I think my coworkers hate me

70 Comments

1. AnonymousAugust 28,2023 at 11:48PM UTC

   Am I reading this correctly that you’re considering resigning from a job because you’re not on a group chat? Who gives a shit if you don’t get real time updates on the weekend. This is a professional role, not high school. Move on and remain focused on being a high performer in your role.

2. AnonymousAugust 29,2023 at 2:47AM UTC

   I think she means a WORK group chat as in Teams Messenger. That is my take on it anyways.

3. AnonymousAugust 29,2023 at 12:57PM UTC

   She said iMessage, not Teams. It sucks to not be included but I would not resign over it. Just do your job, be friendly and professional. They'll either like you or won't but that's out of your control if you just be yourself.

4. T MNAugust 29,2023 at 1:11PM UTC

   EXACTLY!

5. AnonymousAugust 29,2023 at 1:08AM UTC

   I don't participate in any social media other than Facebook (family connections) and LinkedIn (professional relationships), and I don't disparage anyone for connecting with me or not. I refuse to participate in Instagram, SnapChat, or Twitter because social media can quickly take over my life if I let it. I'm also 67 years young if that makes any difference. I can also run tech circles around the best because I spent my first career in IT. If it bothers you that much, can't you send them a request to join or ask them to send you an invitation? One sad truth about the work environment is that you will always work with people who don't like you. If you quit every time you discover one, you will spend most of your life unemployed.

6. AnonymousAugust 29,2023 at 11:22AM UTC

   Quit over a nonwork group chat? Yes, that's NOT being inclusive, but call them out on that and get added. You can also share 'hey if it's not work related and work communication isn't shared on there, I'm good about not being added'. You could have also said in the moment, 'Hey even I know that 15 people doesn't max out a group chat, add me'. Build those relationships.

7. Valerie RiegerAugust 29,2023 at 12:54PM UTC

   I wouldn't quit. Is the group chat a work communication method? If so, approach the manager or IT to have you added. If it's a personal communication tool, let it go. As I tell every new employee and remind existing employees - "You won't like everyone you work with and everyone won't like you. But the good news - we don't pay you to like each other. We pay you to work together. You don't have to hang out together. You don't have to have lunch together. Take care of our customers and you'll be okay."

8. AnonymousAugust 29,2023 at 1:06PM UTC

   Yes, quit today.

9. AnonymousAugust 29,2023 at 1:09PM UTC

   I would not desire to be on a work group chat. I have no desire to be best friends with my coworkers. Those who I form a bond with. I communicate with via email or personal text. Group chats get a nit juvenile and I have no time for the drama that usually follows. Consider yourself lucky for not being included.

10. Shelly EdwardsAugust 29,2023 at 1:14PM UTC

    No you should not quit. In life there are going to be people who like you and people who don’t. It sucks to not be in the group chat and it’s pretty mean girl immature behavior. I understand that. But you need to be strong in who you are and focus on you and your job. Have you heard the phrase “let them”? If they want to be jerks, let them. If they want to exclude you, let them. You focus on you and your priorities and you will shine in your own ways. Never let mean girls make you quit. Let them be them and you rise above.

11. Sarah BordersAugust 29,2023 at 2:03PM UTC

    Your coworkers like you, and if they didn’t, that in and of itself wouldn’t be a reason to quit. You can always work on working relationships when you need to, particularly when you have a job that you otherwise love.

    It’s clear the one coworker—who sought you out on his day off—assumed you were on the group chat, or he wouldn’t have asked whether you saw the picture.

    As for iMessage, there are limits imposed by Apple—I think it’s 10 for SMS groups (mix of iPhone and Android) and maybe three times that when everyone has an iPhone. I’m assuming that not everyone uses an iPhone because that would be statistically unusual, unless y’all work at Apple.

    But on top of iPhone limits, some carriers impose limits to protect customers from what they perceive as spam.

    To get around this, you could suggest an actual group chat (not a group text), using a third party platform, and there are SO MANY out there. Slack, WhatsApp, Group.me, Google chats, or even Teams are all good options for casually connecting with your coworkers, which I 100% believe is important.

