Constantly targeted

Anonymous

September 5,2023 at 1:29PM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

Constantly targeted

I am in a situation at work where I am constantly targeted by a co-worker. She is a paralegal and I am the manager of a department. I have been with the company for 12 years.

Some of her actions are conscious and some I believe are unconcious. Examples are when someone sends out an email to multiple people. When she responds she removes me from the email. She also responds to all at times, but her message is toward me. At one time, she burst into my office, screaming and yelling at me but I maintained my composure. When walking pass me in the hallway, she frowns and makes the most bitter face. Just the other day, we had a potluck at the office and she removed what I brought to the side, and covered it.

I believe she has a hatred toward me like no other. I have done absolutely nothing to her.

I believe the COO has gotten wind of her behavior, and has spoken to her about it.

I was wondering if anyone has experienced anything like this and how you overcame this. Any other insights and thoughts are appreciated.

Thank you.

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

62 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

62 Comments

Join the conversation

AnonymousSeptember 5,2023 at 2:39PM UTC
Do nothing. That level of crazy outs itself and already has.
AnonymousSeptember 5,2023 at 2:49PM UTC
You don't necessarily overcome it. You learn to thrive in spite of the person. She will probably never like you but you can establish boundaries of behavior and insist on being treated professionally. You shouldn't tolerate disrespectful.
AnonymousSeptember 5,2023 at 2:52PM UTC
She might be jealous of you or someone that you reminded her of.
Sounds odd, I know I'm NOT making excuses for her behavior!!!!
At least the COO is s on to her.
Do your best to continue to remain your composure. Soon enough, something will happen and she will be gone from the organization
Re the emails, pay close attention to whom is sent and ask them if they receive a response
Anne KrookSeptember 5,2023 at 4:09PM UTC
Document everything. I know this sounds petty, but if she starts accusing you of anything, you need to be able to show, in a dispassionate way, with times and dates, what has been going on. Not the face-making in the hall and the potluck stuff (what is this, middle school?) but the emails and the bursting in to your office. You should probably also raise your concerns with HR now and tell them that you are watching her behavior toward you, which is unprofessional
AnonymousSeptember 5,2023 at 9:33PM UTC
Yes, and let others know that there is documentation happening. For example, reply to her emails (reply-all) with a first sentence that says something to the effect that you hope you're responding to the latest email in the chain, "because on Tuesday I was left out of the email about xyz..." In a legal department, everyone will get what's happening.
AnonymousSeptember 5,2023 at 7:23PM UTC
Why is this paralegal still employed at your firm?
Her behavior is toxic and well beyond the bounds of acceptable office conduct. The conduct you describe suggests that she might be experiencing some mental health issues.
If you are this person’s manager, provide appropriate warnings consistent with your company’s requirements and terminate her employment if there is no improvement.
If this person does not report to you: Have you documented your concerns (dates and brief, factual incident descriptions) and provided this information to HR and management?
If you are not this person’s manager, you are well within your rights to ask that your face to face contact with her be limited and that she be required to behave professionally in her interactions with you, including her email behavior.
AnonymousSeptember 5,2023 at 7:26PM UTC
File harassment charges against her.
AnonymousSeptember 5,2023 at 9:30PM UTC
She hasn't broken any law in most jurisdictions. It's not illegal to dislike someone and show it.
AnonymousSeptember 6,2023 at 3:16PM UTC
It can be if she’s creating a hostile work environment, which sounds like she might be. Screaming at a coworker is not ok.
You absolutely can not like someone. However, I would highly recommend against aggressively showing it in the workplace.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 6:08PM UTC
You are correct anonymous, but she can still file harassment charges. She does have the right to do that. Dont you agree. If a man is harassing a female in a work situation, your telling me that you would not file harassment charges?????? How many times have men had sexual charges filed against them, only to find out later that it was false claim.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 9:36PM UTC
