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I recently heard back from HR regarding a complaint.

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Anonymous

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I recently heard back from HR regarding a complaint. (I wont share the details bc of privacy protection), however in the aftermath 4 co-workers unfriended me on social media. Any opinions/thoughts about this being retaliation?

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  1. Anonymous

    Retaliation laws typically apply to negative actions in the workplace, such as a demotion/termination, change in status, reduction in pay, and similar. Unless your social media connection with these people is directly related to you being able to successfully perform your work and/or these people have the power to change your pay, etc, this would likely not be considered retaliation. If you're concerned that HR overshared and violated confidentiality, that could be problematic, but I won't speculate since you didn't say anything like that in your post.

  2. Kat Reel

    It depends. When the guy who sexually harassed me at work threatened me online, it was not considered retaliation, because he did not use my name.

  3. Anonymous

    My thought is I generally do not have coworkers as friends on social media.

  4. Anonymous

    Retaliation?
    No its Socially based so it just means that these coworkers don't want to associate with you based on your behavior/actions. The company has nothing to do with their social lives. .

    Not a big deal. I would focus on those people who are still your friends and that you value.

  5. Anonymous

    If these are the individuals who were the subject of your complaint, they may have been advised to limit contact with you outside the workplace, including on social media. Even if different colleagues, they may feel it prudent to limit contact to avoid any potential future issues. I would consider this a plus, why would I want these people having access to my private life anyway? Keeping your personal life separate as much as possible from your work life is always good practice.

  6. Kelly Henthorn

    If they blocked you at work or treat you differently in a manner that is detrimental to your career, that would be retaliation. They are able to handle their personal accounts as they wish. I don't think I would consider that retaliation. It sounds frustrating. But, not considered workplace retaliation.

  7. Anonymous

    How is a social media unfriending retaliation? IMO in the mindset that social media is for friends and not for immediate coworkers. Always a best practice.

  8. Terrie McWhorter

    Sometimes people just want to put distance between themselves. Many moons ago, when I was having problems with a boss (>20 years ago) I didn't realize how much I was bad mouthing where I worked, who I worked with, what I did, how unappreciated with me etc until I didn't have anyone to sit with at the lunch table (TRUE story) I had to look inward and realize I was the problem. I sent out an apology to my separate co-workers...owning up to the fact and within time things greatly improved. Also, I don't social media with those that I work with....best of luck

  9. Anonymous

    Agree, that alone is a form of retaliation from you to them, fyi.

  10. Anonymous

    I would consider this a positive. If included in the complaint, they may have been instructed to consider limiting contact (especially anything resembling stalking). If you have wide-open security set up, then be aware that they can probably see whatever you post, but you cannot see what they do. You may want to change it so only those you have personally accepted as friends can see what you post. I only have friends, family, and a minimal number of former coworkers that I consider friends enough to use as references within my social media network (accepted as friends). I also never post anything I wouldn't want my spouse, children, parents, or boss to see.

  11. Anonymous

    I am not confused. The unfriending came after a retaliation complaint

  12. Anonymous

    But your company doesn't control your social media and "friendships " the only legally based retaliation concerns work....So unless you were "unfriended" on a work account which removes your professionally required presence ( in which case your post was not at all clear) then why would you confuse work and private connections? I think your coworkers are gaining distance not retaliation.

  13. Anonymous

    Your co-workers are not your friends. Block them on social media.

  14. Kris Wolfram

    linkedin for work. Other social media is for friends. It is best practice to not friend coworkers on social media.

  15. Maggie Stone

    Learned this the hard way

  16. Anonymous

    I didnt expect anything to happen . Your reply is disrespectful and disingenuous.

  17. Anonymous

    Too many replies telling me to educate myself. My question was seious but some of the responses have turned a serious question into a bash session. If that is your goal, to cut down someone who has been through entirely way to much because of retaliation, then your opinion in not welcome.

  18. Anonymous

    First of all your statement is very vague. So nobody knows exactly what your complaint was about. Second, Yes, you have the right to file a complaint and your coworkers have their own right to react in their best interest. Obviously they did not agree with it and no longer feel comfortable to have you as a friend on FB as they think you will probably retaliate or cause issues against them if you disagree with something they post. As long as they treat you professionally at work that is their only obligation to you.

  19. Anonymous

    Hello Anonymous, I'm sorry you aren't happy with the replies on this online forum. You are experiencing one of the downsides of asking for help/advice on the internet.

  20. Anonymous

    OP - you did ask for thoughts and opinions...which is exactly what you're getting. If you had conditions for people to respond, like: only blow smoke up my skirt and tell me I'm a victim, you should have laid that out in your post.

  21. Barbara Thompson

    If you are already describing yourself as a victim of retaliation, why are you asking if this is retaliation? Genuinely curious, because this is a pattern in your work life you need to address.

