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How to keep going?

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Anonymous

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How to keep going?

I was recently laid off. While this is normal in my industry atm, it really hurt and has left me in a very vulnerable place. I had covid, very very badly in 2020. I was in the news many times and I almost died a couple of times. Work was great while I was on disability and I even told the press as a help to the company how great they were. I returned to work, with a physical disability. I worked very very hard to return in the first place and be able to walk in general to be ready for a big work event. We had the event and I was great, my superiors were happy, and we were buying a home since my job was safe as remote.

A month and a half later the layoffs happened and I was chosen despite not being related to the others who were let go, I worked for a different product than the one they were reducing. It made no sense.

I try to stay positive, applying for remote and in person, interviewing, and using my mentors for guidance on types of jobs, resume review, and cover letters where applicable. I have gotten to the me and the one other person running 3 times now, all to end up losing out. The last one, the "culture fit" interview was in person and all just nerding out for vibe. That part went amazing until I stood up and the others who came in after I was seated saw my cane. Their faces changed, and I instantly knew I was going to lose out, which the feedback was I was "Perfect" but the other person just fit in better. Another one it was very obvious they weren't comfortable with a woman leader.

I need work, I have vast experience on a corporate level and all I get is "overqualified" or "underqualified" or you are great but we went with this other person. Its exhausting, its heartbreaking. How do I keep putting myself out there only to fall short. What else will Covid have taken from me if it comes down to this? Im an overweight woman with a disability, but thats not all I am. Im a capable professional with a lot of skills. Why is the former always what people focus on more?

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  1. Anonymous

    Sending you strength and best wishes for easier times ahead.

  2. Anonymous

    Thanks

  3. Anonymous

    I feel deeply for you. While I don't have any suggestions to help, I did want you to know that I am roots for you and I am sorry this is happening.

  4. Anonymous

    Thanks

  5. Anonymous

    I had a somewhat parallel situation, but my disability came from ovarian cancer and the visible signs to potential new employers was my newly growing-in hair. I think I faced the overqualified/under qualified/ not a great fit problem a lot. I developed 4 different resumes based on the type of jobs I was going for. I took mental breaks. I tried to cultivate patience but often felt defeated and frustrated. But finally something clicked. I start my new job on Monday. It’s a bit of a reset. But I’m ok with that. I think I need a reset… while my body is physically strong, cancer has left scars on my psyche and stamina. But I’m hopeful. And thrilled to start a new chapter. I urge you to not lose faith. Perhaps the role is out there for you, or perhaps you will reinvent yourself in someway - can you create your own meaningful tech startup? Just know you have value, and life and purpose. I wish you joy, luck and peace.

  6. Anonymous

    Thanks! I admire your strength and perseverance. I think at this point its a numbers game. I just need to keep throwing pasta at the wall to see when it sticks. And likely just this was the push I needed to only go for remote positions.

  7. Cindy Glover

    Because you bring it to the table backwards.

    look at everything you’ve been through and SURVIVED!

    Be proud of yourself- Be eager for your next challenge because it’s there, waiting for you.

  8. Anonymous

    Thanks

  9. Anonymous

    I had a similar situation. After I left the role it took me FIFTEEN MONTHS to find a new job and I had to take a demotion and a pay decrease just to get back employed. I asked a similar question here and folks said it was the market mainly. Looking back, I agree. However getting through the emotional pain and anxiety that will inevitably arise is a diff story. You will find your place again but it may take more time than you’d like….a lot more. In such a competitive market, yes its easy for them to count people out for minor things or even illegal things (like ableism). Now you know the true colors of the workforce, will you your relationship to future employers change?

  10. Anonymous

    I keep my health issues to myself. It is a cruel world out there and companies can not fire you for medical reasons but if they are aware of them they will often find a way to get rid of a person that they consider to be not healthy enough. You are correct that spotting your cane was a decision maker.

    I do not know what your skills are but would advise you to look for a position that is completely remote including the interviews. Then you can avoid having your health be on display for others to monitor. Companies and fellow employees Google and will find your history. If you are working remotely they will not be watching for you to be sick.