So you're suggesting filing a false claim just to inconvenience her and bring trouble to the company? I don't think I can agree with that.
AnonymousSeptember 6,2023 at 12:34PM UTC
You okay, Brandi?
Cyndy TrivellaSeptember 6,2023 at 12:43PM UTC
You need to protect yourself. I do not recommend any 1:1 conversations with her. You need to put everything in writing and do yourself a favor; bcc: your personal email on anything and everything when communicating with her.
Have other people aside from the COO noticed her behavior towards you? If you know this for certain, speak with them to get additional insights. However, don’t get too deeply into the weeds with them about the situation. The goal should be to collect information to use when the right time presents itself.
It has been my experience that people who act in a toxic manner eventually do more damage to themselves in the long run.
The high-level view is stay diligent, calm and get as much in writing as possible.
GirlBossanova934974September 6,2023 at 12:45PM UTC
I would be asking myself if this person is really targeting me or just has a lousy attitude towards just about everyone. Over the years, I have worked with people like this. In the vast majority of cases, the person doing this sort of stuff did it across the board to just about everyone. I wasn't special. That she ran into your office ONE TIME and lost it, does not make a trend. At the end of the day, ask yourself another question! Is this person ACTUALLY PLEASANT around OTHER PEOPLE? Is she all smiles and giggles around so and so? Have you have seen it? Is she charming around so and so? Try to be objective.
Sarah BordersSeptember 6,2023 at 12:55PM UTC
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know what her problem is, but it is her problem.
The non confrontational option would be to limit your interactions with this person. Surely she isn’t the only paralegal. Can you have a different one assigned to work with you and your team? (Sorry, I don’t know how your company is structured.)
The confrontational option would be to set up a meeting with her and, ideally, a mediator, and get to the root of her issue with you.
Both options are valid, but if it were me and I could get by with a non confrontational solution, that’s what I’d choose. Good luck!
Jessica FerlandSeptember 6,2023 at 1:14PM UTC
Are you her direct supervisor? Either way, report this to HR stat with the documentation of all of this. The COO is probably only aware of a small piece of what is happening. Please advocate for yourself.
Shelly EdwardsSeptember 6,2023 at 1:18PM UTC
If you are her manager, why are you tolerating this behavior? I would pull her into your office to discuss her actions and set expectations moving forward. If she can’t meet expectations, then manage her out. If you aren’t her manager, I would have a very frank conversation with her manager about it. Stop dancing around the issue and tolerating disrespect, and address the issue immediately.
Shanna WilliamsSeptember 6,2023 at 1:50PM UTC
She said she was a manager, not her manager. ?
AnonymousSeptember 6,2023 at 1:20PM UTC
Document everything. File a complaint with HR, she is creating a hostile work environment and personally I would be concerned for my safety. Sounds as though this person is mentally ill. Hopefully they will find another position soon. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Maggie StoneSeptember 6,2023 at 1:39PM UTC
I have been there. I had a coworker that didn’t like me and made no attempt to hide it. I had to eventually accept that some people are just not going to like me. I have a mantra for you: “her behavior, actions, and reactions are not about me.” I agree with the advice to limit interactions with her. However, if you choose to confront her, I would try the DEARMAN method outlined in this worksheet: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/dbt-dear-man if you choose to take action rather than let it go, I would try to talk to her first-keep in mind DEARMAN-before going to HR, upper management, or taking any legal action. If this doesn’t come from you first, that may only add fuel to the fire if she thinks you are trying to get her into trouble. Good luck.
AnonymousSeptember 6,2023 at 2:55PM UTC
You probably need to either involve HR if your company has an HR dept or your direct supervisors. I’m sure this doesn’t feel good, but without an open conversation you might be misattributing some of the behaviors. Outside of the yelling incident, the others could be coincidence - she may have moved the dish and covered it to keep it from falling and to keep its temperature, for example. She may remove you from an email for a valid reason (especially if the emails discuss specific legal matters). You won’t know without an open dialogue led by a moderator.
