DISCUSSIONS

My boss just played a joke on me that not only embarrassed me but has me livid.

Anonymous Image

Anonymous

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

My boss just played a joke on me that not only embarrassed me but has me livid. I am new to this role less than 60 days, I am still learning personalities and quirks. He sent me several texts in what to do and I followed up with questions. I also asked several other people before I did this. So I did said task, then a scathing phone call ensued from my boss telling me I needed to think and that I wasn’t supposed to do this. Then he comes in 15 minutes later laughing about it. I am beside myself on this one. My husband told me to walk out. What would you do?

Why women love us:

  • Daily articles on career topics
  • Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
  • Advice and support from an authentic community
  • Events that help you level up in your career
  • Free membership, always

Like

77 comments

Share

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

77 Comments

Join the conversation
  1. Anonymous

    Workplace hazing? Not cool. I kinda agree with your husband.

  2. Melanie S

    Agree, it's rude and unprofessional and will make this person be afraid to trust their boss.

  3. Kimberly Anne

    It’s pretty common and accepted sadly.

  4. Kimberly Anne

    I would quit.

  5. Anonymous

    Where is this common and accepted???

  6. Anonymous

    It depends.

    If this is a one-time event, like a mild frat hazing, it might be OK.

    But if your boss/this workplace typically operates this way, you’re right to leave.

  7. Kat Karpinski

    No, it does not depend. A mild frat hazing at a professional organization "might be" ok? Nope. One time leads to more. Get the heck out of that weird space...

  8. Anonymous

    Report. Document. Not at all a professional. Speak to your legal partners. Will be very hard to build trust.

  9. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist

    What the sh*t! What grown ass adult acts this way in a professional workplace.

    I suggest you find out from co-workers if your boss is one of those habitual prank pullers. Because personally, I find nothing about what they usually pull in any way funny.

    If you can expect more of this in the future, I'd say get out as soon as you can.

  10. Kat

    Good that you are upset and not willing to let this go. This was stupid and unprofessional of him to do. This type of hazing has no place in a modern workplace. It's not 1975. Were the other people you asked about what to do in on this as well? Or was this all your boss thinking he's "funny"? If everyone was in on it, then you need to consider how much longer you want to work in a place where this is tolerated/seen as normal. I would have a hard time trusting anyone that was involved with this with anything again. Even if it was just the boss, it doesn't bode well for the work place culture overall. As hard as it may be, polish up the resume and keep looking. This might not be a good fit for you long term, so see what else is available.

  11. Anonymous

    He sounds like a winner there! I've worked for a lot of idiots. That is just not ok. You say you have been there 2 months? He might have been trying to lighten the mood, but check around, and get to know some other people there. Find out if these "antics" happen often, and start quietly looking for something else. It's not the same world anymore.

  12. Jessica Minter

    Do you love the job, company, etc.? I wouldn't walk out...yet. In addition to properly documenting everything, I would encourage you to talk to him to understand his thought process. Make him own his actions - which are absurd! Based on that conversation (and if more ridiculous behavior is displayed), my next trip would would be to HR. If it appears that this behavior is cultural or tolerated, then you have an even stronger case to move on.

  13. Barbara Rickman Power

    This approach only gives control to a boss with a personality disorder. I’m with your husband: walk out. Who knows what this boss could do next in the “just kidding” category. You wouldn’t even have to put this position on your resume — or you could say you received an offer but it didn’t work out. Your sense of self should be the most factor here.

  14. Anonymous

    Before, or as you walk out, be sure you have filed a hostile workplace complaint with HR. If he did this to you, he has done it to others. Has this been an issue that was addressed but he doesn’t see the harm so keeps doing it? Why did no one warn you? Does the entire office find this funny? If you can afford to walk out, then do it, if you can’t then start looking for a new job today. Do it with dignity (no yelling, screaming, making a scene), file your complaint, then hand in your resignation citing Hostile Work Environment, and leave a list of the things your boss has done to support that.

  15. Anonymous

    I agree. I doubt this is the first time and it probably won’t be the last.

    I would at least start applying to other jobs.

