I notified my bosses that I will not be participating in the gift exchange at the Christmas potluck due to my personal and religious beliefs.

80 Comments

1. AnonymousJanuary 7,2024 at 5:40PM UTC

   What you have experienced is religious bias. Please be sure to make a formal complaint to the leadership of your company and let them know that while you respect others decisions to celebrate their religion, birthdays are a different thing. If they don't get it then its perhaps time to look for a new employer.

2. Jeni KolstadJanuary 8,2024 at 1:47PM UTC

   This! It is not okay what has happened. I cannot fathom saying those things to my staff members! This is discriminatory behavior. You should be able to participate in whatever way feels comfortable for you.

3. AnonymousJanuary 7,2024 at 8:39PM UTC

   Wow. Contact a lawyer and start writing down any comments you receive from this point on. I wouldn’t attend their gathering at all but they should be kind enough to let you participate in the food because it’s a HOLIDAY celebration and New Years is a holiday too. No matter what your religion, they can say it’s an end of year celebration. But seriously, don’t look for clues of harassment, because this one is a red flag. No one likes to get anyone in trouble for complaining about discrimination. I hate it. I’m Catholic and I believe it’s wrong what they did. Gift exchanges shouldn’t be expected participation. It should be voluntary!!!!

4. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJanuary 8,2024 at 3:40AM UTC

   I don't understand what birthdays have to do with Christmas. Am I missing something here? One of these things is not like the other.

5. RachelJanuary 8,2024 at 3:08PM UTC

   It sounds like they assumed she was one of Jehovah's Witnesses (which I am). We don't celebrate any holidays, and we don't celebrate birthdays - I think the management just made assumptions without any real consideration or having a real conversation.

6. Lorraine HerreraJanuary 9,2024 at 3:44PM UTC

   Exactly! But even in that case, someone that is still learning could choose to stop celebrating Christmas first, or something like that. The company should have no power in how a person conduct their faith. Also work related activities should not be attached to celebrations that should be voluntary.

7. RachelJanuary 9,2024 at 6:58PM UTC

   Absolutely agree! They could have had a conversation with her, without being intrusive or asking inappropriate questions, and gotten an understanding of what she feels is best for her, rather than making assumptions and informing her what she was going to do. They handled things very poorly.

8. AnonymousJanuary 8,2024 at 1:24PM UTC

   This sounds like a small family-owned business who are narrow-minded. Are you the only one who doesn't celebrate Christmas in the office?

   If you feel comfortable, maybe share food and traditions from other cultures. If you consider the birthday meal a teambuilding event so should the Christmas/holiday meal. It is possible they don't understand, and it is an opportunity to share your traditions.

   Just keep in mind not all Christians celebrate Christmas the same way. I use this as an opportunity to share the traditions of my family.

9. AnonymousJanuary 8,2024 at 1:30PM UTC

   This is exactly why they should not celebrate any religious holidays or birthdays , it’s work everyone is an adult .

   you hurt their feelings and they hurt your feelings

   I personally would start looking for another job I’m not trying to be mean but once you start down this road it’s very hard to return , of course you can get a lawyer etc personally I would not have the energy to do that I would rather go work elsewhere , however in your next job start as you mean to go meaning don’t go to religious celebrations explain why at the beginning so it’s not a shock later when you decide your to uncomfortable . Good luck with whatever path you choose

10. surfnwriteJanuary 8,2024 at 1:38PM UTC

    That is awful! I'm so sorry this happened. Ignorant people.

11. AnonymousJanuary 8,2024 at 1:44PM UTC

    Wow, how insensitive! You should be able to participate (or not) in any part of the company gatherings that you choose, whether it be for religious reasons or otherwise! I'm sorry they are making such a big deal of this. It smacks of retaliation, which is ridiculous. I don't have any good advice for you. I just want you to know that you deserve more respect and consideration than they are giving you.

12. Valerie RiegerJanuary 8,2024 at 1:45PM UTC

    I would recommend a discussion with them about what activities are acceptable in your religious practices and which ones aren't.

13. Leah PetrosinoJanuary 9,2024 at 1:45PM UTC

    They shouldn't have to have a discussion about their religious beliefs with their managers, especially regarding extracurricular activities that don't have any bearing on their job performance.

