Does anyone have advice on talking to an employee who has gone from being friendly, helpful and outgoing to sullen, uncommunicative, slamming files on my desk without a word and when asked, tells me everything is fine.

58 Comments

1. AnonymousJuly 25,2023 at 10:51AM UTC

   Bern there! As a person that is always wanting to stick out, start looking. There less than 90 days and places like this are HORRIBLE on your mental health. I lasted 8m and EXCITED when I finally left for a much better opportunity

2. AnonymousJuly 25,2023 at 2:18PM UTC

   She should leave because she has one subordinate that has a bad attitude? It doesn't sound like a company issue. It sounds like she needs to address the behaviors of one person, which, as her supervisor, she should do.

3. AnonymousJuly 25,2023 at 2:54PM UTC

   She can do whatever is best for her.

4. AnonymousJuly 25,2023 at 11:03AM UTC

   To be honest a month in, you need to not take that angle. You have no vested time for that coworker to find value or trust in you. Start by just small talk, then asking questions on a process or what would you do, type dialogue. You need to build that relationship first. You are a peer not their manager, caution on how you think you have the right to know their business after a month. It's hard to see someone frustrated in the workplace but you need to pause on direct questions in reference to their current behaviors.

5. AnonymousJuly 25,2023 at 11:36AM UTC

   Thank you. I actually am the supervisor. Still, you make a good point.

6. AnonymousJuly 25,2023 at 12:13PM UTC

   Are you her manager or just a coworker?

   That will dictate your course of action. If you are her manager then a 1:1 with clear messaging on respect and correction of behavior and consequences. Also set a follow up meeting to review the correction of behavior and escalation if necessary.

   If you are a coworker then go to her manager with your complaint. The reason the behavior has escalated is no one has called her out. No consequences = continued behavior. Holding every hostage.

   An HR write up is next. A methodical approach of escalation will either correct the behavior or she will leave.

7. Gretchen SkalkaJuly 25,2023 at 12:50PM UTC

   You can't know for sure if this is a behavior change or something else at this point and it's never a good idea to take someone else's word for what's happening in situations like this.

   I would advocate addressing only what you experience.

   Slamming files on a desk is the item you can address.

   Being sullen or outgoing is subjective.

   Being friendly and helpful is also somewhat subjective and contextual.

   Slamming files should be addressed because that is inappropriate behavior no matter what.

   Being incommunicative is somewhat subjective - but you can address certain things if they're concrete (not responding to questions, emails, etc.)

   Try to also always approach the situation from a perspective of partnership with the other individual (in any situation) because you are colleagues - even if you are in a supervisory capacity, you still need to look at the employee as a colleague first.

   Keep the human perspective in place.

   Address what is concretely inappropriate.

   Hold any judgment or comment on subjective items right now.

   I hope you'll let us know how it goes - wishing you the best outcome!

8. Elizabyth HarringtonJuly 25,2023 at 1:08PM UTC

   i find that people in general want to do a good job and feel valued at their workplace. While on the surface this may look like the person is just not a pleasant human, there may be something else going on completely, which as a new boss you aren’t aware of. Hostility at work and sullen behavior can be a reaction to workplace bullying, for example. Or perhaps she was hoping to be promoted and your arrival shattered all hope for career growth. As a new supervisor, perhaps you can suggest an informal “getting to know each other” one on one where you ask her where she would like to see herself in the future (6mo, 1 year, 5 years). Then, over the course of the next couple of weeks, help her define a career path with solid and realistic goals to help her get there. Or perhaps ask her how she would change things. Any way you can make her feel that her voice is welcome and her opinions valued by you will help open her up and develop a better relationship. Those kind of conversations, where you present yourself as an ally instead of an adversary can result in some remarkable results.

