Are there any other “mature” employees here?

Anonymous

December 14,2023 at 2:56PM UTC

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Are there any other “mature” employees here?

I’m 58 years old and work at a large University in HRIS. All my coworkers are decades younger than me. We all work remotely with the exception of having to go into the office one day a week. Other than me, there is one employee, who is my age, but she lives far and never comes into the office.

I am finding it difficult to assimilate to that generation. Imagine that <eye roll>. I know. A big age gap is tough. However, I feel I judge too quickly. I attempt to communicate and join in conversations. I’m a hip (or so I think I am) Generation X woman. Is it just me, or are the younger generations not learning manners? Being polite doesn’t take much. I don’t expect a “good morning” or “Hi! Have a great day”, but at least an acknowledgment that I exist.

Am I being too harsh? My daughter is a millennial and she knows how to participate in a conversation and ask others questions, etc. I do the same, but it’s all one-sided. My coworkers come across as narcissists. (I know narcissists as I was married to one for 20 years.). They all seem to try one-upping each other. The reason I ask about narcissism is because another employee from a different department called them out and said, “Wow! You all have such adventurous lives! Did you hear a word I just said?”. I struggled to hold back the chuckle that was about to spill from my mouth.

Curious if anyone else is struggling with this same thing? What did you do? Just keep moving? It’s depressing me some since I’m used to being social with my coworkers. I find myself not participating anymore since I feel they won’t care what I have to say anyway. Makes me want to find another position.

