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My boss wants to go clubbing

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My boss wants to go clubbing

My boss and manager I guess have been getting the bright idea to go do something as a team outside of work. She had mentioned to me that we were going to go clubbing. For reference she is a 60 year old woman and I am 22. She insisted that I go but I do NOT feel comfortable going since she is my boss and Im on a medication where I cant drink. WHAT DO I DO HELPPP

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  1. Gretchen Skalka

    Propose an alternative.

    If that activity isn't right for you, suggest one you would want to do - make her an active part of the decision (which also keeps YOU as an active part of the decision).

    This way, you let her know you are open to getting to know her better and give her insight into what kind of things you prefer doing.

  2. Anonymous

    thank you I will try to tell her that I would prefer going out for supper

  3. Wendy Curtis

    At a previous position, my group went to a local pub for happy hour every other Thursday at 4pm. We had a drink or two shared some appetizers and got to know each other better. Drinking alcohol was not a requirement. My expectant coworker ordered juice. I think it was nice to see each other as human beings, not just cogs in the wheel.

  4. Anonymous

    At one point, my boss wanted the team to do something like this outside of work. I told him I did not have the bandwidth to do so. You don't owe your employer your free time. I'm an introvert, I don't have the energy to work with you all day and then give you my downtime -it's not your commodity. You don't owe your employer an explanation either, simply say, "I have outside responsibilities" and leave it at that.

  5. Andra Phillips

    I believe in team building but to go clubbing at 60 years old? Plus your on medication... Its a no for me. Protect yourself at all cost.

  6. Anonymous

    If a 60-year-old wants to go clubbing, why shouldn't they?

  7. Anonymous

    Explain that you choose not to go clubbing.

  8. Anonymous

    Nothing to explain. Just say no.

    The end!!

  9. Anonymous

    So she is 60 and your 22. She probably is lonely and just wants someone to go out with. If you cant drink don't drink, its that simple. Is the Manager also a woman?

  10. Anonymous

    yes the manager is a 23 year old girl and I think this is her way of doing tema bonding, but like a nice supper would have been perfect

  11. Anonymous

    No, it's not appropriate for this type of outing with a leader. You're an adult, you can say no with your reasons, and then come to the table with alternatives that are appropriate.

  12. Anonymous

    thank you, I thought so that it was weird

  13. Anonymous

    Sounds like she's pimping you for access to clubs, partners, attention. This does not sound like "team building "

  14. Anonymous

    literally. I was in shock when she told me this for team bonding, like a supper would have been just fine

  15. Anonymous

    Tell her you are busy.

    I'm 50 and I wouldn't want to go either. ..boss or not.

    She's out of line by asking. If she wants a team bonding experience, I'd say bowling and pizza, not a place where alcohol and trouble exist!!

  16. Anonymous

    thats exactly what I thought or at least a supper

  17. Heather (she/her)

    I would definitely NOT do something like this. Too many opportunities for an issue, and not the kind of team bonding that should be happening as an official team get together.

  18. Denise Browning

    You don't owe people this much explanation. "Clubbing isn't an activity I'm comfortable with"

  19. Karen Burke

    This. I wouldn't go clubbing period, so this would be a "no" regardless of who was inviting me.

  20. Anonymous

    Just decline, "I can't make it." Your boss can't make you go clubbing, especially after work hours.

  21. surfnwrite

    You have no obligation to participate in work activities outside of your work hours, especially offsite. Just say no.

  22. Anonymous

    Clubbing is not an appropriate activity for team building. How large is your group? Hopefully, as a group, you can all come up with an alternative teambuilding activity. I shy away from anything where alcohol is involved and my boss is present. I would attend a political gathering or civic dinner and may have one glass of wine but in your situation, if you are taking medication, you can drink ginger ale or some other colored fizz and be safe if you find you have to attend. I'd try to politely bow out.

  23. Anonymous

    Just tell her it’s not your scene. Not everybody likes clubbing. I never did it when I was younger. Not fun, loud, expensive, meat market.

  24. Anonymous

    How about suggest a walk in the woods? I kind of think it should be on work time, if it is a team building practice though. I wouldn't feel socializing with my boss either.

