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Work holiday parties that exclude some employees?

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Angela

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Work holiday parties that exclude some employees?

Has anyone else ever experienced this? I am feeling so sad for my husband. His coworker told him that he found out that there was an employee holiday party after the new year that only some employees were invited to. The people in attendance at the party were all given an additional bonus and there were really fancy giveaways. This wasn’t like a party at a coworker’s house, this was put on by the company owner and HR, but only some people were invited. My husband constantly goes the extra mile, staying late and working weekends, and is well respected at work (as far as he knew before finding out about this.) I think his spirit is really broken and he’s going to go into quiet quitting mode after learning about this. Just wondering if this is something that is considered normal at companies? I definitely thought that something like this would be a no no.

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  1. Janet Parkhurst

    Angela, that's terrible! I feel so sad for him, too. I know what it's like to work your heart out for a company and not be appreciated. But to answer your question, I have not heard of anything like that, ever. Even the company I was at invited EVERYBODY, regardless of job, status, etc. They treated everyone the same--it was kind of their motto.

    I think he should seek new employment. It's been on record that more people leave a job for lack of appreciation than money.

    Best of luck to him!

  2. Sara Konecky

    OMG. Whoever is in charge of that decision is horrible. I have NEVER heard of anything like this. If I were him, I would ask about this. Maybe it was a mistake of some kind??? How embarrassing for the employer to act so inhospitable, RUDE, and without being able to recognize what is fair and treating everyone the same.

  3. Angela

    I agree! I think anyone doing a good job at work should’ve been invited to the year end party. They could’ve done special bonuses separately but obviously word was going to get out about this party.

  4. Anonymous

    A lot depends on the type of organization. For example, sales organizations often have lavish destination parties for their top producers and hand out bonuses at that time. For organizations that DO give bonuses, it is socialized how and when bonuses are given and who is eligible. Perhaps he was not in the position long enough to participate?

    The most important thing now is how he is feeling about working there. If he feels unappreciated and that the situation will not improve, it may be time to start a quiet job search. How fortunate for him that he has you to support him.

  5. Angela

    He works for a general construction contractor and has been there for two years now. Everyone was invited last year so not sure what changed. Most employees got a year end bonus, including my husband, but I guess the people that got invited to this party got an additional one. I agree that he should be looking because feeling not appreciated is not a way to go about daily life.

  6. Angela

    This is how I feel about it too. I’d personally rather not go to my work party. His was really fun last year and he won a large cash prize so I think he was looking forward to that chance this year. He said he even asked if there would be one this year and they said “yeah but we haven’t gotten around to planning it yet.”

  7. Angela

    He did get the year end bonus but I guess the party favor at this event was an additional bonus. If anything I think they should’ve included everyone in the holiday party and given the year end bonus there, and then if they wanted to give out special bonuses they could’ve done that on the hush hush.

  8. Anonymous

    I can think of two times this happened to me. The first time I was in a non-sales role on a sales team and it was their bonus for salespeople party. They even got to go to Disney!

    The second time, I was a contractor on a team full of FTEs. Neither time was it communicated to me anything about the meeting, it was just people coming back like, "Wasn't that awesome" and I wasn't there. Stunk both time. In the first place, since I was not a salesperson I wasn't eligible and in the second one contractors, in general, were usually treated as second class citizens. So, yeah, it happens. But as some one else said, it does bring back the trauma of middle school all over again.

  9. Anonymous

    A no no only at larger more traditional companies.
    Not privately held companies where it's the Owners playground.

  10. Anonymous

    It doesn't sound like your husband has enough information (or isn't sharing all the information with you), because this doesn't sound like a "holiday party only some employees were invited to," it sounds more like a special program. He has 2 choices, 1. ask for more information to find out what this event was recognizing and what he needs to do to be in the running to get recognized or 2. don't ask for details, assume the worst, and react accordingly.

  11. GirlBossanova934974

    If I were his husband, I would NOT be the least bit upset.
    Most companies do go out of their way to HIDE the IN CROWD, COMPANY CRONIES , and the FAVORED FEW that have the keys to promotion and raises..... That way, most employees think that their hard work is going to get them someplace when clearly it will not! But in this case, the company has clearly spelled out the COMPANY CRONY CROWD. I would be looking for another job. A place where favoritism and corporate cronyism are not the rule of the land. I have worked at a few of these company crony outfits. The end is usually not good. One is best out the door and looking for greener pastures.

  12. Anonymous

    He might need a little more information about what this was. I'm at a law firm. There are some events that are parties for everyone. There are others that are parties for the lawyers, but not the staff. Others that are for partners, but not all lawyers. And then some client entertainment events that are really aimed at the clients, and a random handful of lawyers get tapped to work the room with the clients. So there are all kinds of rationales why some events are for some people and not others. Which can suck to feel left out, but usually there's some kind of thought behind it.

