Need advice regarding my boss.

14 Comments

1. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 2:09AM UTC

   While this person remains at the company, she will not see you as successful, and chances are high that you will not be granted promotions. I would venture to guess that if there is an opportunity to lay you off she will jump at it.So you have convinced yourself you can't ever find a comparable job elsewhere (not true), I would keep your head down, stay under the radar and prepare just in case.

2. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 12:33PM UTC

   Companies are starting to value experience. Even tech because they have seen the results of being run by a bunch of kids. For you, your best bet is to find a place that appreciates you.

   I know ageism sucks and it's really bad in Tech and startups.

3. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 2:18PM UTC

   In the tech world (which I am in) I’m finding people our age are having more and more

   difficulty getting hired. They are saving money by bringing in younger and overseas people to do the technical work. Ageism is definitely a thing and perhaps a different type of role where you can use your skills outside of IT. I would “quietly” begin my search as it will take time but I’m sure you will be successful. At least if you get laid off you get severance (hopefully): best of luck.

4. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 2:22PM UTC

   If you really feel your days are numbered at this company I would start to look elsewhere now. Don't convince yourself you're too old yet. I was laid off at my last company after 25 years and found a better job right away because of my experience. It's difficult but not impossible. You never know until you try.

5. AnonymousAugust 31,2023 at 2:46PM UTC

   Regardless of what other comments have been made, It is difficult to find work when you are in your later years. Its not impossible but it can be difficult. Based on what you said about the manager revolving door. Just wait, she may be gone soon.

   If she keeps giving you Sh$T, file discrimination charges against her for suggesting you are not educated enough for the position.

   At my performance review, she told me that I needed to go back to school. This would be in your performance review documented.

   Dont let her get under your skin.

6. Kate WadeAugust 31,2023 at 3:19PM UTC

   Oof. Well - ageism is real. It seems that you are experiencing that right now. Do you know what these "highest standards" are? Is she able to describe and define this to you so that you can achieve it?

   And - let's be honest - do you feel like you could benefit from taking a class? Sometimes taking a class can inspire and rewire a few new ideas. It's not a bad idea.

   But "going back to school" - oh hell no. That's just rude, bullying and creating a hostile work environment. That is degrading and uncalled for.

   Is this a pattern at your company, or just with this new boss? if it's a pattern, if I were you, I would start looking - keep my current job - but put my efforts into finding something new.

7. AnonymousSeptember 1,2023 at 9:15PM UTC

   Thanks for your reply. When she says these things, I am so stunned that I can’t respond in the moment. After the first couple of weeks of her completely gutting my work, I pushed back. That did not go well.

   As far as education, I don’t see harm in taking classes, and I am certain that there are things I could learn. I don’t have any intention of adding another degree.

   I would also like to note that I have worked in the tech industry for my entire career and am far more comfortable with technology than many people my age (and younger).

   It hasn’t always been a pattern at my company but it certainly appears to be trending in that direction. They recently shared with us that they want to work on the culture in our specific org. I don’t feel that I can be honest without retaliation. I have far too much to risk. I know that I am not alone.

8. Barb HansenAugust 31,2023 at 3:44PM UTC

   Yikes, I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

   If you feel like staying at this job if your only option, (and there is nothing wrong for feeling like that) here are some tactics you could try:

   Ask for everything in writing. When she suggests that you need to go back to school, ask her to follow up with an email so you have documentation on your changing job role. Some managers push boundaries a lot until you ask them to document the changes.

   Then I would play her game, if your manager suggests you go back to school:

   -- ask her what the companies policy is on educational re-imbursement for college credits and upskilling

   -- ask her to send you an email with the specific skills that you are missing so you can source the necessary courses

   When she tells you that your work is not to the highest standards;

   --ask for specific examples of where your data, assumptions, content was no longer at the company standards.

