Returning back to work post maternity-leave.

20 Comments

1. AnonymousFebruary 15,2024 at 7:45PM UTC

   Don't fall victim to feeling like you need to execute perfectly in every aspect of your life. Have a look at your priorities and find things that you backburner and let go of the expectations that don't align with your priorities. Give yourself grace in your job, housework, parenting.

   I struggled with similar feelings especially as a perfectionist. Best thing I did was to STOP being a perfectionist, decide when the job was done well enough (whether it be housework, your job, etc) and move on. No one is perfect, find things to delegate or hire (maid service) and if you like your current job, give it some time. It takes time to figure out what works.

2. AnonymousFebruary 15,2024 at 8:09PM UTC

   thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️

3. AnonymousFebruary 15,2024 at 9:28PM UTC

   THIS!!

   It is so, so hard! My daughter turned five this week (time flies, trust me!) and I feel like I am STILL figuring things out and struggling to be the best mom / employee I can be. But somehow, I've been promoted three times since my daughter was born. So even though there are days that I feel like an absolute failure at everything, I must be doing something right.

   Give yourself permission to put your own mental health first. For me, that meant I stopped nursing / pumping when my daughter was nine months old. I really, really wanted to make it a full year, but I was exhausted, and I made the decision to prioritize my own health. And I promise, a less anxious, more rested mom is a better mom!

   And maybe it was just my workplace, but I was pleasantly surprised by how understanding and empathetic my coworkers were to my occasional brain fog and requests for time off during the first year. Anyone who has been a first time parent knows how difficult a transition it is, and most people are willing to give you some slack (within reason, of course).

4. AnonymousFebruary 15,2024 at 7:58PM UTC

   Hire a cleaner if you can. I did this at one point in my life and it helped so much. I would ask for someone who can help with baby laundry at least. This will help alleviate some stress.

5. AnonymousFebruary 15,2024 at 8:09PM UTC

   thank you!!!

6. AnonymousFebruary 15,2024 at 8:15PM UTC

   I totally agree, farm out as much as you can to give yourself some relief.

7. AnonymousFebruary 15,2024 at 8:02PM UTC

   Welcome back, mama and congratulations! I'm not a mother at this time but I'm a proud auntie and godmommy to lots of kiddos.

   Just wanted to say take your time and remember you're still adjusting to a life change (and that's okay). Be gentle with yourself and you'll find your rhythm soon.

   Good luck, and congrats again!

8. AnonymousFebruary 15,2024 at 8:07PM UTC

   Parenting and Career, that balance comes and goes and I hope you show yourself grace during this life altering transition. It will be an ebb and flow of feelings of balance. Also, fun fact, house will be a mess until they move out as an adult, BUT enjoy every last tired moment!!! You do you, if you can step back and feel better about both roles, then go for it!

9. AnonymousFebruary 15,2024 at 8:35PM UTC

   That balance is tough to find.
   You need to get very practical and organized.

   I had the tremendous benefit of having a great friend and a mentor who spent time with me while I was pregnant with my first child and second and mapped out my options and advised me on all the practical necessities I would to incorporate in my new life as a mom.

   1. Night nurse so I could sleep
   2. Food prep services 4x per week based on my nutritional needs
   3. Job with flexibility both in working schedule and location
   4. Housekeeping service (my inlaws paid for this)
   5. Gym membership with amenities like hot and cold therapies, massage and cafe.
   6. Laundry service for diapers and certain clothing.

   These sound like luxuries but in all honesty, I could not stay on top of everything and so I was proactive (with my friends' urging) in setting up practices and help at every point I felt we could afford. Not cheap but also didn't break the bank. Both of us worked so we could reassign some budget.

   There was enough going to overwhelm me but I arranged for help and planning (structure is key) with those areas that delivered the biggest bang for my buck.

10. AnonymousFebruary 15,2024 at 8:51PM UTC

    I understand that finding a balance between work and personal life can take time, perhaps even a year or more. In my experience, it took me a year to figure it out. Depending on your job, you may want to try clocking in and out on time, especially if you're on a salary and end up staying over often. You could also try to limit staying late to one day a week and focus 100% on work while you're there, and then 100% on your family when you're at home. I know it's hard to resist checking on your baby, but try to limit it to once a day when you're eating lunch. It will get easier.

    To help me manage my time better, I created a detailed schedule down to 15-minute slots, and I was okay with it changing. I learned to prioritize my tasks by asking myself what needs to be done now, what can wait, and what can be delegated. As a sales manager, you probably have reports looking for growth opportunities, so consider delegating projects that you can still be involved in. Meet with your team for ten or fifteen minutes 2-3 times a week. As a manager, there are things you can delegate that you may not have considered before. This way, you're helping them develop, you're involved, and you're taking something off your plate. You can review it upon completion.

    If you do not love your job, you might just start applying for a less demanding position as you've mentioned. Test the water, in this job market I do believe it may be difficult.

    We believe in you, and I am betting you'd be happier if you stayed and gave it more time.

11. HeatherFebruary 15,2024 at 10:36PM UTC

    I was stay-at-home for 10 years and went back to work full-time a few months ago while taking a masters level class. The best thing I did for my family was hiring a house cleaner.