14. AnonymousJanuary 9,2024 at 3:24PM UTC

    100% agree with this!

15. Valerie RiegerJanuary 9,2024 at 3:37PM UTC

    You're right - they shouldn't have to, but it is still prudent to have the discussion. They may believe they are doing the right thing and won't know that they aren't unless the OP has a discussion with them.

16. Lorraine HerreraJanuary 9,2024 at 9:32PM UTC

    Is their responsibility to know the law. Actually, if is a US company with more than 15 employees, the company should have an employee manual with an entire section dedicated to Equal Employment Opportunity and the laws regulating discrimination. It should provide information about how to report a manager violating these rights and that is the only way I would have that conversation at this point, with an official complaint. Not a conversation and specially nothing verbal.

17. Lorraine HerreraJanuary 9,2024 at 3:40PM UTC

    Nobody is required to disclose their personal beliefs at work and these should never be taken in consideration for work related activities. That is discrimination.

18. Valerie RiegerJanuary 9,2024 at 6:02PM UTC

    I 100% agree that the OP shouldn't have to participate in those activities if she is uncomfortable or if they are counter to their religious beliefs.

    I didn't say that participation or a discussion is required. What I suggested was a discussion to get to some point of understanding. Not having a discussion leads to lines in the sand being drawn as opposed to creating a situation where all parties are heard, understood, and respected. The OP's employer could just as easily start the conversation so as to not continue with the behaviors the OP finds offensive.

    If neither the OP or the employer is willing to talk to each other, the situation and the relationship will continue to break down.

19. Katherine LehmanJanuary 8,2024 at 1:55PM UTC

    "They assume I am a certain religion and told me that I would need to leave the table at dessert time because that is considered celebrating."

    Bold of them to tell YOU what is considered celebrating in YOUR religion when they probably don't even know what that religion is. Sounds like a petty clap back to me.

20. AnonymousJanuary 8,2024 at 2:03PM UTC

    This is absolutely ridiculous. There is no way you should be left out of any celebration. I did a secret santa stocking for my team. Everyone had the option. I only wanted Dollar Store items to be included in them. We have 10 people on the team. If they want to participate, that is great, if not, that is great as well. No one was forced to buy and no one was forced to take one. Whatever was left on the last day was put in the break room and left for everyone who may want it.

    Sounds like you work with a bunch of aholes.

21. Milissa JacobsJanuary 8,2024 at 2:06PM UTC

    I don't know who manages your company, but they sound like obnoxious children.

22. GirlBossanova934974January 8,2024 at 2:08PM UTC

    This sounds like a management problem. To be honest, companies I have worked for have ALWAYS held gift exchanges at Christmas time! BUT NO ONE was required to participate and the deadline to participate was always broadcast several times. If you wanted in, great! If you didn't want in, no big deal. This is how this should have been handled. What is so darn difficult here?

23. AnonymousJanuary 8,2024 at 2:15PM UTC

    Document and speak with your HR. They have overstepped and sounds like they don't know what is right or wrong.

24. Heather HaalandJanuary 8,2024 at 2:49PM UTC

    Agreed. I don’t consider that acceptable DEI practices and while it may not be illegal it feels very discriminatory and disrespectful. Their approach makes me think there will be other ways they continue to set you out and I think having everything documented from the beginning is best.

25. Cyndy TrivellaJanuary 8,2024 at 2:19PM UTC

    This is a good example of bad employer behavior with a twist.

    They, likely, know what they said to you is not only in bad taste, but it’s discriminatory. Here’s the twist: they are wagering that you need your job and won’t pursue taking them to task.

    I don’t know how you feel about calling their hand, but one action would be that you remove yourself from any celebrations. This sends the message that you are in control of your career and they are not.

    The other obvious action is that this employer is disrespectful and does not embrace diversity and inclusion. This message here is loud and clear.

    There are many companies advertising employment opportunities on this platform which would be a good starting point for finding new opportunities.

    Employers who participate in discriminatory practices like this eventually come up against a wall, because they will mess with the wrong person one day.