  16. Erika C

    Whoa! That is really terrible behavior. But the kicker is, it was his choice. He made some sort of plan to do this to you and it’s likely he’s done this before. If he’s gone unchecked because he’s the boss, this may be the reason he doesn’t see this type of prank as bad. Still… this is not normal or acceptable in today’s workplace or culture. There is absolutely zero excuse for your boss. Not only does the adrenaline punch from that call, the fear it gave, the panic it caused, and the anxiety it drove into you for thinking you made an error take a little life away from you, it’s also completely eroded trust and made you question yourself and your boss unnecessarily. Inflicting harm is inflicting harm. Nobody gets to say “just kidding” after they make you feel all those things. And if you choose to speak to your boss and he tells you to brush it off or let it go or scoff, leave. But first, document everything, go to HR and ask for advice. And don’t be afraid to tell HR you’d like legal to review this as well. It’s not a joke and it’s a serious issue. We aren’t toddlers and workplace pranks that leave you feeling humiliated and harmed are NOT ok. Your husband is right and his perspective has framed this appropriately… leave. It’s an unhealthy environment. You owe nobody anything. But I’d highly recommend keeping all the documentation, telling your story to HR and legal, and letting them know you’re ready to walk because of this. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Period.

  17. Anonymous

    Excellent advice!

  18. James Wark

    It is a form of bullying. Document it and go to HR, but only if you trust them to deal with it the way you expect. You need to be clear what you want to do about it and what you want to do long term if he continues. In any event document it and keep a diary and timeline going forward.

  19. LORI-ANN BURLINGAME

    Report him to the human resources department. A business office is no place for pranks. How immature is he? Check your employee handbook and/or policies about such behavior. During the interviewing process, did he mention this to you? He does not respect personal space or women. What's he doing in management?

    While working for an advertising/marketing company, I went through something similar. My one coworker pranked my computer six times in five days. My former manager treated the office like it was a men's locker room and/or sports bar. No respect or social filters.

    I reported my former manager and coworkers to HR many times. I was terminated four days before my one-year anniversary. No regrets.

    I had the opportunity to write a reviw about the company on a well-known employment site. I focused my review on the department I worked in and not on the company. The site where I posted my review emailed me and told me that 1,599 peope read my review. That was a great feeling -- my voice was heard.

    Have boundaries and stand-up for yourself.

  20. Anonymous

    Report this immediately. the man is sicko.

  21. Anonymous

    Next time he sends a text giving an instruction ignore it. If he queries why you haven’t done it say you thought it was another prank. I have a very toxic boss and with jobs being scarce here I’m pretty stuck. My coworker and I use this type of ‘psychology’ all the time. If he tells us to do something which is really stupid we just don’t do it then when he asks for it we say we gave it to you in your hand. He pretty much leaves us alone now. Guess the younger generation would call it gaslighting? Just for reference he doesn’t do his job at all - he’s the master of delegation and a total narcissist. We pretty much run the department.

  22. Heather (she/her)

    This is really strange behavior and not at all appropriate in a work environment unless he was sure you were all on board with this kind of thing. I don't think you're wrong to be upset, and I'd talk to him directly about how you're feeling. It most likely won't change his behavior, and could make him feel negatively toward you, but it sounds like it might not be a great fit anyway, so better to speak up now.

  23. Anonymous

    Sounds to me like he was dead serious and tried to come back and play it off as a joke when he thought about how it would go down if you reported it to HR. Bc what boss considers degrading their new hire a joke?

  24. Sharmil McKee

    Exactly my thoughts. He was trying to backtrack.

  25. Suzanne Luscombe Chambliss

    Doesn't sound like anyone I'd want to work for. Depending on your financial circumstances, it may be wise to just walk out.

  26. Seema Madhavan

    Doesn’t sound like a healthy or effective way to “teach” someone even if that was his aim. Leave. This kind of behavior will surely continue.

  27. April Line

    I had a partner who did things like this. In couples therapy, before i finally left him, our therapist said to him, "if you're the only one having fun, it's not fun." Run away, do not walk. Dont go back. That sucks and is inappropriate in every space of human interaction.

  28. Anonymous

    Document everything and go to HR.

    Phone calls and personal cell texts are notoriously icky ways of communicating directions because it’s a personal channel. Any coworker I have who does this I redirect to email or I send summary emails of the call/text to “make sure I understand”.

    This boss is unwell or at least immature.

    I cannot think of a single business benefit in making your staff feel confused, ashamed, frustrated or distrustful.

    He’s gaslighting you because he feels insecure/shame/discomfort around his role. Are you getting paid $125/hr to act as his therapist? Nope? Then report and/or leave.

  29. Anonymous

    It's useless to go to HR. HR has no power. He is the "boss."

  30. Anonymous

    In our IT trainings, we learn that any excessively urgent or confusing “do this now texts/emails from a boss” are a major phishing risk.

    Your boss was probably indeed “pranking” you bc he is unhealthy, but if you need to keep the job, in the future you could decline the fire drill by saying “hmm, this seems like phishing, we’ve been taught not to respond to things like this. Are you sure this is real?” to give him a chance to drop the ruse. Gross.

