How long do you stay in a job with an insecure boss?

Anonymous

August 22,2023 at 2:36AM UTC

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How long do you stay in a job with an insecure boss? I started a new job in March. I was hired to create processes for department activities and execute special projects. My new supervisor was initially enthusiastic, but has been displaying insecure behavior toward me for the past two months, making passive aggressive comments, mean girl behavior…You get the idea.

Despite this, I’ve had good successes with my initial projects. The department staff are friendly, agreeable, and adhering to the new processes I’ve instituted.

I thought part of my job as her newest hire was to make my boss look good…and I have. In fact, I received support from above my boss’s level that I’m doing a great job…but I am starting to wonder whether I should stay in this position or leave. Typically, six months is the minimum duration before leaving for a new job. I really like the job and the people so leaving would be a big deal for me. How soon is too soon to leave a job with a boss like this? A year? Upper management support is sustaining me in the position for now.

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AnonymousAugust 22,2023 at 7:30AM UTC
I think 6 month in a position is enough time to evaluate each other and decide whether you are happy and comfortable or not. If you can handle your supervisor and you love the job, then you should definitely stay especially since you mentioned the upper management is supporting you - regarding your SP , I would definitely speak up and let her know that she crossed the lines and if she can't find a better way to communicate, you will have to escalate the situation. nobody should go through the discomfort because somebody else is having issues with his behavior. Stand for yourself and make it clear that it's not acceptable. But of course, if you feel unhappy then you should just leave. But seriously, if I would be in your shoes, I wouldn't leave a good place because of one person. Stay strong.
Grisel Scarantino, Career and Work-Life Fulfillment CoachAugust 22,2023 at 2:41PM UTC
Your boss may be an inexperienced leader who likely feels threatened by you. You came into the role, performed beautifully, and have the attention of senior leaders. She may have imposter syndrome going on in her mind or may feel like her job somehow becomes less “secure” if you perform like a rockstar.
Unfortunately, this is something you will experience time and time again in your career. Most high performers run into this repeatedly. We often want the leader to initiate a conversation about this, but that doesn’t always happen. That’s when we have to be the initiators and attempt to establish common ground so the mean girl behavior takes a rest.
If you have interest in being the initiator with your boss, I encourage you to first research the SCARF model through the NeuroLeadership institute just to gain some insight as to why she may be behaving this way toward you. SCARF is an acronym of threats people experience. Knowing this will help make things less personal so you can remove some of the emotion you’re undoubtedly feeling due to her behavior.
Then, have a conversation with her to talk about what you’re experiencing from her. In a neutral, non-confrontational way, give her specific examples of things she’s done or said and how they have made you feel. Tell her you want to understand where all of this is coming from so you and she can get back to working effectively together in a way that feels good to you both.
All of this is easier said than done but I encourage you to try because if this is the first time you’ve brushed up against something like this, I promise you it won’t be the last. So, learning to diffuse situations like this and turn them around will serve you well as you continue rocking on your career journey.
AnonymousAugust 26,2023 at 4:36PM UTC
Thank you.
Erica MitchellAugust 22,2023 at 4:43PM UTC
I agree with the comment below. She probably feels her job is in jeopardy. Maybe have a conversation with her letting her know you're not looking to take over, but to work as a team.
AnonymousAugust 26,2023 at 4:36PM UTC
Thank you
AnonymousSeptember 5,2023 at 2:05PM UTC
I’m not sure that would matter. Her boss might be hearing things from above that make her think she’s in jeopardy of losing her job. Edit: or get passed over for promotion.