I work in development at a large nonprofit, and I'm struggling with the team culture.

Anonymous

July 26,2023 at 4:45PM UTC

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I work in development at a large nonprofit, and I'm struggling with the team culture. My Chief Development Officer cusses a lot in the office and speaks very negatively about donors, and not just behind closed doors. I've been in multiple meetings with the full team where donors have been called a b****, and after the second time this happened, I reported to my HR. HR's advice was to speak directly to my boss about her language and HR did not get involved further. It feels like a baked-in culture of disrespect, and I'm not sure how to handle this. I've spoken with her 1:1 about trying to eliminate some of the language used and eliminating some of the "mean girl" culture, but nothing is really changed. Is it just time to move on?

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AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 5:10PM UTC
I don't get the sense the CDO is trying to drag you into these discussions and encouraging you to call people names. You can choose to conduct yourself professionally and avoid the name-calling, holding yourself to a higher professional standard.
Listen to the messages that were already shared: HR doesn't believe this rises to any sort of disciplinary action, or even reason to speak to the CDO about this. They've told you to address directly with the CDO. This isn't even a blip on their radar. You will prob not see any behavioral adjustments because there are no consequences to her actions.
If you're truly that troubled by this behavior and this is a deal breaker for you, then its time to move on.
AnonymousJuly 27,2023 at 3:58PM UTC
I agree with this poster and would add an additional word of warning - very early in my career, I went to HR for help navigating a challenging situation with a manager. Not only did the situation not improve, it got worse. My performance was good, so I couldn’t be PIP’d - but I was told I needed to put a “happiness plan” in place to stop disrupting the good vibes on the team. Be careful with HR!
AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 5:14PM UTC
Yes, people don't change their behavior unless motivated with a threat of losing their job.
AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 5:30PM UTC
One would think the NFP world would be nice, but I think it can be insular and a deeply challenging environment to work in. It sounds like a negative culture and you need to decide if you can pay your bills and stay, and or find something.
Susan Grant-SuttieJuly 26,2023 at 5:32PM UTC
I agree, culture does not change - it evolves to its lowest levels. Get references, then move on.
AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 5:46PM UTC
When she says something negative you could always exclaim, wait did you really just say XYZ? maybe her hearing this back in repeat will change her ways? If not then you could if you choose to stay start to memorialize in email to yourself and HR what is being said. If the company is funded by large donors that would be offput by this they might need to know. As for your career if this is truly unchangeable then it is time for a move. good luck.
AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 6:13PM UTC
When I worked in Brooklyn, everybody dropped F-bombs on a regular basis. They weren't trying to be jerks or edgy; that was just Brooklyn. They are not going to sanitize their language, so if this is offensive you may want to look elsewhere.
Also, speaking as a former employee of a nonprofit...it's normal, but not very professional, for people to use hard language when referring to some donors. There are a lot of people who love dangling a pile of money in front of your fundraising director, while giving ridiculous demands. The director is in the position of having to kiss up to someone who may very well be despicable. Usually this is done behind closed doors with a trusted few, of course. Not your full team at a meeting.
AnonymousJuly 28,2023 at 2:01AM UTC
Oh yes, I worked in NY with queens with Brooklynites. F - bomb just part of their everyday vocabulary. I once heard a woman calling me a F - b*** as I was walking to her desk and standing behind her. When she saw me, she didn’t bat an eye. I pretended I didn’t hear anything proceded with the question and left.
Trie AngelevaJuly 26,2023 at 6:20PM UTC
I'm sorry to hear of your experience; it sounds unpleasant and unprofessional! I once went through something similar, with a 'baked in' culture as mentioned in a comment below. I found HR to be unresponsive when a 'star player' of the org was involved. That's a real shame. Sounds like you may want to do a pro and con review for yourself, balancing the culture with what you're gaining from the experience and how it matches your strengths, purpose and goals. There are always other opportunities, and often all we can control is how we react to things. Best wishes!
AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 6:28PM UTC
It’s not likely to change , and while not professional, not that unusual. There are always difficult people to work with- whether they are colleagues or donors , you can only choose how to respond and how to conduct yourself.
If it bothers you to the point of impacting your day/mood, I’d look for another role
AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 6:50PM UTC
Baked-in culture is a tough one. I'm not saying it cannot be changed, but it would be a tough mountain to climb. The fact that it has continued washout anyone batting an eyelash, and especially HR, is a big fat red flag. I worked at a nonprofit, and my manager was the same way. I eventually left, it was not what I expected. I, perhaps foolishly, assumed I would be walking into a compassionate culture, but I work in IT, and it was not that way at all. If you continue to express concerns, it could backfire. That's been known to happen, often. I would consider moving on.
AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 7:11PM UTC
Many family owned or sole proprietor companies along with non-profits attract or start with folks who can't work anywhere else because their behavior and level of business savvy is not of an acceptable level.
So what you're describing is, in my experience, pretty common at a small non-profit. I have sat on many non-profit boards and they are most often the wild wild west where their cultures and businesses are so crazy and amateur and unprofessional it boggles my mind.
AnonymousJuly 27,2023 at 1:25PM UTC
I can't believe you said that non-profits are made up of folks who "can't work anywhere else because their behavior and business savvy is not of an acceptable level." I have worked at one, volunteered at many, and sat on the board of another, and all had very high levels of professionalism. People work at non-profits, typically because of their mission and a desire to make a difference in people's lives. The only rub of non-profits is that they typically pay less than equivalent jobs in the public or government sectors, so there can be a lot of entry-level personnel looking at the job as a stepping stone. The OP stated she is working in a large non-profit, so I would expect that there should be a high level of professionalism there. Please don't disparage small businesses because you had a bad experience there. This is definitely not typical.
AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 8:06PM UTC
Yes, time to move on. If you have tried talking to her directly and to HR and nothing has changed, it sounds like they are both aware of the behavior and don’t plan to change.
AnonymousJuly 26,2023 at 8:55PM UTC
Complaining to HR is a non-confrontational tactic, and if you learn anything from this, it's that you should talk to people in person before going behind their back... which is what you've been complaining that your boss is doing!
So... be the change you want to see. If the only issue is a boss that cusses and badmouths people but you like everything else, just learn to live with it. Someone who is that negative probably won't be around for long.
AnonymousJuly 27,2023 at 12:16PM UTC
yes, move on. clearly not the right fit for you.
Sarah BordersJuly 27,2023 at 12:46PM UTC
Is the CDO your boss, or is there someone in between you that you can talk with about this situation? If you report directly to the CDO, and you’ve already tried talking to her to no avail, I’d suggest finding a new role at a new organization or company. I get where you’re coming from. It’s not uncommon to have some friction with donors, but in my opinion, it’s very unprofessional (and bad karma) to talk about it openly in a meeting for everyone to hear. If that’s common and pervasive in the culture of your org, it’s really not a good fit.
AnonymousJuly 27,2023 at 2:34PM UTC
This is gross behavior - I went through an interview process at a couple of nonprofits earlier this year, and sometimes I think this behavior is rampant, and not just in development (though donors are sometimes a little insane, lol)
Honestly, I'd find a new position. If it's that baked in, it's not going to change.
Ryann RedmondJuly 28,2023 at 1:17PM UTC
How awful, I'm sorry to hear that there is such a culture of disrespect for both employees and for donors - that's just not acceptable. Unfortunately since this person is a leader and there have been efforts to speak about about her behavior and correct it to no avail, its unlikely it will change and it may be time to move on.
AnonymousJuly 28,2023 at 9:19PM UTC
If I was a donor, I would be most unhappy to learn of this.