I’m at a job where I it’s become clear no matter what I do, I’m reprimanded.

Anonymous

December 4,2023 at 10:14PM UTC

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I’m at a job where I it’s become clear no matter what I do, I’m reprimanded.

I have followed job assignments and done extra work on projects only to be told it wasn’t necessary. I recently created a seven page report in order to deal with a crisis situation and it was literally tossed aside. I just got an email from HR today requesting a meeting regarding an out of town conference I recently attended. I met with my colleagues and students months before the conference and informed them I would be leaving a day early to attend a family wedding. We came up with a plan to manage the days.

Two of my colleagues managed the conference for the last day and flew home with the students. I wasn’t given sufficient funds for Ubers and the hotel and I had to make multiple phone calls to resolve the situation. I know that HR is going to bring up the fact that I left early.

Recently, I had two other colleagues decide that we weren’t going to celebrate a well known holiday at our school. I told them it was not a good idea and that parents would not agree. When the parents protested (as they should have) I was blamed for not telling the colleagues the parents had already put a lot of work into that holiday. They told the parents it was a misunderstanding on my part and the school would celebrate this holiday. I refused to take the blame.

I know my days here are numbered and I am looking for other work. I just need help on how to manage my emotions and act professionally until I leave.

Thank you

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AnonymousDecember 4,2023 at 10:41PM UTC
It's going to sound small, but I found it really cathartic to write up my review of the business in draft form for Indeed/Glassdoor.
The only thing that made leaving an ugly situation easier was focusing all my efforts on finding that new job. I actually left before I even had a job because it became to negative. I had to do a lot of head nodding and sticking to my job description to a tee. It sucked.
AnonymousDecember 6,2023 at 6:49PM UTC
Yes, do that bad review before you get the axe! Because your severance may depend on signing a contract with an anti-disparagement clause.
AnonymousDecember 4,2023 at 11:16PM UTC
I'm a believer in directly documenting your experiences.
You can go on the offensive--not necessarily so that you stay in this job, but so that there's a clear record of your perception of these events. You can address it by email, memo, call a meeting, etc. with whomever is relevant to talk about your concerns.
At minimum, it prevents them from creating a one-sided narrative and may give you some additional time to land elsewhere. I suppose it could also exacerbate or escalate the conflict; but if I were being pushed out, I would at least want my side of the story on record.
HereLearningDecember 5,2023 at 12:14AM UTC
I’m sorry you’re going through this ??????
AnonymousDecember 6,2023 at 1:08PM UTC
I made similar experiences where I was blamed for failures of my colleagues. It is a kind of gaslighting at work were everything is your fault. A toxic culture. Refresh your resume and start searching for another job. This is not a place where you want to stay for a long time.
Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachDecember 6,2023 at 1:43PM UTC
You relay this story in a relatively matter of fact way, so it sounds like you are controlling your emotions. So that is good. Keep doing what you’re doing. And document your conversations particularly when decisions are being made. And do amp up the job search. This sounds incredibly toxic and like you are being targeted. Good luck.
AnonymousDecember 6,2023 at 1:56PM UTC
Consider sending clear emails to all parties any time you are asked to complete/mediate/make any decisions. That way there is a clear ‘we discussed this, and based on this, I told you this.- if there is any more information needed please let me know’
that way you have for yourself and others that you have CYA and are not behaving in a way someone could call fowl on or focus on anything other than actuality
Focused167166December 6,2023 at 2:57PM UTC
And when those ppl make comments about the emails are unnecessary, know u did the right thing. If they hv nothing 2 hide them they would not be bothered by the documentation..it ultimately benefits everyone. IF the truth is what is truly the desired outcome. CYA!!
AnonymousDecember 7,2023 at 1:25PM UTC
If the reports are getting thrown away, there's little to no chance the CYA em-mails will get taken seriously. They might even get mocked or accused of being paranoid and not being a "team player" aka not rolling over and taking any or all abuse and gaslighting without complaint. If they want you gone, they'll find a way.
Colleen HansonDecember 6,2023 at 3:03PM UTC
I have been in a similar situation and the best thing I did, at the advice of another co-worker early on, was document everything. If I needed a day off, I asked via email. Any work I was asked to do I verified through email. If I didn't get a response, I didn't start the project. When I would be asked about it I would let them know that I had sent an email with questions and never received a response, so I was still waiting. After that I always got a response and had everything in writing. My employer would go CRAZY when I would refer back to our emails and his clear instructions/replies to me! He was an extreme bully and I was able to document most all of it. Having this documentation may help you later on (with unemployment should it come to that) and will let your employer know that they can't bully you anymore.
AnonymousDecember 6,2023 at 6:48PM UTC
My documentation of my supervisor helped me a lot! I was prepared to sue if necessary, and I found ways to hint that they were going to get sued. I escaped with severance.
AnonymousDecember 7,2023 at 1:30PM UTC
yes , i had to start documenting also. i was told a machine had a ''malfunction'' and they were trying to pass it off as my fault... but i had the proof , then she said it was an error code, but never gave the error code. its such bull. and bosses protect these people.
Jennifer WehrendDecember 7,2023 at 2:34PM UTC
Very smart!
AnonymousDecember 6,2023 at 6:31PM UTC
Perhaps you don't if you feel injustly blamed, speak up. Clearly you know you're a short timer. It doesn't mean you set the place on fire but perhaps real feedback that is productive can elicit change.
AnonymousDecember 6,2023 at 6:42PM UTC
I was similarly treated at a university, and if my experience is a guide, your feelings are valid.