AnonymousSeptember 6,2023 at 3:12PM UTC
I might root around and find out if she actually does this with anyone else first. You might be surprised and if so, you have others who can add weight to the complaint.
AnonymousSeptember 6,2023 at 5:00PM UTC
Oh I get it. There are two guys who seem to be buds but if I ask a question never respond.
I started looking company likes believing they are one big team but not so if you aren't as experienced as the rest are.
asmith13September 6,2023 at 5:04PM UTC
Ugh---mean girls at the office are the very worst. If you talk to her and this continues, this is a form of bullying in my opinion and should be reported to your manager and/or HR. Unfortunately, in some of these situations the mean girl can deny her actions and try to twist it around as being an accident or just make it a he said/she said situation. OR she might have allies who back her up.
I have been in your shoes, unfortunately, and the leadership team really liked and respected the mean girl in question and never took my concerns seriously. She also had a mean girl "squad" of sorts that liked to single people out that didn't fit their particular mode. (Yes, just like high school lol). I ended up going somewhere where I felt respected and have yet to encounter a mean girl like that at my new job. :-)
Best of luck to you!
Colleen HansonSeptember 6,2023 at 5:29PM UTC
I have been in this situation before, although my situation was a bit different because the person was my new supervisor. The company I worked for did some restructuring and I got moved into a different position, which was fine because it meant I still had a job while many others were laid off. The new supervisor immediately made me feel unwelcome in her department. My best advice is that you go to whoever is in charge immediately and speak to them about the issues you are having. I tried numerous times to have one on one discussions with my supervisor to no avail. She was so horrible to me that it took a serious toll on my mental and physical health. By the time I did go to the higher ups they did not understand why I had not come to them sooner, if what I was saying was true. They basically discredited my claims because I let things go for over a year. Please go to whoever is in charge as soon as possible!
AnonymousSeptember 6,2023 at 5:33PM UTC
She sounds jealous. Plain and simple. Or a personality disorder. That’s tough. I’m sorry to hear that. You sound and seem like a decent and respectful manager.
Rebecca MillikenSeptember 6,2023 at 11:21PM UTC
She sounds like she has major issues. I mean, the pot luck thing is pretty weird. I would ask her straight out what her issue is and use the specific examples you've given here. I'd let her know I didn't appreciate the attempted sabotage by removing me from emails as well as the passive aggressive email trick of emailing me but replying to all.
As for the more aggressive behavior like coming into your office and screaming at you--without knowing what it's about I don't have much of an opinion except that kind of behavior is NEVER appropriate in the workplace, and I would tell her that.
I wouldn't belabor it. I would let her know I don't appreciate her crap but I wouldn't get a back and forth going. It's not worth the time or effort.
Take the high road. Ignore the silly things like dirty looks. That just reflects badly on her.
If the COO has noticed, so have others. Don't get entangled.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 12:27PM UTC
I have experienced this and this type of person will use any kind action against you. It is best to stay neutral.
Sharmil McKeeSeptember 7,2023 at 12:28PM UTC
The other FGBs have posted great options for you. I will add two options to the list. First, over your 12 year tenure with the company, you have developed allies. Talk to them about the situation and get ideas on how to handle it given your company's culture and size. Second, as a manager, talk to the paralegal's manager. Sounds like the paralegal needs training and discipline. (And bonus advice here. Your situation is stressful. Please also talk to a therapist to protect your mental health. I hope your company has an EAP). GL.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 12:43PM UTC
I have experienced this with my boss. I was an Assistant Superintendent, CFO and she was the Superintendent. She and her 2 side kicks were professionals at bullying and mind games. I was not allowed to speak to the board members. It got so bad I quit in the middle of the school year.
I bent over backwards trying to make things work. I refused to compromise my morals and integrity on financial reporting.
