Pregnant & stressed!

24 Comments

1. AnonymousJanuary 15,2024 at 1:33PM UTC

   I say this with all love and support but keep in mind your body is going through it right now. Some of these feelings may be being influenced by hormonal changes and response changes that are genuinely outside of your control. I would avoid making a major life change before you are through the one you are currently going through. If you have concerns about the baby focus on getting a doctors recommendation and a note if needed about reducing some expectations.

2. AnonymousJanuary 15,2024 at 3:38PM UTC

   Thank you so much for your kind & helpful response, will give it some thought x

3. CEJNYCJanuary 15,2024 at 1:38PM UTC

   A child is forever. A job rarely is. From your description, this job does not sound like it's meeting your career goals. Nor does it sound like a supportive place. Given that this job is stressful for you, it is also likely impacting the health of your unborn child. It is always hard, for anyone, to balance your family and your life.

   You sound like you have the ability and confidence to strike out on your own - & that doing so will likely meet your longer term goals. Take a hard look at your finances. Compromises will be inevitable. Do you have enough to make it through your pregnancy and the first few months of your child's life, considering that your husband will also be bringing in some income? Will you have the medical insurance you need to get through all of this? & definitely figure in the costs of medical expenses when doing this evaluation. COBRA only goes so far - & is expensive.

   There are no perfect solutions. Be brutally honest with yourself and your husband when making these decisions. Wishing you all the best!!

4. AnonymousJanuary 15,2024 at 3:38PM UTC

   Thank you so so much! A lot to think about x

5. carolina girlJanuary 15,2024 at 1:39PM UTC

   Stress is VERY BAD for that poor baby you’re carrying. You need to think about your health and that unborn child. You need to cut down your hours or find another job. Your husband needs to carry the load ! NOT YOU!

6. AnonymousJanuary 15,2024 at 1:41PM UTC

   Perhaps your partner can take a break with the startups and help out more financially for now. Surely your health and that of the baby's is worth a delay of a year in his startup. Working on several startups imight not be in your family's best interest at the moment. Your stress and demands being the breadwinner can certainly impact your pregnancy and peace of mind during this important time.

7. Nan Burgess-WhitmanJanuary 15,2024 at 1:59PM UTC

   The bottom line is your health and your baby. Being stressed right now is certainly not helping. I understand the financial dilemma, but I have always been one to believe that you take care of yourself and family first, and perhaps you need to reconfigure your finances. Save while you are working, or strategize differently. You won't ever regret it.

8. AnonymousJanuary 15,2024 at 3:39PM UTC

   Very helpful and kind, thank you Nan!

9. Emily ChangJanuary 15,2024 at 3:00PM UTC

   I was soooo tired in my 1st trimester, so definitely keep in mind that is probably accentuating your feelings around work! Also worth talking to your doctor if your anxiety levels are too high - there ARE pregnancy-safe meds to help with this! Similarly, consider getting a therapist to talk to as you're prepping for such a big life change!

   But it sounds like the boundaries at work aren't being respected, either. I would try to work with my boss to make sure we're on the same page for expectations and see if there are additional accommodations (can you WFH more?). With that said, take a look at your company's policies: short term disability, long term disability, Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) applicability, and paid parental leave. STD can sometimes be applied with a doctor's note to take some time off at half pay with your insurance. A paid maternity policy is also important to understand for your financial future.

   Once you understand these options, then revisit staying at your job or not. I would be really hesitant to start a new thing, but that's based on my personal level of risk I'm willing to take (starting a new business sounds like a ton of work). If you're planning on working - at your current or new company - you're still going to need some amount of additional help like daycare, but maybe one will offer more necessary flexibility?

10. AnonymousJanuary 15,2024 at 3:40PM UTC

    Thank you so much for your time and detailed, kind response. Got a lot to think about and plan towards. Thanks again!

11. Cierra GrahamJanuary 15,2024 at 3:38PM UTC

    Hi OP - congrats on your growing family! There's a lot here to consider. First, have you spoken with your doctor or a licensed therapist? Pregnancy hormones can trigger anxiety and exacerbate stress. Not to mention that the 1st trimester is just rough! We're exhausted, sick, stressed, etc. People at work asking for more than the energy we can give can send us over the edge. This may pass, but you may need support to do this.

    Second, please speak with a financial advisor before making long-term financial decisions. Preferably someone who understands women with careers. Our financial outlook changes drastically with children. We tend to live longer than men, have complex healthcare needs, and thus need to plan differently. A financial advisor can help you figure out how to configure the life you want without sacrificing money you now need to sustain a growing family while supporting your personal financial goals.

    Lastly, be open with your husband about your feelings. I love the startup world, but he may need to consider more stable work to share the load. There are options, but you cannot solve all these concerns yourself or expect to be the only one making significant changes and compromise.

    I hope this helps. You are not alone and you're doing great to think ahead like this. Best wishes to you both as you navigate parenthood!

12. Dalia JuryJanuary 15,2024 at 3:53PM UTC

    Health comes first. Always. What good is any of this if you can’t enjoy it?