9. AnonymousJuly 25,2023 at 2:26PM UTC

   I find that being direct typically gets the point across. You don't need to be aggressive about it, but it is my experience that ignoring behaviors just leads to more behaviors. Next time she acts inappropriately, call her out on it. If she tells you nothing is wrong, counter with the fact that her actions indicate otherwise and then let her know what the expectation for professional behavior is. Years ago, when I was a new manager of a department of 15, I hired 2 new employees who within a couple of months had banded together to turn the department against me. I knew about it from other members of my department. Instead of confronting them about it, I tried to kill them with kindness. It didn't work. I almost quit over it and both of the pot stirrers finally left. I will never again and have not since, let people treat me or others in my department poorly. I have found that discussions calling people out on the behaviors often solves the problem or at least puts the offending party on notice that you won't tolerate it. I honestly wouldn't let this go on much longer.

10. Chrissy Regan SmytheJuly 25,2023 at 3:54PM UTC

    I was in the same boat! Tried to take the “kind “ route. What a disaster that turned out to be! Now I set boundaries from the get go. I’m not rude but i do let people know what i will or will not tolerate. . I’m there to work not make friends. If you like me, great. If not, okay but we have a job to do.

11. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 11:21PM UTC

    I highly agree. It will escalate and potentially bring in others that were happy and bring them down. Soon the whole team could become negative

12. AnonymousJuly 25,2023 at 3:11PM UTC

    If it isn't only directed at her, has no one else addressed it? Is she a colleague or a subordinate? If you are her manager, time to flex your manager skills and have a direct one-on-one conversation with her to find out what's going on, this behavior is unacceptable. If you are a colleague, if you are comfortable having this conversation with her, do so. If not, speak with your manager or HR.

13. Barb HansenJuly 25,2023 at 9:53PM UTC

    If you are this person's manager, you need to deal with her behavior immediately.

    If you are not this person's manager, and you don't feel that you have the tools or the inclination to intervene, then here are two options for you:

    1-- Talk to her manager.

    Does her manager know that this behavior is going on? Maybe not. I would approach her manager as a caring co-worker who is worried and I want to make sure that the manager is aware that your co-worker seems to be struggling.

    2-- Talk to your manager.

    If you don't feel like you can speak to your co-worker's manager or you are worried about how this manager will intercede, then talk to your manager. Same cadence - you are caring co-worker who is concerned about your co-worker.

    side note: I worked for a small company who's office manager had many bad days. She was sullen, mean to other co-workers, and had no problem expressing her frustrations. Management knew and they didn't care. This employee had been there for years, she was great at her job (except for the being easy to work with part) and management had a "oh, that's just how she is, you'll get used to her" attitude. it was frustrating but there was nothing that could be done.

    I hope your situation turns about better. :)

14. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 5:56AM UTC

    Thanks I am the employee in question's supervisor. I talked to her today. It was terrible. Before we talked, I learned that before I arrived, she wanted my job. She was not considered a good candidate because of erratic behavior. During the conversation, she went on at length about being isolated, ignored, left out, not part the conversation (her words). She is not left out, I am certain of that. She is so easily offended and misinterprets every gesture as a slight. Everyone feels tense and anxious. She told me I "play favorites." I have been there a month! It was very upsetting. She was angry and hostile the entire time and it ruined my day. There simply is no truth to these thoughts she has so no one understands where that comes from. She IS valued. I was firm about the behavior needing to change because it is not ok to not speak to colleagues, slam files on their desks without a word, etc Since I started, I thank her often, and express support for her work. I will continue to try to set a good example. I told her that if she is upset about something she should address it straight away, rather than letting it build up inside. I wish I could say I left feeling I handled it well. I felt defeated.

15. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 12:31PM UTC

    I agree wiyou th Elizabeth below. It sounds like the employee needs some EAP counseling. Be sure you document your conversation and further conversations should include an HR representative. If this doesn't improve soon, the employee may need to receive written warning(s) and possibly be put in a PIP by the manager. They need to assure expectations for future performance are clear and that "outbursts and temper tantrums" will not be tolerated. You have an opportunity to help this employee save their career. No matter how much bitterness they feel, someone should have been honest about why she was not considered for the role. Their manager needs to address this asap.

16. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 12:33PM UTC

    This is a defense mechanism- when speaking with an employee and when it isn't good, people will lash out and become defensive. Typically turning everything they are doing wrong on someone else. I would circle back with her and explain that after the conversation you wanted to come back to it. Re address some things she brought up and then point blank tell her "your attitude needs to change and we can not have an employee acting like this as it affects the team" and ask if she has any questions. If she goes off on other comments. Say we talk about those on another day, but do you have questions about what I said? Then set a time and date[maybe 2 weeks out] to circle back again to see how it is improving.

17. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 12:28PM UTC

    Sit down and have an honest conversation about what you are seeing along with how it is impacting the team. Explain that you are here too help her, but you can't help if you don't know what is going on. You can explain that she doesn't have to tell you anything, but at work it needs to improve. Regardless of what is happening in her personal life- when she walks through the door it needs to be left there. In the end she may be upset or end up leaving but it will be best for all parties involved

18. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 12:51PM UTC

    Does she report to you? If so pull her in and speak to her about the change you've seen and ask her if something has changed or if there is something bothering her. Explain that she impacts the team and she needs to be cognizant that her behavior doesn't remain in a vacuum. She may be totally unaware of how she comes across or it may be a deeper issue that needs addressing.

    If she doesn't report to you then at a month in, I would leave it alone.

19. Jennifer FingerJuly 26,2023 at 12:52PM UTC

    I would first try to talk calmly and reasonably with her. If that doesn't work, document what's going on and let your or her supervisor know how it is affecting your ability to get your work done and ask for their help. Sullen moods and slamming files on your desk are unprofessional on her part.

20. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 1:01PM UTC

    First, congratulations on having evaluated the situation objectively and kindly,

    I would start with being patient, calm and giving space, as you have done. If you are not the worker’s primary manager, you can’t do much more.

    If you are the employee’s primary manager, let your employee know that if there is a workplace or other concern at play, HR (if available, best) and management can listen and, if warranted, suggest workplace changes or company benefits (medical insurance, personal leave, EAP counseling) that could help. One possibility is that your employee suffers from anxiety/depression, in which case medication and counseling might help.

    If the behavior continues and your employee refuses support, you/the company might have to manage the deterioration in the context of a performance problem: unfavorable review, PIP and possible termination.

    The final alternative is putting up with the employee’s negativity, as your colleagues seem to have been doing.

21. AYANNALYSEJuly 26,2023 at 1:24PM UTC

    Jheez ignore is not that hard

22. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 2:29PM UTC

    Not helpful.

23. AnonymousJuly 27,2023 at 3:04AM UTC

    Ignoring bad behavior creates negative cultures and doesn’t help the unhappy person either.

24. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 2:52PM UTC

    You never know exactly what is going on in people's personal lives, which can affect a person's behavior at work. Has anyone tried to sit with her and have a conversation about her disposition with staff? That may be your first step.

    It's hard to have to deal with personal dynamics at work, but not everyone has a cherry life behind the scenes. Good luck.

25. Libba StanfordJuly 26,2023 at 2:55PM UTC

    Here’s my 2 cents. It sounds like she may have been trying really hard in the beginning to be OK with everything and make it work. However, this can be difficult to maintain when a person has felt like they have been jilted in someway. See if you can get a little bit of history on her work, and how long this type of erratic behavior has been taking place, but be aware of any bias that someone else may give you. I would also try to find out if she takes a lot of the unseen, work in the day-to-day operations that she doesn’t really receive credit for. This can add a heavy level of weight and resentment to a person when it’s not acknowledged, I would then also have that conversation with her again, and talk about the elephant in the room. Try to be empathetic to how she views the current situation. There are so many things that we don’t know about people that are going on inside that drive their external behavior. Since she is technically sound, it could also be that she is simply bored and frustrated and doesn’t know how to express that well, and it comes out as anger. Maybe even offer to help her find additional projects that might be interesting and challenging to her. I can say it’s likely not a general “bad attitude“, which can be very subjective. To assume that it’s understood why she is expressing this behavior can be a dangerous assumption. PIPs for “bad attitude” rarely end well.

26. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 3:15PM UTC

    I think your perception is a great assessment! Considering I’ve been that person and did indeed feel jilted and often unappreciated but I was always dumped on when it came to work or projects. They knew I would get it done accurately and timely but always looked over for promotions and my accomplishments were never acknowledged. I wish someone had taken the time to talk to me and really be willing to make the necessary changes. But usually they would talk but nothing would ever change, just false hope!