12. AnonymousAugust 29,2023 at 2:25PM UTC

    First, I'm sure your coworkers like you just fine. Second, you may want to consider being left out of that group chat as a blessing, clearly, there is no discretion in regard to what's posted in that chat in relation to what's considered appropriate work place fodder. Not being in that chat means never having to worry about if someone is going to show YOUR picture to someone not in the chat and whatever drama that may cause.

13. AnonymousAugust 29,2023 at 3:32PM UTC

    Gossip has no place in the workplace. Stay out of the group chat it's for the best. If you truly need that much love from your co-workers or you will quit then it's time to look at how you value yourself against this type of silly nonsense. You should value yourself more.

14. AnonymousAugust 29,2023 at 5:10PM UTC

    Stay out of the chats. Anything you say CAN and WILL be used against you.... regardless how positive it is.

15. AnonymousAugust 29,2023 at 8:45PM UTC

    You need some tough love...

    You're not in high school...stop acting like it. This co-worker is trying to stir the shit. Stay out of it. Don't stoop to his/their level.

    And who cares if they don't like you. You're not there for a popularity contest. You're there to do a job. Do it and do it well.

16. AnonymousAugust 29,2023 at 11:37PM UTC

    All of this!

17. AnonymousAugust 30,2023 at 11:19AM UTC

    I avoid work cliques like the plague. Outside of "good morning ', I keep to myself

18. AnonymousAugust 30,2023 at 11:25PM UTC

    My thoughts exactly. To the original poster if you don’t mind me asking how old are you? To go such extremes over a group chat, especially amongst colleagues, not close friends or family, is very young minded in my opinion. So if you’re very young which I hope you are, don’t sweat it like everyone said work is work be grateful to NOT be included. If you’re older, then with this mindset I’d sit back and take inventory about myself rather than being left out of some text messages

19. maria roseAugust 29,2023 at 9:43PM UTC

    Work related chat group occur on a work connected device not personal devices. What was described in this circumstance appears to be a non-work related group. If this was a work chat group then every single employee would be included and they don’t exchange gossip but talk about work related issues.

20. MislynAugust 30,2023 at 11:02AM UTC

    Ya sounds like they did that intentionally I would question it. I added my bosses and their family’s to fb just so I can see their glamours lives. Then I realized I didn’t need them seeing my personal stuff so I blocked them. Work is work personal is personal.

21. Jennifer Fay Bogar-RichardsonAugust 30,2023 at 12:45PM UTC

    Hate is a strong word. How do you come to that conclusion based off of being omitted from a group chat? Perhaps they’re friends outside of work and that’s perfectly ok. As long as you’re being treated fairly and respectfully at work, that’s all that matters. I wouldn’t want to be a part of something I’m not welcomed to. If you left the job, would you keep in touch with them? If the answer is no, then stop putting any energy into the group chat issue.

22. Hilary GrayAugust 30,2023 at 12:47PM UTC

    You could be the ripest peach on the tree and there will always be someone who doesn't like peaches. Don't sweat it; as long as you're not being mistreated, there's no reason to quit.

23. AnonymousAugust 30,2023 at 1:26PM UTC

    Don't quit and don't spend even one more second worrying about not being on some group chat that is not an official part of your job. That group chat sounds like some high school clique BS. Honestly, be happy you are not involved in it. The people on that group chat are not the people who will help you with your career. Put you energy into building professional relationships with the people who can help you grow your career both in your company and outside of it. Continue to be pleasant and professional with all your co-workers but channel your energies and attention to the relationships that will help you in your career.

24. AnonymousAugust 30,2023 at 1:36PM UTC

    I just have one question - if you're not in the chat, how are you so sure what platform the group chat is hosted on? Unless your coworker specifically said "on iMessage"?

    I quickly Google searched group chat limits, and while yes, the limits are on the higher end for most trendy platforms, "no limit" is not true.

