I am very lonely at my job.

8 Comments

1. Maria Paula CalvoFebruary 1,2024 at 12:29PM UTC

   Lonelyness is a common factor these days, especially when your job is fully remote. But this is not your reality, right?

   Having been in the job for 7 - 8 months could be a fair amount of time to think you have immersed fully in your company and your role by now. At least, for learning about the culture and the way of working there.

   I think there are 2 different areas for you to reflect upon:

   1. If your job is not requiring you to use all your talent, what motivates you to be there? Are you learning something new? Have you seen that internal mobility is fluid in the company and think you can soon move to a more demanding level of responsibility? Is the paycheck really good and you are prioritizing that at this moment?
   2. How is you interaction with peers and colleagues? Do you go around whispering that you are not being asked for your 100% contributing capacity? Do you have well developed interpersonal skills? Do you generate empathy easily?

   I would certainly encourage you reflect on these and create deep self-awareness. If you are honest to yourself you will be ready to provide your own personal response for what your next steps should be.

   Wish you the best!

2. Alexis GladstoneFebruary 1,2024 at 1:46PM UTC

   I'm sorry you feel lonely. I've been in that situation at a new job and city before and it's not fun. Big cities and be very lonely.

   I suggest that instead of waiting for people to invite you, take initiative. Invite people for coffee one-on-one as a way to get to know them and they can get to know you. Ask them questions not just about work but also about them personally. Be curious. I have found that once I've developed a connection with 1-2 people, they open the door to the group.

   As for your job not using all of your skills, have you had a conversation with your manager? Let them know that while you love what you're doing, you'd like to contribute more, and give examples of where you think you can help.

   Outside of work see if you can meet people by volunteering or joining meetup groups. Maybe there is a class you can take or an alumni organization to join.

3. AnonymousFebruary 1,2024 at 2:02PM UTC

   To early to run. Find coffee friends elsewhere, office next door???

4. Ameneh KhanumFebruary 1,2024 at 2:32PM UTC

   I think you should switch before its too late.

   And your health is most important in life.

5. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistFebruary 2,2024 at 7:42AM UTC

   I recommend you concentrate on your life outside of work. Spend time building a community outside of your job so that if you do wind up switching jobs, that community is still there. You can also try to build relationships with your co-workers.

   There are plenty of volunteer opportunities - animal shelters, museums, etc. Lots of things should be going on in a big city - find a meet up group, pick up a hobby, join a book club, become a Big Sister. What interests you?

6. AnonymousFebruary 2,2024 at 1:37PM UTC

   I understand completely. I didn't move for my job, but I did change and I work for the owners of the company. I am very isolated and because of my role, I am not included in anything. There were a few girls who spoke with at first but that has died down, they will rarely say good morning to me now. I think you should focus on your friendships outside of work if you can. Find a class you enjoy doing or join a walking club if you like that. It is hard at first but don't find self fulfillment in just your job.

7. JamieFebruary 2,2024 at 2:13PM UTC

   I gave myself a year, but concentrated on outside activities.
   Some I never would have done just to meet new people. Book club, pickleball, kickball, volunteering, meetup.com dinner groups, walking group, anything to keep busy.
   I started looking at work as a way to afford things I really like doing like traveling. Eventually the people in the office started asking me to happy hour or outside things, but I was too busy (and happy) to be around them outside of work. I was always kind to all and would even bring in treats to share with for everyone from one of my outings at a new eatery or travels.
   The people never changed, but my outlook on them and work did and it helped me mentally. Plus I met some awesome people in the new groups.

8. AnonymousFebruary 2,2024 at 2:42PM UTC

   Try to pick up on subjects the team is interested in. Working with men, I follow football updates on my phone, college and NFL, it's an easy and safe conversation for many. Take note of women with children, people love to talk about their pets and children. If you work with a casual dress code, wear a shirt that is a conversation starter. Such as a concert shirt, many are nicer than they were in the 90s. If you live somewhere with great weather, ask your team if there are good walking paths.

   You may have tried some of these suggestions and more, and they are just not very welcoming. In that case, I would start looking.