To apply or not apply...

46 Comments

1. Cara GardnerFebruary 13,2024 at 4:53PM UTC

   This reminded me of one of my friends who I met while working together. Her husband died suddenly and she was able to take time off. The company was seemingly lenient and understanding. She then calls me up one day (i had already left the co) to tell me they basically forced her to resign. They said they had limited her workload while she was in recovery, but felt she hadnt gotten up to speed like she was in the past. Tho she admitted to me that she was working extra, staying late etc. It was clear the company had made up their minds.

   So fair warning if you're in an At-will employment state.

   I would apply to this other company and pursue it! The change of environment and new learning could be just what you need!

2. Shana AelonyFebruary 13,2024 at 5:24PM UTC

   Throwing your hat into the ring will give you more information about the position, the company, more basis for comparison should you be offered the job. Most organizations have had a tough cultural comeback from Covid/remote/hybrid work and cultures aren't yet as warm and fuzzy as they were. Your colleagues sound super accepting of your less perfect memory as a result of your strokes.. Are they disappointed in you or feeling for you? With time I hope your fabulous brain will continue to recover. I would encourage you to test the waters since you know about this potential good fit. Starting over is never easy, but you have a lot of work potentially ahead of you, so hopefully on another 18, years you look back with satisfaction whether you stay or go!

3. Heather L.February 13,2024 at 6:07PM UTC

   I agree with the other posters thus far.
   I would apply to at least see what the other position offers. You can also get a feel for their culture and atmosphere. Then at least you can make a more educated, informed decision on whether it is worth pursuing. Best of luck!

4. AnonymousFebruary 13,2024 at 6:50PM UTC

   Applying for a job is like asking someone you don't know to dance. They might say no...do it and definitely feel out the market for new things. Perhaps your life altering experience medically is causing you to rethink things overall and that is not a bad thing. You could write in your cover note to the potential company that after being with the company for so long there have been changes within that make you want to look around. Keep it simple, don't share your medical history at all it is irrelevant and see how it goes. It sounds like your psyche might need an adrenaline boost so give yourself that.

   If never hurts to talk to others and see how it goes, even if you went the distance and they made you an offer you don't have to go unless all green light say go. Wishing you good health going forward.

5. Sara TrostFebruary 13,2024 at 8:06PM UTC

   Thank you everyone for the advice and well wishes! You all have encouraged me to take a leap and at least apply. I have nothing to lose by giving it a try. Thank you all so much!!

6. AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 1:45AM UTC

   Bravo! Great decision!

7. AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 1:45AM UTC

   Please apply for the outside job.

   You owe it to yourself to do so. It will be a big win for you if you are selected and you deserve to pursue this opportunity.

   There’s also a win for your current company if you move on to something better: they get to pick out a brand new employee who (we hope) will be excited to have the job. I hope that helps you to jettison your feelings of guilt.

8. Jamie Martin, ACCFebruary 14,2024 at 1:35PM UTC

   Agree to apply. You may also want to dig into whether you are actually disappointing people at work or if you are feeling it because you don't feel as confident from your health issues. (Which is understandable after 3 strokes)

   Talk to your boss and others about how you are doing. Ask for specific areas you are doing well and areas where you might be struggling. Ask about any changes they see from you from pre-covid to now.

9. AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 2:17PM UTC

   I'm so sorry for all you've had to deal with. I had a TIA when I was 27 and to this day it's affected me. My heart goes out to you.

   I spent much of 2023 trying to recuperate from a badly broken left foot as well as injured right hip and knee - due to a fall last January. My company is also kind and understanding - and I spent more time working from home than in the office.

   I'm back full time in the office now - and I also don't feel the same. I feel like a has-been. As if I'm not longer important. That the company has moved on and I'm only there because I do work they need.

   I'm 56, and for the first time I've started to consider leaving. I'm sure you've seen this many times but it bears repeating:

   Your company could fire you in a second (if you're in an at will state) and not think a thing about it.

   While I completely understand and appreciate allegiance (I've been at my job for 20 years) - you also have to think of yourself.

   I wish you all the best.

10. AnonymousFebruary 17,2024 at 8:53PM UTC

    Covid has affected us all more profoundly than we realized. Things have not gone back to the way they were even though the pandemic seems to have wound down. Everything has changed, probably for good. I understand what you are going through. During covid I ended up on disability, but could not even imagine trying to get a job in my field of 30 years if I had to.

11. AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 2:17PM UTC

    Apply! You deserve to work at a place where you feel like you're valued and appreciated. Also, just because you apply doesn't mean you have to take the job. You can use the interview time to figure out if it's the right place for you or not.