    As someone else mentioned, a group with all iMessage users has a limit of 32, a group with a mix of iMessage and other users has a limit of 10. Just by this alone, assuming that all not all 10 users are iPhone, if you're a maximum of 15, that's already over the limit of 10.

    Another popular platform is Discord, and Discord has a maximum of 15. If this is the platform, and even if you are a maximum of 15 employees, this may not be a work-related group chat, and there may already be others (workplace alumni who remained friends, or maybe someone introduced their friends to each other, etc) in the chat, taking up those slots.

    Even Slack has a group chat limit of 9.

    WeChat and WhatsApp have essentially "no limit" (500 and 1024, respectively). Instagram and Teams each have a limit of 250. So, if for whatever reason, and the group chat is hosted on one of these 4 platforms (or one with capability of 15+), I take back the above comments, especially if it is a work-related group chat via Teams.

    Some people believe that work is work, and personal is personal, and like others have mentioned, if you're not being mistreated otherwise, why jump to the extreme of quitting?

25. AnonymousAugust 30,2023 at 1:46PM UTC

    Like others said, you are there to work. If you make friends there, great but it’s not the end of the world. One question- why did your coworker stop by on his day off? That tells me he and the other coworkers don’t have much going on outside of work. I think you were done a huge favor being left off the groupchat. A lot of these so called work friendships usually fade out when they move on to other jobs, I have seen it happen many times. Spend time outside of work hanging out with your friends, hobbies and whatever you enjoy doing. If I cared what every coworker thought of me, I would of been through so many jobs. Unfortunately most workplaces are like high school. Some are worse than others. Try not to let it get to you. Sometimes it can be annoying but that’s why it’s important to have a life outside of work. At the end of the day, you are there to get a paycheck.

26. AnonymousAugust 30,2023 at 2:26PM UTC

    Hate you? Quit? Echoing what others have said here - this feels extreme. I wouldn’t take it personally.

27. Molly GreenwoodAugust 30,2023 at 6:09PM UTC

    If you are in America, I would watch my ps and as. All workplaces in America are run narcissistically with others following… each workplace is like a mini cult and if they feel you pose any risk (could be anything and doesn’t take much tk make the average American feel threatened) your done for… your scapegoated and outed. Yet, this is the BEST country in the world and we are such mature individualists!! ???? and no you are t there to work. Your there to play a social game and if your bad at it your outed.

28. AnonymousAugust 30,2023 at 8:13PM UTC

    Wow…you put into words what I have been thinking all my working life! I hate the damn games and the “Toxic Positivity!” it is enough to make me want to throw up! Good old USA, HA!

29. AnonymousSeptember 2,2023 at 2:39PM UTC

    At a prior place, we had Zoom trivia calls that were more political than fun. I used to randomly guess answers and won a water bottle and a lanyard....both went to Goodwill. I couldn't care less.

    I'm polite and friendly but HATE the gossip of 40 and 50 somethings. Because I keep my overall distance other than "have a good weekend", I'm excluded.

    Their loss

30. AnonymousAugust 30,2023 at 8:40PM UTC

    Girl you are spot on. Spot on. I am scapegoated all the time. Always cultish behavior. Its embarrasing isn't it? What you get hired (skills) isn't the main job anymore. Its politics and cry babies.

31. Colleen CainAugust 30,2023 at 11:03PM UTC

    This is so accurate

32. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 1:24PM UTC

    This is so true. The culture in America is so immature and toxic. We've had great thinking and wonderful ingenuity at times in our history but we just keep shooting ourselves in the foot with this narcissistic, winner takes all crap. Depressing.

33. AnonymousSeptember 1,2023 at 1:45AM UTC

    Well said!

34. AnonymousAugust 30,2023 at 8:38PM UTC

    I personally don't think you should care because its a blessing in disguise to not be on a work text group (keeps you out of the drama and politics) Keeps you focused on your job. I would not get caught up in that.

35. AnonymousSeptember 1,2023 at 2:50PM UTC

    Also keeps you from being "on the clock" 24/7.

