I dreamt I was terminated last night.

Anonymous

July 16,2023 at 2:30PM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

I dreamt I was terminated last night.

I woke up out of a very realistic dream that I was being terminated from a job I've had for less than a year. I couldn't fall asleep, thinking of all the mistakes I've made. The learning curve in this job is rather steep, and I've learned a lot, but it's not enough for the (imho) narcissistic jerk who tattles to my boss.... and my boss is rather unengaged. At my evaluation meeting last month she didn't even discuss my evaluation!

I made a mistake recently that involved this tattletale coworker. He has never once said anything positive about anything I've done. He has berated me in front of my colleagues. He doubts my ability to do anything at all based on mistakes I've made that relate to organizational procedures, which are the main thing I have to learn in the first year. I do have previous experience in a similar job, and I've carried what I learned there to this position successfully.

I plan to retire in about five years, so I need to keep this job, especially considering ageism is rampant in my field. So far, viewing the job as short-term has helped me keep doubts at bay... or so I thought. Retiring early isn't a good financial move, so I'm just venting here in the hopes of tamping down the fear that's creeping into my sleep.

Any words of wisdom or self-talk that helps us older ladies stick it out while we're counting backwards in our career trajectory?

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

8 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

8 Comments

Join the conversation

AnonymousJuly 17,2023 at 2:22AM UTC
Have you told him to praise in public, criticize in private (as decent people do)?
I'm not personally above professionally phrasing a "I've have experience with $field but this organization's procedures are still new to me" or "I'm doing my best to learn, but please don't talk to me that way" sentence if berated badly in front of a group--if they are half-decent people they are just not sure how to address his behavior or lack the backbone to and will respect you for it.
If that's unsuccessful, is documenting that and going to HR about his abusive, a$$hole behavior an option? I understand that's an iffy one. I've worked with countless Gen-z "snowflakes" who complain to managers over every dumb thing vs the way I entered the workforce into a world where the person who complains IS the problem unless the issue is extreme, and we were expected to be adults and work out things amongst ourselves.
AnonymousJuly 17,2023 at 4:12PM UTC
I would be careful about going to HR since they are there to protect the company from liability and not you. The other person has more tenure and most likely have a better relationship with leadership. Don’t get marked a trouble maker like I did. So sad to say that I regret standing up for myself because I made things worse for myself and ageism is so very real. I would suggest to put more effort into self care , make your world more full outside of work and when that fool speaks to you in a berating manner just do your best not to react unless you have a way to deflect it in a professional manner. I wish you the best and hang in there. 5 years will fly by and hopefully that bully will have moved on to another role.
AnonymousJuly 20,2023 at 5:06PM UTC
I think you need to speak privately to your manager let them know about this berating behavior and ask them to be the bridge so that it does not happen. Recommit to your manager for the work you need to do and ask for guidance on how to navigate dealing with errors and where the flexibility is for making them. Stay positive and when dealing with this person try as much as possible to do your interactions with them in writing because then you have memorialization of their toxicity. If it becomes unmanageable you will have to reconsider your tenure there....he is likely professionally jealous of you or just a gaslighter or passive aggressive man with little confidence. Stay the course do your job and decompress with balance after hours. If your co-workers witness his BS definitely pull them aside and ask for what they have seen..if you are his only target then you may have recourse as well.
AnonymousJuly 21,2023 at 12:59PM UTC
I understand exactly where you are at with this job/retirement time. I am that that point in my career. Don't let the co-worker get you off track with your learning of the position. That may be his intent for the attitude he's throwing out. Document the verbal beratement, especially if he is a peer but do not go to HR. Keep focused on your training, take notes of the corrections you need to make with tasks, and use your notes as a checklist before you mark the work as final. (I always think "I'll never do that again!") In your next evaluation meeting go in prepared to discuss your performance. List the skills you have learned, ask for feedback on those skills, and ask for suggestions on areas you can improve.
Three things to remember:
My work enhances my life, but does not define who I am.
Mistakes do not equal failure.
Mistakes do not define me. I am allowed the grace of imperfection.
Then ignore the coworker's attitude. I've found that most workers under 40 have a mindset against older workers. One day they will be our age.
One more thing..... I heard on a podcast that "Friends at work are over rated."
You have value to add to the workplace or you would not have been hired.
Maggie StoneJuly 21,2023 at 1:21PM UTC
I think this is sage advice. I think being proactive and self correcting is the right answer. Also, keep in mind that our thoughts have power and influence our behaviors and emotions. Keep focused on being positive and proactive. Anticipating a bad result can lead to a bad result. Don’t fortune tell.
KimBley GriffinJuly 22,2023 at 1:34PM UTC
That "...most workers under 40 have a mindset against older workers" piece has been my experience as well. To them I say, "keep saying 'good morning'".
AnonymousJuly 22,2023 at 4:40PM UTC
I hate when this happens! I still have night mares about an old job sometimes! Sorry you're stressing. If you are here, on this website, and stressing - chances are you are driven, forward thinking, etc! You're stressed, because you care. Because you want to succeed! As women, we really do have quite a bit on our plates. Most, if not all, at sometime, have had to not only work as hard as your peers, but more just because we are women. Now is the time to revaluate that drive and instead of getting caught in all the office BS, focus on you! Keep in mind, 5 years is still a long time, and you can still earn quite a bit of money through overtime, promotions, etc. Now is the time to start planning for the rest of your life. Do you want to take a vacation when you retire? Start researching destinations. Are you in shape? Start walking and light exercise so you can enjoy that vacation. Reconnect with old friends. Find a new hobby and make new ones. By putting the focus back on you, by getting your mind, body, spirt right, all the trivial stuff that doesn't matter at work will fall into the background. Sure, you can still do a great job at work, but by realizing that it's okay to clock in and then clock out you can gain work life balance. Focus all your drive and energy not to the company but to yourself. Take your breaks. Stay hydrated. Get out of the building for lunch! You can then enter retirement ready to take on the world, rather than already burnt out.
AnonymousJuly 22,2023 at 4:45PM UTC
Don't get even - Get hot!