I told a patient's family no and hung up on them after being yelled at.

58 Comments

1. KatDecember 17,2023 at 2:40PM UTC

   First, do some damage control. Email your boss about this. The caretaker will be calling/emailing about this, so give them a heads up. Discuss with your boss on Monday what next steps should be taken, including possibly reassigning this case to someone else. This is a frustrating situation on all sides, so it's understandable emotions were running high. While the family member didn't handle it well, there could be a number of reasons why they were so upset. In the future, remind people that it's the best you can do. Don't make these calls without a supervisor available to help handle tough calls. Don't work past your shift time if you don't get overtime either. Your job sounds very stressful, so balance your time to take care of yourself.

2. AnonymousDecember 18,2023 at 3:37PM UTC

   I can see both sides of this, as someone who had to wait for insurance and the doctor office to work on all of this is frustrating because you don't have answers and it is hard to just wait. There is so much red tape you have to go through, it is very frustrating. The only time I got really upset with the woman approving the short-term disability, I told her, you see him as a number, but he is a real person to us, please make your decision, you have all the paperwork. It was approved within the hour after that conversation.

   With that being said, you are doing your job to the best of your ability. I could never imagine being yelled at that way. I feel for you. I would have probably done the same thing. You don't have to put up with people verbally abusing you, ever.

   The patients family does not understand the stress you have and think it is just a few mouse clicks, they don't know all the behind the scenes.

3. E CDecember 18,2023 at 7:48PM UTC

   Health care workers and social workers know that we are signing up to deal with people who are in some of the toughest situations of their lives. That DOES NOT give family members the right to be abusive with no consequences. And make no mistake, this family's behavior is abusive. You can't make a bed available in their preferred radius that also provides appropriate services and accepts their insurance. You did what you could do. I think giving your supervisor a heads up is wise.

   FWIW, I would not give this family to another team member or supervisor if you don't have to. Too often, that's what they want because "someone else will give me what I want." I would call back, set expectations for a respectful relationship, and tell them what you can do. And document the heck out of everything. Wishing you the best.

4. AnonymousDecember 19,2023 at 1:33AM UTC

   I don’t see any other way to handle someone being abusive. You have to cut off contact. No one should take abuse, no matter what industry or situation, everyone deserves basic respect.

5. Cynthia Armistead NewmanDecember 19,2023 at 1:35PM UTC

   Abuse is never justified, on the phone or in any other situation.

   When I worked in call centers, if someone started yelling, I would say (once): "Do NOT yell at me." I would speak over them if necessary.

   If they continued, I would say something like, "This conversation is not productive. Please call back when you're ready to work together." Then I'd hang up.

6. AnonymousDecember 19,2023 at 1:39PM UTC

   I worked in bridal, which is not nearly as stressful as Healthcare, but there were times someone would call and they would be so upset because they didn't get their way even though there was nothing else that could be done. They continued to scream and yell into the phone at me, I would say "if you keep yelling at me, I will be hanging up as i am trying to help".

   It's not okay for someone to continually scream and yell through the phone at you as it wastes lots of time and nothing gets done. I would not be to hard on yourself, if you feel that bad, I would call whoever back and apologize for hanging up but you do not appreciate being yelled at as you are there to help so if they would like to continue the conversation you would be happy to do so as long as thy do not yell.

7. Leader135412December 19,2023 at 1:48PM UTC

   Don't worry about it, There will be more times just like that. People feel entitled and the government owes them. And if they have money the whole family has to bow down to them. you can only do what is available. If they were so concerned they would have taken the person home and hired private help. Just breath and move on to the next case.

8. Barbara BurkeDecember 20,2023 at 1:23PM UTC

   Very cavalier answer. Most people can’t afford to take the person home and hire private help, even though they’d like to do just that. Healthcare in this country, especially for the elderly, sucks and it’s not entitlement, it’s frustration and fear that’s causing these people to go off the rails.

