I have a call tomorrow with my 2 direct managers and the most senior person in my department.

32 Comments

1. AnonymousFebruary 18,2024 at 9:36PM UTC

   You say you have a time management issue and also that you're productive and get your job done (just differently).
   Which is it then? How do your difficulties manifest if you seem to be doing your tasks just fine?

2. AnonymousFebruary 18,2024 at 9:59PM UTC

   Great question - when I am given things to do, they get done. When I try to take initiative and create my own projects (I do events and engagement for a NFP) they are blown into huge events that usually get low enrollment and we end up cancelling. To them, that comes across as poor time management and project management. It's hard to push things forward so when I'm not planning as many events as I'm supposed to, I appear to be failing at my job.

3. AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 1:46PM UTC

   It sounds like you are not getting the outcomes they want. That could definitely be a problem if they are paying you for events that get canceled. Try asking them for things that you will get results on.

4. AnonymousFebruary 18,2024 at 9:37PM UTC

   Bring your notes on your accomplishments and you schedule of tasks and rountine then listen listen and contribute simply where warranted. Before your meeting, take a nice walk around the building to calm your nerves.

5. AnonymousFebruary 18,2024 at 10:00PM UTC

   Thank you. I have to remind my face not to respond first. ?

6. Alina FloreaFebruary 18,2024 at 11:18PM UTC

   To calm down, breathe! Breathe deep, take multiple 2 minute deep breathing sessions over the day, as a matter of nervous system hygiene. This is the most basic way sustained by neuroscience, helping one to calm down.

   Second, before entering that session take a long deep breathe session,maybe 10-15 minutes.

   Thirdly, it feels you already foresee a disaster. How do you know it will be one?

   Forth, let’s say they will critique your way of doing things. What is the worst that can happen? To fire you. You already said you do not need that job. So, what is that bad if this happens? Put it in this perspective!

   Fifth, how come you are so sure they are after you? It feels a conviction that has you stuck as the result.

   Who do you want to be in that meeting?

7. AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 2:28AM UTC

   First of all, letting you stew over the weekend is a bit mean, tbh. It is perfectly normal to think the worst about a meeting like that, and an entire weekend is way too much time.

   Second, I am about your age and also work differently. For me, I tend to get very little done during the day but work at night for 3-4 solid hours. I meet my deadlines. But I am well aware that my brain (the same brain that would have me freaking out about the meeting too, btw), functions differently and that it is harder for others to understand how I work.

   I am not sure what will come out of the meeting but before the meeting it may be helpful to think about how you work best and how you can communicate that. I usually am very upfront about my night owl habits and because they cannot 'see' me working during the day,. I also end up overcommunicating my process so everyone feels comfortable.

   But what works for you may be different. If time management is an issue, then think about how you break down tasks and why they may be worried about how you are managing your time. Then, think of a compromise and write it down. Focus on stuff like this until the meeting happens. Planning for a solution is a much better use of your time than panic and worry.

   Could it be a really bad meeting? Well, yes, it could. But you cannot control that. What you can control is how you will react. Focus on being prepared and go into the meeting calm. And in the very worst case scenario, it may be helpful to think of a calming image. When, I get really upset in a meeting, I imagine myself hugging my niece and try to feel the love. It sounds strange, but it helps and reminds me that no matter what the people on a Zoom call say, they are NOT the most important things in my life right now and only know a very small part of me.

   And good luck.

8. AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 5:46AM UTC

   Thank you! You do sound similar to me except for the night owl thing. I'm at my best from 10am until around 3.

   But everything else is dead on great advice. I also learned the technique in therapy that you say the worst possible things to yourself and then you realize how ridiculous they sound and you feel better. Plus I have a huge support system telling me I can do better.

9. AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 2:47AM UTC

   Have you considered anything like undiagnosed ADHD? I mention that because late diagnosis is very common in women (I was over 40) and you could potentially seek ADA accommodations once you have a diagnosis.

   That might slow down the process of your leaving until a better time if you can get through the call.

10. AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 5:43AM UTC

    Yes! I've been working with a therapist on this but am awaiting a final diagnosis. I took a personality test (enfp) and the description is very similar to ADD so it's hard to know.

11. AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 1:28PM UTC

    It’s possible that they are picking up on your attitude (“I don’t need this job” etc) and that, coupled with your self-stated time management issues, is provoking a discussion.

12. AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 1:59PM UTC

    I signed on to a Teams mtg with 2 of my managers thinking it it was a regular monthly mtg and quickly discovered that it was basically an employee review of certain new skills my level was required to learn - it wasn’t until I talked with the person whose team I am on after the call that I learned it was a PIP. PIP was never mentioned on the call - it was only mentioned after my 30 days were up and I had learned the necessary skills. It was very hard to stay open while I listened to words that challenged my ability to be a good team member because of my not having acquired the new skills, but I did - I guess my advice is to stay open. Take the information in and process it. Try not to take it personally. There is a whole corporate structure behind the people you will be meeting with. If you can hear what they are saying and make any changes to be in line with what they want, then great. If not move on.

13. AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 3:21PM UTC

    I would ask my direct leader for more information about what the agenda is for the meeting in order for you to prepare.

14. Lisa MyersFebruary 19,2024 at 4:30PM UTC

    Do some research on feedback. I’m reading a book called Thanks for the Feedback. It puts things into perspective!

15. AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 5:14PM UTC

    Thanks for the recommendation!

16. AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 5:17PM UTC

    Just to follow up - it was a strategy call! There are a few more things I can be doing but it was in no terms a character assassination.

    Phew.