  25. Anonymous

    I'm curious to hear what their definition is of clubbing. I would just beg off -you have other plans, not your scene, you are not a night owl, etc. Just generally politely decline - you shouldn't even need an excuse. If they are wanting to do some sort of team outing, team building, whatever, can you come up with suggestions? To give you an example, a few years ago (pre-COVID), a team I was on took off a few hours early to attend a cooking class. One of the teams I currently work with, they take off early one Friday a month to go bowling.

    And by the way, even if alcohol is involved, you do not need to drink, nor do you need to explain why you abstain.

  26. Anonymous

    You can let her know that you prefer to keep work at work and that your medical situation doesn't allow you to imbibe, however you could just make and appearance and then quickly leave after say 30 minutes and just order a soda.

  27. Anonymous

    Don't mention the medical situation.
    That's irrelevant.

    Tell her you can't make it.

    Too many people share unnecessary details to the wrong people

  28. Coach Nancie Kay Shuman

    Reference Lizzo's current problems. If your company has an HR department, I would also go have a conversation with them. Good luck.

  29. Anonymous

    Why? HR is tired of ya'll. This absolutely does not rise to the level of needing to get HR involved. All she needs to do is say no thank you and move on.....

  30. Coach Nancie Kay Shuman

    You act as though the only reason to go to HR is when there is an infraction which results in the need for action. HR can assist the employee in understanding what the companies policies are and are not. It's part of their job. Additionally, should the employee decline and there are repercussions, they know what their options are aside from either being uncomfortable or quitting.

    BTW - at 22 how good were you are saying "NO" to your boss? If she could do as you suggest, do you think she would have posted here?

  31. Anonymous

    You referenced Lizzo and told this young lady to go to HR....this is absolutely not the same as what is going on with Lizzo. She doesn't need to talk to HR, she should be very capable of saying no.

    Honestly, I'm curious if she works in a restaurant setting where you would often get much older managers trying to go to bars or clubbing with much younger employees....

  32. Rosa Goes

    That is inappropriate and creepy. I would let them know you are not comfortable going to such places.

  33. Mary Pool

    Tell her you appreciate the invitation, but you keep your work and private life separate. I don't recommend any non-work related activity with her. Keep it professional.

  34. Anonymous

    As for team activities, this is not appropriate. It consists of dancing (which can include touching) and drinking (which can cause a lot of issues). This is a very bad idea, and I don't think your boss understands the ramifications if anything happened to anyone due to excessive drinking - the company could be held responsible in some cases. The companies I have worked for made it crystal clear no activities including liquor were allowed. For you personally, do nothing that makes you uncomfortable. Simply decline and don't feel pressured at all.

  35. Bradford McCormick

    "Repsectully, Madam Manager, the business of business is business. I come to work each day to be productive for the company. I give the work my best. I need my rest to to be at my best again for the next work day. I hope you can understand."

  36. Anonymous

    She may be assuming you enjoy going clubbing because you are in your twenties.

    I agree with what the other posters said—you shouldn’t have to do activities like this to advance your career or bond with your coworkers.

    Honestly, I’ve made the mistake of assuming my employees would want to go for a drink in the past, without considering their caretaking responsibilities or comfort with drinking. Not my best call as a manager, in retrospect. Bosses are people too, and sometimes we make mistakes.

    I think if you say, I’d love to get to know you and our team a little better, but clubbing is not really my scene, and who can even hear at clubs anyway?
    I’m not really a drinker. Could we do lunch or coffee?

    That way you are meeting her intention, but also setting a boundary without making her uncomfortable. You also are providing a solution without asking the company to spend a ton of money.

  37. Renee Graham

    Underscoring your points and adding that this could also be a opportunity for generational learning-for both individuals. I'm reading a lot of posts here that seem to come from a place of 'she (manager) should know better'. In today's multigenerational and more identity mindful workplace, most would agree that is a true statement. And, most anyone in their 6th decade will tell you that clubbing was a standard way of connecting with co workers in our earlier years. While the 'clubbing after work' mindset has (thankfully) been replaced with constructive, healthier and more inclusive activities and mindset-an older generation may have missed out on this transition (raising families, caring for older parents, or just unaware of this shift).