  22. Esther Worman

    Making friends at work can be wonderful; however, it depends on many things such as the type of work done, how much trust has been established between co-workers, and how much you are willing to lose. What I mean by that last part is to ask yourself "How much would it matter if someone repeated what I say?" When alcohol is involved, any one of us could say something that potentially will come back and bite us in the rear. Been there, done that!

  23. Rebecca Milliken

    Unfriending you on social media is not retaliation.

  24. Anonymous

    No, social media unless required by the bonafide requirements of your job would not be considered retaliation.

  25. DeborahORell

    First, it would depend on your complaint. If you filed a civil rights complaint ie I'm being treated differently because of my age, race, gender, disability, etc... that would make it a complaint about illegal behavior. that has leverage.

    then, if you experience negative backlash for having made that complaint... that is retaliation under the law.

    being unfriended by coworkers? they might be trying to demonstrate loyalty to the manager/supervisor/director you complained about.

    Otherwise, it's meaningless

  26. GirlBossanova934974

    I would avoid "friending" anyone from work on my Facebook account. There are just too many small petty people out there these days who will take any opportunity to diminish your career. It appears you have a bunch of these types at your current employer. This de-friending stuff is just plain "kid's stuff". Rather immature. But maturity is in very short supply these days at many workplaces.

  27. Anonymous

    Does unfriending someone on social media count as retaliation? No people friend and unfriend each other all the time , if a complaint was made that involved them why be surprised they unfriended you? It means nothing co workers are not family they are co workers keep things professional easier that way

  28. Anonymous

    No, this isn't retaliation. An example of retaliation would be if you filed an HR complaint against your boss and then your boss started acting against you by taking away your flagship projects. You really shouldn't be friending coworkers on social media anyway.

  29. Ally Morgan

    I don't befriend anybody from work on social media. In your case, it sounds like your coworkers no longer trust you. That's not illegal.

  30. Anonymous

    It may well be retaliation, but not a legally actionable one.

    Big Picture: as much as I wish it wasn’t true, you should never mistake your coworkers for friends, and you should not be connected via social media. I made this mistake and it basically destroyed my future with that company.

    All this to say, my advice is that you trust your instincts and protect yourself. Remain cordial but professional with those colleagues and start looking for a new job asap. Those people who pulled away from you smell blood in the water, so heed their warning and get out.

  31. Rebecca Narkiewicz

    Everyone is assuming YOU made the complaint- is that the case? Or did someone complain about you motivating others to unfriend you because they haven't heard your side of the story?

  32. Anonymous

    My rule of thumb… never ever be friends with coworkers. If I leave the company, I only accept friend requests of former coworkers that I am comfortable with.

  33. Joanne Carrington

    Unfortunately there is nothing you can do

    Social media with work colleagues a big no no

    you are better off without them

    Their loss not yours at least they won’t be spying on what you are up to

    Hateful behaviour but learn something from it Xxx

  34. Anonymous

    The work place is not high school. Move along.

  35. Anonymous

    No one has to be your friend on social media. it isn't healthy to try to control whether or not your coworkers choose to communicate with you or allow you access to their lives outside of work.

  36. Anonymous

    This is not retaliation this is high school BS. What's next, are they not going to let you sit at their table in the cafeteria? Just worry about HR taking any measures about what they think you did. Those co-workers did you a favor- they need to grow up.

  37. Anonymous

    mean girls

    are now mean women, they did do you a favor, social media with coworkers can be opening up a portal that doesn’t need to be associated with your place of business

  38. Catherine Schneider

    You should never, ever be friends on FB while you are working there. Believe or not your company can be checking on your posts. It's unprofessional.

    Once you leave the company, it is ok.

  39. Anonymous

    The comments on here are a little uncalled for, you were simply asking a question and I’d like to give you a HR answer. I deal with a lot of workplace legal issues, so I would say it may be. Without all of the context it would be hard to give you actual advice. I would mention it to your HR that you noticed your co workers unfriended you. I would not probably take action on it, but would document it in case further retaliation occurs. Could be they were advised to limit their social media contact as well. Social media is a hard one, but there are guidelines in the workplace and things that can create even a perception of retaliation should be addressed. While not always legally actionable, there may be some coaching needed there within your workplace.

  40. Anonymous

    That is a very silly, unprofessional complaint to take to HR - that coworkers "unfriended" you on social media. Any HR person who takes this seriously enough to document it, is herself unprofessional and inexperienced.

  41. Anonymous

    I try to not be friends with coworkers on facebook. There are the random 1-2 people that I've become good friends with that I did while working together, but I lock it down tight because I find that past managers and other coworkers were creeping and checking what you were up to on your days off, etc. It's not needed. I texted back and forth with coworkers that were friends and then once I left a workplace would connect via social media if I felt were valuable connections. I think the reason your co-workers unfriended you on social media could be they want to distance themselves from the situation and perhaps that means management does view socials? Unfortunately it happens, but I wouldn't take it personally... We once didn't have social media and survived :) I am not sure of the entire situation as it's private but try to not take it to heart. If you value the friendships of your coworkers then continue to build them in person and maybe things will change around again.