12. Colleen HansonFebruary 14,2024 at 3:25PM UTC

    It sounds to me like a lot of this is simply your own guilt about not being able to perform the way you did before getting sick. It also sounds like your current employer was supportive when you needed it the most, and I would count your blessings on that front because many employers were not that supportive, I know that the company I worked for during the height of Covid was horrible! They forced us to come to work; Covid or not! They found a way to terminate one employee who was hospitalized for it and another employee was so sick and weak that she ended up in car accident on her way to work. They did not care; told her to get her car towed and get to work.

    What if the new position doesn't work out? If you are struggling to "remember" things at your current job, what will make things any different at a new one? Keep in mind, you will need to go through a training process and if you are already having some brain fog, retaining information could potentially be difficult for you.

    Is it possible for you to sit down with someone at your current job and talk to them about how you are feeling? I feel like after 18 years this would be the first step I would take. If they indicate that they are not happy with you, then I would encourage you to apply for the other position. The flip side is maybe you will realize that it is just you feeling that way and they are perfectly happy with you! I'm just not sure that I would throw away 18 years without having all of the information I needed first.

    Good luck to you!

13. Sara TrostFebruary 14,2024 at 5:31PM UTC

    Thank you Colleen for your perspective! I appreciate you!

14. Maggie StoneFebruary 15,2024 at 1:43PM UTC

    First of all, I am sorry you are going through all the health issues.
    I get the loyalty and worrying about letting people down. I truly don’t mean to be harsh, but trust me, they will get over it and survive. Sometimes you have to step on people’s toes or displease them to get what you need. Applying is not a commitment to leave. I want you to consider that it might bolster your confidence to get an interview or offer because you know you can leave if you need to. You can then do a cost benefit analysis, but go with your gut. when making a decision. On a side note, if you haven’t discussed the memory concerns with a medical professional and been evaluated, I would suggest that you do so. Because it sounds like those concerns -which seem like the biggest piece-may impact you anywhere. I wish you good health and the best of luck. The point of my post is make a decision based on what is best for you and your health.

15. AnonymousFebruary 17,2024 at 8:45PM UTC

    I know that memory difficulties may result from the strokes you mentioned. Therapy may be helpful to you with memory issues

16. Maggie StoneFebruary 18,2024 at 1:15AM UTC

    As a Therapist, I can say, unfortunately, we don’t deal with memory issues. We can help you process your thoughts and feelings about memory issues, but fixing the memory issues is not in our scope.

17. Carolyn RFebruary 17,2024 at 1:12PM UTC

    Take it from someone who was working somewhere for 15 years. Loyalty means nothing I said go for the other job. See if you can get it.

18. Margo JohnsonFebruary 17,2024 at 1:40PM UTC

    Apply. You are not setting anything in stone by applying. See what comes of it, and make a final decision if and when it comes to that.

    Your job has no loyalty to you. Make the decision that is best for you. Don't burn bridges, but don't feel guilty about putting yourself ahead of them.

19. Bosslady121653February 17,2024 at 2:39PM UTC

    My recommendation is to apply for the other position. Sometimes it is hard to leave what we already know for something we nothing about. Employers would be making a business decision if they had to downsize and would lay people off. We don't live in that economy anymore where loyalty matters to a business or corporation. Just saying. Good luck with whatever you decide to do but do what is best for your current situation.

20. Amy GeffenFebruary 17,2024 at 2:42PM UTC

    Time to start looking elsewhere. Whatever has changed, it sounds like this not the right environment for you any more. If you many more years of work ahead of you you will be able to find the right fit and continue working.

21. AnonymousFebruary 17,2024 at 3:29PM UTC

    Moving on is always difficult but acknowledging that "things are different" and not being sure why is not a sustainable place from which to draw motivation. New situations challenge us and we learn about ourselves and refresh our efficacy when we have to grow. I say go for it. No regrets.

22. AnonymousFebruary 17,2024 at 8:57PM UTC

    those are great thoughts

23. AnonymousFebruary 17,2024 at 4:33PM UTC

    Just apply and IF you receive a job offer then cross that bridge when you get to it.

24. AnonymousFebruary 17,2024 at 5:29PM UTC

    I have found that the work environment since Covid is very different. People are definitely different and there seems to be no connection to other people that they work with. I am sure it has something to do with all the time we spent away from work. I think you should apply to the new job and see what happens. Good luck. You are obviously a strong person to have survived all that you have been through.