They were tag teaming and gaslighting me. Unbeknownst to me, the staff had secretly coined them as "The Mean Girls".
Amy GeffenSeptember 7,2023 at 12:52PM UTC
You are the victim here. talk to your allies and see what they say. I would start writing up her behavior and put it in her personnel file. At some point, either she changes her behavior, sees a therapist or gets fired.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 1:01PM UTC
Classic Workplace Bullying and Harassment. HR should be involved ASAP because this is now considered Hostile Work Environment. HR needs to address this immediately because this is unprofessional conduct and should not be tolerated in the workplace. I have been severely bullied before at work including screamed at in front of others. Here are great resources:
Workplace Bullying Institute
https://www.workplacebullyingcoalition.org/
National Workplace Bullying Coalition
https://www.workplacebullyingcoalition.org/
They provide helpful information and advice.
Good luck!
AnonymousSeptember 8,2023 at 8:36PM UTC
I gave the wrong site information for the Workplace Bullying Institute: https://workplacebullying.org/
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 1:04PM UTC
This. Keep control of the situation. Ask. Then listen.
NinaSeptember 7,2023 at 1:05PM UTC
Yes this has happened to me before. I had to get the union involved and after that I was granted to work at another school. Since I have been at my new school it has been my saving grace.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 1:22PM UTC
Read articles on all the types of behavior, both overt and covert, that constitute workplace bullying and compare it to her behavior. Start keeping a log of everything (date, time summary of incident), including her prior conduct. Print the emails you referenced also. This is all evidence of her unprofessional conduct which you may/will need when talking with HR, filing a potential complaint, etc. Depending on which state you live in, workplace bulling is considered a form of discrimination - also referred to as "abusive conduct". Continue being appropriate and professional with her and build your case and protect your rights to a hostile free work environment.
KathySeptember 7,2023 at 1:38PM UTC
In my experience, having been bullied, I believe it's a form of jealously on the part of person doing the bullying. I've called out the person directly both in public and in private conversations and they are usually unable or unwilling to explain their behavior.
The bullying resources provided by other posters are very valuable.
Good luck!
AnonymousSeptember 9,2023 at 6:51PM UTC
Yes, Kathy I agree. Unfortunately, in my previous position the bully was a favorite of management. It was a hassle to quit but I am now in a healthier culture where I am appreciated and have been given a substantial pay increase!
Sarah McgillSeptember 7,2023 at 1:46PM UTC
Good Luck! The only thing you can do is be professional back at her and report her when you can. Take documentation in a google doc of hostile interactions. SOme may not seem like a lot to HR but if over the next few months you can point it out either she can change or get removed.
It's hard not to take it personally, write out your feelings in a private space that you don't share at work and move forward as by the book as you can. If there are certain things- like removing you from an email, ask her to keep you on emails she sends in mass. Call her out. It's hard but its also going to make you a better manager.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 1:53PM UTC
Yes I have. It's sad that there are still so many mean girls (and guys) at work. Her actions are childish and ridiculous.
Start keeping documentation if you are not already doing so.
I'd say talk to her but not sure that will go anywhere so just keep receipts and get her fired. She won't change.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 2:01PM UTC
Wow, I have a similar coworker in a similar field - maybe they know each other!! :-) It's difficult to remain professional when someone makes it personal, and I know I've slipped from time to time in my responses but I've gotten better at just ignoring her for the petty issues. However, I've never had someone screaming at me or removing me from information that impacts my job. Those aren't pettiness, those are HR matters. I'd definitely document those instances and talk with HR about it, not from a personal perspective but how it impacts my ability to perform my job. The rest is just background noise - I always try to think it's a lesson in learning to deal with difficult people.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 3:11PM UTC