  31. Anonymous

    I agree about the phishing, as I have seen this before. However, the executive team also asks for things immediately, so it is very hard to distinguish! I find it outrageous how abusive CEOs have become. It is truly toxic.

  32. HereLearning

    document everything walk out and get unemployment

  33. Maggie Stone

    Op probably won’t get unemployment if she quits.

  34. Cautious

    Oh, wow. A similar situation happened to me but with a generous longtime donor to the university I worked for at the time. I had sent him some correspondence about his scholarship (at the time underwater, this was 2008/2009). I called as a follow up to the letter. He let loose with a barrage of profanity. I was dumbfounded and could barely speak. I wanted to tell him off, but I did not as I knew he was a big donor. I had also only been in my development officer role there for less than a year. Previously he had been decent towards me on the one or two interactions I had had with him. After he cursed at at me he paused, then started chuckling!!!! He then said “I really had you going there for awhile, didn’t I?” I quickly ended the call by saying very little, but I was livid. I went and told my boss and she just kind of shrugged. I’m inclined to agree with your husband, although I did not quit. I guess it depends on your finances whether you can walk away or not.

  35. Shellie

    It’s important to know what task it was. Was it classic phishing where you sent funds, gift cards, or passwords? If so, your boss has the right to be mad. However, if he actually yelled at you, although not hostile work environment like some said, it’s a sign of a jerk boss who won’t get better.

  36. Maggie Stone

    Whatever the task was, it is an abuse of power or a sick test.
    The boss had to know or at least consider that an employee during a probationary period is going to do what the boss says unless illegal or unethical.

  37. Shellie

    I agree. And I think the boss did more harm acting like it was a joke, and being upset instead of using it as a learning experience. But if the op is in a role like payroll and she changed the direct deposit information on his paycheck, I’d be mad too. But I wouldn’t yell and I wouldn’t pretend it was a joke. It could have been a costly lesson if it was real, probationary period or not. Not saying that’s the case, I just think the details are important.

  38. Kelly Hayden

    Clearly the boss is not actually mad. Did you read the post?

  39. Shellie

    Yes, the boss was mad. Then he felt bad about being a jerk, and played it off. There’s several sides to every story. This wasn’t a “joke”. Read the post between the lines.

  40. Kelly Hayden

    Hmmm

  41. Kat Karpinski

    Boss was an abusive jerk. Stop making excuses for him setting a trap to humiliate a new female worker.

  42. Maggie Stone

    What a blatant abuse of authority.

  43. Susan Kirshner-Sheldon

    That's not funny. I loathe being tested in work environments. It's not a productive way to teach anyone anything. I'd report this to HR.

    Are you otherwise happy in your job? If yes and this is a one off then it might be worth sticking around.

    Or can you transfer under someone else? Hope it works out whatever you decide.

  44. Anne Krook

    Wow. Start (quietly) looking for another job, get it, and let the organization know when you leave why you're leaving. If you hear non-apologies like "sorry if you were offended" or "it was just a joke," you can say, calmly, "I prefer to work in more professional environments." In other words, make sure they know it's about the boss and not "if you were offended."

  45. Anonymous

    Leave that clown. This shows an utter lack of respect for you and your role.

  46. Anonymous

    Ask him what that was all about? What is he trying to do...if he was trying to make a point let him know that you are still learning and that if he is testing you or trying to put you on the spot that this type of leadership is not working for you. Let him know you are happy to take direction and also happy to do things as requested in getting the job done but his taunting and laughing at you is rude and not respectful. You have to call him out if you stay or go. If his behavior does not change start to copy his manager on things or bring HR into it. If you quit on the spot then be sure HR knows exactly the cause of this, and pursue hostile workplace due to his shenanigans.

  47. Anonymous

    Her boss is the top dog in the company. There is no place to take this behavior.

  48. Elaine Ye

    Classic narcissist behavior, I would file a complaint and if possible transfer out from under him to another department

  49. Kat Karpinski

    She can't she works for the owner-boss of the entire company who obviously liked doing this weird thing to her.

  50. Anonymous

    Her boss is the top dog in the company. There is no place to take this behavior.

  51. Bradford McCormick

    This boss is not funny. The business of business is business.

    Now! "If you see something say something" and "Don't jus tunquestioningly follow orders" (don't be an Adolf Eichmann) are very important and constructive principles for everyone fron the nite shift cleaning crew to the top to be guided by. Was this made clear to you? What grade employee are you and what did you do? Was it something illegal?

