I started a new job about a year and a half ago, I followed an old boss and “friend”.

12 Comments

1. Heather (she/her)July 31,2023 at 4:18PM UTC

   Is it possible to just have an open conversation with her about what your expectations were when you came over, and how they're not matching what's happening?

2. AnonymousJuly 31,2023 at 4:33PM UTC

   Feels like an conversation is needed.
   I would like to caution the reference of "friend" as you've indicated here. Your career is yours to own . Do not assume your previous relationship with this person (friend or not) guarantees help or support in your movement in the company.

   I know it's easier said than done but if you want move up in the company then I would dig into designing your own individual development plan (IDP).

   Outline your plan, share your plan, talk up your plan and just "do it." Share your progress along the way; don't wait for people to ask you, be confident in "bragging about your wins" and do not consume yourself with what others are doing. I hope this old boss can become a sponsor for you so they can advocate for you in rooms that you may or may not have access to but you've got to show your work in this new company; don't rely on the past relationship.

   Everyone is just winging it in the end, but do not get discouraged or demotivated...focus on yourself and keep going. You've got this!!

3. AnonymousJuly 31,2023 at 5:13PM UTC

   Many times the best made plans hit a snag.

   Things don't always evolve as we expect. So it's great to have plans but it's better to be fluid and have various plans A, B and C. Stay open to things changing.

   The great thing is that your motivation is completely within your control. You drive your excitement and commitment levels and your goals are in your hands. Only you can find satisfaction and you can shop for new opportunities and your life and dreams are your's only. So you can drive your success, network and find new ways to grow and gather skills and experience. You can choose to stay and make the best if your situation, build your personal life and/or land new opportunities. So, I understand your disappointment but I also understand your power to pivot. So, don't get too comfortable in your disappointment.

4. AnonymousJuly 31,2023 at 6:29PM UTC

   Regain your sense that your career success is in your hands not someone else's. Quietly look around at other companies. Consider how you would feel about your current job if your "friend" quit tomorrow. Other than mentorship, given the fluidity of work situations, try to detach your career from another person's. It's great when it happens but it should be a bonus not a career strategy. Ironically, I've encouraged new hires to bring people with them, but it was always to benefit my company not those individuals. Your "friend" may have been likewise persuaded so go easy on them, while taking back your control.

5. AnonymousAugust 1,2023 at 2:39AM UTC

   It doesn’t look like you have an immediate route to promotion as previously promised, sorry to say.

   I think the question is whether you still like/trust your boss and enjoy the job. If yes, see if your boss will help you strategize on other advancement paths. If no, perhaps you want to seek greener pastures.

6. AnonymousAugust 1,2023 at 11:17AM UTC

   Never bank on future promises or even the best laid plans. Business is an ebb and flow ride and when you rely on that you often stop striving, to be honest. Become the best candidate for the next step of growth and take that off the table. When people assume who will get next position on down the road it sets a mindset that is as you say 'demotivate'.

7. AnonymousAugust 1,2023 at 12:24PM UTC

   I agree with the other poster. Never put your career in someone else’s hands. When there is nothing in writing there is no guarantee and you will be left out while they have gotten what they want. “Usury.” Always have a contingency plan. Don’t beat yourself up. You might have earnestly thought it would happen. . Give your self time to break down each part of the event to see what you could have done differently and forgive yourself.

   Speaking from a similar experience, I knew the manager could not really guarantee me her job. Said she would train me. But she told another person the same thing. I took the opportunity to build myself then I moved on. The other person moved on also. The manager is still in that position and I’m not mad at all. I read through the lines and knew that in order for me to move forward, I would have make moves.

8. AnonymousAugust 1,2023 at 1:34PM UTC

   I have never done this, but I know several people who have followed their bosses to a new company, and more times than not, they experienced the same thing you did. I have also worked with people a boss "brought with them." They were not received well by their coworkers, as there was always the appearance of favoritism, whether it was justified or not. It is similar to when a boss hires a family member on that count.

   Be aware that the boss is also new there and has to follow the culture and previous promises of the organization. That person may have been groomed for the position and promised it when it became available. Your boss may not have been aware that it would be difficult to follow through with the promises due to the appearance of favoritism. You may want to see if you can transfer to a different department (if there are openings, and if it is even possible) so that you can set your course on your own merits without any appearances of being the boss's favorite.

9. GirlBossanova934974August 2,2023 at 12:42PM UTC

   A few decades in the workforce has taught me that you never trust any bosses. Maybe 20 years ago or earlier perhaps, there was some sort of moral compass out there. Not a chance today. Another thing I learned 20 years ago is that you should never be beholden to any boss. If you owe your position to that boss, that is a position you don't want to be in. You never know when you will be told to look the other way or do something which is unethical. I would get out on my own and start looking around for other positions in the company you are in and start applying via the company's INTERNAL career site for its current employees. Most employers have internal career websites.

10. jnewburg@gmail.comAugust 3,2023 at 2:49PM UTC

    Agreed, 100%. I would just amend this message to say that you should never trust anyone, not just bosses. You never know what people are really thinking or doing to get ahead.

11. GirlBossanova934974August 3,2023 at 11:26PM UTC

    In accordance with what I said yesterday, I would add that one of the biggest things I learned after 3-4 decades of work is NEVER EVER trust middle management. I have seen so many times that senior management aka the executive leadership teams have been snookered by middle management. In many cases, these middle managers are operating completely out of bounds, operating in their own personal interest at the direct expense of the company, and have enormous conflicts of interest. And when these outlaws are exposed and/or the jig is up? These characters are long gone! The resignation is turned in at 4PM on a Friday with no notice and no one ever sees them again. BUT rest assured, the overdue bills, sweetheart deals they signed, and such are going to show up in the INBOX just after they depart!

12. Tami CannizzaroAugust 2,2023 at 3:13PM UTC

    One of the pitfalls about following a boss - or even a group of coworkers - to a new company is that instead of being seen in a brand new light, with new potential, including advancement, the potential is there to be viewed only in our former capacity. "once a manager, always a manager", instead of being seen as a director or more.

    Your boss may have had the BEST intentions and, as others have suggested, discovered her plans were not going to work in the new environment. OR, more difficult to hear, she brought you along because she needed a good worker she could trust. Not saying this happened; just something to consider that I've witnessed before.

    Either way, I support what others have said: Own your path without this person, at this company or find a new one. Love the idea of finding a new mentor at this new company, or even an outside source who could be objective.

    Best of Luck!