26. AnonymousJanuary 8,2024 at 2:26PM UTC

    I'm with you. I have not celebrated Christmas in the traditional manner - giving gifts and decorating, etc. I felt very uncomfortable this year when I was basically required to attend a Christmas party that involved everyone eating at a restaurant and opening their gifts - btw - I am the only team member that is virtual....I think that next year I will say I have an appointment during the Christmas party and can't attend. I also feel that I would get pushback for saying that I don't want to participate in the Christmas party.

27. AnonymousJanuary 8,2024 at 2:32PM UTC

    Director of HR here:

    Hahahaha their response is juvenile and insane! I can’t help but laugh. I’m guessing the rest of the company culture is as immature and unprofessional as their response as well… correct me if I’m wrong.

    The whole celebration of birthdays and holidays aside…I would ignore it first and foremost and then secondly I would start looking for a new job ASAP because it’s just the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. You deserve better.

    Do not tell anyone that you are looking for a new job if you choose to do so though because their response will probably be equally as unprofessional.

    Best of luck!

28. AnonymousJanuary 8,2024 at 2:38PM UTC

    In Islam religion it’s prohibited to celebrate your birthday and even wish anyone on their birthday so you cannot pick and chose what is prohibited according to your personal preference then blame others for making those choices. Birthdays are clearly prohibited according to Ijma so I don’t understand why you’re upset, you should be happy.

29. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJanuary 8,2024 at 5:51PM UTC

    Who said anything about Islam? I don't see that mentioned anywhere.

30. AnonymousJanuary 9,2024 at 8:13PM UTC

    It’s obvious to me as I come from that culture not a Muslim myself but I know how Muslims complain about Christmas and that’s it’s prohibited to even greet Christian’s in their celebrations, or listen to music or be on social media or or many things even celebrating birthdays, I am sure her boss knows the rules of discrimination, and thus will not get him/herself into trouble if they didn’t have valid reasons or that she showed disrespect first. Just a little advice to her to either stick to the rules or not, you cannot pick and chose, if you’re religious Christian you cannot love people but steal, or kill, seeing the conflict and not agreeing with her is my point of view and hope that would be respected too thanks

31. Lorraine HerreraJanuary 9,2024 at 9:28PM UTC

    You are getting too deep in how a person practices their faith and you don’t even know why OP doesn’t celebrate. That is exactly what discrimination is, the boss cannot say stick to your religion, the boss cannot tell them how to follow their beliefs, the boss should have no opinion at all about their faith and their religion has nothing to do with work performance, that is the only thing this boss is allowed to judge, not their personal life. Also, these celebrations are supposed to be volunteer and not linked to any work needs, promotions, employee performance, etc. If the company links any of this to those celebrations is discrimination and has caused many problems to companies.

32. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJanuary 9,2024 at 9:43PM UTC

    WOW - just wow. Doubling down - that's a weird flex.

    Do you know that there are other religions that don't celebrate Christmas? In fact, most religions don't celebrate Christmas.

33. AnonymousJanuary 8,2024 at 8:52PM UTC

    Only in modern times did birthday celebrations become a thing and it wasn’t connected to religious beliefs so your point isn’t valid to the conversation!

34. AnonymousJanuary 9,2024 at 1:34PM UTC

    The person who made the post never disclosed what their religion is so you're making an assumption. Also, the days people choose to celebrate (or not) is a personal decision that should be respected regardless of what their belief system is.

35. Deirdre McDonnellJanuary 9,2024 at 3:00PM UTC

    Just no. We don’t know what her religion is and her boss does not get to tell her how to practice it.

36. Lorraine HerreraJanuary 9,2024 at 3:36PM UTC

    The law doesn’t say you have to belong to a specific organized religion to have your faith respected at work. You are assuming OP is from a specific religion and that on itself is discrimination. Sometimes people even decide to start adopting beliefs from religions they are still learning from and aren’t yet affiliated with, you don’t have to give any proof at work that you are in certain organization records or something like that, if is OP’s faith, it needs to be respected, by law.

37. Laurie ParkerJanuary 8,2024 at 4:31PM UTC

    I think you should get a new job. They sound like axxholes.

