Mental and physical health is shot from a toxic work environment.

32 Comments

1. AnonymousJuly 17,2023 at 2:58PM UTC

   Having worked in a very toxic environment, I can relate to what you’re experiencing and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s very painful and can make you feel worthless and helpless.When you start to feel worthless enough then it makes it hard to interview or leave because can you start to feel like you aren’t good at anything. First step is to realize, it’s not you. Validate and be kind to yourself. Recognize that no amount of money is worth your physical or mental health. And then do whatever you need to do to quit. Since my last toxic job, I have built enough side hustles up to always have money to leave any job. Always have savings. Don’t get stuck in victim mode, empower yourself to make the choices you need to make to leave that situation.

2. AnonymousJuly 17,2023 at 4:43PM UTC

   Invest in your personal life, get some cardio daily, and repeat to yourself, "It's just a job. It's not my life."

   ... and send out those (carefully crafted and job-specific) resumes!

3. Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachJuly 17,2023 at 11:04PM UTC

   Short-term disability sounds like a good option and at least provides some financial support. Talk your doctor and check your benefits to see if you are covered. You need to take care of yourself. And if the company is > 50 employees you should have access to FMLA for up to 12 weeks off (not necessarily paid).

4. BridgetJuly 19,2023 at 12:22PM UTC

   GO. NOW. I didn’t, and my life literally fell apart and I’m a shell of the person I used to be. Don’t make the same mistake, prioritize yourself immediately and unapologetically! ?

5. AnonymousJuly 21,2023 at 12:25PM UTC

   Take care of yourself first and foremost. Many of your physical symptoms are likely driven by the stress and emotional toll of the toxic workplace. Work with your therapist and your doctor for a four to six month short-term leave. Most STD pays either all or a significant portion of your current salary and you keep your health benefits. Take the first month to just take care of YOU! Use this time to get yourself back together to step into your best life in another job. There is nothing to stop you from using the time you are healing to also look for another job so that you never have to go back to that environment.

6. AnonymousJuly 21,2023 at 12:46PM UTC

   I'm sorry you're going through this. I went through the mental stress, anguish, and burnout as well. But I didn't go the STD route, I actually didn't know that was an option. I up and quit my job. I immediately felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders. I would take advantage of STD so you're not caught with zero income, take that time to do some soul searching (and healing most of all) to determine and apply stronger boundaries and evaluate and define what you want your life to look like. Including your relationship with work.

   I am seeing more and more stories like this and talking to more women who are going through this type of situation at work. This isn't what life is all about. We need to change the narrative somehow so we all don't burn out and feel like we've got nothing to contribute.

7. GirlBossanova934974July 21,2023 at 1:08PM UTC

   As an alternative to STD, you might want to invest in some stress management courses and at the same time, start getting out resumes and job applications before you go to work and over the weekend. One thing I have learned over the years is that stress management counts for a lot! As some have said, this job is not your life. The key is to find a way to de-pressurize and then figure out that the people around you are usually operating in fear. Find ways to get things done without getting overwhelmed. I usually start the morning with a small list of things that will get me ahead of my coworkers. I have the edge and stay calm.

8. AnonymousJuly 21,2023 at 1:24PM UTC

   Put yourself FIRST and TRUST NO ONE. I was involved in a situation like this last August. I was hired while one of the major leaders (3 men) was on vacation- he was head of finance there. As soon as he returned, he told me to my face that he didn't appreciate that they hired me while he was out (He had a problem with the fact that I used to work for Smith College- he insulted academia in general and just assumed that my views matched theirs- I had had the best, most down-to-earth, non-hierarchical manager ever and I still miss her dearly to this day). He was always stalking and I would overhear him making inappropriate comments. He was "old-school" in all the ways that are BAD. My current manager had previously had MY role (admin) for only 5 months until they made her an HR manager (no one thought she earned it and many didn't like her- she was the sort that quickly let it go to her head and I was told she looked down on others- her friend WAS the HR manager there before she quit and somehow twisted the directors arm to promote her before she left; the director was credited with being head of personnel on the organizational website but actually was so only in absentia- he was a very weak and laisse-faire "leader"). After he returned from his vacation, she began to nit pick and make my life miserable. She actually went into my supply order on my computer and had me to order something that ended up being the wrong size, then blamed me and made a huge stink about it when it arrived (can be returned, so ultimately was nonconsequential). She would have me carry EVERYONE'S discarded boxes (I mean, HUNDREDS OF THEM) up and down stairs from the basement to the outside first floor- I mean, dozens and dozens of trips- even though she had initially told me I only needed to do that with just my own boxes. It was August. It was hot. I would catch the finance guy stalking me. I was called to the carpet for things like making a personal call on my break, in the breakroom. Others could be on videocalls with family at their desks, mind you. I was losing weight and couldn't eat or sleep because I dreaded being there. Never think anybody is ever going to have compassion. I made the mistake of expressing my concerns to someone who appeared on the surface to be a decent person but was with the Old Boys Club little klatch (sp?) there. I was fired the next day for no specific reason other than the canned "not a good fit." Nope, it was politics - unpure and sleazy politics.