9. AnonymousDecember 19,2023 at 2:00PM UTC

   This is a tough one because I've been the caregiver of a patient that had limited discharge options, couldn't go home, had a trach, had a wound, feeding tube and on dialysis. After much education I found that it's a combination of things that go into placement, insurance, availability of a bed, ability of a facility to accept and care for the patient and the last factor is distance from the family. All of these things have to line up perfectly. I have to ask, you mentioned that this was after 5pm on a Friday, did you take the time to explain this to them or were you rushing to get out of there? You have to remember, you do this all of the time and this is probably brand new to them and it is unbelievable stressful when a loved one is in this situation so the responsibility unfortunately is on you to keep calm and explain the situation. I would even go so far as to recommend that you send them the report where it shows what the facilities provide, the questions they ask and rejections and acceptances. I've had to use that report to show family members that didn't understand why we couldn't get my mom in a nursing home down the street from her house.

10. Kat KarpinskiDecember 20,2023 at 2:05PM UTC

    Anon: I completely disagree with your comment that "unfortunately is on you to keep calm and explain the situation".
    I think the original poster DID explain the situation -- she notified the caregiver that there was only one accepting facility based on patient medical needs. The caretaker refused to believe and/or accept the only possible solution. Then the original poster apologized to the caregiver that there wasn't another choice available. What more could she have done? I get the caregivers' frustration, but screaming at your health care worker because you can't have it your way is unacceptable. I used to work in insurance, I cancelled policies for valid reasons, and boy would I get the phone calls and the screaming. You have to tell caller you can understand their frustration, but then say they need to stop yelling or you'll need to hang up. Then hang up. You deserved so much better. At least you found an accepting facility - they should have been grateful you did otherwise those complex needs would have ended up in their town alright - in the caregiver's home!

11. BethBDecember 19,2023 at 2:12PM UTC

    We do not need to accept abuse. There is a more professional way to handle this though. Validate their feelings without apologizing for the facts. Sometimes just having the frustration acknowledged can be calming.

    Use an and statement, not a but or however.

    I understand your anger, no one like to have limited choices or to need to travel to see their loved one. And the only facility with a bed that can meet your needs is x. I am here to help you and can’t do that when I’m being yelled at. Being yelled at because you don’t want to believe the facts is not acceptable and I will

    not continue a conversation that way.

    Your choices are discharge to this facility or discharge to home. If the yelling continues calmly say I told you I won’t accept being spoken to that way and I’m going to hang up now. And do it.

    Make notes immediately after so your memory is fresh and then let your manager know that the caretaker and family were unreasonable, got abusive, and there was no way to proceed.

12. AnonymousDecember 19,2023 at 2:37PM UTC

    I hear you. I work in home health care and it blows my mind how nasty some of these people can be. Our purpose is to help you, what can you possibly think yelling at us (or anyone) will get you? More flies with honey people!

13. Beverly MolnarDecember 19,2023 at 3:02PM UTC

    I am sorry that happened to you. Having a husband with complicated health care needs myself, I have been in that caretaker’s position before and there is absolutely no justification for how they treated you. It is a very frustrating position for them to be in, but you don’t “owe” them anything. What else are you supposed to do when they just keep yelling at you and won’t stop?

14. Terrie McWhorterDecember 19,2023 at 3:17PM UTC

    I too work in healthcare >30 years...it can truly be trying. Especially when you try your best and your best doesn't seem to be good enough for the family. Family dynamics in itself with a patient can be trying at best. One can be happy and others are irritated and expect better. I have found that keeping my tone level and not rising to the height of their frustration helps. There is nothing wrong with telling them, I did my best, this is the only option that we have. If you continue to talk to me in this manner, you leave me no choice but to hang up. OR, I'm sorry you feel that way, I will be hanging up now. Then simply hanging up, taking that deep breath and as you exhale letting that angst go. As long as you share the information of the families treatment of you and their unhappiness with the result with the charge nurse and or your boss, that is all you can do. Sometimes telling yourself that if it was your father or mother your would fight to the death to get them what they needed as well helps. Best of luck and don't let this incident sway you....you did what you had to do in the situation.

15. AnonymousDecember 19,2023 at 3:27PM UTC

    Thank you for the important work you do, and I'm so sorry that this family was verbally abusing you like this. No one deserves to experience this at work. If your workplace doesn't record calls, that sounds like something to put in place to document outrageous and abusive behavior like you experienced.

