Rebuild my reputation.

37 Comments

1. Debra SesholtzJuly 22,2023 at 6:03PM UTC

   Do these people know you’re dealing with serious personal issues? While you may not want to share exactly what your dealing with, perhaps a conversation with this manager explaining you are not trying to be difficult, but have been dealing with some personal issues. You want to work with them to get the job done but would like to discuss setting reasonable timelines. Of course having this conversation will really depend on whether you feel this person would be open to discussing this. Your health is the most important thing. I hope your health is improving!

2. sayantika mukherjeeJuly 22,2023 at 6:48PM UTC

   I cannot imagine being in your shoes. But I have a relatable situation after the birth of my son, when I sunk into deep PPD and I was very easily irritable and sometimes hear too much in between the lines of the conversations (like things that are not really said but I would imagine it). I recognized this sign early on and got help immediately. I had a reputation of "emotional" with a few of my previous managers who always brushed off real problems of the group over my "emotion" but here in this case I knew the cause. I sought professional help to manage my emotions and I can tell you I am doing a lot better now. I would have a talk with my supervisor on the issue and try to clear the air a little bit.

   Your physical health and mental health are both equally important. May be this conversation can give them some clarity? Only if you think talking about this to your supervisor is okay.

3. AnonymousJuly 22,2023 at 8:28PM UTC

   This sounds tough. Sorry you had to go through this. The best way forward is to not be snappy moving forward. You’ll gradually rebuild your reputation. You might also apologize to those at whom you snapped, with explanations.

4. AnonymousJuly 22,2023 at 10:58PM UTC

   You need to manage expectations and if you hold up deadlines or miss deadlines then reconsider your role, give yourself grace and be honest with yourself.
   It's no one's fault that your abilities are not what they used to be. Changes happen, age happens, health is impacted. Holding yourself to same standards is not realistic. Not by you or anyone. Help your team understand the new you.

5. AnonymousJuly 23,2023 at 1:07AM UTC

   I’m working through something like this right now - not cancer, disabled in a car accident followed by extreme harassment/abuse by the at-fault driver that seeped into both my and my husband’s jobs.

   I know it’s easier said than done, but are your coworkers aware you were going through a life-threatening health situation? If you have an ally at the company & feel this might work, I’d enlist them to do a PR campaign for you!

   Hope you continue to feel better. <3

6. AnonymousJuly 23,2023 at 11:36AM UTC

   One day, one interaction at a time. One project, rebuilding at a time. If you've never set time aside for this leader, perhaps do that. I wished you were able to step away from the business for yourself, but I don't live in a bubble and think of several reasons that may have not been an option. If you had shared what you were going through, they may be showing you grace and you may not see it. You were difficult/snappy, that perception is real, but it's something you can come back from. Prove yourself in current projects and rebuild,

7. AnonymousJuly 23,2023 at 12:25PM UTC

   Look for a new, lower stress job. You're current job contributed to your illness. If your employer knows about your health condition but continues to treat you poorly then it's a sign you're in the wrong place. Keep your eye on the prize: health and wellness.

8. AnonymousJuly 23,2023 at 1:01PM UTC

   What about medical/FMLA/ADA accommodation? I didn’t read if you had discussed with HR any accommodation.

9. BethBJuly 23,2023 at 1:13PM UTC

   There are a few things going on here. It sounds like your company worked with you in terms of chemo. That’s a big deal, not every employer does.

   there are worse things than a reputation for being difficult. You can change this perception by your actions. Make an effort to show kindness daily. Compliment. Offer help. Ask questions.

   As far as needing to work nights and weekends because your boss doesn’t like the actual timeline for a project, I respectfully suggest that it’s not your problem. Hey John, I want to talk to you about the timeline for this project. It is going to take x amount of time. If it needs to be done by y, this is what needs to happen. I’ve been agreeing to unrealistic deadlines to make you happy.

   Life is too short to work all the time.

10. Lorraine HerreraJuly 24,2023 at 2:16PM UTC

    Allowing the person to take medical treatments and appointments is the law, that is not something special the company do. They were not accommodating, her lead was ignorant and setting unrealistic expectations, causing more stress to a person in a very hard situation. That actually puts them in the worst things a company can do to a sick employee.