38. Elise PilkingtonJanuary 8,2024 at 5:16PM UTC

    Well, that’s mean. And possibly discriminatory. What is the point of forcing people to participate in a non-work activity? There could be any number of reasons someone might not want to do a gift exchange; it should be voluntary and shouldn’t be commented upon.

39. RosemaryJanuary 8,2024 at 11:19PM UTC

    Ugh, any type of obligatory gifts for colleagues (especially bosses) is so gross. Only clueless companies with musty dusty HR departments would still do this.

    And you don’t get a birthday if you don’t want to buy junk for co-workers at a specific type of pseudo-religious ‘work’ event?

40. AnonymousJanuary 9,2024 at 12:45PM UTC

    Yeah… get a new job that aligns with your religion and birthday values! If that’s not an option then remove your feelings from the situation because unfortunately it sounds like you are replaceable. You are getting paid to produce work not to feel things. Good luck girl!

41. Leah PetrosinoJanuary 9,2024 at 1:51PM UTC

    I've never once been to a job interview where I've had to ask how they celebrate Christmas and birthdays in the office. OP should not be considered replaceable because they aren't Christian. That is the very deffinition of discrimination.

42. AnonymousJanuary 10,2024 at 1:46PM UTC

    If my religion and values were important to me then I would’ve asked during the interview. Why waste time! You can’t ask a company to change the way they celebrate a holiday. If that’s the case then just create your own company n do whatever you want ??‍♀️ Also it doesn’t matter the persons religion, color, etc. Everybody is replaceable even people with contracts ??‍♀️ they will find a way to get the person fired! It’s just how the world works. Perhaps I’m being insensitive but I don’t take my feelings n opinions to work. I take my skills n find ways to get more money so that I can create my own business n not have to deal with these A-holes.

43. Leah PetrosinoJanuary 11,2024 at 7:09PM UTC

    They aren’t allowed to ask you about your religious beliefs during a job interview. It’s illegal. I shouldn’t have to ask if mine will fit in. Everything OP described is discriminatory. If we don’t fight discrimination it will never stop and people will continue to get away with it. This isn’t just about my “feelings”. It’s about the law.

44. Lorraine HerreraJanuary 9,2024 at 3:32PM UTC

    So cool the law doesn’t agree with you

45. Wendy BJanuary 9,2024 at 1:24PM UTC

    I live in the Midwest where most companies assume everyone celebrates Christmas. It would be a good practice to ask employees first if they celebrate and then plan accordingly.

46. Jen FrischenJanuary 9,2024 at 2:31PM UTC

    That does make sense, but what if most people do celebrate it and always have BUT a new employee shows up that does not celebrate. Do you then curtail and cease the celebration for all? That seems, to me, a definite way to encourage alienation and resentment with the rest of the employees.

    Maybe I am getting something mixed up, but reading the OP's message- it does not sound like this person was planning to forgo the celebration/event but was not planning to participate in the gift exchange. Not knowing how her business does their gift exchange, maybe it leaves someone without a person to exchange with. That doesn't seem possible either. Even if it is Secret Santa- a certain number of names go in the hat, and the same number come out of the hat. White elephant random exchange? A number of gifts go in and a number come out. If you don't put in, you can't take out.

    The management's solution seems spiteful but I don't know of a great way to cure the issue.

47. Lorraine HerreraJanuary 9,2024 at 3:30PM UTC

    My company is from Midwest and I was impressed they do a end of year party and do it before the holidays start, is before Thanksgiving. Is one of the things that catch my attention, how inclusive they were. When the party time arrived, almost all emails from random employees were calling it holiday party. Not from HR, they always kept it very neutral, but seems like the employees have some resistance to accept it or by default they add a religious symbolism to it.

48. AnonymousJanuary 9,2024 at 1:38PM UTC

    you shouldn't need to offer an explanation for not participating in a gift exchange. I have declined from them for my own reasons and offered no reason. You do not need to give a reason as to why you're declining, thank you but no thank you.