36. Anna L GarciaAugust 31,2023 at 12:05AM UTC

    Personally making friends at work has never been a goal for me, mostly because I saw what it did to folks in the office when drama or rumors hit. But the few I invested in are great friends 20 years later. You may be the lucky one and unless you are unhappy or in a toxic or dangerous environment quitting shouldn’t be your first action.I sometimes would cut myself out based on my own actions, so do a self awareness check and take steps to be inclusive so that others include you as well. If it hasn’t been mentally or emotionally draining, may not be anything you need to focus energy on. Either way, always best to focus on you, your goals, desired outcome and act accordingly.

37. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 3:22AM UTC

    Same. I could write a book on all the inappropriate things that go on in mine office lol. I like being alone

38. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 1:00PM UTC

    The behavior sounds intentional, and like you might be working in a small group that formed a clique that you're being excluded from? If that's case, I don't think it's so easy to just carry on and do your work, if a team mentality is part of the job and you're being cut out of the social aspects like group chats, you are being singled out. No they're not friends, they are work colleagues, but no need to exclude others which is awful.

    Also sounds like a power & control play, so unfortunate you have to navigate such a b.s. environment for "work", but Is there a 'leader' in that group? Usually one or two toxic people in those environments try to run the show and decide who's in or out. If there's one person you can talk to, maybe try to approach them and let them know it made you feel uncomfortable. Or if one of them has any kind of human qualities, like kindness or compassion, try them.

    I don't know your b/g but many people are highly sensitive to these toxic kinds of actions because of past bullying or abuse, so if you are feeling affected in this way, probably best to start looking elsewhere for another job & set some firm boundaries (if possible) at this one. They don't have to be your friends, but you still deserve to be treated with respect and as part of a team, if that's what they're selling. If you find the exclusion hurtful or unkind and are able to say that to someone, it might pave the way for better communication, or make you feel better (more important) while you look for another job if that's possible.

    Earlier life experiences with abuse and trauma have made it very difficult for me to navigate these kind of toxic people and environments, so i tend to avoid them at all costs (i run my own company).

    I hope it gets better for you. No "job" is worth the stress, take care of yourself first!

39. Kimberly AnneAugust 31,2023 at 3:44PM UTC

    One of the most insightful and very honest answer I read in a very long time. Thank you from someone who grew up in a very toxic environment and still deals with this at 58.

40. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 6:51PM UTC

    Me too, which is why i see it for what it is. Take care of yourself, you are valuable.

41. Megan RussellAugust 31,2023 at 1:15PM UTC

    I feel like I need way more context here. I work in an office of five people. If the four of them had a group chat without me, I would take issue with it. If it's a building of 500, then obviously not. I also am much different than the other people who have responded - I do enjoy making friendships at work and many of my closest friends are people who I once worked with. I don't think there's anything wrong with being upset about it, but I do believe wanting to quit is an extreme overreaction. But again, I would need way more information to be able to provide an adequate answer.

42. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 6:36PM UTC

    This is a great point! Lots of the advice here ascribes nefarious intent to the coworkers, and that really isn’t clear from the information given.

43. Kym KingAugust 31,2023 at 1:52PM UTC

    Don't quit that's what they want, do u love ur job? If so they don't matter f em. I've been there & it's because they hating on u, they can't stand ur aura so a man comes & tries to make u feel inadequate. Why even mention a group chat to u he knew u wasn't in it. They r trying to make u uncomfortable if it's not messing wit ur work keep working & go home & be wit the ones who truly love u. Those "coworkers" r a mere spect in ur life. Hope u r able to continue to work without stress.

44. Jennifer WuolletAugust 31,2023 at 1:53PM UTC

    Form your own group of friends and group chat with people you want in it. At the end of the day this isn't worth you quitting over if you like the work. I've been in a lot of places where I have been blatantly excluded from groups mainly because I am the only female, and even when I tried to make friends with the other females, I was excluded because I was an engineer and not office staff. So I form my own groups and keep things inclusive. I was in a situation where I was blatantly excluded from things, to my face, and the person who was so rude told her replacement when she quit how I was the only cool female that worked there. Just because someone excludes you apparently doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you. I honestly was shocked but you never know what people are actually thinking.