11. AnonymousJuly 25,2023 at 12:15PM UTC

    "It sounds like your company worked with you in terms of chemo. That’s a big deal, not every employer does."

    Cancer is a disability. It's illegal to discriminate due to disability, especially such as this. Reasonable accommodations certainly includes appointment access to life-saving treatment.

12. Elizabyth HarringtonJuly 23,2023 at 4:19PM UTC

    Unfortunately it's extremely hard to rebuild your reputation in a company once you've been tagged as difficult (even if it's not true or there are valid reasons). You might consider starting fresh and put your energy into finding a new job instead of beating your head against a wall trying to change things where you are. In the end, it just means you are a bad fit and there are better places out there who will respect and value what you bring. This company obviously doesn't.

13. AnonymousJuly 24,2023 at 11:14AM UTC

    It will take time, start rebuilding. Allow them to see that.

14. AnonymousJuly 24,2023 at 11:27AM UTC

    Have you considered therapy to address your trauma?

15. AnonymousJuly 24,2023 at 12:19PM UTC

    I agree with a potential accommodation. Also, therapy may be good to help cope with the stress and what you are going through. I would possibly let your coworkers know why this is happening. But there is always a caveat to that depending on your culture. At the end of the day, you and your health come first. Maybe take some time off to process this. No job is worth the stress. Congratulations!

16. AnonymousJuly 24,2023 at 12:29PM UTC

    Anyone who can't be accommodating through freaking chemo treatments for cancer is an asshole. You're not difficult; they lack empathy and don't deserve you.

17. Leah FagerlandJuly 24,2023 at 12:33PM UTC

    Rebuild your reputation?! You were battling cancer!

    You have absolutely nothing to apologize for.

18. Ragena MooreJuly 24,2023 at 12:59PM UTC

    I commend you for working through a difficult cancer diagnosis. I am a cancer survivor, so I can empathize with you. I don't necessarily think that your team leader intends to be cruel, I just don't think they understand. Two things- you own that you are snappy due to your chemo. Seek out a resource to help you work through that. The second thing that we have to remember is that your life is the one affected. Everyone else goes back to normal very quickly, just like with a death that you have to deal with. They dont mean anything, but its just the way it is. I would speak to your team and let them know you have this issue, that it is related to your chemo drugs, that you know it is an issue and you are working through it. Not asking for a pass, just a little time to work through it. If that doesnt gain you the cushion you need, then I would probably look elsewhere, but I feel that hearing it out loud from you, their attitudes will change. Just my thoughts.

19. Lisa WilsonJuly 24,2023 at 1:16PM UTC

    I am sorry you are experiencing this. Chemo brain is no joke. Give yourself some grace. You could go to HR and ask for accommodations . Cancer is a disability.

    Or You could go to this person and apologize. Admit that your emotions are getting the best of you these days. Ask for a path forward with a more wiggle room on task dates explain that your health is not 100% and you are on a daily chemo that can zap your energy. Ask for more help from coworkers and subordinates when you need it.

20. Lorraine HerreraJuly 24,2023 at 2:12PM UTC

    I think anybody that gets to a manager position should get oriented about employee laws and accommodations. What is legal, how they should treat these situations. If this person was that ignorant while in a power position, I would say was intentional. He was ignorant by choice and even seeing the employee struggling, didn’t have the curiosity to get educated. Lets not defend lack of empathy and cruelty.

21. Heather TearneyJuly 25,2023 at 2:03PM UTC

    Congratulations that you no longer need treatments! I agree with Ragena. I too am a cancer survivor, and though I was lucky enough to not need radiation, the surgery and chemotherapy did take a toll. Your coworkers and managers don't have the insight of how your physical and mental health were affected. One earlier poster mentioned FMLA, were you able to take some FMLA during this process? If management was aware of your treatments they should have been cognizant of and empathetic to your situation. As to now, I think that you have to decide about whether you enjoy the job, the company, the people and the pay - to stick with it and repair your reputation. If you are still having affects from treatment, be sure to share that with your manager - and perhaps your team, just so that they know that you are dealing with more than they know (not saying to share everything, just enough so they understand that you are being affected.) Whatever decision you make (to stay or go), keep reminding yourself that you have kicked cancer's ass and that you are powerful and will continue to succeed.

