Feeling trapped and need some advice please?

Anonymous

September 9,2023 at 2:00PM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

Feeling trapped and need some advice please?

I took on a job about 5 months ago in HR/Benefits as a Benefits Manager. My boss used to be in this role for 4 years before they accepted a position as head of Total Rewards. When I accepted, I thought to myself “ Is this a good idea? I’ve never stepped into a role when the person that was doing it was still there”. My boss said all the right things, they don’t micro manage, they like to take in new ideas and collaborate and support one another. At this point, I was sold.

Fast forward to present day. Not the same boss, these past couple months have been difficult. The micro manager is in full effect with plenty of constructive criticism on a daily basis specially how they did things and it should be fine that way and god forbid I find a more efficient ways of doing things. Almost all of my suggestions and ideas are rejected, I don’t feel respected in my role or personality (that’s another story) and my job is probably 3x harder than it needs to be and it’s impacting my mental health and well-being. Heading into Open Enrollment busy season. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all!

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

4 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

4 Comments

Join the conversation

AnonymousSeptember 9,2023 at 7:47PM UTC
You're not trapped you chose to be there and they choose you to be there. Managers are a dime a dozen and they may not always be as open as your previous one as you've experienced for yourself. You have many options:
- Toughen up and stand your ground for how you want to implement
- Take the directness of your boss learn, ask questions as to why their process is better (efficiency vs. Effort)
- Leave. Not knowing whether this was a growing phase or what your next opportunity will be (unless you plan accordingly)
You are in control of your actions and yours alone. Don't give in to the “feeling” and generate solutions that will benefit you.
AnonymousSeptember 10,2023 at 8:39PM UTC
Than
Grisel Scarantino, Career and Work-Life Fulfillment CoachSeptember 11,2023 at 2:42PM UTC
When I read this, I got the immediate sense that you are a strategic thinker in a conservative organization (maybe?) with a tactical - as opposed to a strategic - boss. This person also sounds like they haven't been shown how to be an effective people leader since most of the feedback you receive is criticism, which is not a sign of an effective leader. You might want to approach the situation by doing two things: (1) sit down with your boss and share how you prefer to receive feedback. Perhaps you prefer the method of what you're doing well and what would make it even better (just an idea). I'd also encourage you to ask how THEY prefer to receive feedback. Communicating openly on how to give and receive feedback to each other could help improve your relationship and establish some level ground upon which you could build. You'll need this for your ideas to be better received by this person. (2) When you're proposing a new way of doing things, easily connect the dots between how your proposed efficiencies accomplish the same or better results faster. Not everyone can easily connect the dots for themselves, and sometimes we have to help make that happen. Also, not everyone embraces change and prefer the "this is how we've always done it" kind of mentality, which can be really frustrating. If these strategies still don't work, then you have a choice to make. I hope my two cents help you!
AnonymousSeptember 17,2023 at 5:25PM UTC
Well this one is easy. Remind them of the conversation you had in the early consideration for the role. Ask them what issues they have with trusting you to do a great (not just good) job doing what they used to do. Let them know the work will get done, its safe to let go of their former role and to trust you 100% and that if they have a need to correct you that doing so in a way that you do not feel that you have no ownership of the role is just not currently working for you. Let them know they can leave the tactical work to you and trust you won't eff up open enrollment and that they should spend their time managing up. Be as direct as you can be but kind and if things don't change then it's time to look elsewhere. 5 months in they're either happy with you or not and same from your side. Good luck.