This has happened to me, but I was not a manager. You are dealing with someone with narcissistic personality disorder or someone who is high on the narcissistic scale. Watch and read experts in the field about how to respond. Dr Rahmani and another lady on YouTube named Tami Joyce are good at instructing how to respond to such people. If she is getting in the way of doing your work, you'll have to document it. Often times HR acts like you're the problem for reporting it. So if it gets to that point, I think it's okay to look elsewhere but hopefully it won't go that far if your boss likes you and you have a few people in your corner.
ElizabethSeptember 7,2023 at 3:12PM UTC
I agree we all have to work with difficult people sometimes, that's the real world. I'm glad to hear management is already addressing it, that's a sign of a healthy workplace.
But companies also put a high importance on emotional intelligence (Called "EQ" in current HR speak.) Immature behavior like this is usually a quick way to get fired. It makes everyone uncomfortable and creates a hostile workplace. And her behavior is classic bullying. It is designed to let you know you should be uncomfortable around her because she does not approve of your presence there. In a very kindergarten way. If she is acting this way and HR and the COO are aware, she's probably acting this way about other things.
Having dealt with some very petty, and some mentally ill, people in my business and volunteer dealings I agree with keeping a brief log of any overt incidents, like screaming at you and repeatedly removing only you from group email (screenshot, screenshot, screenshot!!). That's interfering with business and will not be taken lightly by the management.
And of course, never say a bad word about her at work or to coworkers. Maybe comment, if she does this in front of others, "She seems very upset today, I hope she has a better day". The bullying stops pretty fast when you do that because little kids, I mean coworkers :), can't fight that.
Do you know what provoked this attitude but didn't share it? Or don't know and haven't asked? If you haven't sat down with her and asked her what the actual issue, like "i feel you have been conveying that you're angry with me but I don't know why. Is this so and how can we resolve it so we can work together?"
I don't think that's a bad idea. With or without HR, depending on how you think she will react. (Without HR, keep the office door open or ask her in a more public area, since she has screamed at you in the past. For your safety.)
Just feeling "heard" can sometimes improve these issues, at least short term. It won't improve her maturity, but maybe she can get past it and move on to complaining about the copier or something.
Robin StrayhornSeptember 7,2023 at 3:16PM UTC
It's tough working in a hostile environment. You mentioned you were her manager, have you had a direct conversation with the person? If you feel uncomfortable, you can invite your HR business partner or representative to join the meeting. Be sure to come with documented incidents or actions to refer to during the conversation.
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 3:28PM UTC
Don't do this. She is narcissistic and will gaslight, blame shift, and project. Been there. Done that. Not worth it.
AnonymousOctober 14,2023 at 8:27PM UTC
I agree always have a witness My bully and was her superior was president of the union The big boss use to say just keep her happy She literally attacked me then reported me Some places are toxic and no one tries to change it
CathySeptember 7,2023 at 4:40PM UTC
I work with two miserable coworkers and it makes for a rough 8 hours.... I am now just feeling sorry for them.... They have nothing better to do but talk bad about others. They have miserable lives... Just feel sorry for her and know she is jealous and threatened by you! Don't let her bring you down ❤️?
AnonymousSeptember 7,2023 at 6:03PM UTC
You do whatever you can possibly do both at work and in your personal life to NOT focus on the toxic. Only you can give yourself relief.
Katy WalkerSeptember 7,2023 at 7:46PM UTC
SHE IS JEALOUS OF YOU ,THAT A WRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IloneSeptember 7,2023 at 10:16PM UTC
Plenty of good advice here, all I can say after having a similar experience is remember to take the time each day to bring peace back into your mind and body, then their actions will not affect you so much each day. Reflect on each thing that has upset you, you’ll come to realise you did everything you could have done in that situation in an ethical manner and they chose their behaviour and actions to intentionally upset you. Don’t take on their energy, that is their problem not yours, they need to work on themselves. I hope for your sake they are removed by management sooner than later, you don’t need that kind of toxic behaviour in any workplace.