    I understand how hard this is to hear but it is reality and something that you will need to deal with in the best way you can.

  11. Anonymous

    You are correct. I am pretty forthright with information so they dont google and feel like Im a liability. I frame it as I worked hard to regain everything to get back to work. My brain is fine. But yes I primarily go for remote work for this reason. This position was just a rare in-person that fit. The hiring manager knew of my disability and didnt care. It was the greater team that wanted more of a OOO social fit that the cane disrupted potentially.

  12. tracy a. schneider

    It's been very difficult for me as well....I hope something comes to you soon. You're doing ALL you can. And, try to remember that there was a reason you were not hired...not because you weren't good enough or skilled enough. But try to see it as a gift or protection and redirection as it was not in your best interest (the pay would certainly be helpful though...and I get that point as I'm in a desperate situation financially). Check out this article....Seeing Rejection As Redirection: What We Gain When We LoseBy Lauren Impraim

  13. Anonymous

    Thank you. Its hard but I will try.

  14. Kristie White

    Unfortunately, humans are very visual creatures. What they see when they see the cane is a high risk and a future liability. And it really doesn't have anything to do with you. It is probably also the reason you were laid off - it was an easy way to reduce the liability of your former employer. So how do you fight this? 1. I would consider your work record since COVID. Once you returned, have you been consistently present. 2. If your disability requires special accommodations, ask for them up front. This will accomplish several things - you will filter out any potential employers who are not willing to accommodate you, you should find an employer that is open to hiring you, you may find an employer who is trying to fulfill a quota for diversity, and you won't be hiding it or pulling any punches at the end of the hiring process. You will be owning it and being sure those you interact with are fully aware. This should help eliminate some of the heartbreak of going through the process only to be turned down.

    Last, I would consider looking at remote side gigs to gain some experience for your resume. Depending on your specialty, you might find a lucrative way to work that is easier for you. But if not, you will have recent experience and references to show your current capabilities.

  15. Anonymous

    I was fortunate to have been a part of a major corp for many years, so my resume is strong. I have spoken to recruiters about contract options as well to be open.

    In this case I was open with the hiring manager, it was the stakeholders and greater team that did not know about it and this was a "Social fit" interview. they wanted someone who could go out drinking and hang out, I think this made them think I wouldnt be up for it.

    As for previous work - While I was a part of a greater layoff I do agree it was likely why I was let go. It was about 8 weeks after a live event where the execs saw me for the first time since returning to work (Whole team works remotely after 2020 except for rare live events).

    Mostly I am going for remote positions, this one was such a good fit though it was the only in person I considered.

  16. Kristie White

    Personally, I think you dodged a bullet. While I understand team's drinking and hanging out, I've done it myself, I don't think I ever prospered from it. And using that "social fit" as criteria makes the team unprofessional and immature. The working environment might have been full of petty gossip and personality issues.

  17. Anonymous

    I have known many people with disabilities that have an attitude of, yes I have a disability but it doesn’t control me.

    and I’ve met people with disabilities that are a perpetual victim.

    your attitude about your disability can be felt by those around you.

    my disability is hidden, but it’s there and it’s a big part of my life…. But I don’t allow it to be the only thing about me that people see……

  18. Anonymous

    I most definitely do not let it control me. Had the distance not been long I wouldnt have even taken the cane and sucked it up. I really only ever mention it if mandatory. I push myself to my limit regularly trying to be normal to keep all the difficulty and pain hidden. this was just my first encounter of an in-person interview that went so insanely well, until the larger group saw my cane (which was unavoidable). Its just disheartening and is what has me mostly applying for remote positions.

    I know those perpetual victims and I just wont be one... ever.

  19. Anonymous

    If I pushed it yes. But my mind still works and I really dont want to go backward. I love working and want to continue to do so.

  20. Cindy Glover

    I’m proud of you for this - please reach out if need To chat!

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