When your boss decides he doesn't want or ever endorsed you for the role can you change his mind?

15 Comments

1. AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 3:22AM UTC

   Go to HR or senior management.

2. AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 1:34PM UTC

   And say what, exactly?

3. AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 2:18PM UTC

   NO!!!

4. AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 2:18PM UTC

   Yeah, you need to leave.

5. AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 3:43PM UTC

   I have been there. In my first job, after a mid-life job pivot, I got a job through a higher-level executive I knew from my previous career. The manager was sweet during the hiring and onboarding process, but she turned into the manager from hell once the executives were gone. She even got authorization to fire me in February but waited until May, after other opportunities were unavailable for at least another year. I was the second one she treated the same way, and she never backfilled my position, as she was always too controlling and insecure to have anyone around who could fill in if she was gone.

   Firing me was a gift, as she was exacerbating some mental health issues I have, and once I was out of the environment, I was able to get a better handle on those. Don't let this put you in my same boat.

6. AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 5:28PM UTC

   Look for a new job now.

   Rightly or wrongly, your manager is not supportive of you. As you’ve seen, it is tremendously difficult to succeed under these circumstances. Even if your work is impeccable, your manager is virtually certain to find fault.

   I’ve been in this situation and it is a no win scenario for you.

7. AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 6:48PM UTC

   Toxicity impacts your mental health. When you’re not okay mentally, your quality could begin to suffer. I’d recommend a few things:

   1.) Update resume and social profile(s)

   2.) Start applying elsewhere (see where the manager who made the decision to hire you went and seek jobs there, if any) that offer the same or similar position and total rewards(salary, compensation, benefits, etc).

   3.) There’s nothing like transparency: if you feel comfortable, have a conversation with him. Don’t make it sound accusatory. Additionally, be ready with solutions on how to improve your interactions and working relationship. Consider too that he may have outside factors impacting his attitude and not too self-aware of its impact on you.

   4.) If that doesn’t work, I’d take it to the HR Business Partner who supports your line of business. We in HR are your friend☺️. If there is cause for complaint on either end, they can help mitigate it.

   I hope things get better for you.

8. AnonymousNovember 14,2023 at 4:46AM UTC

   Thank you and it's starting to impact my work. I'm starting to loss confidence, make stupid mistakes and second guess my actions.

   I'm getting ridiculed in front of coworkers and that's taking a hit to my self esteem and I can't understand why this is happening. When I was hired, I felt we would have a good relationship and I feel like there's something happening behind the scenes. I'm expecting to be let go while my work ethic is pushing to make it work.

   I've tried to address the issue with my manager but he cancels meetings that I set and disregards my emails. I need the paycheck so I'm looking but companies are stating that everything is on hold until the beginning of the year. I'm worried that if this keeps persisting that it's going to keep getting worse or become a mental health issue. I'm starting to feel like I'm in a no-win situation.

9. Cindy GloverNovember 11,2023 at 1:31AM UTC

   Run

10. Julie Chatman, MBA, CISMNovember 11,2023 at 1:15PM UTC

    This is so unfortunate. Have you tried direct communication with your boss?

11. AnonymousNovember 11,2023 at 2:45PM UTC

    I just went through a similar experience and was laid off recently. I had relocated for the role so spent a couple years trying to make it work. Before you ask, I went to HR and thought my problems were solved. A year later I was let go. The toll that it took on my mental health was tremendous. Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking it will get better. Get out of there as soon as you can.

12. AnonymousNovember 11,2023 at 4:10PM UTC

    Thank you all and I appreciated your feedback. It sounds like I need to update my resume and start looking before I'm laid off as I can see the writing on the wall. I'm in a higher level role but his actions are more towards an an entry level worker without any experience. It's starting to happen in front of my team and other leaders as well. I'm getting stressed out when there are group meetings and losing confidence in my work.

    I'm shocked that it's coming to this as I thought this was a career position. I tried the HR route and that actually brought more problems. I've requested a meeting with my manager and he cancels them to avoid dealing with any issues.

    I've had a few interviews since all this transpired but only in early rounds for my positions that are for next year. Every day I psych myself up to do the best I can and end the night in tears. At this point I'd love to find a company where I can go in and be left to do my job. I'm open to constructive feedback but this is starting to feel demoralizing.

13. Howard MooreNovember 12,2023 at 1:41PM UTC

    My wife is going through a lot similar thing. She was given a vice president position and brought the company into a positive position made the company millions and she was not recognized by her boss. I believe that antisemitism is at the heart of this. She is not the only one being chastised in this company. Other women in particular and other minorities that is not the same as the CEO are being targeted. My wife is seeing other employment opportunities before she is terminated.

14. AnonymousNovember 13,2023 at 2:59PM UTC

    Find a new job. Similar thing happened to me - I had a boss who, almost immediately after hiring me, decided she didn't like me and she made my working life very difficult (even going as far as to put me on a PIP). Even though she was eventually fired and I got along well with her replacement, my former boss had trashed my reputation among her peers enough that I was eventually part of a company layoff a few months later.

15. AnonymousNovember 13,2023 at 5:11PM UTC

    Since you don't share specifics about what is going on perhaps re-start the relationship. Book a meeting with HR to talk through how to do this. Alternatively if you feel comfortable enough to have a real conversation with him let him know that you are very committed to your role and that you would like to be assured that you are on track for your next year of work and want him to challenge you with things that will stimulate your career. If you get a less than desirable response you will know it's time to consider looking for a new department in the company or a new role.