Wanda ShawSeptember 8,2023 at 2:04AM UTC
Obviously there’s something internally wrong with this coworker. You didn’t cause it, but somehow you’ve become the recipient of her ire. Whether it’s professional comparison that’s troubling her or she’s simply grappling with a non work related issue, it’s her problem and not yours. All that you can do is Continue to take the high road and don’t be tempted to stoop down to her level because she’s clearly trying to bait you into doing exactly that with her malicious behavior.
Anselm D'souzaSeptember 8,2023 at 4:58AM UTC
she has either a psychological problem or is very old fashioned in her way of thinking
Erica MitchellSeptember 8,2023 at 4:24PM UTC
Just remember that it's her problem, not yours. Don't let her behavior affect you.
April Woodburn-VallandinghamSeptember 8,2023 at 4:41PM UTC
I have experienced this. I took the high road and it took a while for everyone to see the error of his ways. However looking back, at the time he was influential in changing my coworkers opinion of me. I didn’t realize how bad it was until he was gone. Looking back I wish I had called him out and stood up for my self.
AnonymousSeptember 8,2023 at 6:22PM UTC
I would love to know an effective way to deal with this type of person. The woman terrorizing me is my direct supervisor's girlfriend (I do the books for an Aerie lodge). This woman accuses me of "wanting" her boyfriend. Nothing could be further from the truth. Unfortunately, she is very loud and makes a scene over everything, so when she dogs me to people - they say nothing - they tell me they're sorry but if they stick up for me she would be treating them the same way. And my supervisor? He is afraid to talk to me, she won't allow him to be in our mutual office together. I have been told by him that he can't control her and doesn't want the retribution that would happen.
Why don't I quit? Because this is a non profit organization. I love being a part of it and doing events to help people. Being that we are an organization like this the bookkeeping side of it has been being done randomly - I am paid a small salary and have been, quite successfully, getting their books and taxes in order. I love it! It's almost a year and everything balances, IRS is up to date, files purged (nothing has been done correct since 2013!
The saddest part for me is that I am never told I'm doing a good job by my supervisor. He will tell others I am, but he can't say it to me for fear of his girlfriend.
She is causing me to become severely depressed which is another reason I will not quit - I would never forgive myself for letting this poor example of a woman chase me away
AnonymousSeptember 8,2023 at 6:58PM UTC
You stated that you are paid a small salary. So Im guessing you have other income to compensate for the low salary! Is this girl friend an employee or does she just comes to your work place and dogs you?
Sounds like you boss in a kept man and has no balls to stand up for himself either.
Quit the job now. This is a toxic work place you need to get out. Your so called work friends that wont say anything to the toxic girlfriend; ditch them also.
Also for fun, send you boss a card telling him how much you enjoyed your special times together.
AnonymousSeptember 8,2023 at 7:29PM UTC
Yes, currently in the same situation. I have a supervisor and coworkers who feel that if u are not sitting with them and gossiping about other people but actually getting your work done then you are not a team player. I'm second in charge but my supervisor goes the 3rd in charge and give all the necessary work information and leaves me out of it. Then, when a situation takes place and I state I'm not aware of what us going on l, she gets an attitude.
AnonymousSeptember 8,2023 at 8:14PM UTC
Hi-Sorry to hear. My mother and father are doing this to me. I am getting out of the situation, but they both are making it next to impossible. It's like these people live by doing this to people. A couple examples: my mother locks the doors when she goes to bed.. disregarding if i am home or not, and she gave me a house key, but to only one door, that they installed a chain lock on the inside. She has taken my house keys, then given them back, i would go through a window, they put additional locks..Another example, my father would hide the coffee from me, and then he took the coffee pot altogether.. one morning, i walked into the kitchen and he was sitting there and said nothing to me, just sat there. So i said "what?", and proceeded to ask about if he made coffee for him or. and so he got up, dumped it out, n as he was doing that, i picked up his glass and jokingly said 'is this for me?" he went ballistic, yelling "put that down". Then the coffee pot disappeared, hmmmso they are going way above and beyond, and that's only 2 examples..i could also use some feedback or advice..