9. AnonymousJuly 22,2023 at 1:33PM UTC

   I am seeing a real sexiest bent in the workplace over the last couple years… And it really makes me sad and angry. We women need to get real tough if we’re going to make it in the new workplace. Everything you went through I feel like I’m going through right now… We shouldn’t have to go through things like this.

10. Melissa HacheyJuly 21,2023 at 1:52PM UTC

    I’m talking to a counselor on BetterHelp right now and quietly browsing for other jobs. I’ve been at the place for a year and still feel like I don’t fit in.

    My counselor and I talk about how to accept the environment and enjoy the work life balance that the job provides.

    Ive been in a bad place off and on all year. I’ve found that not caring what people thinks helps alot. If they don’t like me they can ask me to leave. Some days I hope they will! Once I got over fearing that it made my life better.

11. AnonymousJuly 21,2023 at 2:03PM UTC

    Either go out on STD or apply for FMLA if it's available. You need to take care of yourself right away. Get into therapy as soon as you can. You don't have to share that with anyone in work. Check your medical benefits to see if it will be covered. Spend time talking to loved ones about this. And of course leave the job when as soon as you can - when you have the emotional strength and financial security to do that. Your body and mind are telling you things have to change. Do everything you can to heal yourself.

12. AnonymousJuly 21,2023 at 2:18PM UTC

    I’ve been through exactly this. Couldn’t eat, was so stressed my daily life was suffering both in and out of work. Extremely toxic boss and work environment, probably illegal things I should have ultimately sued for. It’s not worth it! I did have the support of my partner, but I knew leaving was better than having a breakdown. At the end of the day if you could get even small odd jobs for some time (Uber, SHIPT, doordash, etc) while you figure things out that’s better than putting yourself through this. That’s what I did, I quit and made it work until I found something else full time. I did not file for unemployment but definitely take STD to buy yourself more time if you can. I never regretted the decision and I found something else 2 months later. Best of luck and know that any job isn’t worth that!

13. AnonymousJuly 21,2023 at 2:27PM UTC

    Also, I was extremely worried about 1. References from this job I quit and 2. Future interviews asking about a “gap” in my resume. Neither has ever happened or been an issue. I told interviewers I left because I was interested in doing other kinds of work and my role had changed from when I was originally hired there, and no one has ever pushed or cared about that!

14. AYANNALYSEJuly 22,2023 at 7:46PM UTC

    I didn't give a sh... about the references I still went to the new job and added my old job as ref... I don't care if they say they wouldn't employ me I wouldn't go back either how ironic isn't that why I left ?

15. AnonymousJuly 21,2023 at 4:25PM UTC

    Check with HR to see if you have an extended leave benefit. Your physician needs to write a prescription with start & end date based on his/her assessment, and there's some paperwork your employer needs to submit once you notify them you are ordered by your doctor that you are taking a medical leave of absence.You will receive unemployment as leave pay with your employer supplemental to equal very close to your normal pay. You will need to apply through EDD. Your employer cannot let you go during this time.
    I took 6 weeks off and found a new job! Went back to old job after my leave for just one day (required minimum to keep the EDD pay, etc I handed in myvnotice and walked put happy at end of shift. It was a toxic environment and the best thing I ever did. Healthy and happy 3 yrs later still in my 'new' job.
    Feel better!!!

16. AYANNALYSEJuly 21,2023 at 5:07PM UTC

    One word : LEAVE I was in the same position and I put myself in a stressful situation of resigning without having a backup or financial stability ... eventually i found a job within 6 weeks but don't do it no matter how resilient you are.

    Go to your doctor and ask for a mental health sick note or something to get you to recover.
    Focus on exiting by going to interviews while being employed your mental health will improve and so will your confidence eventually you will go somewhere make sure you have a positive mindframe never badmouth no matter how bad.

17. AnonymousJuly 21,2023 at 11:33PM UTC

    I'm in the same situation currently. I ended up taking FMLA and applied for STD. It's the worst situation to be in. Just know that it is not you. Unfortunately, the environment will not change so not sure if I should go back once FMLA ends in a couple of weeks. The job is a huge trigger for me. Best of luck to you.

18. AnonymousJuly 22,2023 at 4:55AM UTC

    If you leave without a backup, you will be adding to your stress. Land another job before you quit the toxic environment.

