good morning. Your post touched my heart. I can hear the alternating despair, anger and hope/renewal. Been there/done that. 5 years ago, I walked into a meeting and was given severance papers...I was the highest producer in my dept, worked above and beyond. Long story, and the company eventually got bought out. Your emotions resonate with me. This was a tough lesson that I had to learn: Corporate America DOES NOT CARE. the entire experience resulted in me becoming more guarded, and pessimistic about the work world...and I also, viscerally, have learnt how critically important it is to develop hobbies/interest/peers and a support system outside o work...Because yes, you'll initially get calls and support but then... radio silence. You have been rolled over a hillside and dumped. That's how it is experienced. And yes, the employment hunt is EXHAUSTING. I told my husband that i sensed it's like climbing up an icy hill...you're moving up, then you slip back down...on and again and again and again...as you hope that SOMEONE will interview you, provide an opportunity to work. It's humiliating, humbling, tiring, and it hurts. I am still angry 5 years later....you may be angry over many years and understand this is NORMAL....you experience betrayal and realize they were NOT loyal to you in the end. And so....What to do? Well, here was/is my experience--- Spend time VOLUNTEERING-- at school/church/homeless shelter, anywhere that you have interest. This will get you out o your own head...you will make new connections with people who CARE about humanity...do this please. Bake a cake and take it to that neighbor who has Breast Cancer. Visit your aging parents, repair lost buttons, collect recycling, volunteer at your child's school...do not waste time. Realize that work acquaintances are rarely going to stay in touch. only a small number will do so; people are insular and don't want to know/see your hurt. They want to do their own thing and hope it doesn' thappen to them... Another mental construct I accepted was that I might "never" make the money , or have the position o power, that I had previously. this has played out in my situation--and it has shown me a side to living that I did not know/understand in the past. I'm sorry about this part o the experience, but it is SO...I am a spiritual person, so I prayed alot. At one despairing point, I told God "I'll live on nothing, i that's what you want -- in order or me to grow in new ways"....In other words, I had to literally "give up" my notions about how work and livelinehood would be post - employment loss....Because nothing was working out. Now, I work two days/week....we live on 4O% o what I made 5 years ago....i scrambled to get something and it's part time....It's been an interesting mental trip...but I have learned ALOT.....made new connections, playing the piano more, my garden at home is doing GREAT....I shop at Dollar Tree, volunteer, and would not trade what I've learnt/experienced at all...it's a sucky experience to go thru, but my world is bigger as a consequence. God bless and you'll be ok. your emotions are NORMAL....keep reaching out. We're here to help.
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