  42. HILDA G

    That's a relief if a co-worker unfriended you on social media. They will no longer hawk on your activities and you will experience blissfullness not knowing what your co-workers do on their socmed profiles. Let HR do their responsibilities in the comforts of your office. Anyway, we are here and not obliged to explain everything to everyone whatever it is that seems inappropriately shared

  43. Anonymous

    I don't see how that's retaliation. It seems that you are better off if those co-workers don't want to associate with you.

  44. Anonymous

    Sorry to hear this happened to you. While I am not sure the nature of the complaint, however, here is some food for thought.

    Friendships in the workplace place can get mudded over things that are sometimes insignificant. If you filed, the complaint then those individuals are likely distancing themselves from you perhaps to keep themselves out of the way of further interactions. If they filed the complaint against you, they may be looking to get off your radar to avoid further conflict.

    You don't indicate if you spent time outside the workplace with these individuals in which case this may feel more retaliatory in nature.

    Maybe putting some time and space between this situation will allow healing on everyone's part. If that occurs you may be able to talk to them and repair any hard feelings that may have occurred.

  45. Anonymous

    It sounds like you're asking this from a legal definition of retaliation in the workplace. I'm sorry to say this would not likely qualify as it is not related to the workplace, unless somehow being connected on social media directly affects your work.

  46. Anonymous

    I agree with what others have said regardling the social media unfriending in and of itself not counting as retalliation. I have unfriended people and had people unfriend me over the year for various reasons and find I'm usually better off without them. I have always thought its best to avoid friending coworkers on social media and also keeping friendships with coworkers casual in general. You can be friendly with your coworkers for the sake of accomplising what you need to do at work. However, when you start discussing details of your personal life or having work friends as confidants for issues happeing in or ouside of work, it can make it difficult to separate work from personal life. That being said, I would remain friendly with these coworkers but understand that the unfriending may be nothing more than their attempt to create some space and define work/life boundaries and respect those boundaries. That being said if their attitude towards you at work starts to change (they become cold or rude, set you up for failure on a project, throw you under a bus in front of a client, etc) this may be grounds to claim retalliation. Document these situtations in detail should they occur and report to HR.

  47. Anonymous

    I'm 100% sure you dont know the entire story. Your comment about "coworker wants gone" is tacky and disrespectful.

  48. Anonymous

    The coworkers may need some distance from you due to whatever toxic dynamics are at play at the company. I see this as a very mature and intelligent way to reduce the opportunities for more drama.

  49. Anonymous

    I completely agree. Talk about overreaching and a lack of boundaries.

  50. Anonymous

    I don't allow my co-workers on social media. I did it once and it truly bit me in the butt. I unfriended and said no more. Now if I like someone and they leave the company or I leave, then I will friend them, but not while we work together. It is best to keep some separation from work and home. I don't think it is retaliation, I just think it's them being smart about the social media aspect of their lives.

  51. Anonymous

    I don't think it's a good idea to be on social media with co workers. And, if you had a complaint it's probably best that they removed themselves from your feed. You aren't friends.

  52. Abigail Piazza

    Unless social media is a part of your job, you should let it go

    ETA it’s the first of the year and a lot of people clean up their list this time of year

  53. Anonymous

    Agree, absolutely out of line for getting involved with who associates "unfriend" on social media.

  54. Anonymous

    My thoughts exactly.

  55. Anonymous

    Your reply to the question is tacky, rude and immature. This OP is NOT confused and knows what retaliation is.

  56. Anonymous

    It may be because of retaliation or not. Ignore the unfriending on social media completely! Continue professional behavior and courtesies.

  57. Anonymous

    Ignore social media. In fact. I'd say no friends at work should be on social media until AFTER you or they leave

  58. Goalsetter498760

    I set this boundary for myself back in 2020 after I was laid off from an incredibly toxic job that had an unwritten rule of friending anyone who friended you - including management - or you got blackballed.

    I've only broken my rule twice and I have no regrets because the only people I've added are actually good people (and not management). I'm incredibly picky about my social space.

  59. Anonymous

    Me too! Adding people "to add them", not as your friends is risky. You don't know their motives and some are simply nosey and critical/judgmental or needy (why didn't you like my post?)

    I'll pass

  60. Anonymous

    You can be friendly with your coworkers without actually being friends.

  61. Anonymous

    A pretty good rule of thumb is to not add any work “friends” to your personal social media. Create a separate social media for work, like LinkedIn, and curate a business only social presence and keep family and friends on your personal social pages only. I do not add any coworkers, present or former, to my personal social media. This saves a lot of headaches and anxiety about topics you discuss on socials about personal beliefs, political views, random thoughts you post, etc., that you do not need work people having knowledge or gossiping about. Keep it all separate and don’t mix them together.

  62. Anonymous

    Some people will use ANYTHING against you because they can.

    Your colleagues are NOT your friends. Be careful whom you share what to.

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