Issues with coworker - very stressed about it

Anonymous

October 22,2023 at 10:48PM UTC

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Issues with coworker - very stressed about it

Hi there. I have an issue with a coworker that is stressing me out. I have been with the company for 1 year 7 months now and am managing sales in Canada. I am not officially a "manager" although I have been told I am on the track for that and will have people under me. Anyways, a co-worker who has been with the corporation for 10 years or so in another country, recently transferred to North America and is living in Canada because he could only get a VISA for Canada. (Our HQ is based in NY and we all work remotely out of NY in North America). We both report to the same boss. He was hired to help with technical expertise for all the sales reps in North America for one product line. He gives technical expertise, liasons with the factory (in UK where he worked before) and sets up tradeshows and conferences. He is a huge asset to the company and well liked. I too find much value in his expertise. My issue is that he is overstepping with me. I manage accounts on all product lines and am responsible for sales for all product lines. He is interfering with my management by promising my customers different things than I told them, taking over as the "manager" of the account and placing himself as the lead on the account for not only his product line, but all of them behind my back, and insisting that I cc him on all correspondence so he feels "in the loop". However, when I do cc him, he immediately writes to the customer and introduces himself as the person to contact. I have spoken with him about this in a nice way, and he says he is only trying to help. It has gotten so bad now, that I am starting to feel degraded and devalued in front of customers. He did write to me once on TEAMS and told me he thinks I am not really needed and maybe I should speak with our boss about it. He only does this to me. I am the only Canada employee in sales. He says because he lives in CAnada and his VISA won't allow him to travel too much out side of CAnada, he wants to become the known expert in Canada and the go to for technical sales in Canada. He does help the USA colleagues with technical info and tradeshows etc, but he follows their lead. And if I mention in a team meeting or on a general team board that he contacted so and so or whatever, he says he does not do that, that I am the point of contact. The last conversation I had with him about this, he said he was very upset I think he is overstepping when he is only helping and he is going to complain to HR I am harassing him. I am besides myself and really do not know what to do. Should I talk to HR? Should I talk with our boss? I don't want to seem like I am not a team player because this is stressed in our company but his behavior is really bothering me enough to affect my mental health. Any suggestions?

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AnonymousOctober 22,2023 at 11:31PM UTC
1) Go to your boss privately. This should have happened the first time he told someone he was the primary contact. The clients will back you up. They have no reason to lie. Tell your boss you will be reaching out to HR next. 2) Reach out to HR. This is gross behavior and lying in meetings is pretty serious. Good luck.
Pat CoganOctober 23,2023 at 1:53AM UTC
Document everything, especially the part about going to HR about Harassment. That is taken very seriously in HR and is against the law, sexual harassment. Do you think he is discriminating against you because you are a women?
AnonymousOctober 23,2023 at 12:47AM UTC
You absolutely do not run to HR .
This is an issue for your boss first and foremost. If they don't find this person's behavior out of bounds then present your solutions to your boss, impress upon them how detrimental it is and be extremely proactive in your monitoring of the situation. If your boss asks you to stand down then, and only then, do you bring the issue to HR. Bringing the issue to HR will then force the issue which means whatever change comes about is a change you must accept as final. If your mental health is at risk you must figure out a way to get the boss and the two of you on the same page. Or it will not end well. Don't look to anyone to make this right. You must be proactive, strategic and very unemotional about the issues or risk your professional reputation.
AnonymousOctober 23,2023 at 1:11PM UTC
This isn't personal. This is a land grab to secure his position. He's literally stated this. You need to decide now if you want to fight or not because it will be hard work. No more cc-ing - he doesn't need to be in the loop until he is actually needed. Define in writing as much of the processes as possible - communications, support etc so it's clear to everyone what his role is and what is yours on each account. Control the narrative agead of time - you introduce him when needed and tell him only what's needed. Anytime he makes a "mistake" regarding who is in charge thank him for the opportunity to restate the definitions of work or the process or the hierarchy to reassert yourself.
Be vigilant, determined & icy calm. Especially when discussing this with the boss if you do so. It's confusing to the clients so it really does have to stop from the business point of view. However you may get the feedback that they don't want to do anything which you should take to mean they are happy for you to lose this one.
AnonymousOctober 24,2023 at 1:46PM UTC
Your reply here isn’t anonymous and I am just letting you know in case that was an error. Thanks.
AnonymousOctober 29,2023 at 4:37PM UTC
Thanks for letting me know :)
AnonymousOctober 24,2023 at 5:08PM UTC
March right into a meeting with your boss and also bring HR into this too. Let them know what has been going on and that your role - bring your JD into it is what you understand that to be. He is what is called a Sales Engineer, brought into the sales cycle to help on the technical side of closing deals but you as Account Manager are the one that the customer should be working with. You bring him into things when needed and he is not to promise things that cannot be delivered or that will compromise the deal, sale or cause churn with a customer as that will affect company revenue and your commission. He needs to step back and you need to find a median point for working together. The fac that you acknowledge his value is a very important point to bring to that conversation. Let the manager and HR know that your goal is NOT to have him be put on a plan or anything its to assure that you don't have to be pushed down by him. Stand up for yourself asap because if you don't the only voice they will hear is his. If you are exceeding or meeting your goals and have solid respect in the team they should support you heartily. Good luck. location has nothing to do with this, perhaps his issue is about security for his VISA, that can often cause this type of nonsense too.
AnonymousOctober 25,2023 at 3:33PM UTC
Adding to this- bring the message he sent you in teams in case you need it. I had colleague that was sales support out of our HQ (international) and I headed our US sales. He frequently liased any requests from the HQ manager and VP (my bosses) and somehow got it into his head I reported to him. After asking why I hadn’t sent him a report he a asked for to which my response was that I sent it directly to my (our) management I got a nastygram flying off the handle, threatening not to do the support aspects of his role anymore. Management had to, and was very willing to, step in.
Rebecca MillikenOctober 24,2023 at 10:42PM UTC
He is undermining you and making you look bad and trying to take over your job! Yes go to your boss.
AnonymousOctober 27,2023 at 2:36PM UTC
When you meet with your boss - bring the examples of the emails where he is telling customers he is the point of contact, etc. Prove it unequivocally so that it is not he said/she said.
AnonymousNovember 1,2023 at 11:15PM UTC
I spoke with my colleague and boss today. To move forward, my boss said my colleague and I now have a blended roll and I need share my work with him. So, my colleague is gleeful and I am stunned.
AnonymousDecember 17,2023 at 10:32PM UTC
I’m sorry to hear that. Sounds like your boss is spineless. If this was truly the case when this other individual was brought in, you should have been advised by your boss so that you could adjust to the change, inform clients and have a plan to appropriately share your work. Document everything going forward for your own records.
Ayur careMarch 24,2025 at 6:00AM UTC
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