Have any of you dealt with co workers making comments about your age?

Anonymous

February 19,2024 at 10:09PM UTC

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Have any of you dealt with co workers making comments about your age? I work in a primarily male dominated job. I am older than most women in my level. I have to deal with male coworkers and sometimes females making comments about my age.

I work in a small space where coworkers tend to get close and everyone knows everyones age. You see, I look young for my age. (Mainly because I dont spend my free time with people who arent good for me) Every time someone asks my my age, I tell them, because that's what everyone does. And I don't lie, because I don't like to lie. And every time, without fail, they always say, "OH MY GOD, YOU'RE _______ YEARS OLD"!!! As if theyve never met anyone of that age before.

I try to have a sense of humor and say, "Har de HAR har har! All right, get it out of your system." That tends to work on the well meaning guys who are just being dumb and most get better after that. However some of the comments can be just plain mean.

These aren't people with authority over me, so I'm not really worried about discrimination or favoritism, though that can happen in the future. I am in no position to quit, and why should I, when it would happen anywhere else too. I don't usually like to go to HR, Unless I have to. I don't want to be the person who can't solve my own problems.

Anyone have any advice on this issue?

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AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 10:38PM UTC
I liked that! Especially the last one. Another reply for being asked that question is "too old for YOU" My best guy friend used that on me once.
AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 10:56PM UTC
Advice: do nothing. Extricate yourself from these conversations. This doesn’t rise to the occasion of a reportable HR offense IMO.
AnonymousFebruary 20,2024 at 1:57AM UTC
I worked closely with people judging me on EVERYTHING: from my car, my appearance, my role....anything.
My age, my wardrobe.
My supervisor loved them, supportive of them and I eventually left despite in leadership. Great opportunity but HORRIBLE atmosphere
If you want to stay, you should!!! You are right, why should you leave. I'd tell them all: too busy to talk
AnonymousFebruary 20,2024 at 3:37AM UTC
Since your age is none of their business, I would say, "Older than you, but younger than the President." That way, you don't lie and get the point across that you are uncomfortable with the question. If they persist, change the subject or state you prefer for them not to ask anymore.
Clydene HorriganFebruary 20,2024 at 4:15AM UTC
I like this approach. It is somewhat light-hearted but makes the point that you’re not going to disclose your age.
You can have a couple of these types of answers ready.
“Didn’t you know you’re never supposed to ask a lady her age?”
”There’s a few things I never discuss at work: politics, religion, and people’s age.”
”29 again”
Good luck and have some fun with it.
AnonymousFebruary 20,2024 at 11:45AM UTC
I wouldn't bother to have "fun". These people are Jerks. Simply act as though you didn't hear them- don't engage
Sue BaldockFebruary 20,2024 at 1:12PM UTC
Yes, at a job I left last May, older people in my department were the butt of age jokes all the time. I was asked once if I started learning how to use a calculator with an abacus - and that was by a supervisor (who is no longer a supervisor because he was turned into HR for being a bully). Many of the "jokes" were much cruder than that.
Zeecil KimmelFebruary 20,2024 at 1:48PM UTC
This is a very interesting post - I personally saw more comments on my age when I was younger and now that I am approaching 50 I am right around the age of all my colleagues. But when anyone asks me my age I say 21. And if they do not believe me then I simply say "29.99 + shipping and handling". Perhaps if you joke about it first -you can all have a little laugh and move on. I find that with everything if you take it personally then it becomes a weakness mean people want to exploit.
KaraFebruary 20,2024 at 2:17PM UTC
Comments like this can be viewed as harassment and should not be tolerated. Age is a protected class
AnonymousFebruary 20,2024 at 2:39PM UTC
I remember when I started my career out of college, my colleagues who were in their 30's seemed "old" to me and of course there was always some ribbing both ways about being old or a baby... I look back and feel like an ass for comments like I wasn't even born when you graduated from college... but this is the lack of wisdom of youth and young people some how feeling like youth is some advantage or "one up" despite age literally being out of the control of all of us. However, if it's not just normal ribbing or as you're uncomfortable, then I'd either stop sharing your age or make some joke like I'm old enough to know better etc. or have a rebuttal.
Age is a protected class of course. However, i think the joy of aging has been wisdom and also shedding the need for external validation. If they think you're old, so what.
I'm curious why this is being discussed with such frequency that it bothers you? And if it's with young people, perhaps school them in professional behavior? LIke I know you are young and inexperienced.... turn it around.
Be proud of your age.
AnonymousFebruary 20,2024 at 5:50PM UTC
Stop telling people how old you are if you don't want people to pass comments. You could always say something like, don't you know it's rude to ask a woman her age? Or, if you wanted to be more direct, I'm not sure what that has to do with X that we were talking about.
People at work are still people, and they will always have an opinion or a reaction to information that's shared with them, so if you don't like the way people react to what you're sharing, stop sharing it.
surfnwriteFebruary 24,2024 at 4:39PM UTC
Don’t you know it’s rude to ask a woman her age -> talk about playing the victim card jeez. You are just perpetuating the devaluation of woman as they get older.
AnonymousFebruary 20,2024 at 7:59PM UTC
Why are people asking your age? You can make a small joke and say old as methuselah. Or say Hmmm I won't ask your weight if you won't ask my age. It's irrelevant and frankly offputting to work in a place where this nonsense is even a thing. I am usually 20 years older than most of my co-workers and work in HR/legal if anyone said this to me I would just shut it down. End of story.
AnonymousFebruary 21,2024 at 7:22AM UTC