16. maria roseDecember 19,2023 at 6:54PM UTC

    Just based on your description of the reaction of the caretaker and whoever else communicated with you in this situation, it explains why you were just given the job assignment to get a placement for what appears to be a last minute arrangement because that kind of reaction. I hardly think that it was you personally that they were reacting to but a release of their own feelings.

    As a few other commenters have said, you do need to have gotten back to your supervisor and made them aware of what transpired after you gave notice to the caretaker of the arrangements which they felt were totally unsatisfactory ( sounds like they will only accept placement in their own location ( probably due to travel issues and other obligations that they can’t afford to not ignore) . It is just another part of the placement issue. By at least letting your supervisor know what steps you did to get a placement, it will lessen what effect your emotional response had to whoever was verbally abusive on the phone to you. I have a strong feeling that you were not the first who had dealt with this caretaker reaction. Unfortunately, there are people in this world who don’t want to understand the word No and completely blank out any alternative. You might get a tentative reprimand but the handling of this difficult patient placement and their caretaker now falls on your supervisor to handle ( hopefully they won’t pass the buck again and hand it to another unknowing coworker. If anything, the patient’s care should be the priority over the negativity of the caretaker who sounds none too happy about it. Too bad, home care is not an option to offer them, considering the circumstances but healthcare providers are limiting the choices. Good luck with this

17. JJDecember 19,2023 at 11:30PM UTC

    No, not “no matter what.” Would you stay for your full shift if the building was on fire? No. You were being verbally assaulted. Saying no was the nice way of handling it.

18. AnonymousDecember 20,2023 at 12:02PM UTC

    Hi, I am a healthcare provider and I work in post acute care. So...you do NOT need to explain the complexity of this situation to me; I get it! And families don't understand that between medical complexity (wounds, vents, etc) and insurance (No, I can't help it that you mother chose this crappy Medicare plan)- we are often VERY LIMITED. I'm sorry you were yelled at by this family, but it doesn't surprise me. The attitude of ENTITLEMENT of patients and families these days is abysmal. I don't have any easy answers for you. You were stressed and at your limit; You deflected and hung up. Honestly, I think that's ok. Going forward, your supervisor needs to take over. You reached our limit. Boundaries need to be set with this family and "yelling" at you or anyone else is unacceptable. They can take their loved one home.

19. Dfzenter3December 20,2023 at 1:31PM UTC

    Notwithstanding your obvious experience dealing with these situations, here is something I found works 99% of the time in situations like this. Once you let them vent for a few minutes ( well, maybe more than a few lol - and you may have to interrupt them and ask to speak), state simply that there are two people on the phone that want to get them what they need, but they are alienating one of them. Then just stop talking. If they continue THEN hang up !!

20. Angela Turner, MBADecember 20,2023 at 1:31PM UTC

    Your boss should be able to help you with this, At some point, these complaints that escalate like that would warrant some support. Sounds like you did your best. Sometimes the people on the other end of the line do that out of desperation, but that is not reason enough to yell at you. Hope you can have a restful weekend after that

21. AnonymousDecember 20,2023 at 1:36PM UTC

    It is no excuse for anyone to yell at another human being. I think you were better than I would have been.

    I will say from a caretaker's point of view - it is stressful and add on top your full time job, holidays and other family members who have never raised a hand to help but will quickly criticize the primary caregiver or anyone trying to help. Those people think they know it all adn can do so much better than the caregiver or the medical assistants. Again, no one should yell at anyone. But unfortunately, it sometimes seems the easiest option. Plus those family members who don't help unless it is to criticize are the ones who will think they can make things happen by being a bully. It is in their nature.

22. AnonymousDecember 20,2023 at 1:49PM UTC

    If the situation occurred as stated in this post, it is very unfortunate and I hope you are taking care of yourself.