    To the younger generation of professionals, try using the approach offered here as a way to educate and build bridges with your veteran partners in the workforce. And to the senior professionals-we need to practice pausing, listening, being open and vulnerable to updated workplace mindsets and practices if we want to see a more equitable, diverse and fulfilling workplace for all.

  38. Anonymous

    She can't force you to go, if she does its harassment.

  39. Anonymous

    That is a completely inappropriate team building ever and I would mention to HR. She also cannot force attendance unless during working hours.

  40. April Brown

    Politely decline and move on. "No" is a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

  41. Anonymous

    Loool now that is a funny lady.. clubbing .. ye pay me and ill come

  42. Anonymous

    You need to tell her that you ain't feeling well and you are on medication.

  43. Dianna Deeley

    This is not appropriate. Just say you are not comfortable with this proposal, and suggest a lunch at a decent sit-down restaurant, instead.

    For context, I worked most of my career in a two person office. My boss and I became friends, and we did have a regular Friday afternoon "strategy meeting" at the wine bar around the corner. When I took over his position, this was not comfortable for my assistant, so instead, we made a point of having tea together one afternoon a week where we covered office matters and where those intersected with our personal lives. It worked well for us. It allowed for informal counseling and feedback.

  44. Anonymous

    The minute either your boss and/or the manager are present, it becomes a company-sanctioned function which means the employee handbook and all the policies contained within extends to the club. They could potentially find themselves in a lot of trouble with HR should something happen on this excursion (i.e. sexual harassment among other things). It sounds as though they haven't thought this through. I'm with April Brown and what she suggested, "Politely decline and move on. "No" is a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone an explanation."

  45. Anonymous

    Oh dear .. either say you have another commitment that evening or just tell her it's really not something you enjoy and 'no thank you'. I am cringing at how inappropriate this choice of 'team bonding' outing is.

  46. Balanced372207

    Clubbing at age 60? How odd! And inappropriate.

  47. Anonymous

    Uh, age discrimination much?

  48. Coach Nancie Kay Shuman

    I am with the, "don't use age as a denominator to not go to clubs," group. I enjoy going to clubs and dancing, also seeing friends bands perform. Age has nothing to do with this. Is it appropriate for a work situation? Probably not.

  49. Anonymous

    Clubbing at age 60 isn't the issue. Having a work team outing at a nightclub is the issue and it's inappropriate full stop. Clubbing = partying whether someone chooses to drink or not. It also will exclude members of your team which completely voids the team building intent.

  50. Anonymous

    It is not that big of a deal, depending on how you handle it. If you want to get to know team members on an informal basis (which can come in very handy) you can join in for a short while. You could go for 30 minutes or so and have something like a club soda. Then after a short while, you can indicate you need to head out (due to another commitment, something you need to do, etc.). If you really feel it is important to NOT go, you can just say "sorry, I won't be able to make it". It is amazing the stuff you can learn in out of hours informal gatherings, but the decision is yours to make. I would not recommend referring to HR unless it happens over and over and you feel you are being forced.

  51. Lisa Marie

    Unless shes taking the *ENTIRE* team, simply do not go. Also let her know you are not comfortable socializing outside of work. No other explanation or conversation needs to be had *on the matter* after that. Also know, there is absolutely *no need to LIE* about having other commitments. Set your boundaries and stick to them.

  52. Anonymous

    Make your excuses but do not go clubbing. Trust me, better if you were not there to sit out on this one. Use the medication as an excuse, loud music gives you vertigo, whatever. It's ok not to participate, or to suggest an alternative that might be more appropriate for an off-work setting.

  53. Lisa Apolis

    Clubbing as a work team-building exercise is inappropriate no matter what everyone's ages are. With so many other choices out there - painting or cooking classes, bowling, etc - why on earth they would pick an alcohol infused setting is beyond me.

  54. Tiana Mumford

    Good day that’s a big no thank you whether you can sip or not . When people get alcohol in them you know the end . No excuses tell the truth if she cannot respect that I don’t know what to say . You are not obligated to go clubbing nor mandatory to do so . Lastly even if you’re 80 years old and she is 100 no thank you . I’m shocked that’s a team building idea . You will be fine.