    You need to be clearly told "the lay of he land", and if "test" come with it, you hould be forewarned about that too. But this does not sound like that. It sounds like a trap or a trick.

    Your husband has given you very good advice especially if you two can live on his income alone until you find a more honorable place to work. If you need the paycheck, get a small notebook and start writing down "everything", with timestamps. If no further problesm, fine. But if therare further problems, ask HR for advice, with your litttle notebook with timestamps. Scoundrels do not like it when people can quote chapter and verse of what they did and when they did it. A responsible company will not toleratee that kind of behavior on the part of a manager.

    I reread what you wrote: He wa laughing about it. No! No! No! Had he called you in his office and had a serius discussion with out about ethics and responsibility, well maybe. But you say he was having fun! That belongs on th other side o9f the door to the building if anywhere. The business of business is business and you are trying to do your part so he needs to shape up.

    However: Be srupulously polite to this person who does no deserve. Do not raise your voice. Do not exoress any personal feelings (feel what you like but keep it to yourself) Address this as strictly a matter of damaging your abiity to do your job for the company and for him. Do not give thie di=ude any more "ammunition" than he already has. If HR is decent hey will not like hearing about this. If they tell you to forget it or soething like that, then forget them. This is horrible (if it is as you write). I have gone on enough Sorry.

  52. Emily Phelan

    I'd listen to my husband and my gut. Get out of there. That boss is an absolute psychopath who will continue to take joy in making you question every move

  53. Shellie

    If you do quit, and I think you should if you don’t feel comfortable there, please do not go to HR claiming hostile work environment without researching it. I mention it because some suggest it in the comments, and I don’t want you to be misled. People misuse the legal term, thinking it means a toxic working environment. Hostile is based on a protected class. Bullying is pervasive and repeated. It’s a new job, just quit and find another one.

  54. Anonymous

    OP here, thank you for all the comments and support. I am going to see how today goes with him in the office. Unfortunately, going to HR is not an option because I report directly to the owner of the company so that would be unproductive.

    I came in begrudgingly, this is such a new role for me I just don't understand why he thought this was funny.

    People are begging me to not quit this job. He made it difficult for me to want to come in and do a good job. I am still weighing my options.

    Thank you all again for the support.

  55. Kat

    So is your boss the owner of the company? If so, that's unfortunate, because there really isn't anything you can do to rein him in. He thought it was funny because he's a jerk. Don't try to analyze it beyond that. Who are the people "begging" you not to quit? If it's strangers on a message board, they don't get a vote. Is it your co-workers? Are they the same ones that were in on this "prank" (i.e. basis for a hostile work environment claim)? If so, not sure I would trust them or their viewpoint. If they're concerned that your leaving will just make their jobs harder, too bad. They choose to keep working for someone that thinks yelling at new employees is funny. He's shown you the type of person he is and what type of environment you'll be working in. Do what is best for you.

  56. Sarah Stadtherr

    Let us know how it goes!

  57. Anne Krook

    No matter whether you decide to stay or not, look quietly for another job. If you find one, you don't need to take it, but that way you can always decide that another organization is a better fit. Since you report to the owner of the company, if you decide you wish to stay, you can ask for a meeting and say "I prefer to work in a professional environment. Can I rely on you not to act in that way again?" If you have that conversation, I would not use phrases like "play a joke" -- don't let him think that joke is an appropriate term for what he did.

  58. Anonymous

    If people are begging you not to quit your job, that’s a bad sign. Nobody should make you feel guilty for your reaction to such a cruel joke. The only reason this guy is able to get away with it is because he’s the owner.

    I agree with everyone who says you should quietly search for a new job.

    If you’re ever interviewing for new role, you can just say the culture isn’t a fit with your future goals.

    The fact that you’re having such strong reactions is a sign to get out. It’s not going to improve.

    Don’t burn any bridges, but don’t expect anything to change.

  59. LB Adams

    You deserve better. One of the other commenters said that he showed you who he is, and they're 100% correct. This kind of cruel jokester is playing a power game and other people in the organization are complicit. Look elsewhere.

  60. Anonymous

    If you're moving internally, no need to burn bridges. People that know how this person acts already know. You will be marked as a troublemaker unfortunately. Leave quickly. If they are asking for your help, don't let that make you feel obliged. You can go elsewhere and help AND be respected.

  61. EMILY KIKUE FRANK

    On the plus side, he's shown you what his sense of humor is. On the minus side, it's cruel and unfunny and an icky power play. Regardless, I recommend you quietly re-start your search because I suspect that, even if things go well for a while, this won't be the last time he shows his true colors.