13. AnonymousJanuary 15,2024 at 5:27PM UTC

    Congratulations on having a baby!!! Excellent news. Don’t quit your day job. The benefits, family leave and all the other extras are extremely hard to come by in “your own business “. You’re going to need the medical dental 401k and steady income. You can curtail your hours as you get deeper into your pregnancy if your doctor deems it necessary. For now stop stressing yourself out and do your best at work and enjoy this special time. Sounds like you’re a bit of a perfectionist and are probably putting undue pressure on yourself.

14. AnonymousJanuary 16,2024 at 1:53PM UTC

    Do you have any underlying health conditions that are of a concern? What is the nature of your work? I really don't think it would be a good idea for you to jump ship before baby arrives when you are the primary bread winner. What sort of business are you looking to start?

15. AnonymousJanuary 16,2024 at 3:25PM UTC

    You have three main stresses - workload; finances; and pregnancy.

    Most important main concern should be our mental and physical health.

    Talk with HR and see want they have for stress. Try some techniques to find what works for you.

    Where possible get some exercise.

    Workload stress - stay positive, prioritize, forget work when you arrive home,

    Maintain positive communication with your supervisor and workmates.

    Your husband. Busy men do not recognize hints. Tell your husband when you need a foot, shoulder or back rub.

    Don't forget adult play time.

16. AnonymousJanuary 17,2024 at 12:27AM UTC

    Decide what is important in your life from here on out, how to manage stress etc, and stack rank how you will attend to the things that matter most. Then you can decide what to do.

17. AnonymousJanuary 17,2024 at 1:17AM UTC

    I'm wondering why your husband is allowing you to shoulder the burden of sole breadwinner? Several startups? That is insane. Most startups are built in a founders spare time while working to support a family. You don't place the burden of supporting a.family on your partner while you tinker away. In that case you are supporting the family 100% and funding the startups with your efforts. Who allows their pregnant partner to do that?

18. Kristin BurnsJanuary 17,2024 at 2:25PM UTC

    I'll agree with the others to not quit your day job now. Find ways to scale back to a reasonable time and stress level to keep you healthy. Take maternity leave that you have earned and once you return, look for a job or start a small business on the side until it can replace your day job. You have chosen to be the steady, benefits-providing member of the household FOR NOW, but that doesn't mean it should be forever. Talk with you husband about when it will be your turn to take chances and he be the steady member of your household. Otherwise you will resent the choices you are making and feel like there is no end.

19. AnonymousJanuary 17,2024 at 2:46PM UTC

    You and your husband need to be on the same page. You and your baby's health is paramount. You do what's best for you and yours.

20. AnonymousJanuary 17,2024 at 7:54PM UTC

    Your husband needs to be financially responsible. He can do that by earning a living and providing for the family. He can work on his startups in his free time.

    When he gets funded in his angel investor stage he can decide to work full time on those big ideas. Until then he should prioritize his family.

21. AnonymousJanuary 18,2024 at 12:28AM UTC

    Why is your family's financial survival on you? He isn't even legitimately funded yet. If he wants to not work then he needs to spread his responsibility around to more than just you. Perhaps his family can pitch in to cover their son's portion of his responsibility. Because it's a hobby until your husband is fully funded. It's not your hobby.

22. Paulla Fetzek, MSEdJanuary 18,2024 at 2:00PM UTC

    Firstly, I'm sorry you're stressed. Second, I disagree with other posters who state that your husband has to "step up" and take care of his family. From your post, it sounds like he's trying to do just that.

    Do you have a small business in mind? There are companies out there willing to fund start ups - JP Morgan, Setscale to name a few. You could also consider creating a gofundme campaign.

    Do you have the opportunity to ask for help at work giving you a break on the hours?

23. AnonymousJanuary 19,2024 at 4:06AM UTC

    Thanks so much Paulla! My husband and I have discussed his work situation. He’s honestly very understanding and as a team we had previously agreed to give these business opportunities of his everything he’s got. Things have started opening up already in the past couple days for him to earn more. I’ve chatted to my boss twice since coming back from Christmas break about the stress I’m feeling. The first time he said the rest of my team will assist, but since that conversation we’ve had more meetings…where more has been put on my plate. A lot of which requires forward, innovative thinking, and if I’m honest I don’t feel like I have it in me right now. I had a panic attack yesterday because of the stress. My second conversation was less fruitful. My boss took 1 thing off my plate, which was the easiest of them all.

    I’ve been told for years that I can use my creativity to sell bespoke products. I’m very creative and this is something I’ve wanted to do for so long, but was fearful I’d fail. I’m feeling more confident now, and feel as though any “stress” from starting something I’m actually passionate about is worth it compared to what I’m currently going through.

    I spoke to my doctor yesterday, as I was concerned the panic attack and stress would’ve affected the baby. He told me I should take care of myself, and consistent stress isn’t healthy for the baby. I know somethings got to change.

24. Ayur careMarch 22,2025 at 5:24AM UTC
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