Thinly veiled micromanaging/trust issue or poor time management/etiquette from my manager?

Anonymous

October 28,2023 at 12:45AM UTC

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Thinly veiled micromanaging/trust issue or poor time management/etiquette from my manager?

I work for a super flexible employer and it's more task-focused than timesheet based. It's feast or famine at most times and we are all exemplary professionals--truly the best people I have ever met in one organization.

I'm a bit baffled by my manager and trying to gauge how to address the boundary crossing. Everyday at just a minute or two after 5pm she makes a blind Teams call to "check in". She knows my designated availability hours are 8:30am-5pm. That's always the case without fail unless I'm a rare sick or PTO day. I always make deadlines and am known for quick work, often taking up other integration projects in the downtime. Work production any less than that wouldn't be acceptable amongst my peers not to myself.

Here's the hitch: I enable by indulging those calls to see if she needs help and to be proactive on assignments. I realize I should not have been so available so often. But the calls are now increasing and now I can start to predict, there will always be a Friday call. I have started turning them down. Keeping in mind, the 5pm calls usually turn into another hour, often.

I'm sure she noticed me stop taking her calls. I'd like to be diplomatic and explain I am happy to help or review, 4pm works better than 5pm. But if she's micromanaging or lacks trust then I feel that will make the issue worse as normally does with those types of managers. But if it's poor time management or etiquette I think I just have to reinforce not taking the calls.

For some other background, this is my first non-managerial role in well over a decade. Additionally, her supervisor (and my upper) is the President of the company that has called her out, if playfully, in front of our team about her rigidity on time watching when we have company wide 'leave early Fridays' (they're usually spontaneous treats along with a happy hour invite).

Curious how others have approached this. I'm also a recovering co-dependent people pleaser so this is a tough one for me with the good relationship I worked to build with my manager.

