I work in child care.

Anonymous

January 14,2024 at 4:03PM UTC

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I work in child care. I am a lead teacher and mandated reporter. After many issues I had to make a call on a family for neglect. The 2 year old arrived daily with feces in his diaper. He goes weeks without a bath. His clothes are often very dirty, even the change of clothes that I requested had to be sent back because it was smeared with gunk.

I've told her that he is eating food from the other children, she won't/ hasn't given him more.

His language is delayed and his behavior is like children a year younger than him. She missed our parent teacher conference and the make up one I scheduled to discuss this.

The final straw came a week before Christmas. He had a runny nose and cough since I met him in May, however this week it was extra. He couldn't run 6 feet without stopping to catch his breath. For 3 days I said something to mom at dropoff and she dismissed it. Finally I wrote her an email on the app we use and cc'ed my supervisor. She finallly took him to the ER. He had COVID and RSV.

My problem is that although my coworkers and supervisor agreed with me about making a report, now that Mom has been contacted and come in crying, I feel they have turned on me. She and her husband had 2 meetings with my supervisor and several calls with the owner. She has lied and but I kept receipts. They are trying to comfort her and this doesn't allow her and the father to take accountability. My hope wasn't to have the child removed, but for CPS to put services in the home to help. Mom is the only one working. Dad had an accident 5 months ago and "can't" work.

Now I'm given the extra task of recording all of our interactions in a journal. I have to write any scratch or blemishes I observe and any suggestions or issues I talk to her about. As if I don't already have a demanding job! PLUS I am going to school for my bachelor's degree.

Am I right to be annoyed and feel frustrated? Should I request a meeting also? My whole vibe feels off now. I don't feel the confidence I had before.