    As someone who has seen a lot of bad behavior in healthcare, IF has to be emphasized. What I see in the healthcare system is often that healthcare professionals are not highly skilled at de-escalation and negotiation. People are at their most stressed in those environments and far too often what we see is an imbalance of power between patients, families, and healthcare. As the healthcare system quietly tries to lobby for criminalizing patients, I get very concerned with thin skinned healthcare providers. People in medical crisis are often angry at the situation not providers as individuals. But provider reactions can be personalized and even vindictive toward patients and their families. This is exponentially so with racial minorities. I would offer that you definitely speak with your manager for an objective perspective on what happened and also maybe even consult with a therapist to unpack the situation and perhaps gain additional tools to deal with people in crisis.

23. AnonymousDecember 20,2023 at 2:01PM UTC

    First and foremost, the patient’s caretaker/family member yelling at you that “you owe them” is NOT acceptable behavior. I know, from personal experience, the family/caretaker end from when my dad was in hospice and had to go to rehab… it wasn’t easy nor was it convenient but we also understood about location and availability. We did have two choices and made the choice we thought was best with the other healthcare worker we were speaking to. In our situation, my mom and I were very stressed and exhausted and worried. However, we knew there was no justification in yelling at anyone who was trying to get us settled with what we were dealing with (and it was a whole mess) while COVID was still ablaze and my dad’s immune system was basically zero. If my mom or I had acted out by literal yelling at someone who is helping get our loved one where they need to be, I would hope they hang up on us to shake us about the behavior we are exhibiting to someone else unnecessarily and creating more stress for everyone. These situations are a fragile process and we were a 3 hour drive from the hospital. If they wanted to discharge my dad, they could and he’d be sitting there for 3+ hours alone and waiting. Instead, we simply asked for advice, help and options, and then requested at least 8 hours notice for discharge so we could drive the 3+ hours up and back to get him if we had to wait for a rehab bed. Amongst all the emotional strife of facing family health issues, the worst thing a family can do is yell at healthcare staff who are trying to help and have no magic wand to change certain situations and circumstances like location and availability in other facilities closest to the family. We all have to face difficult choices in what we are willing to accept, but when it comes to needed care, opt for the first available option and make daily contact to your ideal location to ask about availability and transfer. And if the caretaker/family spent less time yelling, that option may have been discussed and open after a while. So, from my perspective, please don’t feel your sense of professional behavior was at stake. You should never accept being yelled at. It closes up your ability to help and to consider or think of alternate options. Hanging up is the only way to cease the yelling (because it wouldn’t have ended or stopped), and to allow both you and them a break, even if they’re further angered by it. It still stops them momentarily and gives you both space. Maybe consider telling them you will hang up if they continue yelling is a more professional way to handle it. That way, you’ve stated what’s happening and the result of continued behavior. You can then better control the conversation by telling them again what the circumstances are and that they are free to contact facilities to double check (always helps caretakers and families understand what you’re also dealing with). Other than that, I totally give you grace on this situation specifically. I understand both pov’s and I also know you get more with honey than with vinegar.

24. AnonymousDecember 20,2023 at 2:39PM UTC

    This sounds like a horrible situation on both sides, and I'm sorry you had to sit through being yelled at. That said, I want to mention a few things that might be mitigating factors:

    --Patients/families frequently don't understand their own medical situation, so "complexity" might be meaningless to them

    --Most "civilians" don't understand the first thing about health insurance, payer limitations, or anything even remotely associated with managed care

    --Having a family member/loved one ill, hospitalized, or requiring additional care can be a very emotional situation and people might not always be at their best. It's no excuse for yelling at another human being, but it's something to at least be aware of. You were feeling frustrated and annoyed (understandable) but they may have been feeling the same...and terrified on top of it.

    On your side, if you ever run into a similar situation again (and you undoubtedly will), perhaps disengage at the moment you feel yourself getting emotional/losing your temper/feeling frustrated. You can interrupt the lava flow by saying "I need to check with someone else" and ending the call.

    Good luck.