22. Heather McJuly 24,2023 at 1:03PM UTC

    Guys get away with being like this all the time in the workplace WITHOUT going through what you've gone through. So no, you have no need to worry about your reputation.

23. AnonymousJuly 24,2023 at 1:22PM UTC

    read that again ... you worked to cancer treatment and chimio.... and your boss was asking you to be FASTER and said you are difficult ,,, that's not a you issue. that's a bad wiork place. if my bosses knew i was really sick and pushed me , i would sit and have a serious chat with them about how hard treatments are and a medical note saying i cannot preform at 100% speed. if they fire you for that , makes them assholes you have nothin to rebuild. they need a reality check

24. Lorraine HerreraJuly 24,2023 at 2:09PM UTC

    You don’t have to rebuild your reputation, your lead failed to accommodate your situation, actually they kind of violated the law. Your treatment, even when temporary, applies as a disability. If you look in the Job Accommodation network, it doesn’t only has suggestions of accommodations for physical conditions, but also for mental conditions. In the conditions that have emotional dysregulation as a symptom, it is included as something that needs to be mutually accommodated. Whoever thinks your are difficult because your emotions got affected in an extremely difficult time of your life, has no empathy. None of them know what is to live one day in your shoes and you were able to keep your career alive going through chronic illness, that might not look as they expect committed to look, but you actually showed a level of commitment they probably will never know. As a person that have maintained a career for years dealing with chronic illness, pain, being sick 24/7, I can see the value of what you did. Forget about what they think, if you are in a better mental space, just act accordingly, you don’t have to apologize to people that took the high ground while you were going through hell. Employees are humans with human situations, whoever doesn’t understand that is a really bad manager.

25. AnonymousJuly 24,2023 at 2:32PM UTC

    First I am so sorry you had to go through treatments and had cancer that really sucks

    second did your bosses know you were going through the medical? They should have some human compassion and some flexibility it’s the human decent thing to do

    if you want to change the direction of your reputation ( but honestly they should not have perceived you this way anyway) just do your job as best you can, be friendly , and if possible meet the deadlines if you can’t meet a deadline just be honest and say it takes a little longer than before to get it done would this date ( insert new date) work out,

    but also do you enjoy the job? The people ? If not look for something else that makes you happy and less stressed stress of not good for your health and can wreak havoc on your health

    be well good luck!

26. AnonymousJuly 24,2023 at 5:04PM UTC

    Congratulations on your recovery. It is a rough rough road and it is now in the rear view mirror and you are driving forward....Find some articles on your chemotherapies side effects. Print them off, take them into a conversation with your manager with HR in the room. Speak to why this has been a difficult time for you and let them know that the continued accommodation that you need is some flexibility around timing and also having these uncontrolled situations. Let your manager know that you can take feedback and are open to it and that you will do your best but it is still something you are struggling with. Let them both know that cancer even after treatment is not something that gets turned off like a faucet. You still need some help. Memorialize the conversation to both of them after you have it and also cc your work and personal email (bcc) so that you have a copy of the conversation. Script it if you can. This will protect you and also be the best way to assure that you are understood while you still grapple with the side effects of this. I personally have been past my own treatments for a very long time but there are still some things I struggle with so I am speaking from experience, oh and I work in HR....good luck. And once again congratulations for getting through!

27. Meagan PriorJuly 24,2023 at 6:43PM UTC

    This is really good advice. Be sure to speak to it in terms of Reasonable Accomodation and that you want to apply for and document your Reasonable Accomodation. HR departments have EEOC requirements to support employees with hardships and disabilities, check out their site https://www.eeoc.gov/eeoc-disability-related-resources/reasonable-accommodation

28. EMILY KIKUE FRANKJuly 24,2023 at 6:48PM UTC

    Congrats on getting through all of that! As I see it, you have a couple of options:

    1. 1. Talk with your immediate manager now that you're feeling better, and frame the narrative of your last few months in terms of not feeling well and being depleted, since most people can understand that even if they can't understand what chemo is like.
    2. Simply work dilligently now that you are more yourself, and go out of your way to be un-difficult. If someone comments on it, you can say something like, "Yeah, chemo is a beast! So glad I'm over that."
29. Crystal HowellJuly 24,2023 at 10:02PM UTC

    Congratulations, being strong enough to go through it and still work, is a miracle. You do have rights, I would have a discussion with your doctor and have a note as to how you would have to work, short term disability?, and speak with HR and your immediate manager when the doctor gives you a letter explaining what you are facing. You might get moved to another position, just worth a try. Termination attorney will be last resort, know your EECO rights during this time. Good Luck, keep us posted.

