My manager is the exact opposite of me: lazy, unorganized, and a poor communicator.

Anonymous

November 8,2023 at 5:58PM UTC

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My manager is the exact opposite of me: lazy, unorganized, and a poor communicator. Always flying by the seat of their pants.

Today they forgot (or just didn’t) share a key piece of info with me, which resulted in a pretty big problem for about two hours.

When I asked them about it, they offered platitudes: “You could have called me.” “I was on my way.” “I was dealing with a problem.”

Here’s the thing: I love my job, and am very close to retirement. Changing jobs now just doesn’t make sense.

My question: how do I stay true to my values and work ethic while working for them ?

Thank you for any insight you can provide!

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AnonymousNovember 8,2023 at 6:36PM UTC
Bide your time with this manager if you're that close to retirement. You're going to have little to no impact on this situation. What is your desired outcome? Do you want them to see the error of their ways and change course? I promise you they won't do that.
Since this seems to be a well established pattern with this person, consider how much time you'll invest into righting this ship. I might consider readjusting expectations (lowering them!) so you can finish your time at this organization.
AnonymousNovember 8,2023 at 6:53PM UTC
Lazy, unorganized, and a poor communicator? Sounds like what a lot of us with ADHD have also been accused of to varying degrees.
Try working with them to figure out a solution. You know what to anticipate with them, be a bit proactive and meet them in the middle.
AnonymousNovember 9,2023 at 2:13PM UTC
If you back over someone’s foot while driving, even if it wasn’t intentional, it still hurts. Doesn’t really matter what the issue is with the manager. They need to get their stuff under control because it is affecting others ability to work.
AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 2:41PM UTC
OP can't change this person, only how they relate to the manager. If you know someone has trouble driving in reverse, change where you stand.
AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 7:33PM UTC
Totally agree. That’s why you always turn it around on them and let them sink or swim on their own.
Be unavailable for “emergencies” that crop up because they can’t get their sh*t together.
Never care more about someone else’s stuff than they do.
If they can’t get stuff to you in time for a deadline, it’s their fault. It’s not your job to chase them. Managing up can only go so far.
I work with someone who definitely has undiagnosed ADHD and unfortunately, he’s going to run his company right into the ground. I don’t plan on being around when he does
AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 2:39PM UTC
I have ADHD and that was my first thought. If OP has OCPD they would have a hard time accepting someone's imperfections too.
AnonymousNovember 8,2023 at 7:12PM UTC
You don't change other people.
Life doesn't work that way
So since you very much want to stay, you do your very best to stay one step ahead of the manager, anticipate any issues and stay very very accommodating. You stay true to your values by staying on your path, working at your highest level of professionalism and doing great work.
Values are personal. You don't allow other people's behavior to change them. You honor yourself by taking ownership of your decision to stay. You accept the reality of what you signed up for and work to make the best of the situation. You use good faith efforts and be satisfied that you are doing your best.
Dawn M Rollins-MurrellNovember 10,2023 at 2:44PM UTC
I agree with this response, plus I also agree with those who believe ADHD or some other undiagnosed problem may be involved. I advise you to talk directly to this person anytime there is something they want you to do, go over every detail, write down and document the instructions extra thorough so she knows that you are holding her accountable. Add some humor and try to make the situation light, but let her know that you don't play around with her unorganized ways of missing details that delay progress and possibly cause you problems. If she said "you could have called," I would blow up her phone and show the time stamped receipts of when you did try to call. Not to be petty, but if you show someone that you expect more, they usually step up, or you lower your expectations so you are not always frustrated and disappointed with them.
Good luck. Stay positive, and let your excellent work practices rub off on her.
AnonymousNovember 9,2023 at 3:05PM UTC
Keep your head down, do your work, and look at the light at the end of the tunnel.
BNNovember 10,2023 at 1:29PM UTC
It's a balance between protecting yourself and your retirement timeline versus holding your manager accountable and protecting the company. My advice is to document document document- so that it's clear the actions were not on you. Next you can try managing up. You talk to your boss about the business impact it's having and train them how to manage or you can highlight the issues to Senior Management (potentially ousting your boss, ruffling feathers).
There's no easy answer here. I would have a hard time seeing someone impact the company and not try to remedy the situation. Also I'm wondering if it's a medical condition. Having been the person that always had their act together, was responsible for extremely high level / high visibility projects and was very organized, adult onset ADHD has been strange road to navigate. There is a significant difference when I am on medication and when I'm off.
AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 2:37PM UTC
Reconsider your "values." You seem rather judgy. Your manager may have undiagnosed ADHD, or may have been selected for an ability to think on their feet. In Myers Briggs typology, that would be a P vs. J, which may be your type. It's up to your boss's boss to judge your boss, not you.
And yes, if you could have called, you should have. Part of being a "good communicator" is providing feedback or asking questions when something isn't clear or complete. Both parties are responsible for communication.
AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 7:29PM UTC
It’s funny when people respond to things like this I always suspect that they are that kind of person who drops other people in boiling water all the time and they don’t understand why other people don’t like it. I don’t think this person is Judgey at all. I think they’re just tired of having to deal with somebody else’s inability to do their job. You know what they say: “Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.” just make sure your emails are bcc’d to your private email in case things go belly up. You’ll be able to access the paper trail through your own email.
Kristen JettNovember 10,2023 at 3:15PM UTC
I was having this exact problem, and ended up being let go because my upper Management and hiring team wanted to keep her in her position more than they wanted learn how to innovate and adapt. Unfortunately, you can't make anyone care but you can learn to manage your expectations and document your issues.
AnonymousNovember 10,2023 at 5:43PM UTC
Just put your head down and when they do what you are describing just laugh it off. They will dig their own hole soon enough...as for you make a retirement calendar and on it every time they do something crazy like that put a crazy face doodle on the date. Then do something nice for yourself or take an extra long coffee break to walk around the block...
maria roseNovember 11,2023 at 3:33PM UTC
You have halfway answered your own question in the statement, I am too close to retirement to change jobs. Using that phrase. I am going to assume that you could easily be in the manager position role but feel more comfortable being in the position you are in ( which I am guessing is the assistant position in which you have access to every task that the manager has to get done and together you get the assignment done. You let your manager handle the breakdown of the assignment while you handle the daily tasks. It is not mentioned how long this specific manager has been in their role but again I am assuming that they have been working with you for enough of a time period for their “tendencies “ have become an annoyance and reflection on your department performance and you want to avoid any reaction that makes your department look bad in the time frame you have left before retirement . This manager may know that they will eventually not have your support when you retire and indirectly is asking you to help them achieve their role because you know how to do the job so well that you probably can do it in your sleep. I am hoping that you have a good conversational connection with your manager to be able to talk out a solution to enhance his performance without putting any pressure on you to compensate his tendencies. Start with multiple reminders as a starting point, including occasional reminders that you will not be there forever to help them. Your goal with this job is to develop your pathway to retirement and not worry about the gap left when you leave..