I am having an existential crisis.

34 Comments

1. Coach Nancie Kay ShumanMarch 10,2024 at 1:48PM UTC

   It sounds as though you have lost confidence in yourself. Might I suggest that you spend some time with a therapist? Or a hypnotherapist? If doesn’t have to be long term, but enough to get your mojo back.

2. AnonymousMarch 10,2024 at 10:13PM UTC

   Thank you and you're right. It's hard not to lose confidence if boss's are constantly giving negative feedback over the past few years. I have seen a therapist. I just feel beat up at this point and I don't feel well from the RA.

3. Coach Nancie Kay ShumanMarch 11,2024 at 5:34PM UTC

   I get it. Maybe it's time to sit down with HR and review your options. I hope things improve for you soon.

4. AnonymousMarch 10,2024 at 1:51PM UTC

   I'm sorry you are dealing with this; I'm in finance as well and understand that it and ALL industries require accuracy.

   I, too, am the head of household: I'm single with 2 children.

   I'd suggest you start to polish your resume and in the meantime, get a side hustle until another opportunity presents itself.

   I have been saving every penny, go nowhere (routinely) and budget out for the important things. I live at the Dollar Tree, have no cable, no gym membership. None of that. I'm not boring, I'm resourceful.

   I'm always anxious anymore but I spend about an hour 2-3x a week just checking my work. It being unpaid OT is irrelevant. I also have checklists for all I need to accomplish (Tax Accountant)

   Hope this helps. If I did it, so can you.

5. Megan WestrumMarch 10,2024 at 1:53PM UTC

   Write down your processes

   Write down notes on how you successfully completed it the last time

   Make a list of items to double check your work

   After completing maybe step away for a minute and come back to review them or have a teammate help review.

6. AnonymousMarch 10,2024 at 2:15PM UTC

   I'm not the OP, but I do the same. Helps immensely.

7. Megan WestrumMarch 11,2024 at 11:01PM UTC

   That’s phenomenal!! Honestly, I’m sure you’re doing a great job! I wish managers assumed positive intent first before targeting their employees. Makes me said that people aren’t always trusted to do their job. Whether it be 1 year or 14 years employees shouldn’t have to go through a micromanaging leader.

8. AnonymousMarch 11,2024 at 11:54PM UTC

   Micromanagement is the worst. As an employee, I welcome the check-ins, but I'm capable of doing what I was hired to do.As a manager, Micromanagement is too much work- I might as well do the assignment myself!I'm in finance and let Excel do most of my work- lol!! I spend time upfront dealing with it, but come the future, life is easier. I have advanced functions that prove accurate plus my extensive checklists- thanks to my anxious memory- hahaha- I try to cover all basis.I'm detailed to a fault

9. Dawn ColoradoMarch 10,2024 at 1:56PM UTC

   Could the error issues be due to medication for the rheumatoid arthritis? Not trying to get personal medically, but my father has rheumatoid arthritis that was finally correctly diagnosed in his early 40s and the medication he's on causes forgetfulness and some difficulty concentrating, not to mention just the chronic pain itself. It's been a cumulative effect over the years. It sounds like you take pride in your work so the errors may be your body working against you?

   I work in holistic medicine and we've had great success in using non-invasive acupuncture patches and supporting the root cause of chronic inflammation. Just a thought to maybe source functional medicine help for this root cause issue instead of the stress of a job hunt over and over trying to find a "successful position". ♥️

10. AnonymousMarch 10,2024 at 10:10PM UTC

    I'm now wondering the same thing. The rheumatologist has been experimenting wity meds for the RA. I have been seeing a functional medicine provider as well and have modified my diet and supplements.

11. AnonymousMarch 10,2024 at 3:37PM UTC

    I agree with others that you need to talk with your doctor(s) to see if any medications you are taking are contributing to the anxiety or the forgetfulness. This happened to me when I started on an anti-seizure med and started having episodes of irritability, which didn't bode well in my job or marriage. I talked with my neurologist, who adjusted the medication to a formulation that absorbed differently instead of having "spikes," which helped tremendously.

    As for the career problem, once you get the medical situation under control (if it needs to be), you can start looking again for jobs akin to your previous management position, using the explanation that your current job was an interim to help you pay bills while you find a job that is in line with your career path/goals.

12. AnonymousMarch 10,2024 at 10:08PM UTC

    Thank you. I'm wondering if it's the meds. I've never been forgetful before.

13. AnonymousMarch 11,2024 at 1:13PM UTC

    You're welcome. Check the flyer the pharmacist gives you or look it up online for possible side effects. Then, discuss the change in anxiety levels and forgetfulness with your doctor. This might be a simple need for some talk therapy to help you cope with the diagnosis (which was an essential part of my irritability since the seizures were due to a brain injury from a stroke and not something I had lived with all my life.) Loss of motor functions and the pain associated with RA can complicate your mental health, but still, there may be some medication adjustments that can help. In my case, it was both.