    Thank you all for the support and recommendations. My office is a little toxic so your advice will come in handy down the road.

17. AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 7:11PM UTC

    Good to hear, I sometimes read too much into it so I have started asking more questions when an agenda is vague.

18. AnonymousFebruary 20,2024 at 3:17AM UTC

    I am so glad to hear it! Toxic environments bring out the worst and the worst anxiety in all of us. So happy it was not what you feared.

19. AnonymousFebruary 20,2024 at 1:25PM UTC

    I'm same situation...pip sprung on me. After 60 days went to FMLA medical full-time. It's not you ... Play the game and cards you are delt

20. AnonymousFebruary 20,2024 at 2:14PM UTC

    It is her. She admitted that. Perhaps she could take the initiative to grow? We all have to work in environments that aren’t 100% to our liking 100% of the time. Being a successful adult means navigating those times when it’s not and pushing through. She absolutely could just quit and move on, but she will be exactly the same human she is today. Is that the goal in life?

21. AnonymousFebruary 20,2024 at 1:32PM UTC

    So just something to consider: quitting won’t help you with time management. It doesn’t sound like you’re denying the issue. There’s a real possibility that a PIP could help you.

22. AnonymousFebruary 20,2024 at 4:43PM UTC

    Use Chat GPT!

23. AnonymousFebruary 20,2024 at 6:27PM UTC

    Take a deep breath. If you get accused of doing things differently in the meeting absorb the information and then explain to the audience how you work and what works best for you. Take the feedback and think about if and how you can put it into practice. Don't get reactionary, don't get emotional, let them vent. Hopefully you are overthinking this....my question is why do you have 2 managers? Clearly you are seasoned and a professional. Perhaps suggest working with only one to get direction?

24. Jennifer TaylorFebruary 20,2024 at 7:16PM UTC

    How did it go? I read a comment that asked if you looked into undiagnosed ADHD. I talked to my GP last summer about having a neuropsych exam because I've read several times now that women of certain generations were missed entirely for ADHD and autism.

    Sure enough, after 10 hours of testing (broken up into 2-hour segments over 6 weeks) not only do I have ADHD with executive functioning, but I'm also autistic.

    So what does this mean with my work life? Well, I switched jobs to a mostly remote position now, with much less stress, with a VP who is not a micro-manager. I also self-advocate and give myself accommodations.

    To stay on task, I use one-note with a spreadsheet as a project tracker, and I make daily "to-do" lists. I ask for explicit instructions when being given a project. I ask a LOT of questions and always mirror back to the person to make sure I'm hearing them correctly.

    As someone who has struggled with executive functioning and time-management, I can understand your frustration, and how the character labels are distressing.

25. AnonymousFebruary 21,2024 at 4:26PM UTC

    these are the same strategies I use to stay on task.

26. AnonymousFebruary 20,2024 at 9:50PM UTC

    I understand where you are coming from. I have had similar challenges and I was able to respond by doing a 2-3 day diary of what I was working on and how many hours I worked.

    From your managers perspective it's likely there is some glaring difference between your priorities and theres. Be prepared to be redirected.

    Also, if you have the options of short term paid or long term paid disability, research those options. They can't help you with STD or LTD, but if you can make a case to your doctor it will help.

    On a positive note, I'm finding motionapp to be very useful and you might be able to talk to them about using that for work -- it might be good to try out the 7day trial asap and see if it seems useful. It's basically a personal kanban board/calendar and work tracker that automatically adjusts due dates and work items moving them forward on your calendar. I've been using it for about two weeks and I love it.

27. AnonymousFebruary 21,2024 at 2:10PM UTC

    As others have mentioned, time management issues are often a sign of neurodivergence such as ADHD or autism. And being a woman is very possible that it wasn't diagnosed because the symptoms present in different ways (e.g. inattentive type ADHD). You may be able to get reasonable accommodations for this at your job.

28. AnonymousFebruary 25,2024 at 2:41PM UTC

    You can if you want to divulge to them that you have been formally diagnosed by a professional and provide the proof. You can’t self-diagnose and then drop it on them when they do a performance improvement plan.

29. AnonymousFebruary 21,2024 at 3:37PM UTC

    Record the convo if you can.

    Try and remain calm.

    Thank them for the feedback - Ask for specific examples.

    Take notes. If need be on anything ask that you take time to think about it and circle back with your thoughts. (I really appreciate your feedback. can I have sometime to think about this, so I can ensure to give thoughtful answers and we circle back on mm/dd ?)

    What are their suggestions.?

    do a summary email back.

    Document. Document.

30. AnonymousFebruary 22,2024 at 1:46AM UTC

    I assume the call has already happened. For the future look up physical stress reduction techniques to use when you are in the moment. Somatic exercises. Breathing techniques. You can use movement to initiate de-escalation in your nervous system. Vagus nerve stimulation. Taking a few minutes before a call or even excuse yourself to the restroom during a meeting to do them can help the anxiety. So you can calm and it gives you the ability to respond appropriately and advocate for yourself.

31. AnonymousFebruary 22,2024 at 1:31PM UTC

    My personal advice is to be well prepared. Also be open to suggestions on improvement; perhaps, even solicit them.

32. AnonymousFebruary 22,2024 at 11:24PM UTC

    Listen openly as much as possible.

    Make a list ahead of time as to how you DO work productively ( as you mentioned) and any accolades you’ve been given by the team. when they’re finished with their presentation, I’d read some of those positives. Not so much tit for tat but in a self assured manner. Then listen again as to what they see are next steps. Call your therapist ahead of time and fortify yourself to stay calm for this meeting. You’ll stay calmer if you come armed with your strengths and your options.