    Best

  55. Tonia D. Woolfolk

    I definitely would not go and I wouldn't explain why. A simple "I'm not able to attend. Enjoy yourselves!" will do just fine. I think that is an inappropriate team building exercise. I understand you aren't drinking; however, some will and there is always someone that goes too far with their words or their actions and you could be exposed to that. I would eliminate myself from the equation.

  56. Anonymous

    A work dinner would be just fine but clubbing... absolutely not. Don't put yourself in that situation especially when alcohol is involved. You have your reasons why you cannot attend.

  57. Victoria Nolten

    I suggest you point out to her that it is not appropriate on many levels. It’s not just you or wanting to go. Religious objections, people who are expecting a baby, alcoholics who don’t want to be in that environment, people with sensory issues… this isn’t about your age or medication. And if did they make it about that then it’s age discrimination. Sounds to me like they want to go party on the company dollar. Where is HR in this. It just screams lawsuit to me.

    Don’t feel you need to go. I wouldn’t.

  58. Anonymous

    It’s screams unethical to me

  59. Can Yay

    English please

  60. Anonymous

    Google translate

  61. Anonymous

    If ya have Google, take the initiative. The translation is: "You should not go and even less if you are not comfortable, better stay at home or go out with the family, it is not necessary to drink alcohol to enjoy."

    Your Welcome.

  62. Tonia D. Woolfolk

    Wow....

  63. Jennifer Davis

    How unprofessional. She wants to see someone get drunk and spread gossip. What a horrible leader. Don't go tell her you have laundry.

  64. Anonymous

    Yes! This is what I thought. Mine is younger but does stuff like this. Last year they went to her birthday bar hoping party and all complained about it. Some stopped talking to some. And it’s coming up again. I said why go back when it was bad and drama filled

  65. Anonymous

    You’re not legally required to share your medical information as that could possibly lead to more issues of discrimination in your work place. I would create a list of inclusive activities and restaurants to go to as a group. Having worked in education they try to limit the type of spaces where anything compromising can happen. Remind them of the mission behind the the organization and ask if this event reflects that mission. Don’t worry about people not liking you or offending them.

  66. Anonymous

    I'm curious to know what they define as clubbing lol. Shoot I'll go and be DD lol

  67. Victoria Nolten

    It's not about having a good time. It's about being professional and not putting your company in a place that they could be sued. I also work for tech firms and I'm sure you know as well as I do that they have a horrible track record of sexism and ageism.

    I guarantee for everyone of you there are 10 people thinking "oh dear god why? I'd rather be home with my kids then hang out with these people while they get drunk and act stupid."

    When business and fun mix, risk mitigation needs to be at the front of the mind. There are a million activities that are fun and appropriate.

  68. Anonymous

    Victoria, you are dead on. This is definitely a very risky kind of outing that can put the company at risk for safety concerns and charges of sexism or sexual harassment. I don't know one woman I work with no matter the age that wants to have that kind of party with male coworkers. That's for personal friendships and relationships. Not to mention the liability to the company. There are much better options for team building activities.

  69. Anonymous

    I'm betting these people who are having a "FCKING GREAT TIME!" probably don't realize their colleagues find them stupidly annoying and unprofessional. When it comes time for a promotion or deciding who to layoff how will the that "FCKING GREAT TIME!" factor in? I'm guessing not in their favor.

  70. Wanda Shaw

    Girl…say it loud!

  71. Karen Storey

    Refuse going graciously.

    Be upfront!

  72. Anonymous

    That sounds like absolute hell to me even without the forced socializing with work colleagues after work hours! How many people has you renowned Silicon Valley Tech firm laid off this year? I bet all those people out looking for a job now are super happy they got to go clubbing with the boss that dropped them without a second thought based on some loose finance projection.

  73. Balanced372207

    I am 70, and your insult of a former legislative staffer was uncalled for. That's one of the reasons I don't hang with people who are drinking. The things that come out of their mouths

  74. Balanced372207

    She can do whatever she wants. She doesn't have the right to insist that her employee join her

  75. Anonymous

    Tell her you have other plans. No explanation needed. Why on earth does a 60 year old woman want to go clubbing?? Just seems inappropriate to me. I am 51 and certainly don’t do that anymore. It’s one thing to go to a bar, restaurant, bowling, beer garden, etc. You get my point. Sounds like she is going through some sort of midlife crisis. You are not obligated to go and stick to it.