27. Libba StanfordJuly 27,2023 at 1:01AM UTC

    Happens to people all the time. Especially women. We are “trained” that others know better and we should comply. Resentment built up in those situations are generally treated as “well she is just mad because there was someone better than her”. However, that is rarely the case I hate you had to go through it. In reality, most of us go through it many times over.

28. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 3:13PM UTC

    Sometimes being good act a job isn't enough. A person needs to be a good fit for the culture as well. A good first step is to talk to her and be really specific and factual. Mary, when you slam papers down on my desk, it's not acceptable. It's happened three times this week, so I'm concerned. You said you are fine, yet that's not how someone who is fine acts. If whatever is going on is related to work, I'd like to know and see what we can do to work through it. I realize there could be something going on in your personal lie and don't want to pry. I also don't want it to affect your job performance. How can we move forward.

29. Maegan, Nike Sales Rep & Career CoachJuly 26,2023 at 4:27PM UTC

    she may be going through something at home or something personal. I can speak from experience that when I was going through a miscarriage it was difficult to show up as my "normal" self at work. I would suggest being kind and supportive and see if her behavior changes with time.

    It may be worth the conversation (if you are her superior) of just stating you've notice a behavior change in her and if there's anything you can do to support her.

30. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 5:19PM UTC

    She may not feel safe communicating. Give her resources where she will feel a safe space to communicate. This is a clear sign that she needs to verbalize something but feels like she can't.

31. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 5:38PM UTC

    Has HR been looped in? You could speak to them privately and perhaps she is dealing with something personal that is spilling over into work life. As an alternative you could pull her aside privately of course, or take her for coffee and ask her if there is something she needs help navigating because you noticed a change. She may not share but perhaps just knowing that you care enough to offer her some help may eventually soften her into realizing her changed behavior. Good luck.

32. AnonymousJuly 27,2023 at 7:25PM UTC

    Speaking to HR privately before attempting to have a mature, one-on-on conversation with your own employee is aggressive and extreme and in itself toxic—probably much more so than the behavior the employee is exhibiting. It might be different if there was danger, true fear or worry, or harassment or the suspicion the employee's behavior would escalate to one of these. But this is not that. OP should be able to bring up the issue with curiosity and not out of judgment. That's the smart, respectful thing to do. If OP were to go to HR first, it's conceivable that all potential trust would be eroded.

33. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 6:24PM UTC

    If she’s good technically…

    She is required to do her job in a skilled and competent way. Is she required to do it in a pleasant and friendly way?

    Part of me says leave her alone. You’ve indicated that it’s not solely directed at you and it’s not new.

    Sometimes there are outside of work stressors that are too personal to share and sometimes there are inside of work stressors that are just part of what must be tolerated. She may have a colleague or supervisor who is unpleasant to interact with and she’s just doing her best but can’t hide that it affects her mood.

34. Harley RaptorJuly 27,2023 at 12:51PM UTC

    This. No one owes you friendship or outgoing attitudes or anything but completing their job duties. If she's doing her job and she's doing it well, it shouldn't be an issue. Seems like it's only an issue because everyone thinks they deserve comraderie. I also wonder how this would play out and what the comments would say if she was a man.

    Though I would probably request she didn't slam files on my desk (if that's actually what she's doing).

35. AnonymousJuly 27,2023 at 1:36PM UTC

    I don't agree. Kindness belongs everywhere in life, not just among friends. Life is more than just getting the job done. You do owe a duty of care and consideration to everyone around you, especially if they haven't done anything to cause you concern. There is nothing worse than being treated as though you have done something wrong, but you know you haven't. People need to learn how to park their issues at the door, especially if those issues have nothing to do with the job. If they do, then that person should deal with whomever is the cause of their dissatisfaction and get it squared away. No one deserves to work around misery even if that miserable person is "getting the job done."

