

   Then if/when I see her in the hall I can say, "I sent you a recap of my projects to date; let me know if you have any questions". Done.

   At this point, it wouldn't hurt to see if you can salvage the relationship. Apologize for not providing what she needed and ask her how she wants you to update her about your work.

8. Julie ENovember 8,2023 at 12:35AM UTC

   I work for one of the big banks and the industry is very process-driven. I manage communications and everything that goes out has to go through an approval process and there are controls in place, audits, etc. It’s not exactly the best work environment for a free-spirt. I would start tracking all of your projects and making sure you keep your manager up-to-date and in the loop on any changes. She wants control so the best way to deal with her his to give her that. It can be very scary for a manager in that environment to feel like one of her employees is a loose cannon. Not saying you are but that might be how she sees it and why she freaked out. I don’t think the situation is irreparable but I do think the industry might not be a good fit for your personality. Develop your organization skills while you look for a new job.

9. Joycelyn M. SiameNovember 8,2023 at 2:03PM UTC

   I am confused... she is mad because you have a lot of projects on your plate? Are you not completing them in a timely manner? Is it jealousy that you have all these project and are banging them out no problem? Determining where the problem lies will help to give better advice. I, for one, experienced the latter when working as a subcontractor for a government agency. I spoke with the client and HR at the agency and my boss was taken care of. Yes, it was uncomfortable to be around them, but they were forced to be on their Ps and Qs, as it was considered office bullying and grounds for termination; they ended up finding a job elsewhere, eventually. I was never one to stand my ground, but dealing with complete anxiety and depression, and losing 25 lbs in a month from stress, I decided enough was enough. You have a voice... use it and stand up for yourself. Prove that you are a professional, educated person, that will not be tolerant of bullying. Go through the proper channels of dealing with this situation, and keep looking for work elsewhere. I wish you the best of luck and hope you come out of this stronger, happier and wiser.

10. AnonymousNovember 8,2023 at 8:30PM UTC

    I am the lone creative (graphic designer) in my office. I've had two directors in a row that didn't understand what my job was. I took it upon myself to send weekly "Project Status Updates" (essentially just a PDF of my Microsoft To Do list, where I keep track of all my projects). Did they ask for this? No, but it allows me to not only have a written record of the projects I've completed over a year, but also have something to refer to when there are questions (i.e. "per the status report sent to you on [DATE]…). It's up to my directors to read or not read those reports.

    I would suggest trying not to take her actions personally. Document everything (questions she asks about projects, date and time she asks those questions, etc.). Having her only contact you via email is beneficial to you. It makes it easy to document everything. If it were me, I would attach and/or copy/past her emails directly into the notes for the specific project she's asking about.

    My director also does not respond to emails I send other than "Received" or "Understood," etc. Quite frankly, this is fine with me. I know my job. I'm good at my job. And I work best when I'm allowed to do my job without interference. Occasionally she will freak out over an "emergency," which is usually only perceived by her as an emergency because she doesn't understand it. Once I explain what the actual issue is and how I resolved it, she settles down.

    All of that being said, I absolutely understand how frustrating and demoralizing it can be when your boss doesn't think you know how to do your job. When it's negatively impacting your mental and/or physical health, do what you need to do to take care of yourself. See what benefits are available. Can you take a mental health leave? Is there an Employee Service Program that offers counseling? Does your employer offer professional learning that could help? There may be resources available to you.

11. LORI-ANN BURLINGAMENovember 10,2023 at 1:19AM UTC

    You may want to schedule a 1:1 with her to discuss the confusion. Ask for clarification in your role and projects. Make a list before you meet with her and be oobjective.

    Review your employee handbook for any policies and procedures she, or you, may be violating. The handook is a good tool to empower and protect yourself against unreasonable behavior. See if the handbook includes "verbal abuse."

    She sounds like a bully. Don't own her bad behavior.