Has anyone ever been falsely accused of affair at work?

21 Comments

1. AnonymousFebruary 10,2024 at 3:51PM UTC

   You don’t provide enough context to really comment. Is this a true professional relationship only or have the lines been blurred? The wife knows about you some how, maybe you can provide more detail?

   I’d distance yourself from the colleague unless it’s work related. Not sure how the wife confronted you but I sense it was in person. If it was over text or social media, block her.

2. AnonymousFebruary 12,2024 at 4:48PM UTC

   She provided plenty. It’s none of our business. She said it was false, and was confronted by a spouse. You’re jumping to a lot of conclusions that are not relevant either way.

3. Mystery MysteryFebruary 10,2024 at 4:31PM UTC

   I have not, however, avoid the wife and the co-worker as much as possible and contact your HR department explain what has happened. These types of situations tend to escalate and can sometimes lead to violence. Be careful

4. Colleen HansonFebruary 10,2024 at 7:09PM UTC

   Not me but it happened to a co-worker and it turned into a mess! The guy in question was a serial cheater and the co-worker was a huge flirt. They flirted to the point that it was disgusting to the rest of us and numerous times others would tell the co-worker that he was married and his wife was "crazy" so to leave it alone. I am guessing that your co-worker is certainly not innocent in all of this so I would cut off all contact with him immediately. Most wives don't just pull these suspicions out of nowhere, so I would be very careful!

5. AnonymousFebruary 10,2024 at 7:42PM UTC

   I once had a jealous coworker tell me he was trying to figure out who I was sleeping with because I was being recognized (employee of the month type of thing), and he wasn't. He also remarked that he hadn't discovered anything. He had nothing to find, but I doubt that convinced him. All I could do was do my job to the best of my abilities. I wasn't about to "dumb down" because of a coworker's jealousy.

   Other coworkers got into entanglements with people both inside and outside work. Most of those didn't end well, and the entanglements at work usually ended in taking career hits.

   I also had a boss whose wife was so jealous that he couldn't let his admin answer the phone, and he always picked it up before the first ring stopped.

6. AnonymousFebruary 11,2024 at 1:44PM UTC

   In a case as extreme as this, HR does need to be notified because your boss did not adequately conceal private information about his employees. Why did she even have your number unless you gave it to her at some social gathering? She should never have had access to your private number or your husband's. This is way out of bounds and one reason why I don't like socializing with coworkers and their families outside of work.

7. AnonymousFebruary 11,2024 at 1:48PM UTC

   I've got to object to the characterization that this is a "stay-at-home" mom, as if that is a bad thing.

   Stay-at-home parents, in my experience, are incredibly busy people. They aren't sitting around the house all day wondering what their spouse is up to. They are taking care of the kids, volunteering, carpooling, grocery shopping, maintaining the house, etc., etc., etc. Often they are helping their working friends with either direct child-care (before/after school) or emergency kid pick-up. They are doing the vast share of house and home related work because they can and this enables the spouse to pursue their career.

   I was reminded of what being a stay-at-home mom was like a few weeks ago when I had my 2-year-old granddaughter for 4 full days and nights-- it was exhausting and trust me there was no time to wonder what my spouse was up to. Which is how I recall raising my own 3 kids during the times I chose to be at home full-time-- busy and exhausting.

   This type of jealousy/obsession can be in any person who is not mentally well and insecure in their relationship, working or otherwise.

   Watch broad characterizations such as this, please.

8. AnonymousFebruary 11,2024 at 1:54PM UTC

   On a practical level, please document any interactions with the wife and report it to human resources, management, and security if your company has a security department.

   If she confronts you directly, share any documentation that clearly rebuts her accusations (i.e. your texts to her husband are strictly professional), Otherwise build a wall around yourself to protect yourself from her.

   If she is mentally unhinged, not much you say will sway her from her delusion.

   Do consider if she has cause to have come to this conclusion, and if so change whatever behaviors led her down this path.

9. AnonymousFebruary 11,2024 at 2:28PM UTC

   Report to HR and call the local police if she is confronting you. I would have a police report and attempt a protective order.

10. AnonymousFebruary 11,2024 at 2:29PM UTC

    HR should be notified immediately as should local police. This isn’t just about protecting one’s job. This could escalate quickly.