49. Kiara HubertJanuary 9,2024 at 1:39PM UTC

    Yes,I say Happy Holidays for a reason and ppl like to over correct me with Merry Christmas! I don’t like to assume hence the reason i just say “Happy Holidays “

50. Shaimaa MakhloufJanuary 9,2024 at 2:01PM UTC

    Their response is really weird, no one is forced to celeberate any occacion & birthdays have nothing to do with celeberating Christmas. I'm sorry they made you feel this way, it is better you look for another workplace, but do not tell them, they seem very childish, hopefully you'll find a better work enviroment soon <3

51. Christina FelberJanuary 9,2024 at 2:11PM UTC

    I honestly wish companies would stop the birthday clubs, coffee clubs, holiday celebrations, group lotteries - how about compensate me on my work anniversary and year end bonus, etc.
    I appreciate us all, in when we do a good job or improve on a job. I think teambuilding should be any time of the year when other types of recognitions can happen.

    I celebrate Christmas but I actively DO NOT participate in gatherings and such. I keep work / personal life completely separate now. This has changed how I separate work and having a balanced life.

52. Rachel CJanuary 9,2024 at 2:14PM UTC

    I agree with many of the other comments that the reaction from management was unprofessional. It reminds me of that episode of Friends where Rachel has to go outside and smoke to be included in the business conversations. Now, you are experiencing this in real life. Whether something is against your religion or not is your business, and they cannot tell you what is allowed or not allowed. Most people do not adhere to everything their religion demands. You should be free to participate in whatever activities you want to if they are voluntary parts of the job. I would try to approach this person in a calm manner and explain how you plan to participate. Be prepared to respond to similar comments from them in the moment. If they continue to make inappropriate comments, you should report it to HR. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, it's probably a good sign that the culture isn't the right place to be.

53. CassieJanuary 9,2024 at 2:15PM UTC

    They sound vengeful. I think you are wrong to accept that, like you are accepting their dominance. I can see it is not easy to change their minds, but you can say you expect to participate in all events unless you say you can't, and then just show up and do your part to participate, and after a bit they'll talk or accept it. You may need to tell them you like working there and being on the team, you just have a thing about Xmas. Sounds like they are communicating with you, but y'all need to step back a bit, show value for each other.

54. EMILY KIKUE FRANKJanuary 9,2024 at 2:30PM UTC

    So dessert and birthdays are Christian somehow? How strange and icky. I would have a little discussion with HR in which you casually mention discrimination. If you're in the US, you can also contact the ACLU.

55. Lorraine HerreraJanuary 9,2024 at 3:26PM UTC

    That is discrimination. You are allowed to have your own beliefs and faith and even if a person is from a specific organized religion, they cannot tell them how to live their faith. Just the fact that they include work related activities in celebrations that can exclude some employees is a huge red flag. Actually, if a person does celebrate the holiday, should not feel pressured to go to a celebration activity just because they include performance stuff in it. There is a recent big lawsuit of an employee that went through a lot of horrible things the night of their company Christmas party and one of the reasons the company is involved is because their party was compulsory. If I was you, I would talk with a lawyer.

56. AnonymousJanuary 9,2024 at 5:53PM UTC

    This sounds like a violation of your civil rights and EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission). As others have said, you could speak to a labor lawyer, but this also seems like the type of place that might retaliate for even bringing it up. I would start looking for another place of employment, then when you safely have another offer in hand, maybe report them to EEOC. If they're doing this to you, they're either already doing it or will do it in the future to other people.

57. AnonymousJanuary 9,2024 at 6:05PM UTC

    I would like to present another perspective. You stated that you have participated in previous gift exchanges though you felt uncomfortable. Are these gift exchanges mandatory for all employees? Have you considered suggesting an alternative to the more traditional gift exchange? Have you talked with your co-workers about this issue. Maybe they would welcome not doing a gift exchange. Would you feel comfortable just sitting there while everyone else participated in the gift exchange? Would your coworkers feel uncomfortable?

    Do I think the response from management was poorly thought out ... yes. It sounds to me that the management team was taken aback by your statement and not sure how to handle it. Did they make some assumptions they shouldn't have ... yes. Is this really discrimination ... I don't think it really rises to that.