  76. Coach Nancie Kay Shuman

    I actually enjoy going out to a club and dancing, but early because I don't love crowds. I am certainly not going through a midlife crisis. That having been said, it is probably not an appropriate activity to do with your subordinates.

  77. Anonymous

    I’m 42 and never did it and won’t do it now lol

  78. Balanced372207

    My daughter is 46, and never did it either, although truth be told, her mother and father did when we were in our twenties. But I am 70 now, and there is no way......I vividly remember when hubby and I were in our 20's, and we were out with friends who were also in their 20's, and one of them was deeply embarrassed because her 50 something mother decided to "crash the party", so to speak, wearing a miniskirt, and flirting with the young men. It was horrible for our friend, and I made a promise to myself that I would never do that to my child.

  79. surfnwrite

    Did the 60-year-old boss referenced in the post say she was going to wear a miniskirt and flirt with younger men? And is the original poster her daughter? Sounds like you are making a lot of leaps here.

  80. Evelyn Rupallan

    You know what else is inappropriate in 2023? Judging people by their ages and how they want to live their lives.The fact that the boss is 60 years old is irrelevant; Insisting and pressuring her employee to go out for an non-work related activity is! Let's not miss the point.She can be firm in her decision of not going and if her boss keep insisting then she ask for a meeting to express her feeling and concerns. Let's communicate instead of make assumptions on people and stop with the toxic culture of talking about people behind their back and lets be honest with them, and as long as other people choices are not affecting our lives, who are we to judge a 60, 70, or 80 years old woman who want to go clubbing?

  81. surfnwrite

    Inappropriate? Believe it or not, there are clubs that have "disco" nights, etc catering to an older crowd that still likes to dance. But thanks for sharing your limited worldview. You sound like a lot of fun to be around.

  82. Anonymous

    Agreed! No one is forced to participate. Plenty of companies do this

  83. Anonymous

    I'm sorry but some of you guys are way to serious. Think about all the companies out there that have raging Holiday parities each year, and I bet ya'll attend. No one is required to socialize outside of work but some of us want to! And I don't think I'm alone in saying that, considering all the cringe team-building Zoom meets people have had over the last few years trying to replace in-person interaction. Some of us like the happy hours, team lunches, the Dave and Busters nights, the trivia nights, the holiday parties etc. And no one is forced to go! At one of my companies we had an individual that was Jehovah's Witness, so they could not participate in anything. We missed having them there, but other than that, no one judged them, or cared for that matter. Some of ya'll sound like you could use a happy hour. And, I feel like this has always been an issue, on how to include all your extroverts without further alienating your introverts. Note: This is not pointed toward the OP, I think it's a valid question and the simple comments stating to place boundaries are enough. Otherwise, quit judging the poor lady for her age, and let that 60 year old woman have fun!

  84. Anonymous

    I never get invited to outside work things. I wouldn’t go anyway. They are too much drama and I like my peace. But man I never have had an office Wild Christmas party experience lol

  85. Anonymous

    SHE can have HER fun and OTHERS can join.

    In a world of cameras on phones, social media , jealous or bitter colleagues (anyone getting upset over something as simple as no paper in the copier let alone a "stolen" promotion) and drama surrounding toxicity and alcohol, count me out. Plus: slipping drugs in drinks, and more. How well do you REALLY know your office mates when drunk??????

    I'll pass!!!

    I have other plans for the evening. I'm not a boring person, I prefer to have my peace from situations as this.

  86. Kimberly Anne

    Smart. I could not agree more. You never really know anyone.

  87. Anonymous

    Always protect your peace!

  88. Anonymous

    Exactly, because sometimes it's all you have!!

  89. Anonymous

    In all my years of going out with coworkers, none of this has ever happened. sounds like you're the drama

  90. Anonymous

    You are very fortunate then. MANY people avoid drama yet others prefer to bring it on wherever they go

  91. Anonymous

    Can you not see how arranging a "team building" outing where members of the team cannot attend due to either their religious beliefs or finances or family obligations or presence of alcohol or really any personal reason is not team building at all? Good for you that you enjoy getting boozed up with your colleagues after work, no one is stopping you, please continue. The issue isn't having drinks with colleagues after work if you want. The issue is arranging a team building outing centered around partying which is inherent to clubbing whether someone chooses to drink or not. I don't judge the 60 year old boss for wanting to go out and have some fun. I do judge that boss for a poor leadership choice in arranging an after hours team event that is not team building for all, likely uncomfortable for many, and can pose a risk to the company. I go to happy hours plenty, thanks .. with my friends.