25. AnonymousDecember 20,2023 at 2:43PM UTC

    You are a human. The caller is a human. It sounds like the situation was extremely challenging for all involved (though the "owe" portion is weird. I could more easily understand general ranting and raving as a stress reaction). We are not at our best when under stress. You're shocked by your response, which indicates this is not your usual way of handling things, so that's a good sign. The family ganging up on you is not acceptable. In between the first conversation and the follow up, for most people, good judgement would've kicked in and the second call wouldn't have been made, so they no longer have the excuse of being caught up in the moment. While you need to be professional, you are not a doormat and should not tolerate being abused. Please give yourself some grace. Since your boss was already aware of some of the details, perhaps reach out to them about what happened. Hopefully, they will respond supportively, which is the correct response in this situation.

26. Amanda BurtDecember 20,2023 at 2:45PM UTC

    I am so sorry that they dumped on you like that. But believe me, as the person who had to make the decision, the rest of the family dumped on me just as if there were 'options' on an immediate placement. There is literally nothing that you could do. In those situations, all you can do is put the phone on mute, wait a few minutes, take it off mute and say, "Are you done yelling? If not, I am hanging up now, the situation is not able to change." Sign me, been there, had to do that. And then immediately inform your supervisor. And yes, this always happens on a Friday at the end of a business day.

27. Taneisha CarterDecember 20,2023 at 2:55PM UTC

    No. Is the right answer. The way you responded was not. So you offer an apology to the family stating the answer no, as firmly as possible. Let them know we are not able to accommodate you. Let them know that their attitude will not be tolerated.

    I worked in Healthcare for 26yrs. Sometimes you get patients like that in Healthcare. Even in the hospital setting. Especially during times of a full moon.

    It is okay. Forgive yourself and move forward.

28. AnonymousDecember 20,2023 at 5:47PM UTC

    Not the OP, but this comment was solid gold!

29. Taneisha CarterDecember 21,2023 at 7:14PM UTC

    Thanks!!! Most people in the medical field work as hard as they can to be helpful, kind, courteous, empathetic... So when you have done your best there is nothing else that you can do. She went above and beyond. To err is human to forgive divine. Forgive yourself and others and push forward. Learn from every mistake and press forward. That's all we can do. To everyone reading this comments push forward. Sometimes we fall short just learn from it and keep pushing. Love and blessings. Happy Holidays. Please stay safe.

    I know everyone may not believe in prayer, I'll be praying for all of us.

30. Mara Jevera FulmerDecember 20,2023 at 2:57PM UTC

    I am so so sorry you had to deal with that. And, while not an excuse, it sounds like this family and caregiver are at their breaking point and had put all their faith in having this one thing "go right" in their minds.

    My only advice is based on how I've handled years of enduring the crying, screaming, frustrated student. The person on the other side is facing things you don't know about. But it is their drama, their emotions. And all you can do is let them yell it out. Don't let their drama, their emotions become yours. Hanging up isn't a bad way to go in this regard. If you can't get a word in edgewise then it's actually the politest thing you can do. Grant yourself some grace. And if they call back, hand it over to your supervisor.

    Deep breaths. Reclaim your equilibrium. Let it go.

31. Caron ShapiroDecember 20,2023 at 3:12PM UTC

    Write a statement you read to patients and careywhen b4 in tough times and read that next time.

    like/ I will call local places and get back to me tomorrow- let me do that now- click when they call tomorrow day you say tried again , nothing. Do they want to take the space out of town before it is taken?

32. Deborah Jenkins-AllenDecember 20,2023 at 3:23PM UTC

    All the other comments here are spot on, but this family seems to have some chip on their shoulder about what they believe they are entitled to.
    Just keep in mind it is their opinion, and it does not require you to change your actions. Take care.

33. Barbara BurkeDecember 22,2023 at 7:45PM UTC

    I don’t think they have a chip on their shoulder, I think they are just now realizing how badly the sick and elderly are treated in this country unless they’re wealthy. Way too many people actually believe the BS about how Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid are there to help them when they need it. Imo, the OP needs to change her actions and her attitude (or her field of work) and so do you.