I needed therapy which was really just venting and psychological trauma porn, plus an increase in anti-depressant medication plus an anti-anxiety medication. I was truly a mess. I hope you can find a new job before you get to the state that I did. If you do, look into short term medical leave.
Meanwhile, document everything you do (with emails sent to the people involved, and bcc'd to yourself at a personal email address).
I hope you can find another job and make your escape. It's a shame this is happening to you, but you're not alone. Bullying is a feature, not a bug in some organizations. Going to higher-ups probably won't help your case, because they allowed this crap to happen and your supervisor is more expensive to replace than you are.
Good luck with this situation! Keep your head down, invest in your personal life, and check in with us as things develop, please.
caitlin lopezDecember 7,2023 at 1:17PM UTC
they want you to quit, they will make you life very difficult.
Sorry, but I was in the same position.
AnonymousDecember 7,2023 at 1:20PM UTC
You have to care LESS. We get so wrapped up in a job being part of our identity we take things personally. It’s a paycheck. A means to an end. Keep looking for a new job and just shrug it off in the mean time bc it doesn’t matter. The more we talk about things the bigger they become in our head. Don’t give it anymore air. Don’t go above and beyond. Do that bare minimum AKA your job description only.
Janelle PruittDecember 7,2023 at 2:16PM UTC
They will definitely miss you when you get blessed with a better job that appreciate s you!
Elizabeth WestDecember 7,2023 at 3:22PM UTC
It will be interesting to see who becomes "the fall guy" after you leave. Sorry you're going thru this. Good luck as you move on.
AnonymousDecember 7,2023 at 3:51PM UTC
If I were in your situation I would prepare for this meeting with HR.
Even if notes weren't taken contemporaneously, you can still "create" a notebook to refer to while you explain, the who, what, where's and why's of specific subjects.
Write a note in your notebook that has a date/ time, those persons present, location subject.
Having this information will give appearance that you have already been taking notes and will go a long way to helping you maintain your composure.
HR "thinks" they will catch you by surprise. You want to catch them by surprise.
Then do document from this day forward. Don't to one speck of extra work. Clearly it isn't wanted or appreciated. I like to go for the extra stuff too, but I have had to back off of that as I find that it intimates others. Something to consider for the next position.
Your priority needs to be finding new employment asap. It is much better strategy for your departure to be on your terms. Make that happen.
Jodi PetersDecember 7,2023 at 4:33PM UTC
Wow. i'm sorry this has happen. A culture makes or breaks the job. Keep your composure and tactfully prove yourself with back up and proof. Advocate for yourself while you look for a better fit.
Bradford McCormickDecember 7,2023 at 4:43PM UTC
My advice: Do nothing to give them any more ammunition than they already have to hurt you. Do everything you can to do everything they ask of you. Think and feel what you like but KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.
Do not complain about anything unless it's so bad you literally cannot tolerate it, not just that you hate it. If they ask you anything tell them how good everything is and how good they are. Thank them for everything they are doing for you. Unless it's something so glaring it's -- well don't do anything they might tell you to do that would be illegal or if they are making you work so much overtime that you are making bad mistakes due to sleep deprivation. That's were to draw the line. It's apparently a horrible place. Remember Lot's wife in the Bible.
AnonymousDecember 7,2023 at 7:59PM UTC
I feel like I went through a similar situation as well. It was a new job created from all of the duties that the long-term staff member didn't want to do any more. That should have been a red flag as soon as I heard that from her lips. You live and learn I guess. I couldn't do anything right either, and I'm pretty sure she was spying on me and bad-mouthing me to our manager. I am working on letting go of my anger, and looking at all of the positive stuff I learned and did. It's funny but talking about it during interviews seems to help.
A few things I think you could do right now are having someone that you can include on your vacation notices who can back you up when people complain that you are not giving enough notice. I would also bcc your communications to a personal email incase when you leave you lose your email access when you leave. Having a personal note book, even going back and creating a historical record from memory, can be both therapeutic and useful in any meetings with HR and management. It shows a professional touch for sure. Also start drafting an exit letter/email so you don't have to do this in an emergency. I second and third the comments about doing extra work, it sounds like your manager is really cold on this so it may be best to let them micromanage your position for now. Also, make sure you have at least 6 months to a year saved up to cover your expenses. I've been looking for a new job for almost a year now with no current end in sight. Having a nest egg saved now will give you a lot more flexibility in choosing your next job.
Unfortunately, HR is not going to go to bat for you, so definitely document everything that is going on. Also you need to cultivate references from this position and think about how to explain in a job interview why you are leaving this position.
I would like to suggest looking for a therapist, this sounds like a stressful time for you and having a sounding board could be beneficial. Good luck and hopefully some good will come your way.
Dalia JuryDecember 7,2023 at 11:51PM UTC
What often helps me is to picture how miserable something must be in their lives, to make them misbehave that way at work.
Is their manager treating them that way? Their partner? Their friend? Is it them, not you? YES. So just remember that, while you search for the job where you feel loved.
Kathy DonnaldDecember 8,2023 at 3:13AM UTC
I am in the same position.
AnonymousDecember 8,2023 at 4:40PM UTC
Every time they make you angry, give your best smile and say thank you. You know you're on the way out, it wouldn't be inappropriate to pack any unnecessary things and take them home.
AnonymousDecember 8,2023 at 8:13PM UTC
Absolutely! I was fired after coming back from sick leave and still had to take two trips back to get all my personal items. It was humiliating to be supervised by the HR rep then also walking by my former employees to get my stuff. Then I had to go through everything since the other staff member put in a few work items along with my stuff. I pointed this out to the HR rep incase this was meant to get me in further trouble.