How to handle feelings of unmotivation and discouragement at work?

Anonymous

November 10,2023 at 2:05PM UTC

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How to handle feelings of unmotivation and discouragement at work?

this is my first major job out of college and I’ve been at the company almost 2 years. I’ve been feeling extremely unmotivated for months, and just overall discouraged. I’ve struggled heavily with my mental health with this job. And felt discouraged because I’m not understanding the information like I should.

when I got hired, my former manager stated I would be the SME for a software that we use heavily. I asked her multiple times if I could be trained on it ( through a class). And she said that it’s better to just shadow the other team members to learn, and that the class training was not very good. Each time I asked her she declined me to get the classroom training. Since then I’ve had to learn the software through shadowing. But there is only so much I can learn by watching others, and when people ask me for help. I often times don’t feel equipped to help them like I should. I have taken notes, but it is difficult to really become useful through limited knowledge of shadowing.

This former manager when I started also stated multiple times that maybe engineer isn’t for me and I should look for another team.

I have never felt confident in this role. I still feel like I need to know more. But this whole experience I felt had made my colleagues see me as incompetent for a while. I’ve lost hope in myself really learning this software. And lost interest.

this experience, along with some other experiences I had with my colleagues, has just made me feel imcompenent, stupid and discouraged. I have no joy learning my job. I’ve been struggling to get work done. And I know I’m capable of good work 100 %. It’s just been hard for me to give my best when I don’t think I’m capable of learning the material and my colleagues probably think the same too.

my work ethic has suffered terribly. Just looking for advice

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Kristen JettNovember 10,2023 at 3:20PM UTC
Hey friend, I just want to reach out with the most compassion and love. Your mental and physical health come first, and I want to make sure that you're taking your meds and going to your appointments.
It sounds like this job isn't a good fit for you because they can't/won't provide the kind of training You've asked for. We all learn differently and if your manager doesn't know that, they're not a very good manager. Just a consideration, there might be an online class or forum that you can take or learn the information on during your own time to make you feel more confident.
In the meantime, make sure you're being kind to yourself and doing some good self care as well as looking for a better job!
AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 3:25PM UTC
Is this software something that has been highly customized to make generic training inappropriate for your particular organization? Can you pursue the training through Google, LinkedIn, or other training platforms? Does the software vendor offer training, and if so, what is the cost? These are things to look into, and then take a plan and cost advantage back to your boss to see if he can pay for or let you expense the training. Factor in the lost productivity because you have never been adequately trained. Since you were expected to be the SME, you may even offer to build a training manual for any new hires. It may be a bit late because your boss may think you should have figured some things out after two years.
KatNovember 10,2023 at 3:38PM UTC
You aren't stupid or incompetent! You've been stuck in a bad work situation with a terribly unsupportive manager. Not everyone learns by shadowing others, especially for something hands on like a software program. Your manager refused to let you take a class and said you should look for another team. A good manager would support you and encourage you to learn and develop your skills. That's not happening here, which isn't on you. Do what you can to keep up with your current job while looking for new opportunities. Learn about the software on your own, either by taking a class yourself or by using online tutorials/classes. It's time to reflect on what you like to do, what your skills are and where you want to go in your career. Read books, take assessment tests, ask your friends and colleagues for advice on what your next step could be. Once you identify what your strengths are and what area you'd like to pursue, start looking for a job in that area. It doesn't have to be at your current company if there's not a team that's a better fit. While it may take some time to identify the next step, know that where you are isn't permanent. You deserve a job that makes you feel engaged and supported. Good luck!
AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 3:50PM UTC
I was exactly where you are earlier the yeae.
I struggled for almost 3 months knowing after the first month that it was not the place for me. I took the advice on this board and started looking for another job and was fortunate to find a great one and I'm loving it after 4 months. It aligns with my goals, skills and career plans. I'm loving my colleagues, I make 25% more and am in line for a good bonus.
Please don't believe it is anything more than a very bad fit. You need to be happy.
AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 4:33PM UTC
You are not incompetent and stupid.
Your current company has not trained you properly, despite your reasonable requests.
Is it possible for you to pay for your own training and attend during PTO?
You can also re-examine your career goals and look for greener pastures.
AnonymousNovember 11,2023 at 9:43PM UTC
Shadowing does not work for learning.
As a SME I assume you will be responsible for testing changes, so there should be test system available. I suggest you request that access and run through test scripts which I hope exist for you. There should also be training docs available that you can use in conjunction with test scripts. This is the only way to help you unless you are actually in the weeds doing the work.