   -- ask for the new department SOPs so you can meet the new standards in all of your work

   -- ask her to share a red-lined version of any of your work product (or the whole teams work product) so you can learn from her changes made to your work. You could offer to lead weekly or monthly workshops where the whole team learns from her advanced knowledge. The last sentence is written with sarcasm but would have to be said with all seriousness :)

   If she can't respond to any of your requests for written documentation on how your role has changes and how you no longer meet the role, follow up with an email with your needs. "Thank you for your time today. During our meeting today, you mentioned new work product standards for my role and the team in general. I know that I'm capable of meeting those new standards once communicated and I look forward to working with you and my colleagues on our upcoming projects.

   I'm sorry that you have to deal with a people manager who have no training in how to manage people

9. T MNSeptember 2,2023 at 2:44PM UTC

   GREAT ADVICE. WELL STATED. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.

10. Rebecca MillikenSeptember 2,2023 at 6:22PM UTC

    How old is this manager? Ugh. This sounds like subtle ageism.

    In any case, I agree with Barb's advice--call her out on her criticism. Ask for specifics. Now that you're over being stunned by this manager's audacity and rudeness, remind yourself that you are a badass who has done this work since she was probably in diapers.

    You don't have to cause a stink to stand your ground. People like her are overly confident of themselves and think everyone else is incompetent. If you need to remind her of how long you've been doing it, you should.

    I understand about keeping your head down lest you become a target. But it also sounds like you may already have a bullseye because of your age.

11. AnonymousSeptember 2,2023 at 6:55PM UTC

    Ageism at its un-finest. Tell your manager that you would like feedback on how to do better but that you need it a certain way. Let her know what that means with some examples. What does highest of standards mean? Does she even know? Ask for an example. You can get hired at any age and do not let this defeat you. Surely having survived so many managers and still working for the company beyond all the leavers means you have lots of juice left in the juicer. Don't spill it down the sink just because she doesn't know who you are. Show her what you are made of. And yes, also apply elsewhere, if they ask why you want a change- unstable leadership having 4 managers in 2 years. Heck, I would not blink on the why if someone said that to me. If you think she is giving you direct ageism go to HR and also file and EEOC complaint. Document, document, document, everything. Good luck!

12. AnonymousSeptember 3,2023 at 8:19PM UTC

    I'm going through something similar. I have been in media for 30 years and have degrees. My new manager leap frogged into a position of power with zero management experience and zero people skills. She's harsh, petty and vindictive. She gave me a poor review citing completely random, vague opinions. I said nothing during the review. I never received a bad review in my entire career. I submitted a point by point rebuttal citing everywhere there was a missed opportunity to manage and grow. I couldn't take the insulting and untrue accusations without addressing them. I sent my rebuttal to HR to be attached to my review. I truly felt she was trying to push me out, and my side of the experience needed to be documented. Things have improved a bit, but I am looking for new opportunities. My gut instinct is that it was ageism. She really likes the young folks she can mentor into being her proteges. Her method is to tear you down and recreate you in her image, and if you aren't playing her game, bully you into submission. It's wrong. And I think you're dealing with something similar. I'm so sorry. As other folks said, document and be on the lookout for something better.

13. AnonymousSeptember 5,2023 at 12:25PM UTC

    I couldn't take the insulting and untrue accusations without addressing them. I sent my rebuttal to HR to be attached to my review.

    She is trying to push you out. File age discrimination charges against her.

14. Carolina Perez SanzSeptember 4,2023 at 12:28PM UTC

    Your boss might be feeling threatened by you. She might not be feeling powerful enough inside (she has positional power but that doesn’t mean she feels powerful inside). My suggestion is that you help her feel powerful. For example, about the visible project, you could tell her, “I know it’s very challenging but I’m sure that, having you on my side, I’ll be able to bring it to fruition.” And when she says you need to go back to school, you can say something like, “I know I got my degrees many years ago, and that’s what I love about working for you, that I can keep learning…” In other words, make her understand that you don’t question her authority and that you’re not there to take her job or cast a shadow over her.