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AnonymousJanuary 14,2024 at 4:39PM UTC
Maybe you should stop focusing on yourself and just realize this is about the best interest of the child.
You escalated the situation up. All you can do now is care for that child the best you can when they are with you. Maybe someone in the family is very depressed and needs help too.
carolina girlJanuary 15,2024 at 1:46PM UTC
Who gives a DAMN about the parents!!!!!!!!!!!that baby has been neglected and abused! What they need is jail time and be stripped of parental rights! I am SO sick and tired of hearing “ oh the parents have depression! They have a mental illness!” The HELL with the damn parents! That baby is what matters!
AnonymousJanuary 15,2024 at 6:47PM UTC
Your first sentence is MY sentiment. Their feelings shouldn't even be considered. Get your lazy butts up and take care of this child.
carolina girlJanuary 15,2024 at 7:42PM UTC
EXACTLY! That baby’s health and wellbeing should be top priority! Not the parents.
PaulaJanuary 14,2024 at 5:01PM UTC
Thank you for what you have done for this child. You are in a tough situation. Keep asking yourself, what does this 2 year old need? From his parents, the “ system,” the supervisor/ owner, and you? Keep telling them. Maybe the parents will turn it around when they wake up to what caring means. Surely the daycare operators need to take a stand, and if your record keeping can bring them around, it’s worth it. Bless you for trying and caring.
AnonymousJanuary 14,2024 at 5:03PM UTC
Being a mandated reporter is tough.
I was in a school for children with disabilities, and the level of responsibility given to young adults of 20 years was staggering. Even more staggering, the terrible pay they got.
The school should be supporting you because you did what was legally required.
Don't know what your degree is but I'd advise against social work or teaching because this stuff will be your life.
Fixing someone's life is not an easy task, especially when one of the parents seems to be out to lunch.
AnonymousJanuary 14,2024 at 5:26PM UTC
you need to change of career if you can not put up with these kind of problems. Working with children in public schools means that you are working with the public problems. What happen to you is not unique. That happen all over in public schools.
Annalise MJanuary 14,2024 at 5:28PM UTC
Yes, it's normal and ok to have emotions around anger and frustration, but I would also emphasize that a) you did not have a choice about reporting and possibly it could be argued that a report should have been made sooner and b) for the same reasons as (a), please understand where your scope of obligations begin and end. Mandated reporters are not investigators or decision-makers and our opinions on what should or should not happen have little bearing when it's not our job and we have limited information on the situation as well as strategies and resources for support. So your coworkers should not be giving you grief and you also shouldn't be worrying too specifically about what does or doesn't happen re: the home and family.
For documentation, I have mixed feelings about your complaint here because documentation absolutely has to happen in this situation. You should also be consulting frequently with your supervisor/legal about what is grounds for a CPS report to help guide decision-making around future reports. I have sympathy for you being overworked but documentation is non-negotiable. Perhaps you can discuss a rearrangement of other duties or if others can help or assist with documentation, but the documentation itself really should be happening, both to protect the child and your workplace.
AnonymousJanuary 15,2024 at 6:45PM UTC
You are right about the documentation. I'm just overwhelmed by all of the other paperwork I already have. The planning time I already don't get is supposed to be an hour each week. I can barely get my lesson plans done, forget the monthly observations and the daily uploading of pics and descriptions.
Annalise MJanuary 16,2024 at 6:55PM UTC
I hear you, and I'm genuinely really sorry you're in this position. I hate that our society treats our most important roles without consideration or care for our workload or mental health. I'm not sure if there's a way for you get more support to make it manageable - I feel like there should be solutions, but whether we always get flexibility, resources or support is usually outside of our control and decided by others who are not as understanding or empathetic as would be appropriate.
Annalise MJanuary 16,2024 at 7:00PM UTC
I also wanted to add that I've also gotten grief for following my role as a mandated reporter from coworkers. Such a difficult position but ultimately too many people are not objective about our obligations and scope. It can be helpful to keep in mind that anyone being nasty right now is not to going to leap to your defense if there is blowback from CPS or other authorities and credentialing bodies for not filing a report, and many of those agencies care deeply that mandated reporting guidelines are followed. Sometimes we have to view mandated reporting as a higher calling outside of a single job or employer.
AnonymousJanuary 14,2024 at 7:08PM UTC
You were the responsible adult in charge and followed protocol and did what was best for the child.
Daycare is important.
As the others in charge took the easy placating role, you are now responsible for following through. They are probably just focused on the money and inconvenience. Some daycare are like that.
Keep your ficus on doing what's best for the child and how much better off he will be because of it.
While it doesn't feel good to be the adult and shoulder the responsibility, it should feel rewarding to know you are doing all you can.
AnonymousJanuary 14,2024 at 9:28PM UTC
I second this!! Your heart is definitely in the right place. Keep it there :)
Zeecil KimmelJanuary 15,2024 at 2:40PM UTC
I would also like to say kudos for you for doing the Right Thing. Unfortunately in today's day and age, no one is going to give you the credit you deserve but you might have saved this child's life. The quote "no good deed goes unpunished" is not wrong - but as one of my mentors used to say "Give yourself a STAR" - even if no one else does.
AnonymousJanuary 15,2024 at 6:39PM UTC