36. Audrey KirschJuly 26,2023 at 7:01PM UTC

    Unfortunately you'll have to call them out. You may have gotten a position that they were hoping for or she could have some personal issue. Whatever, next time she reacts poorly to you, you'll have to ask if you have done something to tick her off. If she tries to do the 'fine' routine, don't let it drop. Let her know that things aren't fine but you'd love to know how to make things better. You can't fix what you don't know.

37. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 8:59PM UTC

    Have you reviewed her personnel file or previous evaluations yet? This behavior has obviously been tolerated until now, and you don't yet have the interpersonal capital to rock the boat. This person is passive-aggressive for a reason, and you're not likely to change her if nobody else has been able to.

38. AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 10:41PM UTC

    For a minute I thought you were my boss asking about me. I have a long good track record (10+ years) at my company and have been happy enough in my work that I was able to bring my best self to work the majority of the time. Recently, I moved teams to a new manager and their very very poor leadership has driven me to be completely negative to a point that I hate this place and everything about it now. I am working on getting a new job but it has been a long process in both finding something that sounds great that I want to move to next and also in trying to get over the PTSD that I've experienced in my current company lately so that I can move somewhere else with a better mindset. What I am currently left with is hating my job every day and basically being completely checked out, but you won't ever hear me tell management that because I know what the consequences of telling them I am unhappy will be, as I have expressed myself to them in the past with no impact and even a comment that I should "stop complaining". So really I'm just biding my time until I can be happy again. Could be the case for your person, so if she's doing her job I would say leave well enough alone for now but know that you will likely lose her eventually.

39. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJuly 27,2023 at 4:03AM UTC

    This is what they were referring to when another poster asked about "emotional maturity" in a job posting.

40. AnonymousJuly 27,2023 at 5:18AM UTC

    I agree with those suggesting having an honest conversation and coming at it with emotional intelligence.

    One of my top managers, now a very close friend, saw a moment when I was overloaded and clearly not myself. She was right. I was on a project that was knocking me down with long hours and I was starting to feel like I was on an island. Turns out she pushed me to take PTO. She heard the stress, some very legit, so (also legit) but elevated because of the stress. I hadn't taken "real" time off in a long time (at least a year). She appreciated my value and work, she had my back, and she needed me to step away and get balance. I 100% owned my shift and frustration. I've referred back to that moment since then and share the story with people I've managed. I really needed to hear I was valued and equally needed to hear the impacts it had or potentially could have on others. That was never my intent yet I was blinded by stress and frustration.

    I needed to step back and I got to do so knowing I was valued both for my output at work but also as a human.

    It may not be work related, that too can even be lightly addressed in that if someone outside of work is going on, time off or support can help.

    I can say with 100% certainty, unless a major change has occurred impacting them specifically within the team, there is definitely something with a project or outside of work that is building up.

    An honest conversation is the first step. Being there and listening. Slamming files should be addressed as removing passive aggressive behavior is important. Don't be afraid to address it head on. Be empathetic. Be direct on actions that are not OK (again, slamming files - if you're going to slam the file, I expect to know why - yell it out loud if you have to but it's not ok).

41. cliffJuly 27,2023 at 12:26PM UTC

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42. AnonymousJuly 27,2023 at 12:40PM UTC

    Cliff, why is this an appropriate answer to OP's question? Or is it a response to another comment?

43. Ashley ZJuly 27,2023 at 12:28PM UTC

    I think all the comments here are great, but I also don't think this behavior is appropriate. I am very black and white on not taking your issues out on others. Tread lightly if you approach it because it could cause things to get worse. If you want to take on the risk of opening yourself up, ask if there's anything you can do to help because you've noticed she seems frustrated. But ONLY go this route if you genuinely care. Being inauthentic will likely cause additional issues to manifest.

    Edit to add: you can also ask HR or your manager how you should approach it. It could be a million different things causing the behavior from life, stress or mental health to just being a big manipulative brat. I can speculate all day. There could be a hidden bully at work that has said or done something to her that makes her feel she's not welcome there and so everyone is guilty in her mind. The only one that knows is her.