AnonymousSeptember 9,2023 at 6:48PM UTC
Can I ask, how old you are? Can you move out and find your housing? It sounds like you have narcissistic parents and you have become the "Scapegoat" of the family. Do you have brothers and/or sisters? Are they given more favorable treatment? In narcissistic family dynamics, the parent(s) usually have the "Scapegoat" who is given horrific verbal and emotional abuse, the target of undeserved contempt while the "Golden Child(ren) are given every resource and way better treatment. I know about this because I was raised by a narcissistic mother and I was the "Scapegoat" of the family while my younger sister and brother were her "Golden Children". You can use Google to get educated about narcissistic parents.
It sounds like you need to find a good therapist so you can receive feedback on what "normal" behavior of parents are compared to what you are witnessing and experiencing. You also need to make sure you maintain good mental health. The abuse you are experiencing is a form of domestic violence which has both physical and psychological/mental repercussions if you continue experiencing the abusive behavior from your parents. The term "Battered wife/partner syndrome" comes to mind and I had it for a very long time before I got help and regained my mental health and self-esteem. I moved out on my own ASAP. I live far away from my family and cut all contact with them. I also avoid my siblings because they have become spoiled and narcissistic too.
If you are currently taking care of your parents, then move away and have them figure out how to take care of themselves. They feign helplessness to get attention and care from "Scapegoats" because they have habituated lying, gaslighting, used guilt trip, etc. to make you obligated to help them out whenever they want. They do not deserve ANYTHING. YOU OWE THEM NOTHING. If they are abandoned by you, that is the consequences of their unacceptable actions. If you have siblings, they can pick up the slack and take care of your parents instead.
I do not know the details of your situation, just making hypotheses since this is a job/professional site geared mainly towards adult, professional women. I would suggest to MOVE OUT NOW and find a mental health professional ASAP.
https://www.cnbc.com/2022/09/05/a-psychologist-shares-the-signs-of-a-narcissistic-parent-its-a-toxic-way-to-raise-your-kids.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/family-scapegoat/
https://jreidtherapy.com/scapegoat-childs-role-in-narcissistic-abuse/#:~:text=Functions%20of%20the%20scapegoat%20child%27s%20role&text=The%20child%20faces%20rejection%20because,anger%20at%20the%20parent%27s%20cruelty.
https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissist-gaslighting.html
https://www.therapyinbeverlyhills.com/the-dangerous-side-of-narcissism-narcissistic-gaslighting/
https://www.parentingforbrain.com/gaslighting-parents/
Narcissistic parents will NEVER CHANGE. ONLY YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT AND CHANGE YOUR OWN SITUATION. I have not had contact with my family going now 14 - 15 years and my narcissistic mother is STILL THE SAME and continues to gaslight me. I just ignore her whenever she tries to "Hoover" me. To this day, she has NEVER apologized or asked for forgiveness.
I wish you the best of luck
AnonymousSeptember 16,2023 at 1:37PM UTC
Hey, here is a number for me- 1(339)-201-8653. Let me know if we could talk sometime
anonSeptember 9,2023 at 9:47PM UTC
if you're a manager and she's a paralegal, are you her superior? can you fire her? normally i wouldn't advocate for firing her, but yelling is not appropriate workplace behavioor
AnonymousSeptember 12,2023 at 6:41AM UTC
It sounds as though she is trying to bully you covertly. I would document (include the dates) all these incidents/email episodes etc. and bring it forward to her supervisor and HR. If she bursts into your office screaming again you are not obligated to put up with it. I would tell her "I don't appreciate being yelled at, it is obvious that you are upset, let's reconvene at a later time when you are doing better and we can have a more productive meeting." If she continues to barge into your office yelling at you, quickly advise her you are recording her (Unlawful to record w/o knowledge in CA) and start recording her outburst. I would then document and turn everything over to HR. Your organization should have an EEO policy and a section on bullying that should be provided to employees annually.