45. CassandraAugust 31,2023 at 2:00PM UTC

    They are coworkers. Coworkers do not have to be friends.

46. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 2:05PM UTC

    Why would you quit because they dont want to socialize with you about non-work related items?

47. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 2:05PM UTC

    Watch for signals! the answer is super simple

    Start by figuring out whether you lack excitement about the bigger picture or the day-to-day activities. “When people ask me how things are going, my standard response is that I love what I’m doing, which doesn’t mean that I like it on any given day,” says Schlesinger. 'Trust what your gut is telling you. No one should have the pit in your stomach feeling about work.

48. Marilyn FloresAugust 31,2023 at 2:13PM UTC

    I know for iMessage the maximum is 21 people. I had to create a discord to include everyone on a message forum so information could be spread widely and no one would be upset about iPhone/Samsung/Android drama lol. I wouldn’t take it as far as quitting unless you found a better-paying job. If they are not socializing with you about non-related work subjects that's okay. Yes, it would be great to pass the time at work but it's not the end of the world. What is the culture like at work as a whole?

49. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 2:13PM UTC

    I wouldn't worry about if they like you or not, it's probably best that you are not on the group chat, lots of rumors and gossip that you don't want to be involved in.

50. AnonymousSeptember 1,2023 at 3:06AM UTC

    Most don’t like themselves I have learned and some just take their insecurity out on others.

51. Bradford McCormickAugust 31,2023 at 2:54PM UTC

    Do you like your work? Is anybody really causing you problems?

    If the answers are yes, no, then why are you so concerned?

    You should not "quit" in any case. Maybe if you feel uncomfortable and you do not think the situation will resolve, then maybe you should seek a new position in a more congenial place and then give them notice. But don't harm yorself.

    If they are interfering with your work and you do competent work, then confront them. They are making you feel uncomfortable but you hav e done nothing wrong? Then make them feel uncomfortable instead?

    It almost sounds from your posting like they are making you feel ashamed of yourself of something. Maybe they don't even think about how they are making you feel bad? aybe they just don't care? Or maybe they are trying to gaslight you?

    THe only real quetion is do you do good wrok? If no, you have a problem. If yes thenwhy should you feel bad about yoruself?

    Just don't do aything to hurt yourself because of them.

52. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 9:37PM UTC

    Why is there a male posting on here? I thought it was for women only. Just curious!

53. AnonymousSeptember 1,2023 at 1:41AM UTC

    Bradford often makes insightful comments on people's posts. And I was not aware that FGB discriminated against men?

54. AnonymousSeptember 3,2023 at 1:13PM UTC

    Didn't imply discrimination. Insightful comments are welcome, but yes, I thought this was a women's only forum.

55. Kimberly AnneAugust 31,2023 at 3:41PM UTC

    You’re probably a nice person who isn’t a jerk. If you get into a toxic group of people this is how they weed you out. I would leave. Life is too short to play with bullies. My guess is that he knew you were excluded.

56. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 5:47PM UTC

    I’m going to share an experience I had 30 years ago. I was working in a nursing home with a nice woman who was very thorough and conscientious, but rather boring. There were 2 nurses on another unit who appeared to be “cool” and having a good time at work too. I asked for a transfer to their unit and got it. What did I learn from that? That the “ boring” woman had more professionalism and integrity than the other two could ever hope for. I learned that the fun they appeared to be having was at other people’s expense, including some of the elderly patients. That being said, you might be blessed to be left out of the group chat. People aren’t always as they appear. You’re probably not included because they sense that you do not share in their interests and behaviors. That’s not always a bad thing. Just keep being you and doing the best for yourself. In 30 years this won’t matter. I thought of them today due to your post but truly I have not thought of them at all in 25 years!