44. Heather BinghamJuly 27,2023 at 12:31PM UTC

    The only thing you can do with these sorts of behaviours is point them out, factually and without judgement, and explain the effect they have on you. "It makes me feel like you are angry each time I ask you to complete a task" and "It makes me feel like you hate working with me". Don't speak for others, as that becomes very messy, very quickly. The worst things you can do in this situation are a) expect that she's completely aware of the effect she has, and is doing it on purpose, and b) try to guess at why she acts that way and give her your guesses. Simply describe the behaviour, tell her the effect it has on you alone, and tell her what you'd like her to do instead. Hopefully, if you do this cleanly and openly, you will learn from her why she swings between the two moods. Still, if she doesn't give you anything, doesn't learn anything from the session, and doesn't change, you can then be fully confident that you've highlighted the problem as clearly and cleanly as is necessary, just in case at some point in the future you no longer want her on the team.

45. AnonymousJuly 27,2023 at 12:54PM UTC

    Some good advice here, especially Heather Bingham regarding bringing up the subject in the first place.

    Other people have mentioned that this may be something outside of work. That is the second thing to address with your employee. It's critical that you do it in such a way that is respectful of her privacy. In other words, there's a line you can balance in the situation on which you tell her that you understand there may be something personal, and if so, you have no expectation for her to share with you.

    Don't take for granted that she will implicitly infer this last part, because you would be surprised at how often supervisors expect to hear personal details that employees are legally not required to share.

    Just tell her that if it's something outside of work, you will support her in seeing if there's something the company can do, whether it be accessing EAP, talking with HR about accommodations, etc. If you leave this door open and are respectful of her privacy, you may find that she opens up willingly.

    I have definitely been the employee in this situation as well, and it was a combination of issues at work with some hostile co-workers (the new supervisor didn't learn about this until they experienced it themselves once the 'honeymoon' phase wore off) and extreme personal issues that I was not sure even how to share.

46. Heather TearneyJuly 27,2023 at 1:00PM UTC

    You have been given some great feedback here, and I only want to add that I recommend that for the future you read "Radical Candor" by Kim Scott. https://www.radicalcandor.com/ She addresses exactly what you and others have talked about here and in a way that is helpful to anyone in a supervisory/leadership position.

47. Julie Morris HowardJuly 27,2023 at 2:23PM UTC

    from a co-worker viewpoint. I put up with this sort of abuse from a co-worker for 8 years. Management refused to deal with it. My solution was to ignore her and look for another job. my company was sold to a larger firm with younger management who fired her before the first year was over. Don't let it go on.

48. AnonymousJuly 27,2023 at 3:25PM UTC

    People have things going on that have nothing to do with work. The issues the individual may be experiencing can be physical, mental, or emotional. If you have noticed a change in their otherwise friendly behavior, it could be just a question to say, how is everything going? Please don't give them what they are giving you; remain friendly, professional, and encouraging. Get them to open up, possibly. If you cannot get them to talk to you, refer them to someone they can talk with about whatever is happening.

49. AnonymousJuly 27,2023 at 4:25PM UTC

    As a peer, it can be appropriate to address harmful behavior towards you. However, management/leadership should pull this person aside for a one on one discussion and advise of available resources the company offers e.g. EAP.

    We all have personal issues and it can be difficult to not bring those issues into other areas of our lives such as work.

    I would also try to protect my peace and find ways not to have to work with this person.

50. Cindy GloverJuly 27,2023 at 4:44PM UTC

    How’s everything going? I’d not had the chance to comment on this post but am most definitely worried. Reach out if I can help

51. Liz MilneJuly 27,2023 at 4:58PM UTC

    I would make it - politely, but firmly - clear that her behaviour is rude and disruptive. It's not fair to have to deal with stroppy people at work: that's not what anyone is paid for.

52. AnonymousJuly 27,2023 at 5:15PM UTC

    Behavior rewardednis behavior repeated. I love an old book ,The Bad Attitude Employee Guide. In this instance, everytime she slammed anything on my desk, rolled eyes, or basically any other inapproriate behavior ask " Jane, what does it mean when you (insert desciption if inapproproaie behavior)". If she claims it didn't happen start the process to manage her out. Often, they just stop the behavior, other times, ask enough and you get an answer.

53. Rob GonzalezJuly 27,2023 at 6:24PM UTC

    My first question: Is this person your direct report?