58. Vanda LeeJanuary 11,2024 at 2:38AM UTC

    It absolutely is religious discrimination if they used her reason of religious beliefs to then dictate that she couldn't participate in birthday celebrations. Who wants to sit down and try to suggest alternatives to a gift exchange after being treated like that?

59. AnonymousJanuary 11,2024 at 4:47PM UTC

    She was not told she *couldn't* rather that she "shouldn't" which was probably based on the assumption based on what her religion might be since she didn't specifically share it. As for, "who would want to suggest alternatives after being treated like that", someone who is genuinely interested in having constructive conversations and maybe making constructive changes rather than simply complaining and seeking legal avenues.

60. Lorraine HerreraJanuary 11,2024 at 7:55PM UTC

    People change religions all the time, they learn something new and adopt it. Even if they stay in the same religion, the way they see things can change, the way they manage their conscience, humans change daily as we get more experience and knowledge. The employer has no power in gatekeeping someone’s faith.

    When someone asks for any accommodation, religious or for any other reason, is the person the one that has to express the need. The supervisor cannot go taking the initiative because they question how will the person do it or if they will feel comfortable or what could be a better way of dealing with it?, that opens the door for assumptions, that is what happened in this situation.

    The person that decided not to participate has no responsibility of changing the celebration or the dynamic. That would be a huge responsibility if all the other employees don’t agree and see that their custom changed just because of one person. She can just decline participation and that is the end of the matter.

    If the management team was taken aback by a very common religious belief, then maybe this company needs more inclusivity training, or at least to go and read the EEOC law, that I believe should be a requirement for every manager and most of them don’t even know it exist. If the company doesn’t train the managers on how to treat a diversity of employees, is not the OP’s responsibility to educate them, is the law, ignorance doesn’t excuse illegal treatment.

61. AnonymousJanuary 9,2024 at 6:42PM UTC

    Just wow....
    I have no other words. I am sorry you work for an insensitive employer like that. I would look for another job, and once I found it, I would report your current employer to the EEOC. Document everything.

62. CSKILLINJanuary 9,2024 at 7:23PM UTC

    wow.... it could have been so easy..."ok, no problem if you don't want to exchange gifts! Could you be the DJ or assist us elsewhere during that time? Picture taker??" .... yea, this needs to be documented and reported. Gift exchange should be VOLUNTARY especially since the company isn't giving your $$ to buy these gifts in addition to your pay, right?? lol they are power & control ....I'm sorry you've experienced this.

63. Sam PJanuary 9,2024 at 7:51PM UTC

    The way they used your religious beliefs as punishment and backhanded manipulation against you is beyond appalling and probably illegal. I hope there is some sort of recourse you can take. The individual(s) that said should be terminated.

64. maria roseJanuary 9,2024 at 9:00PM UTC

    Any group activities like this that require employees to pay and participation, should be optional activities. If it’s a company meeting then it should be held as such with the company meeting first and then the meal. Forced social interaction is not a necessary part of doing your job responsibilities unless this was clearly stated before being hired. In this case, the OP is clearly uncomfortable with these meetings and is being unfairly treated, despite giving the organizers ample reason for not attending. It is time to find another job more suited to the OP’s needs and job skills.

65. Communication CoachJanuary 9,2024 at 10:43PM UTC

    You might consider contacting the EEOC about educating this company's management about handling such things. They, the company does not impose religious beliefs, you make that decision. For management to take the giant step of including you withdraw from birthday celebrations is way overstepping professionalism and probably the law. As OP mentioned, they made a big assumption and one they have absolutely no right to make. They do need to be brought up to speed on legalities!! A major mishandling on management's part.

66. Kelly HaydenJanuary 9,2024 at 11:46PM UTC

    This sounds incredibly illegal on their part(s).

67. Terry CostelloJanuary 10,2024 at 3:56AM UTC

    I have the attitude of “Do my 8 and then get out the gate.”