  13. Lisa Apolis

    I agree with your explanation. I've seen several companies where events are held and they are only for a certain level and above. Sometimes there will be 1 event (like a holiday party) for all employees, but many other events just for certain levels. I don't think it was a personal dig.

  14. Anonymous

    If I were your husband I would take this with a grain of salt as this is gossip. I would be suspicious of the person spreading gossip especially if they are in competition for jobs. Unless your spouse has access to hard evidence he should absolutely ignore it.

  15. Anonymous

    At least now he knows who his future bosses will be- he knows he is not on the most favored list… He will need to decide his next move-

  16. Anonymous

    wow that sucks. bonuses NEED to be given to everyone if it's a team effort. if bonuses are based on numbers then , that should be well known. bosses should never enourage ass kissing. it's gross. the loudest people are not the best. you have to be careful with horn tooting.

  17. Anonymous

    My husband's work does something similar unfortunately.
    The floor workers aren't included in Christmas parties. Only office personnel and higher-ups & they talk about the gathering openly in front of everyone/anyone. Unfair and a terrible way to show appreciation to the people who physically work hard for the company!

  18. Anonymous

    I encountered a similar situation. I was the director of an inbound sales team for a DTC product and we were part of the overall Marketing team. The CMO was constantly holding events for the Marketing department and including everyone except for my direct reports. I was always included but they weren't. After it happened a couple of times I finally spoke up and they were included more often (it was tricky because they covered nights/weekends), but my team always felt left out, including myself. That feeling was definitely a reason I eventually left that job.

  19. Anonymous

    It's weird. He should ask about it directly to understand the why. If the response does not satisfy him he should consider it when thinking about staying there if it truly bothers him.

  20. Angela

    I agree. I think he’s over the party issue itself but moreso is thinking about the organization’s values and if it’s somewhere he truly wants to be.

  21. Angela

    Im so sorry you went through this! Yes I’m so confused because my company would never do something like this! Definitely hurtful.

  22. Anonymous

    I had this happen as a contractor too. I was told at the time that allowing us to attend events or giving us a reward would blur the line between FTE and contract workers, but it really stung every single time and made me feel like a second class citizen even though I was doing the same work.

  23. Anonymous

    In my experience, contractors do not get the same permissions/access/benefits as full-time employees, and this is because employers can tell FTE what times they need to be available (like 9-5), but contractors get to choose, AND bill, the hours they want to be available.
    That is, employers can specify how many total hours they want a contractor on a project, but they cannot tell contractors the exact schedule that they need to be working.

    If you were "doing the same work," AND your schedule was not set by you, you really should have been treated as a full-time employee and not as a contractor. There are laws around this, and you can definitely sue for backpay.

    If you choose to sign on as a contractor, I would make sure you know your rights as a contractor, but also don't take things like not being invited to employee events personally. They're quite literally called "employee events," and ultimately, contractors are not employees. Otherwise, they would not have made that distinction.

  24. Anonymous

    Contractors in general are treated like second-class citizens.
    No matter how much they seem to like you, you're not one of them. You're never (unless your boss can sneak you in) invited to company events, allowed to participate in company volunteer programs, etc.

  25. Anonymous

    Yep, you got that right!

  26. Anonymous

    In a former job I was not a department head but since I was the only dietitian(reported to the administrator) with supervisory responsibilities. At Christmas time the administrator took all the department heads out to lunch every one except me out to lunch. I called him out on it his response was that he would also have to take the next tier out as well....I was humiliated as other staff asked why I was not invited as they thought I was a department head as well. Since the boss would not reconsider as you could get more mileage from a $25-50. lunch. In future years I would schedule myself off when the luncheon was planned.

  27. Jess Whitteker

    I'm sorry you went through that, and I am glad you work somewhere else now.

  28. Anonymous

    Happened to me all the time , coworkers would get together with other departments we all worked with and they would talk about going to lunch together drinks after work in front of me and never invite me , I was older than most of them but still that was so mean happened for 3 years before they started inviting me by that time I didn’t want to go so I only went out once in awhile my boss took my two male co workers to holiday dinners without me I worked in an it security dept older woman and he just wanted the “cool” kids there left that job and am much happier !

  29. Anonymous

    Unfortunately there were contractors who sued companies saying that they were “treated like an employee” by being invited to social events. So companies legally are very weary of this because the legal precedent was set. Where I worked, we couldn’t even give contractors a t-shirt with the company name on it because it may be perceived as being “treated like an employee”. It really stinks when you can’t be inclusive of everyone on your team (contractors or not), I really hated it.