14. AnonymousMarch 10,2024 at 3:55PM UTC

    As a menopausal woman myself, I can relate to your frustration. If you can get evaluated for menopause you might consider hrt, also get a sleep study if you can. If you are not sleeping well it effects everything.

15. AnonymousMarch 10,2024 at 10:07PM UTC

    Other women have suggested this as well. My gyn tested my hormones and I am in the middle of menopause but the doctor didn't want to give me hrt since I previously had breast cancer and recovered.

16. AnonymousMarch 10,2024 at 4:21PM UTC

    You are making errors because you are feeling pressured and not well, and your boss us taking advantage of that. They could offer to let you go and give you a severance package instead of keeping you on to scold you for poor performance. A year and a 1/2 is longer than most employers would tolerate it, so they're playing martyr to look like they're giving you chance after chance to improve. You could offer to go on disability or to resign to keep it from becoming a firing. Whatever you do, take care of you before worrying about anyone else.

17. AnonymousMarch 10,2024 at 10:06PM UTC

    I agree and it's a horrible feeling. I just feel stuck since we need the income.

18. AnonymousMarch 11,2024 at 9:15PM UTC

    The only thing is if she resigns, she won't be eligible for unemployment. Or any severance. Honestly, I think it's coming. They are just going to like you said play martyr to avoid the optics of illegal release because of disability. She should though put in for an ADA somehow or get it on record.

19. AnonymousMarch 10,2024 at 6:20PM UTC

    Being ill can affect your work production. Seek medical advice on how to combat this and to also ask your employer for an accommodation. If you add more pressure to your life you will create more pain. As for finding another source of income think about how to balance family and expenses and until your confidence is stronger think about ways to cut costs. When you are ready look for work that can get you to where you were before, and if asked at all about salary only use the numbers from the previous employment. If asked why you left there, after 14 years...it was time. Good luck and I hope you feel better.

20. AnonymousMarch 10,2024 at 10:05PM UTC

    Thank you. We've already cut a lot of household costs when I took the pay cut. We don't eat out, no cable, I quit getting my hair done, no vacations, no new clothes or spending, hardly any groceries in the house. It's been rough.

21. Ash MktgMarch 11,2024 at 12:26PM UTC

    Consider taking FMLA. If you’re feeling stressed and anxious, this can be a meaningful way for you to decompress and re-evaluate. Also, network! Put yourself in positions to meet others in your industry as so much of hiring is relational. Start making requests within your network. Get clear on what you need - maybe an intro to someone at a specific company you’re interested in.

    also consider working with a coach. Rather than looking it as a cost center, it is an investment in yourself. A lot of times we get stuck in our own head and a coach can help you get out of your way to achieve the results you’re seeking.

22. AnonymousMarch 11,2024 at 4:09PM UTC

    I strongly advise you to take FMLA. I did after I was diagnosed and it gave me the breathing space to focus on my healing and space to figure out my next career move.

23. AnonymousMarch 11,2024 at 9:13PM UTC

    I'm sorry you do not feel well. I am in the same boat. But even more the reason that you have to get it together and breathe and try something to get focused and train yourself to find the mistakes. I'm sorry but with the facts you provided, just wanting a higher paying job isn't going to happen especially with a lot not in your favor (I'm in the same boat with a clearly visible disability and that will make alot of companies automatically dismiss me and yeah while it's not legal, it's easy.. simply hey someone else has better quals). Age, illness all against you and if you are not performing well and being let go that's not going to help either. I would suggest you maybe get therapy and in some way can help you focus or maybe a coach or take time off. But be careful, if you are performing unacceptably, that might be their silver lining to get rid of you and avoid any appearance of using disability as the issue or age. They will find a way. Mine was because I needed an ADA to work from home all but 1 day while my whole team was not in the office anyway. they found the loop hole and got rid of me.

24. AnonymousMarch 12,2024 at 1:56AM UTC

    Unfortunately, FMLA is not paid, but short-term disability may be paid. You need the money, so FMLA may not help you. I would check with your doctor if they can provide a note for some paid short-term disability leave. Also, if you mention disability it may be more difficult for them to let you go. But, most importantly, you need to figure out what is going on. Maybe you are too stressed or there may be other things going on. I would consult a doctor for a full physical.

    Finally, as others suggested, not sure about your spouse - can he get at least part-time job?

    I can relate, I am the main breadwinner and it is very stressful situation, but my spouse was able to find something- at least we have some cushion if I were to lose my job. Good luck!