I think that you are handling the situation well.
If your company has undertaken diversity initiatives, you might want to ensure that combating ageism is incorporated in the DEI agenda.
GirlBossanova934974February 21,2024 at 1:33PM UTC
Frankly, I don't why you would answer their question about their age. It's none of their business! Sounds like you have a bunch of coworkers with too much free time on their hands! I would just tell your nosey coworkers, "I'd rather not say" and smile. If they persist, I would add, "I really have to get back to work".
AnonymousFebruary 21,2024 at 1:42PM UTC
It's a very toxic culture with regards to ageism, folks think they'll never age, I always say, " old enough to vote." Big smile and end the conversation. If they have nothing better to ask they should brush up on their social skills.
AnonymousFebruary 21,2024 at 2:03PM UTC
You don’t owe anybody the answer to any personal question . I’d say older than you and leave it at that. Or old enough to know not to ask that question. Or older than your mom. You choose ?
AnonymousFebruary 21,2024 at 2:44PM UTC
I think people do this as a compliment when they are not surprised, or maybe only slightly...I have actually done this when I was in my 20's I thought it made older people feel better... I'm older now. It does not, but younger people/ immature people may still believe as I did.
I'm sorry you are feeling down about this. I like the comment that says, "I'm older than you" I'd add, and "making this look easy."
LisaFebruary 21,2024 at 3:00PM UTC
I've always answered, "Old enough to know better and young enough not to care." A little saucy. Makes them smile.
SilkyFebruary 21,2024 at 3:42PM UTC
Yes and the remarks were meant to demean me. I worked for the Resolution Trust Corporation which is under the FDIC. Now I see where an EEOC claim was made by an FDIC employee. The news article stated that the FDIC has a culture of Sexual harassment. The woman got $5.2 million.
J McGovernFebruary 21,2024 at 4:09PM UTC
I understand not wanting to go to HR, but this is, indeed, affecting your right to feel safe at work and ultimately your quality of life.
If HR doesn't know about it, tell them. And if they allow it to persist, it's illegal. They can't fix what they don't know about.
LA+30yrsFebruary 21,2024 at 4:09PM UTC
I walked down the hallway and overheard a co-worker telling others that "i was taking someone younger's place that needed a job." I smiled and waved at them!
AnonymousFebruary 21,2024 at 4:39PM UTC
You look younger than you are because you don’t spend your free time with…??? Huh? And no matter what size of the company or culture, it’s never a wise idea to tell your age. Or anything personal for that matter.
AnonymousFebruary 24,2024 at 7:35PM UTC
I don't spend my free time with stressful people who arent healthy for me. I'm very picky about who I Hang with. A lady at the library literally asked my if I'm in High school, so I must be doing something right.
QFebruary 21,2024 at 4:48PM UTC
It sounds like the group you are in has negative feelings towards older coworkers. I would answer ambiguously to keep them guessing on age, and I'd probably make a comment that put older workers in a positive light or brush off with a joke about them being jealous.
In my experience, it has always been a positive for me when I get to state my age. Looking younger than you are by a significant amount is not wonderful for your career if you are in a highly technical realm where experience and the age that accompanies it is valued and thought of and your peers assume they have lightyears on you. Especially if they are in fact very equal in years of experience. I tend to appreciate the opportunity to give my age or years of experience, because more than a few times it has been met with surprise and a change in how that person related to me. Speaking as an equal instead of speaking to me as less skilled.
AnonymousFebruary 21,2024 at 9:33PM UTC
I don't lie. I don't say anything except "old enough to know better" with a big smile on my face as a response. I'm in my 50's and people think I'm in my 30's. I'd like to keep it that way :).
JJFebruary 22,2024 at 2:34AM UTC
Same!
Mtrsprtautoltd@aol.comFebruary 22,2024 at 12:29AM UTC
I would respond asking why they need to know. Then smile. If they have an intelligent response, then say you would consider telling them only because they had an 8ntelligent response but it’s a secret and you’d have to kill them.
Samya ShabazFebruary 22,2024 at 4:01PM UTC
That's a good one.
JJFebruary 22,2024 at 2:33AM UTC
I do not look my age and I never offer it because it is one of their (;$;; #%{ business.
My answer to how old are you?
Old enough to not have to tell you.
Heavens sakes, only toddlers like to share their age!
AnonymousFebruary 22,2024 at 12:17PM UTC
Flip their question and put the spot light on them.
Hey, (co workers name) what’s your age? And if they say something like I asked you first? Look busy and walk away. If they ask why does this matter? Say it doesn’t and walk away. If some one is asking and you sense it will be followed up with a remark. Ask the person do you like to make women uncomfortable by asking this question? Shine a mirror onto how they are behaving and they will not like it and it will shut this kind of talk down.
AnonymousFebruary 24,2024 at 4:35PM UTC
That is really amping up the victim quotient. Bad idea.
Paulla Fetzek, MSEdFebruary 22,2024 at 2:42PM UTC
Ageism isn't a thing within the Hardware industry where I work. In fact, it's the opposite! Half of the employees in the office where I work are over 40.
My company offers several starter positions, so we do have a large mix of college graduates, younger employees as well.
I'm fortunate in the fact I apparently don't look my age either. Most people will guess me to be in my latter 40s. I'm 56.
What I hear the most is "You don't ACT 56!"
To which I reply with something like, "Oh? By whose standards? Yours?"
I'd say 90% of the time this stops the comments.
And to those people who've said to me, "You're too old to do such-and-such" My response is: "Tell you what. When you get my age you can tell me what to do."
If people are sharp, they'll reply with something like, "But, you'll still be older than me."
And THAT my friend... Is the point.
AnonymousFebruary 24,2024 at 4:34PM UTC
Don’t go to HR. It will make you look like a victim. I’ve been in that situation before and making the jokes like you do shows it doesn’t bother you. Why make them think it does?
surfnwriteFebruary 24,2024 at 4:45PM UTC
Next time they ask say 87.