12. Kimberley Ferretti HammettFebruary 15,2024 at 11:29PM UTC

    You said the key word right there... balance. Think about how balance works. When you change something on one side of the see-saw, it impacts how the other side looks. The energy and effort that is now focused on getting to know and love on this new human you're responsible for has to come from somewhere. And especially when they are infants, it's an ENORMOUS amount of energy, not just physically, but the mental strengths of trying to adjust to a constantly changing challenge that can't communicate. You can't expect everything else in your life to feel the same even when your babe is not present.

    The first comment is amazing advice. Figure out what your top priorities are and focus on those first always and try to delegate or just plain forgive the rest. Honestly, I think it became a growth opportunity for me.. I became.much more efficient and effective after having my son by identifying and spending more time on the most impactful things. So identify those things. What makes you feel most bonded with your baby and what needs do you feel you are best and fulfilling for them? Where can you put your energy at work that is going to have the most positive impact and where can you skate by on your natural habits or skills (and where can you trim the fat? I had zero tolerance for meaningless work or conversations!). What small activities do you need to feel comfort, create ease and gain energy? For me, keeping the kitchen space tidy makes my day easier and the house look decent enough so I use my cleaning energy there and if I have extra, cool, if not, it is what it is. The phrase "I'm responsible for having clean clothes for my child to wear today, not for all of his clothes to be clean every day" shifted my perspective a little. Also what energizes you? Certain activities light us up, find that and try to add or keep it in your life.

    And remember this is temporary. As they get older it does feel more manageable than it does now. It will never be just like before, but right now you are learning to be a parent while they are just learning to be a human and going through the most rapid developmental changes they will ever go through. Only you can decide if a step into less demanding work is right for you. It might be the best decision you've ever made or you might realize the type of work you're doing now actually fills your cup. I don't think either choice would be "wrong" per say though. Take this all in and consider what you want a year from now when they are walking and you've got more parenting under your belt.

    You got this though. You're doing much better than you think. If you're in the U.S, I think moms here have the absolute most expectations and pressure and the least support. You're doing SO much. Congratulate yourself for a moment!

13. Adrianna StankovichFebruary 16,2024 at 12:47AM UTC

    I had the same issue.

    We adopted and in California you get the "bonding" time paid like you do with maternity leave. However, I worked for a job that didn't pay into SSDI and she short term disability they offered didn't cover adoption bonding time.

    So, with a newborn, I was back to work less than a month later.

    I realized that post-adoption depression is a thing and got therapy.

    Even if you're feeling like this isn't post partum depression, you are dealing with a lot and a therapist might be helpful to sort some stuff out. Mine helped talk me through some big decisions that I probably would have made poorly but was too stressed and depressed to think clearly about.

    Good luck and remember to breathe.

    And also remember that "super" mom in a myth, but you are a superb mom.

14. AnonymousFebruary 16,2024 at 4:26PM UTC

    Yes wow to all these amazing humans giving amazing advice

15. AnonymousFebruary 16,2024 at 10:04PM UTC

    Sending you good vibes <3 It's so hard, but you will get there. Above all, be kind to yourself. Remember that this is a transition and transitions always take a while. Believe in yourself and be kind to yourself.

16. Carol NobleFebruary 17,2024 at 3:35PM UTC

    This is normal and every new Mom feels exactly like you do. Complete with a messy house, and undone laundry. Take a breath. Consider the balance. How much does your family need your paycheck? Would a job with less responsibilities make you happy? If you are still putting in 8 hours at work for less money and underemployed intellectually that does not work either.

    Honestly think about what just staying home with the baby would mean for the baby, for you, for your husband, for your career and think about it for a month or two. I think you will be able to make a good decision about what is best.

17. Kristen JettFebruary 17,2024 at 4:57PM UTC

    Hi, mom of three under five here. Let go of the feeling that your hous has to be spotless and tidy. No one's house is unless they have live in help, no kids or a weekly cleaner. Also getting rid of 80% of your material things would help. But in all reality, it's ok that you haven't figured out balance yet it takes some time.

    A less stressful job might help, especially while your little is so small, you can always take on more later if you want to. If your family can financially afford it consider that!

18. AnonymousFebruary 17,2024 at 5:22PM UTC

    Give yourself some grace here. You have a lot to juggle. Plan out your priorities, and then decide how much time each day and week you can allot to each task at hand. At work become committed to putting everything on your calendar and add focus time on it where you can work uninterrupted to complete things. Use the time at home to decompress and if your house is messy hire a cleaning service to help perhaps once a month. A well lived in house especially with children is bound to get messy, but that is life.

19. Adrianna StankovichFebruary 18,2024 at 7:07PM UTC

    This. I learned that my house is going to be messy and that's OK. We try to block off one day a month to do a big clean so it doesn't get out of hand. But being with you little one is way more important.

20. AnonymousFebruary 19,2024 at 6:31PM UTC

    Absolutely, and when I wrote the first time do note I have no children....my house is always messy in at least one room, if not more and the cleaning crew is only me. The only consistent thing I do daily is to make the bed, so that I won't be tempted to crawl back in it when things get crazy midday!