25. AnonymousFebruary 17,2024 at 7:09PM UTC

    Apply for the other position and if you get an offer then take it. Make sure to ask about flexibility for appointments in the interview. I understand your feelings of loyalty but most companies don't have that same feeling towards their employees and will let employees go when it benefits the company. It is easier to find a job if you are employed. Good luck!

26. KathyAnn KrajcikFebruary 17,2024 at 7:36PM UTC

    Apply for the job and see what happens. You are not committing to anything until the day you walk out the door. Find out what it's about, then decide.

27. AnonymousFebruary 17,2024 at 7:57PM UTC

    Apply for the job.

28. AnonymousFebruary 17,2024 at 8:56PM UTC

    perhaps your memory isn't so good; you acknowledge that. You've been thru alot. and perhaps your "vibe" is correct, and you're not appreciated as you once were. But....you are 54, work for a company that's taken good care of you during illness, ,you're still working there (and not getting disciplined)...and yet, you want to apply somewhere else....WHY? HONESTLY, I think you are under-estimating the stress of a new job, new employer and with memory issues (??) and you still are attending doctor appointments? So you are applying somewhere else because you think you are "disappointing people"....?? Sit back and re-examine everything here. I think you are off track completely. Dig deep about "why"....????

29. Communication CoachFebruary 18,2024 at 1:49AM UTC

    Coming from a medical background, I would suggest you do NOT need a completely new situation or new job. It's normal to have to heal the brain, which affects memory, after a stroke (let alone two) and COVID. You can remember some things on a familiar job - you would have to learn everything on a new one. Having that amount of stress does not seem warranted at this point. Feelings are processed via the brain and yours is still healing. The average healing time of a stroke is two years. Please be kind - and patient with yourself. Because you are used to functioning at a high level and know you aren't there yet, you need a lot of reassurance. Work is not the best place to get that. If there is someone at your work you can tell you feel yourself making progress and you appreciate their working with you. You may or may not get some feedback - I hope they reassure you some.

    Your number one loyalty must be to yourself and you must always do what is best for you - never put loyalty to a company before yourself. Companies look out for themselves first. It is good to work hard for a company and be loyal within boundaries, but, when it comes to who to put first, it must be you. That does not mean you don't give top professional service to your company.

    After 40-yrs it is very difficult to find a job, for a number or reasons. One big issue with companies is they have to pay a lot more for medical insurance for older female employees. I have had so many female friends and past co-workers not able to get hired after 45-yrs even with impeccable work record and references, in their field. For that reason alone, I would think and re-think resigning. You have considerable time invested in the company you are with. If you have any type of retirement program, that is very valuable. Recovery is so difficult especially when it is not as rapid as we'd like. The company took you back after much time out - that says a lot for your company! Try to remember that when it seems things are just right. They may be more right than it seems. Best healing thoughts to you - rest as much as you can and eat healthfully!

30. AnonymousFebruary 18,2024 at 7:29AM UTC

    Considering your situation and the workload you are accustomed to and handling well without getting sick again and the employer being flexible with your health condition, you should stay put. There is no guarantee that the new employer will be accommodating.

31. AnonymousFebruary 18,2024 at 6:23PM UTC

    I agree. No one else will be as accommodating.

32. Stephanie UjhelyiFebruary 18,2024 at 1:26PM UTC

    I too am around the same age and used to support the old school belief of loyalty. I have learned over the years (I am a slow learner) that you need to do what is best for you. The fact is that they wouldn't think twice about getting rid of you if they decide to.

33. Marcia SmithFebruary 18,2024 at 3:53PM UTC

    I turned 57 in November and just started a new job one month before that! It is SO much netter than my old job. They are a great team and my boss is very compassionate. We are never too old to move to a better job where they really care about and respect us :)?

34. Inna GelfondFebruary 18,2024 at 8:24PM UTC

    I 100% agree! You do what's best for you, not the employer.

35. Rashida GovanFebruary 18,2024 at 1:28PM UTC

    Apply if for noting else, to see what else is out there. Your current employer is not the only company that could be supportive. As you said, applying doesn't mean you'll get it. You can just see what's out there and decide later if an option surfaces for you. Even if you get it, it doesn't mean you have to take it. But always keep your options open. You're also assuming that your loyalty is reciprocated. You never know what your present company might do. Options are always good to have.