30. tiffany birchJuly 25,2023 at 1:11AM UTC

    Chemo is a tough haul emotionally and physically. It takes time to regain one's strength and mental clarity. I would suggest also having your doctor write a letter as to your abilities for a bit. Agree with the advice to speak to your immediate manager and HR. You may need to work adjusted hours or part-time. Your health is the most valuable currency. Put yourself first. If anyone thinks you're difficult, ignore them.You have been through a lot. Congratulations to you for working.

31. AnonymousJuly 25,2023 at 1:23AM UTC

    You already have a reputation. You are a cancer survivor. You stared death in the face and lived to tell the tale. Anyone who does not respect that isn't worth your time.

32. AnonymousJuly 25,2023 at 12:24PM UTC

    The first thing sticking out at me here is the lack of flexibility and sensitivity on your team. Would you consider a fresh start elsewhere?

33. AnonymousJuly 25,2023 at 1:12PM UTC

    I'm a manager and I would never treat an individual this way, particularly someone who is in the middle of significant medical treatment. You should've been given someone to help with the work during your time of need - we're all going to have one at some point. Leave this place if you can. Stress is not good for many medical conditions.

34. AnonymousJuly 25,2023 at 5:48PM UTC

    I wanted to compliment you for your honesty and transparency. With that being said, oftentimes, we have to forgive ourselves, take appropriate and corrective action, put into practice lots of self care, because many work environments can are treacherous and toxic because they're so highly competitive and most don't even know it!

    It says alot about your character that you own your responsibility in the matter and for some strained relationships.

    I've worked with too many people that have caused mass destruction that was very intentional and couldn't care less about healing and reconciliation.

    My recommendation is to continue to be self-conscious, sensitive to your surroundings, and a breathe of fresh air in your workplace. Unfortunately, we remember the negative and hold certain things against others because it's a control mechanics.

    Don't bite the bait and let others "freeze you!" I know from experience what that's like when people remember how you responded when you were struggling. It wasn't the right representation, but that's what they remember.

    If and as opportunity present itself, apologize but it doesn't have to be extensive and specific because you want to protect personal information in the work setting (keep it professional!)

    And know that if you've repented, you're forgiven. The enemy constantly reminds us of our deficiencies but we have to come into a greater awareness of our identity in Christ!

    "For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God." Colossians 3:3 ?

35. Michelle StewartJuly 25,2023 at 6:04PM UTC

    Experience with watching my Mom go through a similar situation. One thing we have learned is that the effects of the chemo did make her slower overall, which makes her crazy, and it is something she is struggling to adapt to. She also struggles with words. This can be something that is hard for you to deal with, as well as those around you. This is also something that is fully within accommodations that can and should be made for you by your company. And anyone who doesn't understand your needs is a person who has never been touched by the horror that is cancer.

36. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 1:29PM UTC

    I personally understand as I have been through treatments while working full-time. It was incredibly difficult and you should give yourself an atta boy.

    You need to stop beating yourself up on this one. You got the project done and that was the goal. I'm not sure how widespread your reputation is on being difficult, but keep your head down and continue to work at the pace you are able. The reputation should work itself out. Most people just don't understand the toll cancer and its treatment takes on the body and soul. That is OK. You can find support somewhere else.

    You might not get things done as fast, but I found my 60% speed was other peoples 100%. Forgive yourself for the one snappy period in your life. The important thing is you recognized it and how you treat people moving forward.

37. Kim PfeifferJuly 26,2023 at 5:28PM UTC

    Just treat the situation like any other where you're not exactly proud of your behavior. Apologize to each person and as often as you believe necessary. Possibly bring in baked goods if you work in that kind of office