I am so frustrated. I am now second guessing all of my decisions.
AnonymousJanuary 15,2024 at 6:38PM UTC
Thank you for understanding. I absolutely called the state. I find the parents lack of care to be ridiculous. He has so much potential and they are too lazy to help.
AnonymousJanuary 15,2024 at 6:42PM UTC
Thank you for your uplifting words. I really needed it. I was diagnosed with COVID the week before him, lost a week's salary and have a whopping ER bill.
KatJanuary 15,2024 at 8:36PM UTC
You are a mandated reporter, and so is everyone else at the day care, including the owners. I'm sorry you were the only one willing to do your job. The mother involved knows that tears get her what she wants, so she's manipulating the day care staff to gain sympathy. This way she doesn't have to take responsibility for the very obvious neglect she's committing. (Oh Sandy has it so hard, I'm sure she didn't mean to not take care of Sam.) Do your job and make sure the rest of the staff does theirs. You need to advocate for the child since no one else is. Good luck and thank you for caring so much to do what needs to be done even if it's not pleasant or you might get blowback because of it.
JJJanuary 16,2024 at 12:20AM UTC
You did the right thing and thank god, most of us could not handle the work that you do. Hold your head high and hope it does not get any worse. And if you still feel off in weeks or months, maybe this is not the right career—which is ok too.
Krista J. SorensenJanuary 16,2024 at 7:27AM UTC
Sounds like they care more about retention than you and the child. Id start checking other avenues for yourself. OR, keep up what you're doing. It IS the right thing to do. She may have a mean husband and a super busy life and knows she is towing the line- you may be the only stability that child has- so be it. Its all up to you. A home visit from CPS to the house seems imminent!
Heather HaalandJanuary 16,2024 at 2:16PM UTC
You did the right thing and that family will do anything they can to keep their child in their home.
Documentation is unfortunately part of the process.
Your daycare director should have professional guidance. Set a meeting with them and see if you can talk through how these situations have e been handled in the past and how they are approaching this one.
AnonymousJanuary 16,2024 at 2:34PM UTC
I know the work is extra but i just want to say thank you! For being the only person in this boys life to try and help. As the mom of a 3.5 year old I can’t imagine having that little regard for my own child’s wellbeing. You are just another example of the network of unsung heroes that are teachers. Keep at it and know that this kid needs you.
Bosslady579011January 16,2024 at 3:44PM UTC
A lot of comments here about whether “this is the right career for you.” To be clear, any daycare center or school has a duty to watch for signs of neglect and to report. Further, management has to have the backs of the staff in such incidents as the one you describe. It sounds like management is lacking: not supporting you as you navigate this troubling situation, failing to create and ensure a culture of team support, and overall a failure of ethical practices in so far as caring for vulnerable children. They should have strategies in place for handling parental impacts and fallout (ex: a long list of community resources so Mom gets support she needs, a caring way to refer her to those, while maintaining clarity that the school/center has obligations to the child.)
So, this could be an ideal career for you, you certainly have stepped up to support this vulnerable child. It may be Not the best place. Look for an opportunity where the ethics and standards of practice match yours.
ChrishoggJanuary 16,2024 at 5:09PM UTC
I don't know you, anything about you, anything about this particular situation, or anything about the work you do or the rules and regulations that govern your work.
But ...
This sounds to me like you took and are taking way too long to act and report, and thereby putting this young boy, and you, at risk. For example, at the end you ask, "Should I request a meeting also?" My answer (again speaking from ignorance here) is yes, request a meeting, the day after the mom missed the first parent/teacher conference ... but since that is impossible, do it today, or tomorrow at the latest.
But again, remember, I'm giving this advice without knowing anything about the rules and regulations in place. You, I assume, do know what's required, and you want to meet those requirements, and unless the rules prevent you from having a meeting (whatever that means), I'd do it immediately.
Ciera PrattJanuary 16,2024 at 5:12PM UTC
Bless you for helping him, you may be the only one with his interest at heart. Do your best with what you have and know that by documenting everything you were also protecting yourself and your position, should it come to that.
You should most definitely report it if you haven’t - even if that means going over your supervisor. Not only is it your duty but the child definitely needs help.
AnonymousJanuary 16,2024 at 5:39PM UTC
You absoltuely did the right thing.
It is very hard to be a reporter but you will make a positive impact in this child's life. The family will get the oversight and help they need so they can hopefully meet the needs of their child. You have ensured this will happen! Yes the work increases once you report. Now officials need to see evidence that what they are doing with the the family is has taken hold. There is a difference between an overwhelmed family versus one that does not care. The Directors have to continue to have a positive relationship with the parents as it helps them to feel supported and motivates them to do better. Ostrasizing and judging does not help it just makes them feel more shame. If the family cannot do this differently than another solution needs to be reached. As reporters we often think it will just all of a sudden get better but this takes time and the parents are afraid, need reassurance they will not loose their child. It is normal to second think the reporting as the fall out and reactions from the family and the oversight from protective services can feel overwhelming . As reporters we do not really understand the impact of reporting until we see the parents reactions for the first time. It is human nature to feel bad and feel that you need support versus the parents who needed to be reported. You have the knowledge and where with all to take care of children. For whatever reason the parents are failing to do so and it is normal for them to reach out to authority for support, reassurance. Unfortuately administration should be more supportive towards you as a reporter. Perhaps have a meeting with your director and tell her how you are feeling. I am sure they too have experienced this before and may help you work through this. Some education and support for reporters is clearly needed for all the staff in the daycare.