34. AnonymousDecember 20,2023 at 3:54PM UTC

    I agree with the comments already made. My perspective is your facility's census and your department's staffing was a mismatch. Discharge planning starts at time of hospital admission and is adjusted throughout the stay as indicated. What was the patient's input? If he did not have capacity, who is the patient's decision maker? Unless there is family, usually, it is not a care giver. If this was presented to the responsible party at the last minute, I can understand their surprise/ fear and unfortunately, their expressed inappropriate coping measures. Remember in your conversation to include they have choices: the rehab you found, private pay at a rehab if a bed was to be found readily versus taking their loved one home, and if appropriate, a letter of denial from their insurance, and that this conversation will be continued in the morning. I would charge an avoidable day to the appropriate party: case management for delay of addressing discharge options versus family delay with decision making with proposed options, update my manager and the medical provider/team of discharge delay, document thoroughly and place patient on your hand off for follow up. Best wishes.

35. Barbara BurkeDecember 22,2023 at 7:42PM UTC

    “Private pay at a rehab” and “taking their loved one home” are very often Not actual viable choices. If there is no money to pay for rehab or no one who can stay home and care for the patient, they are at the mercy of the healthcare system and, by default, the OP.

36. AnonymousDecember 23,2023 at 2:13AM UTC

    I agree private pay and home management doesn't usually work, but the appropriate spokesperson needs to hear all the choices!

37. surfnwriteDecember 20,2023 at 4:26PM UTC

    Everybody has a bad day every now and then. The fact you are remorseful is admirable and should actually make you feel better about the situation. Just do whatever you need to do to smooth it over, apologize, take responsibility, and move on. Try to learn techniques to manage stress so that you don't have these kinds of unplanned responses when someone is being difficult and acting poorly. A huge part of this is breathing-related.

38. GermFreeWriter63!December 20,2023 at 4:28PM UTC

    Simply put: You were clearly wrong on how you handled this. You lost your empathy and assumed who you were taking to on the other side of the phone was an a*****e and deliberately being mean to you. You provide what you believed was your justification: it was after 5pm, Friday and past your shift. So what? That entitles you to dismiss the desperation of a family? Professionally you were wrong. Ethically you were wrong. If you choose to deal with other families in this way, you need to either retire or look to work in another aspect of healthcare. I speak from experience and it seems that many people who have commented here must have the "Cadillac" healthcare plan plan that Congress has or healthcare provided by a union that allows to choose from an HMO or PPO. Having been a caregiver for both my parents, who had excellent health insurance and did not require approval at all for any diagnostics, assisted living facilities, hospitals, etc. (they were covered under my dad's union health insurance), I was sadly present when desperate families of elderly patients were in situations where this caller was at. Yelling is an expression of fear. What if there was no option for a family member to take FMLA or to go on paid or unpaid leave to care for this person? What if the information they received they had already anticipated receiving and they hoped that there was some way possible that things would work out for the caregiver? Social workers at hospitals and other facilities are supposed to understand this and hopefully be trained in what to do when scared patient advocates receive scary news. I am a public school teacher: Imagine what would happen to me if I had done exactly the same to a student, parent, both, or to the advocate of a student or a translator for a student's family on a Friday and cI chose to work after my union's contract hours? There is absolutely no excuse or justification for your horrible reactive behavior. Remember this the next time because you do not know what a family goes through with an ill and/or elderly/incapacitated family member. Sickening.

39. Chrissy Regan SmytheDecember 20,2023 at 5:41PM UTC

    Horrible reactive behavior? No person, in ANY service industry has to put up with that behavior. Honestly, the entitlement oozing from your comment is appalling. Did you even read past the “i hung up on..”..? She is clearly remorseful and clearly knows what families go through! It’s what she does for a living. That doesn’t mean she should be subjected to abusive languang or unreasonable demands.

40. Belen PerezDecember 20,2023 at 5:55PM UTC

    Being afraid is not an excuse for the family member's behavior. Yelling at her, not giving her any chance to respond, and screaming that she owes them (she does not owe them anything) is bullying and harassment and is not something OP should tolerate. I understand heightened emotions because of fear, and I also understand the difference between that and bullying. This was the latter.