57. AnonymousSeptember 1,2023 at 3:05AM UTC

    I’m always left out of stuff. But I hear how they talk crap about each other so I know they do it do me. They also talk about our boss like a dog but they kiss up and spend a lot of time with her. Boss doesn’t have boundaries and I want no part of that. I knew from the jump boss is a snake and said nope

58. AnonymousSeptember 1,2023 at 9:47PM UTC

    Yep! We have those at my job, too: women who are always laughing, having a good time. They do the bare minimum at work, are unprofessional and untrustworthy. I don't want to be associated with that -- I keep to myself, keep my personal business to myself, am cordial if needed, but essentially do my job and go home. If they gossip around you, they'd as soon gossip about you.

59. AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 4:59PM UTC

    That’s the way to be! Always be careful with the mama bears at work

60. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 9:38PM UTC

    I do my job and go home. I could not care less about Group Chat, and all the others, but perhaps that is because I am a baby boomer. This is all nonsense as far as I am concerned. If someone doesn't like me, it doesn't matter to me, as long as I am doing my job, I just ignore them. Occasionally, I may speak, but otherwise I do what I need to do to get through the day, and not rely on others to make me feel comfortable. It is their loss.

61. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 10:58PM UTC

    I'm a millenial, and I could care less about being in a social group chat. If it was work related only, and that would affect/impact my job. I'd would ensure I'm added to it, otherwise I wouldn't even think about it.

62. AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 4:58PM UTC

    I’m on the cusp of millennial but I feel like I’m not one lol. I feel like a boomer

63. AnonymousSeptember 1,2023 at 9:45PM UTC

    I'm GenX and I do the same thing: do my job and go home. I'm friendly with coworkers but I don't socialize with them. I'm getting married next month and no one from work is invited (very, very small wedding). I keep my personal business to myself so they don't even know. No one from work is friends with me on social media, either. Work is just business...it's not my "life." I know a few of my co-workers outright hate me and would sabotage me if they could -- I don't give it any mind at all.

64. AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 4:57PM UTC

    Oh at my job they would only invite certain people to the wedding. Baby showers. One did invite me that I wasn’t close with and I felt it was because she wanted money. She called wedding off and didn’t tell anyone for awhile. Some have even went to doctor’s appointments with co workers. There isn’t a lot of boundaries. I’m mid 40’s and I just was raised to behave at work differently x

65. Amy Carissa OliverSeptember 1,2023 at 12:53PM UTC

    Quitting a job because some coworkers don’t like you seems rather extreme. If they’re bullying you or harming your work then I suggest looking for other employment. I have myself left a job because of bullying. But I’ve also worked a lot of places where I wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea and they weren’t mine, so we didn’t hang out or communicate about non-work stuff.

    The only reason I would care is if it was about work and not being in it would impact my ability to do my job. I suggest you look at it the same.

66. GabriellaSeptember 2,2023 at 2:19PM UTC

    This is gross. Just condescending for no reason. Take your high self-worth and go.

67. AnonymousSeptember 3,2023 at 2:11PM UTC

    Should you quit? Seriously???? You weren't even checking your phone. How is office gossip helping your job. Let them be and produce great work. Who cares???

68. AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 4:52PM UTC

    Yeah I produce good work and try to avoid it. All the ones in my area constantly worry about the gossip and who said what. It doesn’t help they spend so much time together outside work.

69. AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 4:54PM UTC

    So I’m the odd man out at my job. It used to hurt that they don’t like me. They leave me out of stuff. But I see it as a blessing because I get to have a life outside work. They are insecure and miserable and they talk about each other.

70. Evelyn LivantSeptember 7,2023 at 6:16PM UTC

    I never socialized outside work. Co-workers would come in chatting about shared experiences. No one hated me or was out to get me. Occasionally, I could tell that my career might accidentally suffer so I just met with my supervisor and address concerns in a non-confrontetal manner. My supervisor also didn't socialize outside work and would just handle it. I think your co-worker probably didn't realize you were out of the loop and was making a good faith effort to include you. This may sound cold, but you need a really thick skin. Ask yourself if there are any problems on-the-job. If not, then I wouldn't worry about it.