25. AnonymousMarch 12,2024 at 10:52AM UTC

    For all the comments here, FMLA is UNPAID. If she doesn't have a spouse.... (I don't, all the load is on me: personally and professionally as a single mom of 2)I've had cancer recently, but needed to work due to insurance (fact of life) and seeing a therapist took EXTRA time, money and energy- none of which I had to give. Solution? Look to myself. I created checklists, spent some extra time on my work (an investment to my role because looking for work simply was NOT an option). Adding notes, checking my work more than once getting ahead of schedule (unpaid weekends)- all these things gave my confidence back. Then in the evening right before dark, I'd exercise: walk around the block a few times. Ditto weekends. Easy? No. Effective? Yes. Irregardless of kids age, they can help: chores, helping each other. My spouse was out of the picture as i divorced him due to abuse over years. Yes, i divorced him. He was also a deadbeat so i had to make the effort to change my life for the better. RA meds might play a factor, but it sounds like time (lack of it) has a snowball stress effect. Been there!!Google ideas. Budget TIME like $$. It'll be a temporary Boot Camp lifestyle, but will pay off.A coach costs $$. Be your OWN COACH Unfortunately, the only one that could fix the issue was me.

26. AnonymousMarch 12,2024 at 12:51PM UTC

    Boot Camp lifestyle is brilliant. It's hard-core but it's in a short period of time and recalibrates your life and sets you on a new path.

27. AnonymousMarch 12,2024 at 7:47PM UTC

    Helped me immensely!!! I also cut out social media. Yes, I love my friends but they text and call. Seeing the things I was missing was no help to my sanity (and hard to know if truely happened?.) I stopped keeping up with the Jones's

28. Maegan, Nike Sales Rep & Career CoachMarch 12,2024 at 12:01PM UTC

    Do you see a pattern in the mistakes you are making ? I would try to think about getting to the root of the problem instead of checking over your work and still missing errors. I would also maybe talk to your doctor about it and see if they recommend any unique solutions if this is your arthritis affecting you.

29. AnonymousMarch 12,2024 at 12:41PM UTC

    Two things come to mind. One, transfer to a different department where your skill set is better utilized and attention to financial details isn’t critical. I know what you mean as I work in finance and pretty much zero tolerance is the rule. Your anxiety and RA aren’t helped by the stress and worry of messing up. Thats no bueno!! Two: you absolutely MUST adjust your budget to suit your lower income. Adjust it to even lower if you can. Otherwise you are a slave to your job. Having kids to feed and all those realities need to be faced. You can feed them, but just not at the level you are currently spending. Having your family go on a strict budget will. S easy for you since you are an accountant, I imagine. It can be fun and very satisfying for the family to pitch in ,

    cut corners , establish goals and make ends meet.

30. AnonymousMarch 12,2024 at 12:46PM UTC

    AARP job board has roles that represent companies who are committed to hiring older workers.

31. Kimberley Ferretti HammettMarch 12,2024 at 1:39PM UTC

    I can't say for sure that this is the reason you are making errors but I would offer that it's possible these mistakes are impacted largely by the anxiety and burnout, potentially from working outside your strengths.

    Take some time to reflect and examine the differences in the type of work you spent most of your time doing when you felt more successful and had less errors and compare that to the type of tasks you are focused on now. Often, even when there is less work on your plate, if you are working outside of your natural talents and strengths constantly, it creates errors and burnout. Think of it like writing all day with your non-dominant hand vs writing with your dominant hand. You could write paragraphs in minutes when you are working with your dominant hand. When using the other, it could take you much longer and the quality of your penmenship would be worse and you'd have to spend a lot more focus and energy not to make errors.

    So reflect on that.. regardless of level of role, the type of work you are doing is likely different. Maybe you just work better looking at things at an organizational level instead of living in the weeds. When you discover the difference, seek ways to move toward that type of work, whether that's through projects in your current role or seeking a new role (or both, saving yourself a little in the now until you can find your next step).

    It could be many other things but I do see this happen often so if that resonates with you hopefully that is helpful!

32. AnonymousMarch 13,2024 at 1:40AM UTC

    I'm not op but this was helpful for me to hear!

33. froerden@yahoo.comMarch 12,2024 at 1:43PM UTC

    Forget the job and the money right now. I could have written your letter. A few years ago (also in a financial position) I was making big and small mistakes I never made before. Doctor after doctor I finally found out I have a bad case of ADD. I suspected it since I was young but I worked through it and around it until this job just beat me. I’m getting treatment and in a new job and much better now. If you already have anxiety you need to Get a complete physical. Good luck.

34. AnonymousMarch 12,2024 at 6:41PM UTC

    Get screened for ADHDand depression. Both can cause executive function issues, and can be exacerbated by (peri-} menopause. Also, if you haven't had a blood test for Vitamin D and the usual stuff, get that done!