11. AnonymousFebruary 11,2024 at 3:39PM UTC

    Definitely document any interactions you've had with the wife and coworker and then cease all non-working interactions with said coworker. Give all this information to HR. You don't want someone's personal life interfering with your ability to pay your bills, so if you can, I'd find a way to interact with the coworker as little as possible going forward just to avoid any future altercations that impact my reputation or mental health at work.

12. AnonymousFebruary 11,2024 at 6:15PM UTC

    If you were confronted by the wife, tell her (follow up in writing if this is verbal) that you do not want her to contact you again and if she does, you will file a police report for harassment/cyberstalking (depending on how she has been contacting you).

13. AnonymousFebruary 11,2024 at 6:49PM UTC

    I would simply directly let the spouse know that you go to work to work and that any and all personal things with their spouse are not of interest to you. Be sure they when you have that conversation it is face to face if possible. Look them directly in the eyes and then if they come back with another accusation that you repeat the exact same phrase again as if they were deaf the first time you said it. If they continue be sure to loop in someone from HR or legal because that is harassment.

14. AnonymousFebruary 12,2024 at 12:17PM UTC

    in person tell them straight no, and I would suggest having a witness to any conversations with the spouse. ALSO, moving forward try not to have one on one conversations with their spouse, they're dealing with a perception. If it continues, always have a witness with you, be empathetic, please. Something has triggered and it just might be that rockstar of a spouse. IMO

15. Monette AndersonFebruary 12,2024 at 4:46PM UTC

    I would tell HR because it’s a security issue. HR needs to be aware. The person most likely to come to your workplace with a gun statistically is the spouse of someone you work with. It may not be at that level but they need to do their due diligence to protect everyone.

16. AnonymousFebruary 12,2024 at 5:23PM UTC

    Yes, a rumor was started that I was having an affair with the HR director by a jealous co-worker! The HR director was also aware of the rumor, but because he was involved in the rumor, he couldn't really do anything about it. He asked me to go to the Exec Director. I did and told her who had started the rumor. Turns out, the exec director and the vicious rumor starter were best friends and nothing was done about it. It was an extremely toxic environment and I left as soon as I had a better job lined up.

17. AnonymousFebruary 12,2024 at 6:10PM UTC

    I would speak with your colleague and let them know this is going on and make sure you let him know that you don't appreciate it and if the wife calls you, tell her this is a marital issue that they need to work out.

    I am going to give a slightly different prospective. I was the wife who was cheated on, but not with a work colleague, mine went on line to find his 'friends'. I knew something was going on and confronting him he only denied it, but I knew. So one morning he got up to shower I decided to do a quick snoop, found a user name and password for a secret email account he had. Then I found it all. This was a weekend day, so I decided to call him at work and then I read one of the emails he wrote to another woman. He was caught, his reason was because he married young and never had his time to "sew his oats".

    My point is, the wife knows something is going on, we always do. She maybe a little on the crazy side because the one person she is supposed to trust the most is dishonoring her and giving her reason not to trust. Plus this is probably not the first time. Just my perspective.

18. AnonymousFebruary 13,2024 at 6:59PM UTC

    I'm sorry that you went through this. This is most dishonorable on his part.

19. AnonymousFebruary 13,2024 at 7:21PM UTC

    Thank you, fortunately circumstances have changed and I am in a much happier place than I was.

20. AnonymousFebruary 13,2024 at 4:47PM UTC

    The wife is NOT crazy or unhinged. Something or someone led her to the conclusion her husband is cheating and something or someone is leading her to you.

    Start looking at the bigger picture how you became part of the puzzle. You can ignore her, and I suggest you start with ignoring, but if someone is feeding her your name then she’s not going to go away. If ignoring doesn’t resolve it then ask her why you, what led her to you.

21. Joycelyn M. SiameFebruary 20,2024 at 2:20PM UTC

    No, I haven't. But I feel like, so far as she is not unhinged, talk to her about why she thinks you are having an affair and reassure her you are not. Let your coworker know as well and ask them why their spouse is feeling this way. But, if the woman keeps coming for you, keep your distance from your co-worker or if it is that serious, HR may need to be brought into it for your well being, I think... Yikes, it does not sound like a good position to be in, but I wish you the best of luck.