    If yes, it is your responsibility to have a 1 on 1 with this person to explain to then that their behavior is impacting morale and teamwork. If your company has a list of culture values that lay this out, you should relay them to her. Following this, ask them what you can do to help. If the person is resistant and continues the behavior, bring this to your direct manager. The two of you may be able to come up with a game-plan that includes involving HR.
    If this is not your direct report, it might still be good to talk to them to see if they are OK or need anything. Beyond this, speak to your manager about it. If the manager does nothing, report it to HR. They will keep your report confidential.

    Having a high performing toxic person on your team will impact overall performance that will go beyond any accomplishments this person is contributing to.

54. Donna PolsterJuly 27,2023 at 6:27PM UTC

    Is it possible that this person already talked to you or someone about the problem and isn't being listened to or perceives she is not? If she has been given the idea that voicing her concerns or problems would cause her problems and not correct any problems she is having, this may be why she appears hostile.

55. Paulla Fetzek, MSEdJuly 27,2023 at 6:43PM UTC

    I'm sorry you're in this situation. I faced a similar one several years back. To this day, I don't know what I said or did to update this person (I'll call her "T"). But for nearly three months she was rude to me, talked down to me, huffed, puffed, the whole gambit.

    The company I work for is medium-size, but there are only about 55 people in the office. Our then office was a small building, meaning everyone knew/saw what was going on.

    I don't like discourse and disharmony at work, and genuinely felt bad - for about 3 weeks. Then, after trying multiple times to see what I did and how I could fix it (only to be sneered at or ignored). Suddenly, after one particular outbreak from her, I realized how silly I was being. I was literally letting her negativity dictate my day.

    So the next Monday I changed tactics. I ignored her completely. When she would try to act up around me I shut her down with comments such as, "I don't know what your issue is, but I am not playing into your attitude. Take it somewhere else".

    And other people began doing the same.

    How does this end? ODDLY. Because, out of the blue, I was in our company's kitchen one morning getting coffee. T came in - and with the playful tone she'd always had with me for many years - said my name and asked how I was doing. Literally, a Jekyll and Hyde.

    She's no longer with our company - and to this day no one can tell me what happened. But her boss did tell me back then she'd always been that way. HOLY WOW was I uncomfortable for weeks. All of which was my fault - because I allowed this person's attitude control over mine.

    Wishing you all the best...

56. AnonymousJuly 27,2023 at 10:40PM UTC

    Did your coworkers suggest this is ongoing, like a consistent attitude? It's possible something is going badly in her life or has possibly suffered something like loss of a parent. I'm sorry, I don't have much advice, but coming from that angle might make it easier for you.

    Honestly, trying to earn your favor might work. Killing them with kindness might be best here

57. Bretten BurgerJuly 30,2023 at 1:55PM UTC

    I would schedule a one on one with her. Whatever is behind her behavior needs tobe addressed. Her behavior is not appropriate for the workplace. Of course, you don’t want to upset her so I would lead off with highlighting accomplishments, some job responsibility she performs highly effective level perhaps, and encourage her to keep the performance. Let her know she’s leading by example there.

    Then you can go into the issue at hand, or at least attempt to find out what that is.

    “ I’ve noticed that you have been acting out of character lately. You’re not your usual sunny disposition self” (or some other positive personality trait). “Is there anything that you want to talk to me about whether it’s work related or personal.I Just want to know if you need somebody to talk to you , I am here.

    Perhaps she will be a little bit more open to divulging what is upsetting her. If she still is resistant then go further and let her know specific examples of her behavioral changes and how they are affecting coworkers and the overall work environment.

    If for some reason, she is still unwilling to talk and continues with this negative behavior. Then you’ll have to sit down with her once again remind her of your previous conversation and this time, let her know that this behavior cannot continue or corrective action will be taken.

58. KristenmoniqueAugust 3,2023 at 2:51AM UTC

    Eh. It's stressing y'all out but she's probably stressed too. It's hard for me to offer advice because I have the personality type that doesn't really care about people's mood swings but I'd approach the situation lightly and ask more questions than accuse. You may be able to help solve the problem....or not. Who knows?