  30. Anonymous

    I had something similar happen many years ago. I was a pt receptionist and was left behind while all the other women in the office went to a baby shower luncheon. The office manager got a lot of push back about this. People told her when she said "someone has to cover the phones!"...you couldn't let calls go to voicemail for a couple of hours?

    Long story short, the woman and I previously locked horns, and after this, I knew I was on my way out. I "humiliated" her, didn't I know who she was and what my place was...yes, I left.

    Only your husband can decide if this is worth quitting over. If the disrespect gets worse and he finds something better, it might be best for his morale.

  31. Anonymous

    Let's consider two options:

    Option one is to follow the earlier advice and approach the department heads to express an interest in attending the party and ask how to meet the criteria for an invitation.

    Option two is to take a petty approach, depending on the response from option one. Obtain a new job. After he has gone and its time for the next party, anonymously send a letter to every employee in the office, explaining that their work may not be paying off and why. This may seem petty, but if they want to play games, they should get the results. Go to every public forum where you can post anonymously and expose the company and all its dirty laundry.

    I don't necessarily believe that option two is the best idea, but sometimes things get ugly, and they started the mudslinging..

  32. Anonymous

    You could approach HR and advise of your concern to exclude seems discriminatory. Do keep in mind HR reps are paid by the same company you work for. Most the time they will not intersede. Does he have a direct report or manager he can speak with? May just have been an oversight or how where the others invited via email, a memo, word of mouth? Once these are answered if it appears he was purposely not included. Need to scale back the extra hours to what is required and find an employer who appreciates him. Good luck

  33. Giselle Doolan

    It might depend on who the party was for or why they had it. At places I’ve worked, there isn’t a budget for a company wide party. Holiday parties are put on by specific teams or managers / VPs who fund it from their own budget. So they often can’t afford to invite every single person. For example, a Director might hold a party for only the people who directly report to them. He needs to do a little more research and find out who hosted it and who was invited.

  34. Christi Miller

    I know there are a lot of get together for sales and client management in places I have worked. They only invite sales or client manager employees.

  35. Anonymous

    Only time I've seen this is when the function is department, location, or level specific. Otherwise, I'd say this is in very poor taste. It's never ok to exclude people. Those additional bonus items could have been shipped or given in private.

  36. Marcia Smith

    Sounds like its time to find a job where he is respected and valued....

  37. Rachel

    We had an employee christmas party for salary employees only.
    Unfortunately the hourly employees weren't invited to that but we had a holiday event for those employees during the work day so they could get a Christmas giftcard and lunch provided. Salary people weren't given an extra bonus but there were giveaways at that event. Is this sort of like what your husband dealt with?

  38. Janet Parkhurst

    I think this is terrible and demoralizing. Segregation at its WORST... Do they also have a caste system in place? I'd rather see NO holiday party than to have a company "categorize" people like this. Yuck.

  39. Cynthia Hougum

    This is not normal or healthy for an inclusiveness or company morale. I always fought hard that even contractors be invited. So sorry to hear tacky treatment your husband received.

  40. Anonymous

    This is one of the worst employment practices I’ve ever heard of! That’s horrible. I would look to leave. There’s something very wrong with this company. He should not bother wasting his time trying to figure it out. It will just add to his stress. Good luck.

  41. Rachel

    No extra bonuses were given. Everyone got a bonus where i work. I say salary but it's Management christmas party at a restaurant. It's a large company so only so many people can fit inside a restaurant. I would have wanted more for the workers but it's not possible to fit a 100s of people inside a restaurant. What I would have done is had games, raffles etc for the hourly employees at work but it wasn't my decision to make.

  42. Janet Parkhurst

    Then they choose a venue that is large, like where you would have a wedding. I once worked at a large company that employed people at all "levels." They held parties that included EVERYONE. Management got to rub elbows with people in "Manufacturing." We all got to know one another. I stayed there for YEARS. They treated people respectfully and let them know they were appreciated. What ever happened to "one big family?"

  43. misskelleyp

    Unfortunately companies are really REQUIRED to treat contractors differently or they become liable to give them employee benefits. This started a decade or more ago when long term contractors at Microsoft sued the company because they were treated as employees in everything except the stock options. The court ruled in their favor, so now most companies will ensure that contractors are treated differently than employees.

  44. Anonymous

    Not unusual actually. I’ve been At companies where there are special parties just for certain levels of management and above. I’ve worked at companies where there are conferences and awards for only certain staff. What is bad is whoever told your husband made it sound like he was specifically excluded which i am pretty sure is not the case at all. If your husband wants to assume the worst and feel. Bad he can but he is assuming and doesn’t have all the facts. Whoever told him this is not a froend.

  45. Janet Parkhurst

    So with you on this, Anonymous!

  46. Anonymous

    In a previous company, contract employees were not invited to a company party.

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