19. Bradford McCormickJuly 22,2023 at 1:40PM UTC

    Easier said than done, but it is sometimes possible to leave a bad situation and find oneself in ane even worse situation and regret it. Also, try not to let them "get to you": They are bad. That should not make you hurt yourself. Think what you like; keep it to yourself: Do not give "them" any unnecessary ammuniation to hurt you with. And, yes, try anything that will work for you but don't tell anybody your real thought. It is a lovely place to work, right?

    One thing I learned is to be sick if possible on deadline day for a project that is under stress. I was so stupid thatwhen I was really sick I came in to try to put in an honest day's work and got a HUGE black mark for saying at 3PM that I couldn't make some stupid change competently due to being sick and tired but I would GLADLY come in the next moerning to do it right.And guess wha tday of the wee it was: FRIDAY, i.e., nothing would be done until Monday but I was supposed to show a "good attitude" for my kiss-up boss.

20. AnonymousJuly 22,2023 at 1:36PM UTC

    So.....I have worked in more than one toxic environment, so the description of your situation resonates. The last environment became so toxic that several years after I left, I woke up in a cold sweat one night after dreaming about said workplace. This continued for WEEKS, 2 x 3 times a NIGHT...and I finally realized that I had developed serious PTSD. Do yourself a HUGE favor and find whatever resources you can to help you through this short-term and get you back to a more stable mental health space. Then you can take all the steps necessary in a rational process to get the hell out of dodge. You CAN do this!!!!

21. AnonymousJuly 22,2023 at 1:36PM UTC

    I am in a very similar situation, and about to spend the money on a recruiter who will redo my résumé and actively look for other jobs for me. I am heartbroken and sad, because I was really excited and thought this company would be different… However, there is a strong bent of sexism and dark sarcasm in my office, also, apparently my location is the most toxic out of our entire company(even my female VP said this.) I told her that I would like to be transferred as soon as possible. However, I can’t count on anything like that opening up so I’ve got to find something for myself. In the meantime, I am listening to a lot of motivational and spiritual content, and really finding my why so I can be strong while I’m in the midst of this daily battle. I’m also trying to make the most of time with my friends and family. Best of luck to you… There are other jobs out there just go for it!

22. AnonymousJuly 22,2023 at 4:52PM UTC

    Is this now everyone's story? I also have had anxiety attacks that were debilitating from my last two jobs. It takes a long time to recover from that.

23. AYANNALYSEJuly 22,2023 at 7:42PM UTC

    It doesn't if you don't focus your mind on it .. just move on the same way they move on

24. AnonymousJuly 24,2023 at 9:02PM UTC

    "Moving on" is a lot easier said than done. Most of us cannot just leave a job without having another waiting.

25. Cat the CoachJuly 22,2023 at 6:05PM UTC

    You are in a sustained stress response and that IS a physical issue. I'm a burnout expert and coach, and learned the hard way the damage that stress can do to your physical well-being as well as your mental. I urge you to do whatever you can to change your circumstance. It's definitely time to look for another job and yes, I would definitely consider STD and therapy. You need some support so you can move forward powerfully and with intention. No job is worth your health.

26. AnonymousJuly 24,2023 at 7:04PM UTC

    I'm in a similar situation that's causing extreme anxiety. How long can someone be on STD?

27. Cat the CoachJuly 24,2023 at 10:50PM UTC

    I'm not an HR professional so I can't say with certainty. I believe it's usually 3-6 mths. Do you have an employee handbook? I would check any onboarding resources that may outline this and if all else fails, see if there's a way to discreetly ask HR.

28. AnonymousJuly 23,2023 at 3:45AM UTC

    I wonder what is going on in the workforce nowadays. Why have jobs become so difficult? Why is everyone experiencing so much toxicity on the job now? Why is this the norm now? It is so sad that it has come to this.

29. Mary Dichard McBrideJuly 24,2023 at 6:41PM UTC

    I think it’s post-pandemic stress and inflation

30. AnonymousJuly 23,2023 at 3:08PM UTC

    I was in a similar situation, and reading all of these comments has made me feel less alone and less crazy in how I was feeling. Out of luck someone in my network brought a job opportunity to me which I knew would save me, and it did. I was dealing with the toxic work environment and a second miscarriage at the time. I am a much happier, lighter person today than I was nine months ago. I now work in an incredibly positive work environment for a boss who is beyond supportive. I do still feel tense - that PTSD of the experience - when I remember that time, or see the company name. Remember: It's not you, you're not going to be able to change the toxic environment so it's better to get out as soon as you can, lean on your friends and family, and vet any new opportunities for culture. It CAN be better! Stay strong. Sending you positive vibes!

31. AnonymousJuly 23,2023 at 11:44PM UTC

    I had a job where I ended up having to go in for upper/ lower GI tests. In the end there was nothing wrong but my job, which I left. Start looking for a new job and ask the tough questions about the work environment. You are more important than your job.

32. AnonymousJuly 24,2023 at 7:01PM UTC

    Good for you for leaving. What are some questions you would suggest asking?