68. Lorraine HerreraJanuary 11,2024 at 7:45PM UTC

    That is the best. I only want to be evaluated for my performance, therefore, I’m careful with any personal information I disclose and I don’t go to any extra activities. My success in the company should not be measured for how many close friends I get to make. Now I only go in lunches if the entire team is going and when it doesn’t have any deep meaning, like just welcoming a team member or something like that. As someone that needs accommodations and has live a few discrimination situations because of it, I learned that work friends usually aren’t real friends, everybody is there for their own gain. Now I’m cordial and friendly with everybody, I might talk a few deeper things with selected people, help anybody that needs help with work, but always keep a healthy distance keeping everybody in that colleague place. I don’t get paid for living the drama, so I don’t do it.

69. Marian DavidsonJanuary 10,2024 at 5:28AM UTC

    It was inappropriate of them to tell you what your religious observations would entail regarding dessert. You are correct that it was intended negatively. I also agree that I am uncomfortable with gift exchanges, etc. at work. Although my company makes it voluntary, and the activity takes place right at the end of the day, it does feel like pressure on the employee. This year, for example, money was very very tight for me and my family. Although it was a fixed dollar amount for the gift exchange, I really did not want anything from anyone else for that dollar amount. However, I did feel the pressure to participate, so I gave a gift and accepted a gift, although it is still sitting in its box unused, I preferred when I was at a company many years ago, the first thing the boss said in the orientation was that we do not exchange gifts at all. If you wanted to bring in a plate of cookies, that was the extent of what was permitted. It certainly took the pressure off and I think overall we were much happier as a group. I feel very tense when Christmas rolls around and I’m expected to cough up money or assumptions are made about everyone’s religious affiliations

70. Erica MitchellJanuary 10,2024 at 11:32AM UTC

    That's a case of religious discrimination. Telling you that you can't celebrate your birthday if you don't celebrate Christmas with them is terrible.

71. AnonymousJanuary 10,2024 at 1:43PM UTC

    What they are doing is illegal.

72. Sylvia VerrecchiaJanuary 10,2024 at 2:23PM UTC

    First, it is ridiculous that any leadership in any organization is spending it's time deciding which events you can attend based on your faith - as well as determining whether you can have desert or a main. Outrageous. Going forward, disengage from these events. You never, ever have to disclose your religious or political beliefs/practices to any employer for any reason - so stop doing this. When Christmas comes around, just don't participate and don't explain why! Step back and away. These people are your employers, they are not your moral compass.

73. Wanda ShawJanuary 10,2024 at 4:00PM UTC

    I know this is after the fact and we're past the holidays but I had to comment. It blows my mind that a big deal was made about this. If you chose not to participate in the gift exchange, that's your choice. There are plenty of folks that do observe the Christmas holiday but due to financial or time constraints, choose not to participate in any organized gift exchanges at Christmas. I don't know if they held this against you because you gave a reason (your religion) for opting out or what, but it's foul. Everyone has the freedom to choose. And when that's taken away, whether in or out of a business context, then what do we have???

74. AnonymousJanuary 10,2024 at 4:50PM UTC

    Were you required to tell them or could you just have said no thank you.

75. AnonymousJanuary 10,2024 at 6:22PM UTC

    Wow, this was so over the top. Its prejudicial and violates EEOC. What do they do for folks that are Hindu, Buddhist, Jewish, Coptic, Atheist, etc.?? Do they also refuse to allow them to participate? If not then its serious discrimination and demands that you report them.

76. Kim PfeifferJanuary 10,2024 at 6:24PM UTC

    That's BS. Not participating in the gift exchange is common, often because employees have financial issues. Why would religion be any different.

77. Farah BajwaJanuary 10,2024 at 11:54PM UTC

    Wow! if you have an HR department or rep, I'd suggest that you suggest to them they step in and be involved with these events to educate people on proper conduct.

78. AnonymousJanuary 11,2024 at 2:56AM UTC

    this is 100% religious discrimination and you could sue them for it OP.

    regardless of what you would do, i would suggest you document what happened. this is as easy as writing an email to your bosses and CC'ing HR if you have them, laying out the facts as you see them. they don't have to acknowledge receipt or reply or anything, but make sure you send the email and take a screenshot of it so you have it in case you decide you pursue anything in the future.

79. Andrea WeathersbyJanuary 11,2024 at 7:09AM UTC

    look for another jo!

80. Kim PfeifferJanuary 12,2024 at 7:02PM UTC

    If work is discussed, you need to be there.