36. AnonymousFebruary 18,2024 at 1:49PM UTC

    How supportive can a job be if they make you feel you are a disappointment? That being said, I would go to HR and express your feelings of not being as good as you once were and, perhaps, needing some help. If you came back in a wheelchair, you wouldn't hesitate to go to HR and tell them what new accommodations you need to do your best job. Are they just keeping you around because you've been there so long? That is like having a pet. However, a new job may be too much to handle at this point and, you have benefits and an understanding boss that lets you take time off when you need it. That is like gold. I know from experience healing takes a long time. And I mean a long time. I'd work on getting yourself into your best physical and mental health first. And yes, it is hard work. It's best to be in a place you know and feel secure for that.

37. Amy Miller, Psy.D. - Career CoachFebruary 18,2024 at 2:11PM UTC

    Apply. "They are not horrible to me" is really low expectations and not a reason to stay with someone. As a career coach, I hear these stories all the time - the idea of "loyalty" at work is a misunderstanding of a work relationship. You are their employee, not their family. And even in family's we put some distance between ourselves and the people we love when it is no longer the best option for us. But this a job, and you are not obligated to make your life harder or worse because you just happen to have worked there for so long. On the other hand, if you apply, and other-job DOES seem worse, then just don't take it. It's all about choosing what is the better option for you, and you absolutely have the right to do so.

38. AnonymousFebruary 18,2024 at 4:09PM UTC

    Apply. You have to look after you. You should always explore your options.

39. Debra WheatmanFebruary 18,2024 at 6:37PM UTC

    Apply. There is no such thing as a company that is "committed" to you. You need to ALWAYS commit to yourself. If they had any misgivings about letting you go, trust me, they would. This is the harsh reality of the working world.

40. Wanda ShawFebruary 19,2024 at 12:18AM UTC

    I believe that you still matter to your employers. If you didn’t, they would have eliminated your position. It just might be that they’ve gotten so used to adjusting and filling in for you during your medical absence that it’s routine, and they’re being considerate by slowly integrating you back into the flow as to not overwhelm and to accommodate where you are with your health. Before you make a sudden move that you might end up regretting, have a conversation with management to find out what changes, if any, have been or will be made to your role. If you don’t agree with the direction that has been set, then start applying elsewhere.

41. AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 4:29AM UTC

    I believe if you feel that way it is because you know things are different. To cover yourself you should ensure that your accommodation is documented and that you and your doctor have completed FMLA forms. Also if necessary I would ensure an Americans with Disabilities ADA has been noted so that your job is protected. Understand that no company is going to be loyal to you if they don't feel a need to keep you they will do what they need to do. That being said, I hope Wanda is right but let us be realistic. I would definitely apply for the role. Like you said it does not mean you are going to get it. Always review your options and be open to all opportunities. Take advantage of all opportunities to prospers. Listen yo your heart or gut whatever you want to call it. Live with no regrets.

42. Dawn ColoradoFebruary 19,2024 at 3:16PM UTC

    I'm also 54 and the job market right now is strange at best. Even job coaches I've spoken with say it's the weirdest they've seen in decades.

    It's great your company has been supportive so far. Applying to other jobs though is not a betrayal. These days with layoffs and "restructuring" and whatever double-speak is going on, most people I know are still applying even while working a job they are reasonably happy with. By keeping your options open, you're taking care of yourself. You never know what may come along or what may change at your current job.

43. AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 3:46PM UTC

    APPLY FOR THE JOB

44. AnonymousFebruary 20,2024 at 4:04AM UTC

    Well, follow your heart. One thing for sure is that there is no job security. No matter how long you've been on a job, there's no guarantee. Have you ever thought about becoming your own boss, building your own dreams? Its funny how people have the patience to work for someone else for 30 years but not patient to build their own business for 3 years... Think this through and inbox me if you would like to become your own business owner with little or no capital. You now need quality time with yourself and family members.... Inbox me if you so desire.

45. Joycelyn M. SiameFebruary 20,2024 at 2:18PM UTC

    Well... to be honest, don't focus so much on "loyalty" to a company, only because if they feel like your work is not up to snuff, they won't have an issue replacing you, if push comes to shove.

    With that being said, all you are doing is applying to this job, there is no guarantee you will get it, and that's OK, because at least you are still employed. If you do apply and get the job offer, then you can ask them to give you a day or two, and THEN you can weigh out the pros and cons and make the right decision for YOU and you alone.

    I say apply for the job and see what happens. I wish you the best of luck!

46. AnonymousFebruary 20,2024 at 7:15PM UTC

    Don't hesitate. Apply! Things are very different these days. Sadly, there is no loyalty, only the bottom line. So always look out for you first and foremost! Trust me.