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AnonymousDecember 14,2023 at 3:22PM UTC
Yes, self-centered, gaslighting, ageist, mediocre jerks lacking even the most basic skills. I'm leaving and taking 6 months off to decide whether to work again. Have dealt with it in two companies. Have dead patients to show for it.
Erin Riebel, PMPDecember 14,2023 at 3:26PM UTC
From Boomers to Zoomers, you're going to find great communicators and narcissistic behavior in all generations. Selfishness knows no age. As a Millennial, I do agree with you that it can be hard to relate to the younger generation at times. My nieces use terminology I'd never understand on my own, and even make them explain it to me! Why do we need to say 'it's goochie,' what happened to 'it's good?!'
It sounds like you're making all the right efforts to be polite and engage with them on a personal and professional level. If they are the kind of people that feel the need to one up each other, let them live that kind of lifestyle. We're all working professional women and if we're not trying to build each other up and celebrate each other's wins, it's too late to teach them. Just keep your head up, and be your best self.
AnonymousDecember 14,2023 at 7:20PM UTC
Great advice. :)
AnonymousDecember 14,2023 at 3:58PM UTC
As a late Gen Xer (45), I can identify a little bit with the younger generations. I remember my first boss taking me aside and gently explaining that not saying hi every morning was rude. The truth was that I felt intimidated by all the older and more experienced workers around me. I wasn't introduced to anyone but my boss on my first day, who basically said "Here's your seat, a computer's been ordered for you". That was it. I put my best foot forward afterward and started talking to people despite being a huge introvert.
Companies themselves have become so disorganized and informal that they figure training is a waste; it's expensive and people are always coming in/out. It's a shame because things that seem like common sense are not always taught; in junior high we all had to take Home Economics, because some kids couldn't even boil water, much less know the difference between too much butter vs too many eggs in baked goods.
Working remotely doesn't help you get to know your coworkers, either. I consider internet friends to be actual friends (married one!), but asking about a complex issue over Slack doesn't have the same bonding experience as bending over the same computer. (Learned a bit of Spanish just sitting next to co-workers from Puerto Rico!)
Everything is hard these days and if I hadn't known the world before 9/11, the Great Recession, and Covid, I'd probably become a hermit.
AnonymousDecember 14,2023 at 4:29PM UTC
I'm 50 and sometimes forget I'm 50. Probably the individual I'm closest with at work is a good two decades younger than me. I traveled with another coworker earlier this year and over the course of conversation, I discovered that I was actually a few months older than her mom. For the most part, I wouldn't say I struggle with different generations (I honestly dislike the generalizations about each generation) but maybe different personalities. And there are some personalities that I struggle to interact with (and my face gives away how I feel about certain people).
Teena JonesDecember 14,2023 at 5:05PM UTC
Not sure if you have signed up for AARP yet but they have a platform which helps everyone deal with ageism. It is a learning experience to say the least for everyone. You have a unique advantage to show great character to the team you work with. No you are not too harsh some people learned manners and some did not in all generations. These are your co-workers not your family members so the best you can deliver is your professionalism and that will go a long long way.
AnonymousDecember 14,2023 at 5:18PM UTC
I am pushing 70 and adore working with all ages and feel it keeps me young and engaged.
I currently work with colleagues in their 20s and 30s primarily and I built my relationships slowly over about 3 years. I started by being helpful. When anyone was struggling with a process or understanding a task I came to them on the side to ask them if I could help clarify things or actually show them how I would approach. After forging a cooperative relationships I would ask to join the various groups at the Cafe downstairs for coffee. I shared baked goods on holidays and commented on their photos of travels etc. I make sure to be one of the first people to introduce myself to new hires or to show new hires around.
The Gen Z colleagues come to my aid first when I'm struggling and my millennial colleagues tend to see more boundaries in levels of titles so my being a senior title is my ticket with them.
Relationships work with authentic communication and openess. You need to be slow and allow for an almost organic growth. But it happens and is quite comfortable after you establish common ground.
I was invited to happy hour this Friday and a group holiday lunch next week.
AnonymousDecember 19,2023 at 1:19PM UTC
I’m curious - has it always been this way for you? I feel like younger generations “struggle” with people about 20 years younger than you are.
AnonymousDecember 19,2023 at 6:14PM UTC
Yes, I have a very adaptable personality which might help. I also watched my peers closely as we aged. There are some in my generation and younger that just got defensive and struggled growing old because they will not grow. They expected things to stay the same and some I've noticed are angry that age doesn't provide a built in respect so the blame youth. Privilege and access. They don't understand you still have to adapt and earn your place in society not just at work.
Attitude is everything in life and you will have a very difficult time aging if you don't embrace your role. I have to believe that is what has kept me enjoying my life and curious in my dealings with all ages.
Life doesn't have to be such a struggle. You can keep growing.
Explorer927564December 14,2023 at 5:20PM UTC
I often struggle with the same thing. I manage a shop of 20 people who seem to sit at their tables with their earbuds in an not acknowledge other people. Before Cell Phones were such a large thing this shop was a vibrant social place with music playing and people talking. I rarely get a hello from anyone when I walk into the room unless I actively engage and they have to take their earbuds out. I am considering banning them.