41. Amanda HaasDecember 20,2023 at 6:19PM UTC

    If you worked in a call center, this abuse is hard to deal with. We usually tell them twice that if the person on the other line continues to yell, then I will disconnect the call. I have dealt with arrangements for a family member and even handling some hospice/nursing home things for my stepdad. I did not lose my composure. This is more of a reflection on the family. Plus, who would want their family to act this way? It has to be very stressful.

42. AnonymousDecember 20,2023 at 7:28PM UTC

    This is a terrible take. Abuse of customer service people shouldn’t be tolerated .

43. AnonymousDecember 20,2023 at 7:48PM UTC

    Wow! Where is your empathy? There is is no excuse for abusive behaviour towards healthcare professionals, or anyone else in customer care.

44. AnonymousDecember 20,2023 at 9:38PM UTC

    Empathy ends when someone starts bullying, yelling and being abusive.

    Pretty obvious you have never been in this situation however I bet you've been someone like the caller.

45. Abigail PiazzaDecember 21,2023 at 6:07PM UTC

    Absolutely not, they had no right to scream at her or be verbally abusive. She should’ve ended the conversation sooner.

46. Barbara BurkeDecember 22,2023 at 4:41PM UTC

    I agree; the caregiver was obviously stressed and worried about their family members care. This is something you should anticipate and be prepared for in your line if work especially considering the abysmal state of health care in this country. I also agree that all the smug replies to this post and yours are by people with Cadillac insurance or, more likely, people who have yet to face this issue themselves

47. AnonymousDecember 20,2023 at 4:54PM UTC

    Im not sure who you need help to manage the situation with. But, if its with your direct manager own that you lost your cool but let them know that you will not tolerate being yelled at. If it is with the client or their family member tell them exactly what you wrote here and with the details of whom you spoke with and do so in writing. Let them know that your role is to find the best supportive situation for their loved one and this one was the closest. If there is an issue with transportation for them to that location ask that question and see if there is support to help them get there. If not refer them elsewhere.

    Good luck and keep doing the hard job that you have despite this unfortunate situation. You deserve to be cared for too!

48. AnonymousDecember 20,2023 at 5:43PM UTC

    You didn’t swear or use abusive language despite the provocation. Simply saying the word no (even if loudly) hopefully made them think about their horrible attitude to you and I admire your restraint.

49. melanie ruskanDecember 20,2023 at 6:04PM UTC

    PERSONALLY, would haVe done the same .. well, actuallY a bit sooner.

    EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. NEXT TIME SOMEONE IS MANIPULATIVE, IT WILL BE EVEN EASIER TO JUS SAY ' NO '

    PS:- h'mmm, what is it You Owe to them, walKing papers,⁉️

50. AnonymousDecember 20,2023 at 6:08PM UTC

    I am so sorry you were mistreated like this and the negative comments were obviously from non-medical people who have no idea how horribly healthcare workers are treated. Why do you think there's a nursing shortage? Nurses leave the profession after a few short years because of the abuse. Take care of yourself and IGNORE these shortsighted, ignorant comments

51. Amanda HaasDecember 20,2023 at 6:29PM UTC

    Handling heightened emotions from a receiver stand point is hard.
    I hated working at a call center, but I learned a few things: mute, turning down the volume, and warning that you will disconnect the call if their behavior continues. I would also ask for their name, relationship to the patient. If it recorded, make sure it is said clearly. If not, document everything. Because this information can be useful for the facility that the patient has very verbally concerned family members. You do not deserve this treatment. From the family perspective, I have been through trying to find information with the VA, and knew that I needed time and space to think clearly. Perhaps, this family doesn’t know/acknowledge the gravity of the situation. But it is no excuse for blaming or yelling. If they call again, make a note then see if you can escalate it.

