I'm in a stuck in a disappointing and stressful situation.

Anonymous

July 31,2023 at 2:15AM UTC

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I'm in a stuck in a disappointing and stressful situation. I moved for a job that I was so excited about and it's been filled with problems since the first day. I'm trying to remain positive but I'm reaching my breaking point. Since I sunk all my money into moving and I'm barely making ends meet with the job's paycheck, I don't have enough saved to be able to easily move home or the luxury to wait until I find another job. Every day despite doing my best to enter work with a positive mindset, by the end of the day, I'm emotionally exhausted and second guess why I made the move.

The office is filled with staff that have given up and are doing the bare minimum as they don't see a future at the company or things changing. I've tried to see if I could make any changes that would benefit the team and I'm receiving resistant from the higher powers.

I've always had savings and this is the first time I feel powerless not to be able to decide what's best for my future due to finances. What I thought was a good salary is sadly not for this area and even though I make more than my former area, I'm having trouble making ends meet and paying more than 3000 in rent, I'm rent poor and I didn't come all this way at this stage in my career to struggle for something I'm starting to realize that I don't want. I'd appreciate your advice!

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AnonymousJuly 31,2023 at 6:00AM UTC
It sounds like you have two issues, one is whether you want to continue with this employer, and the other is whether you can afford to remain where you are.
Since you say that you can't afford to move, for the time being you have to remain in the city you're in and also remain employed. You may not like this job, but if you can tough it out and save up, you will feel less stuck over time.
You can also decide to look for a new job where you are, perhaps one that is better paid. If you've moved to a bigger city (and by the amount of rent, I'm guessing one of the large metros), then there are likely a lot more professional opportunities that you could explore without moving back home.
I see why you feel stuck, though, because you're paying $3000 in rent, and you don't have much left to save up to move again. You may need to see if you can break your lease and move into something smaller/cheaper or find a roommate. You can also try to get a second job.
It seems that you may be in this new city for a while and your best bet is to figure out how to reduce expenses or increase your income so that you feel that you can make a freer choice about where you're going to live and work.
AnonymousJuly 31,2023 at 12:18PM UTC
I was in a simlar position, but with the upside, that managent was changing and there was a potential, that the situation would improve. The problem was that I burned out with stress, and has to report sick before the situation improved. My recommentation is to get out and use all your mental and financial ressources on that, else your job will consume you.
AnonymousJuly 31,2023 at 1:37PM UTC
sounds like you need to keep this job for the money and start looking for a new one. The job market is tougher than you think right now. I wouldn’t quit without something else lined up.
AnonymousJuly 31,2023 at 4:56PM UTC
Can you ask your landlord to let you out of the lease penalty free due to your circumstances. Do you live by yourself or do you have a family to pack up ? If living by yourself, try to get out of your lease penalty free and rent a room from someone for about 3 months and that could be enough time to save up money to move back to family/ friends. You can establish a relationship with a local doctor and explain that you are under extreme emotional distress and need to go back home with family. Hopefully they will write a letter to your landlord and maybe you can qualify for a sabbatical or STD ? 3,000 in rent must be nyc or SF.
AnonymousJuly 31,2023 at 6:13PM UTC
It's hard to move beyond self-recrimination for a bad job change, but most of us on this site have been there and lived through it. I'm sorry to welcome you to the club no one wants to join. Please don't blame yourself and if you need to, reach out to the EAP for support. Be sure you have your expenses pared to the absolute minimum. Do not fall in to the trap of thinking you "deserve" to spend money on something because you are miserable. Try some online groups about thrifty living and celebrate some "wins".
Consider a side job - even if it's something completely unrelated to your full time job. You will meet people which would be good since you relocated. I know a therapist that moonlites at Texas Road House!! Another friend is doing a haunted house gig. Even if it's just a little money, it's better than nothing and keeping busy will help your mental health.
Stay professional at work. Be sure you are able to demonstrate you are doing your job as outlined in your job description well. In a group of nay-sayers there's usually at least one "snitch" and these drama-lovers often latch on to the newbies. Stay neutral and focus on getting the work done.
Be sure your credit cards are paid down and your limit is high in case you have another move in your future. Good Luck, you got this!!
AnonymousAugust 1,2023 at 5:47PM UTC
Perhaps temporarily find a roommate and build up your resources again before moving again. Find a local recruitment agency that might be able to help you find something new as you may not know the market there. If the company paid you relo money check your offer letter to be sure there is not a claw back clause that requires you to pay this back to them. Stay positive and do the work but only the work and find things in the near term that bring up your positivity outside of work while you process this feeling. Also be sure you are not just being brought down by the feelings of others, and assure you have given it sufficient time since such a big move is stressful and could be the ultimate cause of much of your strife. Good luck and I hope you can find job sat soon.
AnonymousAugust 2,2023 at 12:21PM UTC
While the work situation is difficult, can you focus on positives in your new area that might make your personal life more enjoyable? I'm sure there are free resources like sports teams, book clubs, museum nights - something that replenishes your energy and spirit while you are in this new place and challenging environment. You might learn your like the new area, but it's the job that's getting you down, and it may help build your network as you look for the next opportunity.
AnonymousAugust 2,2023 at 3:43PM UTC
Consider dating. You might find someone who makes your new location a dream come true. Work is a job. Start a new life. Things will get better!
AnonymousAugust 5,2023 at 2:36PM UTC
Thank you all! I appreciate your advice and I'm trying to make the most of my new area. Getting out on weekends, exploring new places and checking out free events / activities. I'm starting to job search while having my current as a foundation to be able to commence searching. I'm trying to reframe my thinking to a job doesn't have to be a career but provides opportunities for what else is out there. Have a good weekend!