AnonymousJanuary 16,2024 at 9:08PM UTC
You did the right thing for this child and could not have done otherwise.
I don’t fault your organization for attempting to give comfort and guidance to the affected family, but the criticism directed at you is unwarranted and counterproductive.
Mtrsprtautoltd@aol.comJanuary 16,2024 at 11:30PM UTC
Good for you for doing the right thing by reporting this to authorities. I hope you kept your immediate supervisor in the loop along the way to where you got to now.
As far as you having to document everything, that is normal and best practice. Don’t take it the wrong way as though it’s punishment.
My other comment would be that most 1-2 year olds can’t talk very well, and comparing one child to another really isn’t helping anyone. I would leave his developmental abilities to his physician to address. Stay strong, this youngster needs you.
NC16January 17,2024 at 12:29AM UTC
I have to disagree regarding the developmental issues of the child. These things need to be addressed and documented by someone other than the family doctor. The doctor only sees the child briefly a few times a year. It also doesn't appear that the parents are the best caregivers and may not be taking him to the doctor regularly. It almost seems like the home is bordering on abuse, if the child is arriving at daycare dirty and sick. These are not the loving and caring parents he needs. What other needs are being neglected as well?
AnonymousJanuary 17,2024 at 12:36AM UTC
Pat yourself on the back please. You care! Clearly this child is suffering and also the parent might be as well. Find an outlet for your frustration but know that you may have just saved someone's life and that is something to really be proud of. Don't back down because ultimately the child matters most in this situation as they cannot care for themselves. Good luck.
AnonymousJanuary 17,2024 at 1:50PM UTC
Having owned a private preschool for 38 years I feel your pain. You never want to make that call. However you did make the call and sadly there are now steps you must follow to be in compliance. Hopefully you kept a record of everything prior to making the call. Ultimately you did what is in the best interest of the child. Swap what position you are in to this situation……You did nothing, the child infected other children and caused harm, or the child died. CPS would be looking not only at you but at the facility. All states have that disease chart we must follow. You did good, you did the right thing.
AnonymousJanuary 17,2024 at 2:15PM UTC
I would of tried to help her first before going that route. Usually they are placed in worse homes with people who just want extra income. Not always but most of the time. She may of grew up neglected and maybe has too much on her plate. Providing help and showing kindness goes further. Now there family could be destroyed forever due to bad circumstances beyond their control. I also hope you don’t gossip to others about them.
AnonymousJanuary 22,2024 at 5:15PM UTC
We are mandated to make the call and let CPS determine if they need to intervene. It's not my intention to have the child taken away( unless it was absolutely necessary). I want his parents to know they are slacking and their child deserves more care than they are providing.
AnonymousJanuary 17,2024 at 2:45PM UTC
Either your responsibilities and follow through are taken serious or not. Your only responsibility IMO is in the best interest of the child, if you're going to be swayed by others, then you need to remind yourself you are fighting for the health and safety of someone who RELIES on adults for that very basic right. If you lose your job, you lose it, ONCE you start down the road of NOT putting that child first, you need to find another job. This is NOT for the weary and this position is for the advocacy of a child. Ruffle feathers, get people upset, get fired, YOU are there for the child. If you get fired, you should know where to go with this to further help that child. To even start questioning yourself, maybe this is a new thing for you, I'll give you that, BUT as SOON as you start changing to being a part of the problem, this profession isn't for you. AND that's ok, it's a calling and under-valued, but maybe your heart can't take it. I get it. Stand strong for a child who is at the mercy of hurting adults.
AnonymousJanuary 17,2024 at 3:25PM UTC
I was in childcare for about 10 years. My first report was when a young child could not sit up straight. He kept leaning backward. He wasn’t playing. Turns out the adults were smoking weed around him.
Never feel bad about your decision to report. This is in the best interest of the child. They don’t know who is reporting. Child Services does not tell, so you keep your composure.
That is the bottom line.
AnonymousJanuary 17,2024 at 4:51PM UTC
THANK YOU FOR BEING THIS CHILD'S ADVOCATE. Even though it's hard, even though it's heartbreaking, even though you feel like you are talking to a brick wall. This is totally unacceptable that the parents are doing this. Have you talked with your supervisors about what is being done? What is their plan to hold the parents accountable?
ElinaJune 11,2025 at 6:14PM UTC
You did the right thing by reporting a real threat to your child's health, and CPS, contrary to myths, does not seek to immediately remove children. Their job is to help families whenever possible through services, support, and supervision, not to destroy them. Your student's mother can be helped through cps defense and intervene before a formal investigation. They help understand rights, attend hearings, seek reunification plans, and protect against unlawful interventions.