What do you do when your manager is gaslighting you?

Anonymous

August 2,2023 at 3:39AM UTC

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What do you do when your manager is gaslighting you?

example : Advise that they are helping you with your tech issues but then questions you about things that are not tech related.

example: Tells you that you are doing fine in your verbal meeting and then sends you an email with upper management included stating that you have a list of cases processed inaccurately.

example : Tells you to send information for one thing but has pointed out things that was never related to your issue.

example: states that they are concerned about your issue and then criticize the issue and instead of helping making you feel incompetent.

When does the harassment ends? This is so unethical and a toll on one’s health and well-being.

How do you prove that he is doing this in a way to bully and harass you by taking Advantage of his authority. I know that many can get away with it but I know it’s also some who has been able to prove that it’s bullying and complete harassment.

Any and all avenues to overcome this situation is helpful. Thank you I’m advance. Please be brutally honest with all comments. ???????

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Crawford EvansAugust 2,2023 at 7:07AM UTC
Here is what I would suggest:
Here are a few suggestions for dealing with a gaslighting manager:
Document everything. Keep records of emails, notes from conversations, meetings, projects worked on etc. This creates a paper trail that can counter any false claims.
Don't react emotionally or defensively. Gaslighters want to get a reaction out of you. Stay calm and stick to the facts.
Talk to HR. Share your documentation and explain the situation professionally. They can intervene if behavior violates company policies.
Confront them directly. Politely point out when their claims don't align with facts or past conversations. Don't accuse, just state the discrepancy.
Get a second opinion. Discuss with a trusted coworker to see if they've noticed the gaslighting behavior. Don't gossip, just get an objective opinion.
Take care of yourself. Gaslighting can be stressful and damaging. Make sure to prioritize your mental health with self-care activities and speaking to a counselor if needed.
Set boundaries. Limit interactions and don't engage if you notice gaslighting starting. Change the topic or walk away if needed.
AnonymousAugust 3,2023 at 3:00AM UTC
Thank you and God Bless you I thought I was losing my mind. @crawfordevans
Liz MilneAugust 7,2023 at 12:15AM UTC
The verbal compliments but emailed criticism is a HUGE red flag for me? As though the manager wants to make a paper trail of your 'bad' work, while not alerting you to the fact, so they can make it seem as though you have ignored the attempts to get you to improve... Maybe start looking elsewhere?