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AnonymousOctober 28,2023 at 2:23AM UTC
Hmmm...I haven't dealt with this; however, I have a colleague (we'll call him 'new guy' because he's fairly new to our organization) who deals with something similar from one of our colleagues (we'll call him senior guy because of his title) that he works on the same team with. The new guy's shift ends at 3pm and the senior guy would wait until the new guy is packing his things to leave to start talking to the new guy about projects and different things like clockwork. We're in the office two days a week and he does this both days. Now before the new guy started, I was assisting him with projects and noticed that he has time management issues and is a micromanager when he emails and with projects that I was assisting with. He often works hard when he first comes in for a couple of hours and an hour before he leaves for the day. Now, right at about 11am, he's on his phone or takes 1 1/2 hours for a lunch break lol. I know the new guy notices because now he gets ready to leave more quietly than before.
AnonymousOctober 28,2023 at 3:01AM UTC
Regardless of the label you place on the behavior, you should be respectful of your own boundaries and tendency to enable.
No reason you can't shoot her a text saying you're tied up and to email you with any emergencies.
Putting her on notice in writing draws a line in the sand.
With her passive aggressive tendencies, she will most likely move her call to 4:50pm. In that case tell her you have a hard stop at 5pm and back it up by excusing yourself from the call at 5 sharp
Linda kenikOctober 29,2023 at 1:24PM UTC
You could schedule a tag up at 4 with her This would pre-empt her check in at 5. It allows you to manage on your time.
You could also schedule yourself as busy the last half hour of your day to organize and plan your next day.
AnonymousOctober 29,2023 at 4:58PM UTC
This one is easy, learn to say no. While I don't condone the must leave by 5 thing (salaried professionals know you sometimes have to go past 5 and you don't punch a clock) I do think you should ask her to make her calls earlier. Blame family things if you feel like you need an excuse or simply say happy to shift time to work earlier but my work life balance means I have scheduled things in my personal life that conflict with your post work hours meetings.
Fridays, leave by 5 or earlier. Always decline those. Just do it, take back your power and say NO!
Sidney BristowOctober 29,2023 at 5:28PM UTC
A couple things I have learned may apply to you as well. First, one must manage ones manager. And the second goes along with that: teaching is even better than telling people how to treat you. You have established a 5pm cutoff for meetings, then be respected in that and enforce that time frame. Don't indulge others' bad behavior, or worse, their disrespect of you.
I had to speak with my manager about talking over me in meetings with other teams. I said I realize I don't have all the answers and may get it wrong at times, but I did not appreciate being regularly cut off. As a decent human, she apologized and then made an effort to correct. Had I let it fester, I surely would have resented my Mgr.
Sometimes people don't know until we take a few minutes to be brave to show and tell them.
AnonymousOctober 29,2023 at 6:27PM UTC
If you are an in office employee, then just block off your calendar starting at 4:30 on Fridays so that you already show "busy" on teams. If you're FT remote, this can unfortunately be one of the hazards of that; some employers expect you to be more available since you're already at home and don't have to commute.
Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachOctober 29,2023 at 9:09PM UTC
Hmmm-- how about at 4:00 you ping her instead? Get in front of it. "Just want to tell you how my day went."
If she's not there... "Sorry I missed you.... I'm available to touch base til 5:00. Hope to chat before the end of my workday"
If she won't set the boundary, you need to do so.
Sarah StadtherrOctober 30,2023 at 4:21PM UTC
Except I'd say I'm available for a QUICK check in but please call by 4:45 so we can have enough time. I've got to leave on the dot of 5 because xxx.
AnonymousOctober 30,2023 at 12:45PM UTC
Based on info you provided, unsure if she’s checking on you or she is reaching out to get your help on tasks/projects. Can you elaborate on what is being discussed? For example, is it a how’s your day, what are you working on, any challenges, then she may be micromanaging, or she may just be making sure you are happy at work and well resourced. If she thinks you are getting your work done and doing it well, these calls should be quick and complimentary. If they are not, then you may suggest a format that will make it so. Also, if this is remote work, it’s more likely your boss will want to have regular team calls to check-in. Do you know if she does this with everyone under her?
However, if these calls are more of a way for her to pull you in to help her meet her deadline then that’s a different situation. In that case, I would be upfront and tell her you need these types of requests before 1pm to plan accordingly. Otherwise, you won’t be able to help her same day except on the rare occasion. If this really becomes the norm, you will have to start making her realize your plate is full, and what would have to be deferred to take on the extra tasks. To soften any potential conflict, be honest that you’re a people pleaser and committed to the company. However, you need to set some limitations because you don’t want to burn out.
E COctober 30,2023 at 6:21PM UTC
I used to work for a manager who had no boundaries. Her only previous work experience was in the military, where she could issue an order at anytime and expect a literal salute and "yes, ma'am" in response. Assignments due first thing in the morning but given at 4:50 pm were normal for her. I used some of the techniques others have offered, and I encourage you to do the same and document it. 1-2 months of that should help you see if there's improvement. If not, consider meeting with HR and/or making an exit. If she won't adapt, you may have to vote with your feet.
Leslie WoodOctober 31,2023 at 9:27AM UTC
Regularly not answering your manager's calls is not really the acceptable answer here - even if they do come at 5pm. In reality, you aren't "not answering", you are ignoring her calls, and handling this way is not the work/life balance answer, or the professional answer.
However, I do think there are likely some simple tactics you could take to handle these calls instead. You mention some of these calls can be an hour long, which isn't checking in but discussing something of substance that you have not shared. Is she asking for assistance on projects? wanting to check in and discuss your workload? You may need to directly ask her what she likes to accomplish with them to fully address the issue.
If your manager truly wants to check in with you, instead of doing so at the end of each day, proactively schedule a 30 min check in three MORNINGS a week, for example. They may need to be longer given the normal length of your calls.
Then, if she needs to have additional conversations to request your assistance with other projects, I'd ask her to send you a Teams request for an open time on your schedule. This also gives you the benefit of having a bit of a heads up from the info in the subject line (and hopefully she shares more if needed). This is a totally fair ask of her and would also allow you to accept the request or decline and send a new time suggestion if you are working on another project.
E COctober 31,2023 at 12:33PM UTC
It IS OK not to answer a manager after work hours unless you are specifically contracted as on call. I like your other ideas and I think the OP should try them. But expecting after hours availability is not reasonable.
Titra HamiltonOctober 31,2023 at 6:02PM UTC
I like your suggestion.
Titra HamiltonOctober 31,2023 at 6:04PM UTC
You often have to manage up.
As others have suggested, be proactive and setup check ins and send her an agenda ahead of time, even if it is just a few bullet points in the meeting invitation. You send a follow up email to recap meeting outcomes, including any action items assigned to her. Treat your boss like you would treat a client (smile). Yes, this is extra work, but it'll pay off for you. Heh, you might even learn what motives your supervisor to behave this way and can further help her to help you. You'll get to know each other, too, which can't hurt. Good luck! :)
Vivian HwaNovember 6,2023 at 1:14PM UTC
I'd do one at 2pm on Friday once because something came up and needed to swap. Like I need to work on x from 4 until I finish. Then if it works well, do it again the next week, "oh that early afternoon check in was great. Want to do 2 or 2:30 (3 or even 4 ) next time too?