I don't know where to start, but this is keeping me up at night...

Anonymous

February 14,2024 at 12:19PM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

I don't know where to start, but this is keeping me up at night...

The team I work with has become toxic to the point where I'm embarrassed for them and I can't believe what's going on. All of the things we've been repeatedly told not to do. Unprofessional, blatant. Being rewarded for it. This always works the opposite way in business, doesn't it?

Anyway, if anyone has had any experience like this, please post. I need some perspective, however, I know I have to get out of there, and have been applying. I haven't found a replacement position. People are very professional on here and probably wouldn't put up with this. I know. However, the job market isn't great. We all have different shoes.

My team members on Zoom are being encouraged to display toxic behaviors. People are cursing, gossiping about our teams and clients without holding back, asking about people's ages, showing up late, half-dressed, and kids running around on camera and interrupting the session -what has happened? My manager seems to encourage this and is rewarding these people, and meanwhile, I feel if I do something, it's scrutinized and all I try to be is the classic professional.

I have repeatedly taken the professional and high road and hold my tongue often and try to say little. I guess I'm just not cut from the same cloth as they are. It is very unsettling to be the oddball out.

I would think that exposing this information and style could easily affect you if happen to be on the chopping block. They'd have plenty of fodder to use if they wanted to fire you, wouldn't you say? What have we been taught over and over? What have we read and been preached to over and over?

I feel like I'm wasting my time and life and I'm not being rewarded...what is going on? How can this manager continue like this and give them such leeway?

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

17 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

17 Comments

Join the conversation

AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 1:44PM UTC
There’s nothing you can do about the environment. Practice not caring and continue to look for a job. Right now it’s simply a paycheck.
AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 2:00PM UTC
Yes, I did forget to mention, the manager is propagating this...she's always been somewhat of a mean girl in the past and now it has exploded. I'm starting to think she's doing this purposely to see what people come out with, so she has fodder to work with...such a twisted way of managing...
AnonymousFebruary 15,2024 at 6:00PM UTC
Consult an employment attorney. One phone call and watch this straighten up.
AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 2:09PM UTC
The market out there is terrible...
It might help you focusing that you are not there to make friends or to work in a friendly environment, but to provide a service and get paid for it. The alternative solution is becoming unemployed, but when we do it we start being humiliated by the ones helping us... and getting a job is an endless application-with-no-replies task. I recommend waiting for another one to be set, for then leaving. Maybe you join some other activity daily, out of your working hours, to fuel you with good people and nice relations, and don't let that impact you this much as it is now. Wishing you the best!
AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 2:22PM UTC
Yes, all true. ty
AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 3:21PM UTC
I think it’s be helpful to separate yourself from your group. Start meeting one on one with other people throughout the organization to network, that’s your best chance of finding another role in the company.
AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 4:28PM UTC
I have been with two companies that made blatant efforts to push the "older" (over 40) workers out and replace them with kids right out of college. One I was laid off from, and they replaced me with two people at 2/3 my salary, so they lost in the long run. They could have given me a 1/3 raise, and I would have been happy to stay on despite being somewhat burned out. I was preparing myself for a job pivot anyway. It just came a year before I was ready.
In my last three positions, I have worked for younger and less experienced/educated people than me.
AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 4:51PM UTC
I think that may be happening here in this case, simultaneously with this bad behavior...but I just can't see how people are being rewarded and moved up for it.
AnonymousFebruary 15,2024 at 2:35AM UTC
They lower the personnel costs, which looks better on the quarterly earnings statements (which is all Wall Street cares about if you work for a public company.)
AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 5:12PM UTC
Don't stoop to their level. Bad bosses make bad departments and this just means you got stuck in an unprofessional one. Stay professional and look for another position. It will be a long wait.
AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 5:56PM UTC
Have you told your HR dept that you are working in a toxic environment. Make a formal complaint cite examples tell them you don't feel safe and that you want to be protected. Be sure you document things because you might have a claim later on. When in non meeting situations put your headphones on an ignore the drama. Look for a new role in a company where collaboration and camaraderie is revered.
AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 8:54PM UTC
First of all, yes, I want to acknowledge your feelings and what you describe sounds toxic, unprofessional and not for you. There is appropriate play time, but if you have an immature inexperienced boss, they exude this same immaturity and inexperience as a cultural reflection of themselves. Focus on leaving. Focus on fueling your life with positive experiences and people. It may take a while to seek work, but look outside of corporate. Look at higher ed jobs. Don't be afraid to find a better opportunity but staying with a company that allows this behavior and the mean girl/guy behavior is not acceptable. I work in that too in higher ed so it's everywhere. I just do not engage with the crazy. Who cares what the useless think of you. Think high of yourself and rise and get out and find a better more fertile environment for you. Good luck!
AnonymousFebruary 14,2024 at 8:58PM UTC
Thank you.
AnonymousFebruary 15,2024 at 12:05PM UTC
I had experience with a place like that.
Once girl didn't show up for two weeks (she was new so I assumed she quit). Re-appearred as obnoxious as ever and everyone started acting like she was it: bad (toxic) jokes, hateful, etc. Management became a part of the party. Because I couldn't behave like this, I simply ignored them and I was the new target: a "brooder" and they started interfering with my work by deliberately hiding information from me (accounting).
When I resigned, my manager left the SAME day. (Couldn't handle my workload- they brought in a temp with NO ACCOUNTING experience to replace a senior accountant. I had to train her - and she asked me why the atmosphere was that it was). I later heard she lasted a week and someone from corporate assumed my duties
Keep your head down and focus on the future
AnonymousFebruary 15,2024 at 3:14PM UTC
I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this! Yes, I have been there and it’s no fun. Keep your head down and do the best you can to ignore it. Do anything you can to make sure you’re not the next target. Document everything…send yourself dated emails to your personal account with non-emotional documentation of what is going on. Get HR involved if you become the target. You are right to be able to see that it’s probably not going to get better. Keep applying and hang in there!
MislynFebruary 15,2024 at 6:27PM UTC
Oh that’s not near as toxic as I’ve dealt with. Vulgar language, lack of respect for personal space and sexual harassment to name a few. Add having your boss lie about you to other employees even ex employees. I could go on and on. Find a new job it doesn’t get any better once it starts.
AnonymousFebruary 15,2024 at 8:17PM UTC
Thank you.