Susanne DowDecember 14,2023 at 6:33PM UTC
Gen z here,I mean on the fillip side that vibrant office sounds like a potential hell to me. Too much noise that could be distracting me from my work even smooth jazz or soft listening music can be annoying when I want and need quiet. I like either quiet or if I must noise I choose via my headphones. I recently relocated to another quieter office temporarily and I’m so thankful that when I don’t have my headphones in all I hear is silence and the occasional conversation sure but not near constant conversation that is distracting and don’t get me wrong I like engaging with people but I’m here to work and when it’s slow I’ll chat with people or when I’m training someone I’ll ask them questions about themselves but an environment where people are always talking does have its downsides. I’m going guess there were employees that felt that way during the “vibrant” days and of course said nothing because that was the environment that the majority enjoyed then. If having the headphones in isn’t a safety hazard frankly you won’t get the environment you want by forcing it. There are other ways to engage with employees then that. And some won’t ever be social at work and that’s okay its not you and it’s nothing wrong with them either you’re just different people.
Jodi PetersDecember 14,2023 at 7:10PM UTC
If you are only in the office one day a week i'd let it go.
Ellen SoehngenDecember 14,2023 at 7:42PM UTC
Be sure they don't have their earbuds in before talking to them. I work at a university with 20s and even younger people. I am constantly attempting conversations that they do not hear because of earbuds.
AnonymousDecember 14,2023 at 10:30PM UTC
My husband and I are both Gen X, my younger brother is a Millennial (he's also almost 8 years younger than me, he was our parent's unexpected surprise). I have a hard time relating to my younger brother at times being that we are from different generations, although just barely.
My husband is very outgoing and loves to be around people all most all the time. I on the other hand prefer not being around a lot of other people, and do a lot better with just being around my small group of friends that I'm very close to, as I'm highly introverted. I'm self-employed now as a bookkeeper, and I work from home which I love. I have worked jobs in the past where I have to be around others all day, and it's really not something I enjoy doing and find it highly overwhelming at times.
Knowing yourself is what is important, if you know you are someone that needs a lot of interaction with other people, I'd recommend maybe finding something that you could go and volunteer your time when you aren't at work, which would help fill your need to be around others.
My only coworker in our house is our senior dog, once my husband leaves for the day to go to work.
AnonymousDecember 14,2023 at 10:56PM UTC
This is something that happens with every generation. As an "old hippie" (aka Boomer), I grew up with "groovy" and "far out" as part of my vocabulary. Younger generations are always trying to prove themselves, and the older generations are always trying to prove that they "still have it." Clashes are bound to happen. The important thing is that each generation needs to understand and respect what they can learn from each other. That is the only way that things progress in a positive direction. You have gotten some excellent advice from the previous posters, and I am happy that this hasn't devolved into generational warfare.
AnonymousDecember 15,2023 at 1:42PM UTC
It is a general shift in the times. Try not to struggle with it but find peace in doing what makes you happy. I find a lot of the millenials are just so caught up in the "me me me" of today's society, they do not take time to nurture relationships with those who were raised in different times and have a different view of being polite and social with others.
AnonymousDecember 15,2023 at 3:34PM UTC
If they're trying to one-up each other, that could be anxiety rather than narcissism. Is there are cut-throat atmosphere that they twig to that you don't? Or perhaps they are the product of what I've seen in parenting this generation sometimes - they are praised or criticized existentially rather than for something they did. For example, instead of "that's a pretty drawing" they were told "you're a good artist." They know they're not good, and they whipped it out in a few minutes, and they know other children who churn out better art, so they know that nothing they're being told is actually true and they doubt their self-perceptions. Or... they believe that existential shallow praise and feel entitled to more of it as adults.
They are damaged and deserve empathy, though it's tough. On the other hand, baby boomers (like me) grew up with no praise at all and had to figure things out ourselves in a different way. I had a boss who was also a boomer who was reluctant to say anything positive or negative at all. Evaluations from her were just crap.
AnonymousDecember 15,2023 at 4:07PM UTC
I'll be 60 in less than 30 days. Definitely not a youngster. It's hard. Just do you, is my advice. I try not to worry about it but I feel a little self conscious with my grey hair and a little judgemental about those obviously fighting the grey war with Ms and Mr Clairol!
AnonymousDecember 19,2023 at 4:37AM UTC
I am 66 and work in a corporate role that is 100% remote. All corporate employees work remotely so there isn't the issue of not fitting in socially since the average in our department is 35-45 years old. Although I am hearing what others are saying, I have a much more positive take on my Millennial co-workers. Most of them are very hard workers, extremely diligent and do not act entitled in terms of their careers. Found the same at the company I worked for previously. Feel like I get respect and some confide in me on personal issues. If I needed to be onsite I am sure I would feel awkward about the age differences but that is not part of my situation, I suppose I should feel fortunate.
For those of you who are sitting in judgement of younger generations, my advice is to not let it bother you so much. Since we do not want them to stereotype us we probably should go easier on them. As one writer said, it is a weakness in those individuals. Good luck everyone.