52. Kristie WhiteDecember 20,2023 at 7:48PM UTC

    Honestly, I don't think you did lose your cool. You yelled because it was the only way to be heard over the abusive behavior. The person on the other end was unloading their fear and frustration on you and you needed to defend yourself against the negative energy and withdraw. The only way I think you could have improved this response is by saying nothing and just disconnecting the call. Nothing you were saying was sinking in or being heard, so saying anything at all was only going to escalate the situation. Plus, a simple disconnection with no verbal response is easier to manage on the other end, i.e., with your manager. Alternatively, you could have put the caller on mute and walked away for about 5-10 minutes. When you return to the call, the call will have ended or the caller will have blown off some steam without you bearing the brunt of it. If the caller is still there, you can ask them if they are ready to calmly discuss the situation - but warn them that if they become abusive again you will end the call. Good luck! At the end of the day, we need you healthcare heroes and appreciate your commitment to your work and service to others. But we are often not at our best in these situations. Take care of yourself!

53. Lynn GardnerDecember 21,2023 at 3:00PM UTC

    It is unfortunate that cool minds wouldn’t prevail on the part of the patient and her/his family.

    In healthcare, everything we do, every move we make, impacts a patient life. The patient comes first, especially when they are seeking care. Yes, nurses have left in droves. Physicians have, too. We knew after the exodus following the pandemic that it would take several cycles of nursing/medical school to regain expected staffing. It’s a tough business to be in right now, no doubt.

    Here’s another example: The service desk of our national healthcare organization received a call from a nurse that a laptop needed to be fixed and the nurse demanded that it be entered as a Priority 1. Our technicians/service desk disregarded the priority request; there are other devices available to use on the floors. The issue was escalated; with the right folks involved and just a few questions, it was revealed that the nurse had a patient at “end of life”. The patient didn’t have family members present and there wasn’t time for them to get to the hospital. Using a laptop to visually connect the patient to the family was the only priority in this situation. The teams corrected the perspective and fixed the laptop in time.

    You have two dilemmas to consider/focus on. First, your commitment to patient care. You made a decision that the patient’s distress wasn’t yours to own. That lacks understanding and compassion in healthcare. Second, you must consider in all situations of this nature - professional or personal - whether you want to be part of a solution or continue the problem.

    You need support and your leader should provide it. Customer service experience is needed in healthcare now more than ever. If you want to ‘manage’ this situation, I would schedule time with your leader to review the call(s) and ask for suggestions/guidance. Ideally, you could have transferred the call to your leader…that’s what s/he is there for!

54. Abigail PiazzaDecember 21,2023 at 6:08PM UTC

    Risk management at your hospital may be able to guide you. In these situations I have previously said “this conversation is not going well, and you are continuing to yell. I’m going to hang up the phone until we can discuss this calmly.“ And then I hang up. Then I’m document what they said, and that I ended the conversation in this way. You do not have to take abuse.

55. AnonymousDecember 21,2023 at 7:34PM UTC

    Advise your boss so that he doesn’t hear it from the patient’s family and follow up as directed.

    I’d say that we all have our limits and that you reacted understandably (if not entirely professionally) after being repeatedly berated.

56. LORI-ANN BURLINGAMEDecember 21,2023 at 8:29PM UTC

    Unfortunately, it sounds like you were in a no-win sitation. Remember, you do not have to take verbal abuse from anyone. There are times when you are dealing with unreasonable people -- the only solution is to disconnect the call.

57. Farah BajwaDecember 22,2023 at 8:02PM UTC

    Yes we should be professionals but there are limits. I sadly work in an industry where my coworkers share how customers can become passive aggressive and attack them personally to a point they hang up on them. Women tend to feel more guilt in situations where we should not. You shouldn't feel guilty for protecting your boundaries, especially when your manager is aware of the situation. The caretaker was having a moment and that's not on you. They can call you back when they're more calm and ready to talk.

58. Bradford McCormickDecember 23,2023 at 7:48AM UTC

    This kind of situation is what bosses earn their paychecks to handle (or to pass it up to their bosses....). Your role is to do your best which it sounds like you ahve done and to be 100% polite, not raise your voice, not say anything to them tha tcould be used against you or your employer and if they keep harrassing you to keep repeating to them very politely what you have done for them and yes, please do contact my manager and best transfer the call or if you cn't do that apologize three times and if hey keep screaming at you what else can you do except hang up the phone?

    Very important: tape records it all and very politely tell them you are doing so. This cannot be let to go to "He said she said". Have the evidence.