  92. Anonymous

    I actually agree with you, and I think your feedback would be more fitting that these comments that are just "gross". It would be better to say something like "You guys should definitely go clubbing, but let's do something more inclusive so more people on the team are likely to participate"

  93. Guadalupe Diaz

    The key phrase you used was "And no one is forced to go!" That's one of the important things there. The other is respecting those who choose not to go as well as wishing fun for those who do choose to go. It's simple but I think some people get intimidated when the invite/pressure comes from an authority figure.

  94. Rosa Goes

    Holiday parties involve a lot of people. What we are talking about here are 3 people only. So I don't think we're being 'way to serious' as you put it or that we 'could use a happy hour'. I think her issue is real and she should take precaution. Her boss and manager can party all they want, I'm not judging.

  95. Farah Bajwa

    I guess the rules flex a bit from industry to industry. I struggle sometimes myself because i don't drink either and prefer things professional with coworkers (ex only connect on linkedin, not facebook).

    I think just be honest and tell her you're uncomfortable, or rather than say that, you can always suggest an activity or two you feel comfortable doing and push for those

  96. Anonymous

    Mine would use it for gossip or tell others what happened the next day.

  97. Balanced372207

    That is what most would do. When I would attend fundraisers as a legislative staffer, there were certain female staffers who would get intoxicated, and start flirting (and more) with married male legislators. Most of them were young women. We older (in our 40's and above) would admonish these ladies that what they were doing would fall back on them in a negative way, and we were mostly ignored or accused of being "jealous." Those ladies who earned a "reputation" didn't last long...especially when wives found out who they were. The young ladies who did their jobs, and kept their clothes on advanced in their careers. I am retired now, and speak to some of those younger ladies (now in their 40's and 50's) often, and they are doing well.

  98. Anonymous

    They seem to move up in my company and stay awhile lol.

  99. Anonymous

    wow

  100. Paulla Fetzek, MSEd

    Hello.

    First, it wasn't necessary to note your ages. This festers ageism which I've already seen some people show in their comments. Your ages should have no bearing on the situation.

    Second, you have every right to not go. As others have noted, some people enjoy relationships outside of work, others don't. I work in a relatively small office with 55 people. To say we act like family would be an understatement. But the industry we're in, and our particular jobs, necessitate us being together a LOT. To the point you really get to know your coworkers. To this end, most of us are friends outside of work.

    However, many people prefer to keep work and personal life separate! We have people like this at work and they're never rebuked.

    Finally, It should never ben an issue of someone doesn't drink. I drink - but very little and not very often. I've never had an issue telling my coworkers this. If you want to tell them you take medicine where you can't drink, that's your choice. But you can also just tell them, "I. Don't. Drink." and that's enough.

  101. Kimberly McKenzie-Klemm

    I suggest you offer to drive. I worked for a manager and his wife who were both significantly younger than me. They encouraged a "girl's night out" for their employees, and we even went to see a Zombie movie with anyone who worked for them who wanted to attend. You might suggest something like a movie as well. The age differences do matter. (I felt a bit awkward.) On the other hand, I also suggest you do not make age the issue. In the long run, it is good to know the team you work with a bit more on a personal level- as long as you refrain from being judgemental.

  102. Kimberly Anne

    I would not go. I get bad vibes from this. Just say you don’t drink and have a prior plan that is taking precedence.

  103. Guadalupe Diaz

    I imagine the only reason you pointed out the age difference is maybe because someone older and in a place of authority can be intimidating for you which is understandable. You said she insisted but insistence is different from mandatory. I would ask her if she is insisting or is it mandatory. Regardless of what she says though, if you are contracted to work certain hours, then stick to that if that's what you want. I would probably be nice with my response at first and say something like, "No, thank you. I have personal things I have to get done." You don't have to over-explain. Your personal business is your personal business. If they continue to insist, then you can tell them you like to keep your personal life separate from your work life. If they say it is mandatory, then ask for it to be put in writing.