  62. April Line

    As a person who worked for a difficult company owner who, though not mean spirited in this way, was plenty ridiculous in other ways, and who i had a fairly good rapport with, and who would play act at improving his absurd habits (some of the more vanilla of many were "helping" people with their bills instead of paying them more, believing that most people want to work more than 40 hours a week, and sending a text to the team when there was an issue with one person) after i would explain all the very good business reasons why you can't treat people like that, he would behave better for anywhere between 4 days and 3 months. Don't stay and get attached to all those people who recognize they are working for a madman. He is telling you who he is. Believe him. Do not, as i did, believe you have any power to make any impact. The end of my time there was nothing short of abusive.

  63. Anonymous

    This is just him flexing his power. I would leave. He is on an ego trip. He wants to walk on someone.

  64. Kat Karpinski

    Why are all you commenters talking about reporting this to HR? Have you not yet figured it out that HR is there to support senior management and not employees? "Reporting" it to HR will only get you further blacklisted. Forget HR they do not want to help you. Just leave asap.

  65. Cathy Franck

    THIS. HR is not your friend, and what he did was very unprofessional, especially to a new hire. Huge red flag, way too early. I agree that walking away is best if it's an option for you.

  66. Anonymous

    This is him having fun. There are people who do these "gotcha's" as a sick joke. It's a twisted game they play. He thinks it is hysterical and it's his playground.

  67. Anonymous

    Doesn't make it right.

  68. Anonymous

    Not at all funny but to someone who has a twisted sense of power it's fun. No one else in his life allows it so he acts out at work because he is allowed to. He owns the company.

  69. Anonymous

    Ownership should be held to a higher standard... not lower. He sounds difficult to work with. Also sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen...

  70. Liz Milne

    I thought jokes were meant to be funny: I fail to see the humour in this scenario... :(

  71. Anonymous

    I would have a strong conversation with this man.

  72. Cathy Franck

    So are you! She's just stating facts.

  73. Anonymous

    You are 2 months into your role and this is the environment.

    When people show you who they are, believe them.

    If you don't get out now, you'll spend years recovering from the 'jokes' that leave you angry, humiliated, and more.

    Don't look back. Good luck

  74. Lisa Bracco Spinelli

    If you laugh it off or dismiss it, he will only get worse. You're only two months in and he's showing his azz like this? Your husband is right. If you can afford it, walk out!

  75. Regina Brown

    Personally, I would speak with my boss and tell him, "HA HA HELL", that was not nice and ask him the type of working relationship is is expecting because you are expecting the type of working relationship that includes mature behavior and mutual respect. But again, that is just me...

  76. Kat Karpinski

    Yep, and many many others at my privately held corporation--part of Warren Buffett's massive insurance empire. HR is there to protect the company from getting in trouble for bad acting on the part of managers. Sure they have other functions, but in the end, they report to the CEO and their role is to flag potential "trouble", and if possible, put the blame on the lower level employees and get rid of them to protect the CEO. Look who pays their salaries! They are there to protect the powers that make them richer. At my old company HR (or rather, "Personal Development", as they were called - CEO prided himself on NOT having an HR department) worked closely with Legal specifically to make sure Warren Buffett did not figure out what illegal actions were being perpetrated by his trusted top execs at his subsidiary. I can look back and laugh at it now, but I do feel bad for the many many people that were burned by thinking HR would protect them from unprofessional to illegal actions by the company. Not gonna happen, sadly. I'm now retired but I want younger community members to hear and remember this so they're not blindsided when HR doesn't help them. So if you consider that snarly (trying to protect others by opening their eyes as to who HR works for) then yes, I guess I am. Sorry to offend.

  77. Anna C Adams

    I'd try to speak with the boss about it. It's not funny to be manipulated. You did exactly what he asked you to do, then "played a joke" by telling you you did something wrong. Not cool. Not cool at all. Sounds more like manipulation than humor.

Browse recent posts

Ready to land your next sales or marketing role? 🚀💜
Hiii everyone!
I'm. Current looking for remote jobs
The Great American Job Hunt is on. Despite advanced hiring technology, thousands of qualified candidate's report being rejected before a human interview.
I am looking for remote opportunities so that i can stay at home with my grandkids.
Empowering Business Women: Inspiring Women Leaders Making a Global Impact
See more
Fairygodboss VIP
Achieve your career goals.
Be part of the largest online career community for women to find jobs, advice, and support — for free.
Fairygodboss members