    I personally don't enjoy those team building things outside the office but am ok if they're during company time. I clock out at 5:30pm so I'm out of here at 5:30pm. A rule of thumb I have always carried: I don't go to work to make friends. I got to work, to work. IF I make some friends along the way, cool. If not, then that's fine too.

    In all my years of working in different places (about 30 years now of working), I actually have made some life long friends but most people I've worked with have been long since forgotten.

    Don't over explain and set your boundaries.

  104. Wanda Shaw

    Good response. It’s what folks are calling a work/life balance. And it should be enforced.

  105. Regina Brown

    Tell your boss that "clubbing" isn't something that sounds appealing to you. While it sounds like a good idea...it does cast light on her age genre.

    Politely decline and suggest that maybe a dinner or lunch would be more appropriate.

  106. Anonymous

    Gross. You never should go "partying" with you manager. 60 years old and needs to get a life OUTSIDE of work! Don't go!

  107. Anonymous

    Love this response

  108. Anonymous

    No - work and personal life need to be separate. Just like church and state. Age has nothing to do with it.

  109. Anonymous

    I would say no, you have a full schedule outside of work. In this situation, the less you say, the better IMO. And if it comes to it, just simply say no thank you.

  110. Anonymous

    So did you go? lol

  111. Anonymous

    yes update please!

  112. Anonymous

    no net yet

  113. Ayian

    "Is this a company sponsored event that I am required to be at?" ... well no "My apologies, but this does not sound like a team building exercise and the venue is not one I would be interested in visiting during my unpaid time off of work. Thank you very much for the invitation. Can we perhaps select another activity more suitable for team building?"

  114. surfnwrite

    Neither drinking nor age is relevant to this issue in the slightest. What is relevant is forced activities outside of work hours. Your non-work hours are yours to use as you choose. Tell your boss you are happy to do team-building during work hours if she wants to do that.

  115. Katheryn M

    "I'm not comfortable with going to a club for a work activity. I'd happily go to a board game cafe or do an escape room on Saturday instead, What do you think?"

  116. Anonymous

    one of the better answers on this post

  117. Anonymous

    The fight would not be worth it. I would suggest you go, and just choose non-alcoholic drinks. I’ve been to many after-work functions where I’m the only one drinking Diet Coke when everyone else is getting soused. It’s fine.

  118. Anonymous

    Go with your manager/team if you do not have any other prior commitments. This maybe outside work hours but in some ways if your manager decides to socialize then treat it like an overtime work where you just get to hang out. Order a non-alcoholic beverage and if they insist you need to have a drink, politely decline (you can give a reason or just say I don't feel like drinking today and stick to this decision until the end of the program). Don't stay after 10pm. Leave earlier if you can. If you cancel, then you'll be labeled as the anti social or may even lose a possible promotion or a raise (this is just an "IF''). If you decide to go, don't over share any personal details about your life. Keep the conversation light and choose current topics or be the listener while your boss talks.

  119. Wanda Shaw

    Nothing wrong with socializing with your work colleagues outside of the work environment. You’d get to know one another better outside of the organization. However, you may want ask yourself, why do you feel uncomfortable going out with them. (Understood about the drinking part. you could have a round of soft drinks and be okay) But would you still feel uncomfortable if it were in another setting, say at a restaurant? I’m asking because while you work with these folks maybe you don’t care to be in their company at all during non working hours. If so, politely decline. And live your life.

  120. Wanda Shaw

    if that’s your organizational culture, then fine. Not all are like that. And I could venture to guess that not everyone that works there thinks it a wonderful time..especially those that don’t drink or are recovering alcoholics.

  121. Anonymous

    This reminds me of a similar experience I had. 20 years ago I worked for an answering service. The supervisors and office manager were very inappropriate and toxic. I once reluctantly went to a bar with one of the supervisors and some coworkers. She forced me to dance with a guy I had zero interest in. One of my coworkers brought her boyfriend and he told me the guy appeared to be high! This supervisor also would go home with men she met at the bar and she had at least one coworker go with her while she hooked up with him!

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